Husband and Wives (30 page)

‘You took the children with you to dump your father’s body?’ Carol Anne said indignantly, standing up.

‘Carol Anne . . .’ I said, trying to shut her up.

‘You killed your own father, you killed Mary, and you exposed your own children to your depravity—’

‘Don’t you get on your high horse!’ Rene shouted back. ‘Like you ever welcomed me into this family! You were jealous of me from day one! If you’d ever acted to me like a real sister-wife, maybe none of this woulda happened!’

‘You’re blaming this on
me
?’ Carol Anne shouted then lunged at Rene. Rene lunged back, but Nita Skitteridge managed to get in between.

‘Carol Anne!’ Jerry shouted, coming in from the garage. ‘Let go of her!’ he shouted at Nita, grabbing at her left arm, while her right went for the gun riding her hip.

I figured it was time to intervene. So did my wife, who threw a crutch at Jerry before I could join the brouhaha. Jerry grunted and fell on his ass. Nita grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back.

‘Enough!’ I shouted as I walked up to them. ‘Nita, just stop it. He thought you were hurting Carol Anne—’

‘She was!’ Carol Anne said. ‘When she should’ve been hurting this little tramp!’

‘Who are you calling a tramp, scarecrow!’ Rene said as she jumped up on the couch and grabbed a handful of Carol Anne’s hair.

Holding his head, which was bleeding a little, Jerry looked at me. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Well, you aren’t Cheyenne’s father after all,’ I said, speaking loudly to be heard over the screaming of the catfight going on in the center of the room.

‘Milt!’ my wife screamed. ‘Stop them!’

‘Sheriff?’ Nita Skitteridge asked.

‘Huh?’ Jerry said.

‘Cheyenne is the product of incest, poor darling,’ I said. ‘Rene’s daddy did it. Rene killed her daddy. Unfortunately she did it in front of Mary, who of course was going to do something about it, so Rene killed her too.’

Jerry sat there for a long moment, then said, ‘No shit?’

‘No shit, Sherlock,’ I said.

Jerry’s two surviving wives were snatching each other bald-headed and screaming really mean stuff at each other. I sat down to watch, while Jerry watched from his position on the floor.

Jean moved into the room on one crutch, so I said to Jerry, ‘Hey, hand my wife her crutch, OK?’

Jerry said, ‘Oh, sure,’ as he reached behind him at the crutch that had hit him on the head. Stretching, but not getting up, he handed it to Jean. She, in turn, glared at both of us.

Jean walked up to Nita, who was staring at the two combatants. ‘Are we going to do something?’ Jean asked Nita.

Nita yawned. ‘Hell, ma’am, I don’t feel like getting scratched. They’ll settle down in a minute.’

And Nita was right – they did settle down, but it took more like fifteen minutes.

Milt Kovak – The Weeks Following

Rene pleaded guilty to killing her father and Mary Hudson. The judge, who must’ve liked cute butts too, gave her a year suspended for killing her daddy, saying the old bastard had it coming, and ten years for killing Mary Hudson, saying it was a crime of passion and mostly an accident. Neither Carol Anne nor myself thought that to be true, but both Jerry and my wife Jean thought it to be so. Chances were good that Rene could be out of jail in five years.

Meanwhile, David Bollinger refused to submit to a paternity test, although anybody with eyes and a smidgeon of scientific knowledge would know that about the whole cleft chin stuff. Carol Anne refused to take in Rene’s children, even though all her own children felt they were kin – blood or not – and Jerry was up for it. So since the boys were back in Carol Anne’s house, Rene’s kids were staying with Dennis Rigsby and his mother. Dennis Rigsby asked Rene to marry him, which they had done by the same judge who sentenced Rene to prison, and Dennis started adoption proceedings for both of Rene’s children. It should be final before Rene gets out of prison.

He and his mama are staying in The Branches, in Carol Anne’s old house to be close to the prison where Rene will be; meanwhile, Jerry and Carol Anne and all their kids are moving back west. No longer a plural family, they’re moving to Salt Lake City and going to be real Mormons, according to Carol Anne. Which means, one of these days, we might see some of the boys riding bicycles and wearing white shirts with ties. It’s possible.

It turns out there was never a marriage license filled out for Michael McKinsey and Rachael Owen, so there was no need for Rachael to divorce him. I had the county hire a forensic accountant, who went over the books I found on Michael McKinsey’s desk and, sure enough, Rachael would be getting all her money back. Of course that, like Dennis adopting Rene’s kids, would work out about the time Rene got out of prison. Meanwhile, Rachael and her kids are moving back to Tyler, Texas and, strangely enough, my good old buddy Roy Donley has decided to relocate his trucking business to east Texas. Go figure.

The two little kids Jean and I rescued from that trailer were placed in the same foster home – a new foster family, a young couple who can’t have kids of their own – and the children seem to be thriving, according to CPS. I hear the couple would like to adopt them, but since Charlotta’s in the wind, it could be hard to do.

Meanwhile, the VFW’s Sadie Hawkins dance is coming up in about a week, and me and Jean are going. It’s not that we dance all that much (although we can cut a rug on occasion). Mostly we’re going to see how well Dalton does dancing with Holly Humphries. She finally asked him to the dance, once I explained what a Sadie Hawkins dance was. Dalton and Nita Skitteridge practiced at the shop during evening shifts. What I saw was pretty funny, but Nita said he’s getting better. Jean and me want to see for ourselves.