I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends (32 page)

“She told me, ‘You didn’t hear what I just heard.’”

“I don’t even know what she’s talking about!” I complained. “Your mom is never going to like me. I feel like she’s trying to sabotage me!”

“Your mom is no walk in the park either,” he retorted defensively. “I have no respect for your mom. I’ll never have a relationship with your mom.”

Where in the world did that come from? How did my mom enter this conversation? Once I told her that I was in love with Ben, she’d gotten completely on board with our relationship and had been nothing but nice and complimentary the two measly times they met. She would say to him, “Let me give you a smooch!” or “You have the best smile!”

He knew he’d crossed the line with me and tried to backpedal with a ludicrous plan to estrange himself from his own mother.

“I can’t lose you,” Ben said. “I just have to cut her out.”

“You can’t cut her out. She’s your mom! I can’t be the reason you don’t have a relationship.”

The next day we spent the day in a park back in San Fran with Julia and Garrett. Ben was in a horrible mood, and would switch between ignoring me and being overtly nasty. When I said that we should be cowboys and Indians for Halloween that year, he got overly pissed off and barked, “That’s a dumb idea!”

“Whoa, Ben,” Julia said. Even she could see he was being unnecessarily mean.

We went to a bar for his favorite activity, day-drinking, and Ben spent the entire time blatantly with his back to me. He wanted to go to a friend’s pizza party, but I’d had enough of his silent treatment and verbal abuse.

“I can’t go anywhere with you right now. I’m too upset,” I said. “You go.”

“That’s not fair,” he moaned. “It’s a trick. I’m not gonna go.”

“Go, I’m just sad.”

“I get it,” he said with a bad attitude.

Instead, we went to get a burrito and we had another fight about my spending habits. I think Ben was looking for any excuse to break up with me. Then a
Bachelor
fan came up and interrupted us, making Ben even tenser. When we got back to his apartment, of course, his friend and his brother were there, so we went into Ben’s bedroom to continue the fight in some semblance of privacy.

“Nobody has ever treated me this poorly,” I told him, heartbroken, as we lay side by side. “You talk to me the way your mother talks to you and that scares me. I have concerns.”

“I know. I have concerns, too. I’m stressed about my mom. And it really bothers me when you talk in your baby voice.”

Tears rolled down my cheek.

“I need a break or a breakup,” I said.

“I don’t want to talk about this now,” he said.

When we woke up in the morning, we had sex, but it was quiet and there was no talking. I took a shower and asked Ben if he’d take a walk with me but he said he wanted to sleep longer. Before I left to go to the airport, we stood in the garage. Ben asked me to call him as soon as I got home.

“No, I’m not going to call you later. You’ve treated me so poorly I need a couple days to figure out what I want and you need to do the same.”

I gave him a quick hug. I got in his Jeep to drive myself over to Julia’s so she could drive me to the airport. He got in his BMW and drove behind me for a short time on his way to work. I never waved and I never looked for him in the rearview mirror.

He sped off and that was the last time I ever saw Ben Flajnik.

15

REBOUND & RENEW

T
wo days after I got home, Ben texted me. “Hey babe, just wanted to let you know I’m still doing some soul-searching and straightening out my life. Hope you’re well, love you.”

I wanted a few days to talk myself back into this. I kept replaying our relationship in my head. There was so much silence and crying. There were so many deal breakers that I’d tried to ignore like the way he was always cutting me down. I really don’t think he liked anything about me. The kicker was my voice: I couldn’t change that if I tried.

I texted him that I was ready to talk.

He asked if it could wait, because he had two softball games that day.

“Haha,” I wrote back, not even slightly amused. “Call me.”

Ben and I had a five-minute conversation.

“It’s over,” I said. “It’s not working.”

“You’re right. It’s not.”

“I’m sorry. I love you and I wanted this to work.”

“I totally understand. This has nothing to do with me wanting to be with other people or single. I just turned thirty and my relationships are changing and I’m having a hard time with it.”

“I can’t talk to you for a long time.”

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Stop. I can’t hear you say that because you sure as hell haven’t been treating me like that.”

We talked for a minute more about putting out a joint statement together, agreeing to take the high road. I told him to have a good softball game and then we hung up.

I let out a guttural cry. I knew my mind was made up. I’d seen enough.

Ben did not fight for me.

On October 5 we gave the exclusive to
In Touch Weekly:
“After meeting over a year ago, we have decided to end our romantic relationship. The ups and downs weighed heavily on us both and ultimately we started to grow apart because of the distance, time apart, and our need to focus on our respective careers.”

Not wanting to deal with the impending shitstorm, I decided to get the hell out of Dodge. Before I left L.A., I told the waiting paparazzi outside not to bother following me because I was driving home to Arizona. On the way there, I played Mumford and Sons “Holland Road” on repeat like fifty times.

With your heart like stone you spared no time in lashing out

And I knew your pain and the effect of your shame

But you cut me down,

You cut me down

Zoned out, sobbing, and singing, I accidentally drove over a blown tire in the middle of the highway and basically ripped apart the underside of my car. I was stranded in the middle of the desert near Joshua Tree, thirty-five miles from the nearest service station, my cell phone at 5 percent. Now I wished the paps had been following me. I was so isolated that AAA couldn’t find me. Big rigs kept slowing down when they passed me, and I was terrified I’d be kidnapped and skinned by a serial killer trucker. Four hours later, I was saved by a police officer, who helped me get my car hauled to a garage. Around 11:00
P.M.
, $1,300 down the tubes, I arrived in Scottsdale, sweaty and spent.

It was the worst day of my life.

MY PLAN WAS
to hide out at my parents’ house for as long as necessary and do some serious soul-searching. Not only about what went wrong with Ben, but also about the destruction of my career, my reputation, even my personality, since I went on the show. I was at a very low and dark place; thankfully I got a ton of support from several of my old cast mates, deserved or not. Casey, Rachel, and Jaclyn all checked in. Lindzi Cox, who I hadn’t talked to since the end of the show, sent me the sweetest message: “Hey woman, sorry to hear about everything! Sending happy thoughts your way, my dear.” I thanked her and joked, “You didn’t miss out on much.”

Of course, there were always the haters. Trista Sutter had to butt in her big nose, giving an exclusive reaction to RumorFix: “Why did they go slowly if they knew they were in love? A big reason Ryan and I worked out is because we didn’t take it slowly, we jumped right into starting our future together.”
Right, because you’re perfect.

I had good intentions of having an introspective Zen retreat at my parents’ place, but that all got thrown out the window when I checked social media. Note to self and every woman in the world: turn off all social media after a breakup! It’s so essential to your sanity! I made the mistake of checking Ben’s pages the first weekend after the split. He and his friends kept posting pictures of him partying his face off on rooftops, having a blast. He obviously didn’t care about me. It felt inconsiderate and like he was throwing it in my face.

Feeling devastated and lonely, I was pretty vulnerable when Arie, a fellow Scottsdalian, reached out to me within those first few days. I had this uncontrollable urge to act out and there he was. First Arie tweeted publicly that he was bummed about the breakup and thought we were going to make it: “I guess it just takes the right couple.” Then he tweeted me privately, “Heard the news. Hope you’re doing ok.” I messaged him my number and told him I was in Arizona hiding out at my parents’ house. He called me and we made plans to meet up.

When I told my parents about Arie, they were extremely pissed, especially my dad. “Don’t do that, Bug,” he warned. “It’s a really bad idea.” He had gotten a nice text from Ben right after the breakup.

Ben: Sorry it didn’t work out. Thanks for letting me be a part of your family.

My dad: I can’t believe you let her get away.

Ben didn’t respond.

I ignored my parents’ warning to stay away from Arie. Three nights after I got home, they left for a vacation in Maine and I immediately, and recklessly, invited him over to their house, like a naughty teenager (and a serial rebounder). He brought over takeout from Postino and two bottles of Brassfield’s Eruption wine and we closed the blinds. After we ate, we sat in the backyard talking. I found out that he’d dated someone connected to the show a few years ago and that’s how he ended up auditioning for
The Bachelorette
. During his casting weekend in North Carolina, my finale had aired. He and a bunch of the guys watched it and he said he knew then that I was his “dream babe.” He said from that moment on he had a crush on me.

He was rewarded for that touching story with a make out session that lasted for what seemed like an eternity. Though he is an expert at lip locking, known among fans of the show as the Kissing Bandit, I was getting hot and bothered, and needed more. “Arie, I feel like I’m in high school. I can’t just keep making out with you.”

He was hesitant, for a millisecond, but then we headed into my childhood bedroom, into my canopy bed, for what can only be described as
the best sex I’ve ever had
. Why was it so good you ask? Arie’s incredibly passionate and utilizes his entire body in his lovemaking. And he knows exactly what positions make a woman comfortable and satisfied.

KEEPING IT REAL

Arie’s Kissing Tips

“I have to say as a romantic person, the kiss is only as good as the feeling behind it,” the Kissing Bandit himself says. “That being said, if you’re a terrible kisser we need to work on some things regardless.” Here are his tips to make sure a first kiss isn’t the only kiss.

1.Fresh breath is a must. Don’t think I need to elaborate on this one.

2.Timing is everything. Make the most of a romantic moment, like on long walks, candlelit dinners, being wrapped in a blanket by a fire.

3.Eye contact is key. Tell your partner with just a look you want to be kissed.

4.Never, absolutely never, ask permission. Take “can I kiss you?” out of your vocabulary.

5.Go slow and don’t overthink it. Relax your lips.

6.Kissing is not just done with your lips. Pull her close and be assertive.

7.Confidence is sexy. Be bold and in control.

8.Run your hand through her hair; brush her hair from her face.

9.A first kiss should be short and passionate. Leave her wanting more.

10.Last but not least, if you love someone, tell them through your lips.

When it was over, I gave him a massage and I could tell he was smitten. “Will you be my girlfriend?” he joked. He told me he was going to cut all ties with the different women he was seeing. “That’s the first lie you’ve ever told me,” I joked back. After he left, he posted to Twitter: “Amazing what can happen if you take a chance.”

I quickly learned that Arie liked to post every single detail of his life on Instagram and Twitter. Arie’s need for attention was a little off-putting, but I admired his zest for life. Ben was so private, cold, and unemotional.

I was in Scottsdale for twelve days and I spent most of that time with Arie. I felt safe with him and liked that he understood what it was like to be on the show and a member of Bachelor Nation. One night he told me to wear warm, comfortable clothes because he was taking me somewhere special. I was terrified of being spotted with him in public. “Trust me,” he said.

He picked me up in his truck and took me to Arizona’s only drive-in movie theater to see
The Odd Life of Timothy Green
. We lay on an AeroBed in the back, eating popcorn, snuggling under blankets, and kissing. It was the cutest date ever. Spontaneous and romantic.

In one week, I felt closer to Arie than I had to Ben in a year. Though I knew Arie was another rebound, this was the kind of relationship I’d been craving. He was attentive and kind and complimented me. And he wasn’t bored staying in watching movies. He actually enjoyed my company and didn’t need his friends around him 24/7. When I’d complained about Ben’s entourage, he said to me many times, “This is my lifestyle, Courtney, and it’s not going to change.”