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It took Hound almost half an hour to show up. Jake was forking hay into River’s stall when he heard boots behind him, and he nodded to Hound instead of saying anything. If Hound wanted to talk about it he could start—Jake didn’t really feel the need to invite the conversation, but he’d long given up hope of avoiding it. Right about the time the car had stopped, actually.

Hound crossed to River’s tack box and picked of the currycombs. He held them, not making a move to go to the horse and Jake figured he was just keeping his hands busy.

All the better not to do something stupid.

“Del’s showing Kirk the car,” Hound said softly. “He’s a little freaked.”

“Del or Kirk?” Jake asked, knowing who Hound meant but not wanting to talk about anything other than surface matters.

Hound ignored his intent if he knew it, and said, “Del. He’s not real happy with me.

Doesn’t like the way I reacted, doesn’t want me talking to you about it. He figures you know what you’re doing.”

Jake grinned. “Del’s a smart man, even if he’s not a cowboy.”

Hound rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well. He also knows that I tend to be pushy and I get a little wound up. He deals. I deal. And here I am.”

248

Bareback

Jake nodded. Here he was, all right. And soon enough he’d be wound up again. Jake was a little bemused to find that part of him had really missed Hound, wound up or not. He just wished that this once the kid would find something else to be wound up about.

“So, what happened?” Hound finally asked.

Jake looked at him and leaned on the fork. “Elias didn’t tell you?” he asked eventually.

“Said Tor was fucking around last summer and you found out. That it was few months before he finally moved out.” Hound sounded tired.

Jake nodded. “That’s what happened.”

“Bullshit.”

Jake blinked. “Look, you may not want to believe it—”

Hound shook his head. “Not what I meant. If y’all say that, I’ll buy it. Tor cheated. Got it.

But what happened?”

Jake stared at him for a moment, then rested the fork against the stall wall. “What do you mean? I kicked him out, he went. Worked out for a few months, then he had to leave.”

Hound frowned and tossed the brushes back into the box. “You’re not getting it. What happened before he cheated? How come it fell apart?”

Jake sighed and pulled a bale of hay around for him to sit on. “We were fighting a lot.

Just got lost, I guess. I found out about Travis, and we split up.”

Another frown, and Hound leaned against the wall, just looking at him. “Okay. So you two were fighting and not making up, just letting things slide, right? Then Tor got his head turned. How come he stayed so long?”

“I really don’t want to talk about this, Hound.”

“I don’t care.” And Hound really looked like he didn’t, standing there with squared off shoulders, his eyes baffled and hurt–like Jake had done something to him.

“Who are you, and where’s the cowboy I know?” Jake said with a slight smile.

“Talk to me, Jake.”

Fuck, when did Hound get so stubborn? Jake considered just getting up and leaving, but he got an image of Hound following him all day and that just seemed a little too close to possible.

Bareback

249

“What do you want to know?” he finally asked, resigned to talking for at least a little while.

“Why did he stay? If you two were so far apart, how come he stuck around?” Hound shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and stood there, just looking at Jake.

So Jake talked. He told Hound how things were after Tor had switched rooms, told him that he and Tor had gotten to the point where they could talk, where they could stand to be in the same room and not want to kill each other. Told him Tor had been sorry, that he’d tried to fix it, but that in the end it just wasn’t going to happen, so Tor had moved out, left the ranch.

Through all of it Hound watched him, nodding and biting his lip. When Jake finished and moved to stand up, Hound held out his hand, palm out. “Hold on. So he stayed ‘cause he loves you and thought you’d get back together?”

Jake rolled his eyes and sat down again. “I guess.”

“So, he made an effort to attempt to make it up to you? Even though you told him it was over a bunch of times?”

“Yeah.” He had, too. Jake had never made it anything other than plain that he thought it was over. Well, except for New Year’s Eve, which in hindsight was the stupidest thing he could have done. But Tor had never said anything other than that he was sorry, and had done his best to get Jake to trust him again.

“Okay, let me get this straight.” Hound’s eyes were dark and his voice was tight again.

Jake felt a sudden urge to go find Del. “Tor fucked up and spent five months living in the same house as you, saying he was sorry and doing everything you wanted him to? What did you do? And don’t give me any crap about your part being not killing him—I want to know what you did to fix it.”

“Me?” Jake stood up. “Don’t have anything to fix, kid. He’s the one who—”

“Yeah, yeah. Stuck his dick where it didn’t have any business being. Got that part.”

Hound made a gesture with his hand, waiving it off. “Also got the part where you two were heading for trouble anyway. What did you do to fix that part?”

“Excuse me?”

Hound snorted. “Fuck. You figure that just ‘cause he’s the one who cheated you get off scott free? Goddamn it, Jake. What did you do to fix the actual trouble? What did you do to make yourself someone he’d want? Or do you really want to spend the rest of your life without him? Is that it?” Hound walked toward him, eyes flashing now, anger radiating off him. “Your pride worth that much? Jesus.”

250

Bareback

Jake opened his mouth to interrupt, to say something in his own defense, but Hound had his back up and was starting to pace.

“You two—fucking hell, Jake. You two let yourselves get to the point where Tor would even think about being with someone else, let alone do it, and you think you’re an innocent here? The man stays here, where you are, where there’s hurt and anger and you hating him, and you don’t even bother trying to figure out what you can do? You selfish prick.”

Jake knew his jaw was hanging open. Hound rounded on him, his hands flying as he spoke. “Big macho cowboys, ain’t you? You think me and Del never fight? Jesus, you should see him when we’re working on our cars and I disagree. You should see him when I get going about Daisy. But we at least talk about it. Not enough to just cool off and move on; gotta fucking talk, Jake. Did you even tell him you love him? Even once?”

“Yeah.” Jake wasn’t sure who was more surprised at the admission, him or Hound.

“Good,” Hound said with a nod. Then he added, curiously, “What did he say?”

“Said he’d be mine forever.”

There didn’t seem to be much to say to that.

Hound sighed and leaned on the wall again, the fight draining out of him. “Look Jake.

You two worked well together. You belong together, and it ain’t right that you’re not.

Think about it, yeah? Try to find him, try to—hell, try to fix it. ‘Cause your pride isn’t going to keep you warm at night.”

Then Hound turned and left the stable, leaving Jake to think and cuss.

~*~*~

Jake was not happy. Granted, he hadn’t been happy in more than a year, but this time he was really not happy. Elias had finally taken Hound out to ride, saying Lug and Shelby needed to run, and Jake had retreated to the house to think.

Or sulk, as he heard Kirk put it before realizing Jake could hear him.

He wasn’t sulking, he told himself. He was angry and trying to put it away again, bury everything under cotton where the sharp edges wouldn’t poke at him. By the time he’d cleaned his room and made up the double bed in the spare room for Del and Hound, done the dishes and got everything ready to start supper, he knew it wasn’t working.

Goddamn the man. Either of them.

Bareback

251

He went out to the porch to sit a bit, slamming the door behind him. He’d almost settle his ass in the chair out there when he realized he wasn’t alone. Del was sitting on the edge of the porch, leaning on a post. Damn.

“Del.”

“Jake.”

There was a long silence as the two of them looked at each other. Oh, this wasn’t awkward. Not at all.

Part of the problem, Jake figured, was that he had no idea why Del didn’t like him, or if it was even dislike or something else. When Hound had first brought him to the ranch Jake had thought the man was pretty nice; friendly and easy going, obviously very much attached to Hound and happy to be so. Del had gotten along easily with everyone, especially Tor and Elias, but had seemed to be a little withdrawn with Jake.

Del had been even more withdrawn when they’d arrived that afternoon, and this was the first Jake had seen of him since he’d told them that Tor wasn’t going to be coming home.

Maybe he’d liked Tor enough that he was willing to dismiss Jake as the reason the man wasn’t there.

With a mental shrug Jake asked, “Hound told you what we talked about? Up in the barn?”

Del nodded and looked like he was about to say something, but he stayed silent. Jake considered his options, which mainly consisted of going back into the house, making small talk with the reluctant guest, or fleeing to the barn again.

Jake leaned back as far as he could, tipping the chair onto its back legs and balancing there. “Can I ask you something?”

Del nodded, his eyes wary. “Sure, I guess.”

“How come he cares? I mean, what’s it to him if me and Tor split up?”

Del suddenly looked very uncomfortable, shifting on the rail and looking down at the ground. He mumbled something Jake couldn’t hear, then sighed. “Kevin—he just doesn’t like to see people unhappy, you know? And you and Tor were…he just always talked about how right you were for each other. I think it’s shaken him up to see you apart.”

Jake thought about that for a moment. Hound was always such a happy guy, always concerned for everyone, so that much rang true. But there was something Del wasn’t telling him; Jake was sure of it, could see it in the way Del wouldn’t meet his eyes, the way he couldn’t sit still.

“He talked about us?”

252

Bareback

Del nodded and swung his leg around so he could sit facing Jake. “You know why he left here?”

Jake shook his head. “Not really. At the time he said he was going to help his brother in Maine, but he wound up in Utah, so I’m thinking that wasn’t quite true.”

“He…hell. He was twenty–five and he’d just figured out he liked men. He wanted something special, something real. He wanted a relationship, and he knew he couldn’t find it here.” Del licked his lips and looked down again, shooting Jake a glance that pretty much screamed he wasn’t going to give any more details than that. “So he headed out.

Met me. And we found something together, and it’s good. But you and Tor meant something, not only to yourselves, but to Kevin, too.”

“If you’re sayin’ I should find Tor and get back together so Hound—”

Del snorted. “Don’t be an idiot. I’d do anything to make Kevin happy, but even I wouldn’t tell someone to run after their ex just so he’d relax.”

Jake blinked, he couldn’t help it. That was the most blunt thing he’d ever heard Del say, the first thing he’d ever done to show who he was. “So what are you saying?”

“Just telling you. You asked what Kevin thinks, I’m telling. What you do with it is up to you.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Jake wasn’t terribly comfortable talking about him and Tor—hell, Jake wasn’t comfortable talking. And Hound had pretty much said that was the trouble.

Cautiously, he began to explore that, ready to run at the first sign the conversation would go places he didn’t want to. “What happens when you fight?”

Del looked at him for a long moment. “Kevin told you to talk more, right? God, you have no idea what it’s like. I mean, I talk a lot. Kevin talks a lot. You’d think it would be enough, but no. We have to actually discuss shit when we’re done yelling…” He looked out into the yard for a moment and then back at Jake. “But he’s right. I mean, we don’t sit down and go over everything, but sometimes it’s better to say stuff.”

Jake raised an eyebrow, hoping to fuck he didn’t actually have to ask Del to explain.

Thankfully, Del appeared to be an intuitive man.

“Once, we had this huge blow up when we were trying to get some shit done around the house. Turned out the problem was with Kevin’s accent—I thought he said something else. Once that got figured out, things were fine. Little shit like that, you know? But there’s been times we actually had to sit down with a pot of coffee and go back and forth until something got settled. Like Daisy.”

Bareback

253

“Who’s Daisy?”

“My best friend. Since I was a few months old. She’s sort of attached, you know? And Kevin likes her, and she likes Kevin. I thought that was all good, but things were hard for them both when Kevin moved in. Daisy was still my best friend, still coming around, still doing stuff for me like she always did. And Kevin didn’t mind each little thing, just the accumulation of everything. Daisy…well, she didn’t take so well to me having someone permanent. So they wound up at each other’s throats and it wasn’t until I finally got Kevin to talk to me that I figured it out. And then I could talk to Daisy. And now things are fine. Usually.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “I don’t think me and Tor have those kinds of issues.”

“So what are your issues?” Del asked. Then he flushed and looked away, jumping off the railing. “Look, I don’t mean you should tell me what the problems were before you guys split up, but maybe you should think on that? Figure out what the trouble really was?

Then you can decide if you want to find him.”

Del moved to go in the house and Jake, without thinking about it, lifted his leg to block his way. “And then what?” he asked softly. “What do I say, just tell him we need to talk?

‘Cause we don’t talk, me and Tor. We tell each other the big stuff, and we cover our day, but we weren’t real big on the emotional conversations. Just not who we are.”

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