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So people talked. One of the regular hands said that Tor had been off on Lug, had signed him out with a 'T'. Someone else said no, Taggart had been on Lug, Boss had said so.

Bunch of them put two and two together and came up with eight, figuring that the bunkhouse was the new Sodom.

Which made Kip pretty pissed. Elias wasn't too happy, either.

The first Jake knew about it was when he went into the stables to check River's tack box for a missing harness. Tor was sitting on the floor, leaning up against a stall door and trying to stop the blood flowing from a cut under his eye. Elias was standing close by, sporting a blackening eye, and Kip's nose looked smashed. The two hands who'd started it all were sitting in the stall, looking pretty bad.

Jake froze. "What the fuck happened?" he asked the group in general.

No one replied, so he went over to Kip and took a look at his nose. "Yep, busted." He moved to Elias, who waved him away and Tor didn't even look at him. Best not to even ask him how he was.

Jake opened the stall door and looked down on the two men he'd worked with for the last three years. "Can you walk up to the house okay?"

"Get the fuck away from me, you cocksucking freak."

Jake just nodded his head. "Right. I'll just bring the Boss here then." He turned and went to the house, stopping on the way to throw up from anxiety and a wash of dark memories he chose not to dwell on.

The Boss fired the hands without any hesitation, and he and Jake patched up the other three, though Tor made sure that Jake didn't even get near him.

Jake hated what he saw in Tor's eyes. Misery and dread.

62

Bareback

Kip decided that he was going to spend the night at Beth's and took off as soon as his nose was set. Tor had disappeared as soon as he'd cleaned out the cut on his face, and Elias followed Jake back to the bunkhouse.

They sat at the kitchen table, Jake with his juice and Elias with a can of beer.

"Is it true?" Elias finally asked.

"Which version? 'Cause the one where I fucked him over the saddle and called him a stallion doesn't even bear thinking about."

"Fuck, Jake…"

Jake sighed. "Look, think about it. I've been here longer than you, you ever see me date a girl? Hell, yes, I'm gay. Tor's been here for more than two and a half years, you ever seen him with a girl? What do you think?"

Elias just nodded and looked embarrassed. "So, you two…together?"

Jake met his eye and said, "He hasn't said more than three words to me since yesterday, so I think I'll pass on answering that."

"But you were…the other night..."

"That's really not any of your business." And how Jake hated to say it. Elias was a friend, someone who wasn't actively trying to make his life, or Tor's, hell. He'd gotten into a fight along side Tor, even if it was mostly to defend himself from disgusting accusations.

But Jake had no clue what was going on with himself and Tor anymore, and didn't really want to talk about whether or not they were sleeping together.

Elias just nodded, and they sat in silence for a bit. Jake felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin after awhile, and went out to sit on the porch of the main house.

It was a quiet evening, not many people about now that the heavy labor of hay and auctions was done. Pretty soon Jake was more or less alone and he watched evening come in, listening to the crickets and the frogs, watching the stars come out.

He didn't hear Tor approach until he was on the porch, and didn't say anything until Tor sat down next to him.

"How's the cut?"

"'S nothing."

Jake nodded and went back to watching the stars. "You done thinking?"

Tor nodded. "Yeah. Fucking sucks, you know?"

Bareback

63

"Yep."

"Been thinking about what you were telling me the other night." Tor was staring at him, and Jake turned to look at him.

"Yeah?" So, maybe being in prison years ago did matter, and having this shit on top was just too fucking much. Jake felt a little numb, but met Tor's eye. "What about it? More questions?"

Tor shook his head. "No, not like that. Just…it took a fuck of a lot for you tell me."

Jake nodded, not sure where this was going.

"And I was thinking that maybe it would be okay to tell you some stuff. About why I've been twisted since Missy pulled her stunt, why I was so fucking ready to fight."

Oh.

Jake looked at Tor then turned his gaze to the sky. "Don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, Tor. Not some game of trading secrets." He looked at Tor again and hoped he was doing this right. "But if you want to tell me something, I'm going to listen. Just don't want you to–"

"Fuck, Taggart, I'm not saying I want to have a goddamn heart to heart. I'm saying that if this is gonna work between us then you can know some stuff about me that others don't.

Stuff I want you to know."

Jake let a smile ghost across his face. "Yeah. Okay. Let's go home and see if Elias runs from any room we happen to be in together."

Tor snorted. "Living in that house is gonna be fucking insane after today. Kip…he's a good kid, but I don't know if I can take him staring at me all the time."

They started walking to the bunkhouse. "Just ignore it. He'll stop after awhile, when he sees we're not going to try to seduce him. Or give him a free show."

Tor laughed. "You don't want to make out in front of the TV on Saturday nights? I'm hurt."

Jake chuckled and smacked him on the head. "Idiot."

When they went into the bunkhouse Elias was in the living room watching TV. He looked up and nodded to them, his eyes curious, but he didn't say anything other than to ask Tor how his cut was feeling.

"Not bad. Had worse," Tor said as he settled on the couch.

64

Bareback

Elias nodded, then shook his head. "Damn idiots."

Jake sat in the easy chair and the three of them watched TV for a few minutes in silence.

Jake glanced up when Tor got up and left room, and flat out laughed when he came back carrying the box of Lego Jake had given him.

Tor sat on the floor and dumped the box out, then started sorting the pieces by size.

"What the hell are you doing?" Elias asked.

"Relaxin'."

Jake watched Tor for awhile, thinking that you could tell a lot about a person by the way they played with Lego. Tor had sorted all the pieces by colour and size before he even glanced at the instructions, and when he started assembling the lunar module he did it exactly by the directions, step by step. After he was done he held it up to Jake and Elias for approval. When they acknowledged the masterpiece he took it apart and put the pieces back in the box.

Tor picked up the box and looked at Jake. Then he shook his head and said, "Damn,"

spilling the contents out once more. This time he paid no attention to colour at all, snapping the little bricks together rapidly, going only by the shape of the pieces.

He worked at it for a few minutes, not looking up at the other two, who by now had abandoned the TV entirely and were watching avidly.

Tor held up a brick to Jake and said, "Need more of these, man."

Jake got up and went into his room, grabbing one of the larger sets off his shelf. By the time he got back to the living room Elias was sitting on the floor helping Tor build. He handed the new set over and Tor dumped it out on the floor, tossing the directions back in the box with a grin.

Jake sat in the chair and watched the two men play with a smile. Over the next hour they fitted pieces together and rearranged things to their liking, saying little to each other but grinning lots. By the time they finished they had used two more sets and had built the weirdest looking castle Jake had ever seen, using Lego from two space themed sets, one fantasy set and a set based on a front-end loader.

They were exceedingly pleased with it. They were less pleased with Jake’s strict instructions that every piece had to find its way into the correct box when they were done.

Jake finally gave his approval to the clean up and Elias stood up, wincing as he stretched.

"Sore?"

Bareback

65

"Yeah, pulled a muscle in my shoulder trying to kick those damn bastards' asses."

Jake thought for a brief moment then cautiously said, "You gonna freak if I offered to put some of that back rub stuff on it for you?"

Elias snorted. "I'm pretty sure you're not lusting after my fine bod, Jake. You want to help, I've no objection."

Jake grinned. "Yeah, your body's safe from me."

He got the tube of ointment and Elias took off his shirt, letting Jake rub the stuff in. It smelled vaguely like toothpaste and Jake worked the knot out of Elias' shoulders while the other man groaned in appreciation.

"Thanks, Jake. Feels better," Elias said. "I'm gonna go take a shower and crash. See ya both in the mornin'."

"G'night, Elias," Tor said. "And thanks. For earlier."

Elias grinned. "Haven't been in a fight for years. Nice to know that I still have what it takes."

"Yeah, your black eye makes you look tough," Tor said "Real dangerous."

"Fuck off," Elias tossed over his shoulder as he left with a cheery wave.

Jake looked at Tor, still holding the tube. "How 'bout you? Strain anything?"

Tor grinned, nice and slow. "Wouldn't say no to a back rub." He stood up and peeled off his t–shirt and Jake swore.

"Goddamn. That has to hurt." Tor's left side was sporting a huge bruise, from just under his ribs to down below the waistband of his jeans. "Ribs okay?"

Tor shrugged. "They don't seem tender. But yeah, the bruising is a bitch. Jon kicked me, nice and hard. Couple of times."

"Fuck. God, Tor, it looks nasty. I think we've got something for bruises, let me go look, I'll be right back." He turned to get the first aid supplies.

"Uh, if I'm going to be stripping down so you can put shit on the bruise I'm going to my room. Don't fancy getting doctored in the living room."

Jake nodded. "Sure, whatever. I'll meet you there. Be right back."

66

Bareback

When he knocked at Tor's door a few minutes later it swung open and he went in to find Tor, naked and lying on his belly on the bed. Tor’s back had more bruises, though none as big as the one on his side. Jake rubbed arnica cream into the dark patches and told Tor to roll over.

"Let me take care of this big one, then you can get some sleep," he said.

Tor nodded his head and rolled over.

"Holy fuck."

The bruise went down past Tor's hipbone, around to the front of his groin and down the inside of his thigh, in assorted shades of purple and black. Jake felt ill. Standing out, amid the riot of dark colours was a scar, a thin white line from the tip of his hipbone, down on a diagonal following his pelvis. It looked like someone had tried to cut his cock off.

Tor didn't say anything, just studied the bruise with disinterest.

Jake put arnica cream on his fingers and started to smooth it into the discoloured tissue.

"I'm surprised you can walk."

"So'm I, now that I see it. Felt bad, but I didn't think it would look like this. Fucking jerk had cowboy boots on. Tried his best to get my balls."

Jake traced the scar with a fingertip. "And this?"

"One of those things I could tell you about." Tor said, his voice quiet.

Jake nodded and gently rubbed more cream into the bruise. When he was sure that all of the dark patches had been treated he put the top back on the tube and stripped, climbing onto the bed with Tor. He lay behind Tor, pulling the man to his chest, the way Tor had held him in the field.

For a long time they didn't speak, then Tor said, "Remember what you said about trying to live outside your skin? Well, I had a fucking death wish. I was runnin', anyplace I could get to, for about a year and a half. Was twenty-one, and just couldn't…well, I couldn't stay. So I took off for Texas, hit New Mexico for awhile, Arizona. Wound up in Mexico.

"I was in this pissy little town, hanging out in the only bar, doing nothing but sitting and drinking for about a week. Days I would be out in the sun, walking, or sitting or whatever. Just not…thinking. Nights I'd sit in the bar, drink beer and watch people."

Jake nodded and rubbed his hand absently over Tor's stomach.

Bareback

67

"Was a kid there, nice looking boy, about eighteen or so. He caught my eye one night and gave me the once over, cruising through the language barrier, you know? And I've got this 'fuck, whatever' attitude, so I just nod my head and follow him out."

Tor stopped talking and swallowed hard. Jake just stroked his stomach again, and kissed his shoulder.

"Went out behind the bar, real fucking romantic alley. He's going down on me, sucking me off nice and slow and then there's like six guys on us, screaming and hitting and fucking losing it on us. Kid got hit in the head and one guy picks him up and takes off.

Turns out it was his brother, and they were out for my blood. Saw the kid checking me out the day before and decided that I was the devil. Had a knife and fucking near killed me, trying to cut off my balls."

"Jesus Christ."

"Yeah. I was screaming bloody murder, literally, and bunch of people came out to see what was going on. They ran off and I fucking got the hell out of there as soon as I could stop the bleeding. Not sticking around in some Mexican backwater hospital. Went to my sister's place in Texas. Lived on penicillin for awhile, hoping the cut wouldn't get infected. Figured that my death wish was gone when I realized I didn't want to die like that. My mom—she just about killed me, anyway. Her heart’s not so good and she says I scared about four years out of her."

Jake kissed his shoulder again. "What were you running from?"

Tor sighed and shifted a bit, moving his hand to hold Jake's. "A ghost."

He raised Jake's hand to his mouth and kissed his fingers. "So when those jerk–offs went after us this afternoon, I couldn't just back away. Fucking hate gay bashers. Won't let it happen again."