Hunting the Hero (21 page)

When Mrs. Smith drew back, she smiled kindly at her master. “No need for a poultice, but best keep her awake with chatter, my lord. I’ll send Miss Cunningham up to assist.”

Meredith groaned. She could never be comfortable with Miss Cunningham in her bedchamber. But she wasn’t really in a position to argue. She was a servant and had to do as she was told. She closed her eyes, very ready to feign sleep to avoid looking at the girl.
 

“Excuse us,” Grayling said and left her alone once more. Meredith watched him follow the housekeeper out with a heavy heart and then closed her eyes as the pain throbbed. For a moment, it had been lovely to be so cared for.
 

Willow shuffled about, the bed depressed as another bundle fell across her skirts. When she cracked her lids open, Maisy had arrived to share the vigil. She smiled at the little girl and brushed her finger over the tip of her nose. The little ball of mischief grinned and then quickly wriggled off the bed, disappearing beneath. “Maisy come out of there,” she whispered softly and then regretted speaking in the first place. The thumping in her head increased. “Please.”

“I’ll keep an eye on her,” Gray informed her as he drew a spindly chair close to the bed. Dear God, he didn’t mean to have Miss Cunningham sit that close, did he? She’d never have a moment’s peace.

Meredith licked her lips. “Where’s Poppy?”

“Nurse is with her for now.”

Meredith struggled to rise. Nurse would not be able to cope with the little one on her own.
 

However, Gray placed his hand on her thigh and held her still. “Rest is what the housekeeper ordered for you, my dear. Miss Cunningham will do the heavy lifting for Nurse, should it be required.”

Meredith glanced toward the doorway. “So you know about your nurses difficulties?”

He gave her leg one last pat and sat back. “Of course. Why do you think I was so eager to have you here? Nurse has a lifetime of experience to offer but lacks the strength in her limbs.”

Meredith digested that. “What will you do with her?”

“Exactly what I am doing now.” He smiled. “Nurse has no family of her own. She will remain here where we can keep an eye on her.”

“You are very kind for a lord.”

“Handsome too.” He checked over his shoulder. “But I’m sure you noticed my appeal the first night we met.”

“Vain,” Meredith murmured softly, but there was no strength to her complaint. He was good to look at and rather nice to talk to. If he were an ordinary man, she might have entertained thoughts of a future that featured him. But she couldn’t. She was utterly ruined. The only future they had was an illicit one should either of them break their agreement. And her resolve on that issue was already wavering, had in fact been wavering since the first day of her employment. It was rather hard to turn away from a situation that had been so very agreeable on so many levels. This was just another challenge to face, and Meredith had to forget what had come before.

 
An hour later, when only Gray was still at her side and they had covered topics ranging from farming to her opinion on the perfect gemstone—type, size, and shape, including the many applications for jewelry—she scowled at him. “The servants will talk about this for months.”

He glanced over the paper, from where she believed he was gaining his many and varied topics of conversation, and winked. “I’m unconcerned about my servants’ possible disapproval. They’ve already been informed I could be found here until Mrs. Smith declared you out of danger.”

Meredith snatched the paper from his hands and peered at the page he was on. “And when do you imagine that might be?”

“Oh, at least morning. Maybe late afternoon.”

Grayling had turned to the section containing announcements of births, deaths, and marriages. She read a notice and her mouth dropped open. She shut it quickly and read the short notice again. It was not possible. Her brother had married her best friend from childhood. She swallowed and closed the paper quickly. “You’re being ridiculous. The blow was mild.”

Grayling snatched the paper back and found his place again. “To what do you compare it to? A proper beating?”

Meredith scowled again. “No one has harmed me in a very long time.”
 

“Once was too often,” he said, although it appeared he had clenched his jaw tightly.

She shrugged, determined to make light of a bad memory. “In the beginning, I had some lingering ambitions to make my mother proud, so I hesitated to enforce my will. Circumstances proved that such reservation was not in my best interests.”

He leaned close and stared into her eyes. “Who are you really? Where did you come from, and why won’t you tell me what happened to you?”

Poor man. He truly disliked being thwarted. “There’s nothing you need to know. I am the woman you met. Nothing has changed.”

He wagged his finger at her as footsteps sounded in the room beyond, coming closer. “I will convince you to trust me one day. I insist.”

“Now you sound like lord of the manor. All who depend on you must obey or else suffer for disobedience.”

When Gray’s face darkened and he stood, Meredith knew she’d gone too far. He was angry. He’d never behaved callously to anyone she’d met.
 

“Excuse me for a moment,” he said before storming out. He barked at Cunningham to sit with her and then there was only silence. Meredith closed her eyes as the pain in her head returned threefold. Of all the stupid things to do. Now she had to sit and listen to Miss Cunningham’s opinions on ruffles and lace and such. The chair creaked but she kept her eyes closed.
 

After what must have been half an hour or so of near silence save for Miss Cunningham’s surprisingly heavy breathing, Gray’s heavy tread returned. Meredith gingerly opened her eyes and saw his jaw was still set angrily. He stopped at the foot of the bed, holding a large wooden box. “I trust you have played chess before.”

“Yes.”
 

Gray moved to place the box, really a low table similar to a breakfast tray, over her lap. The surface was checkered parquetry. A drawer had been fashioned with little handles on each side to hold the pieces.
 

“Good. That will give you something to do other than think ill of me. A game to while away the hours. Cunningham, I’ll take dinner here at eight.”

The chair creaked and Meredith was startled that it hadn’t been Miss Cunningham keeping her company, but the butler. He even appeared amused. “Of course, my lord. I’ll see to it personally. Enjoy the game.”

Meredith couldn’t be certain, but she had an idea that Cunningham was smirking. He must expect her to lose. Foolish man. When Meredith could no longer hear Cunningham, she turned on Gray. “Why did you not stay away? Do you want me to leave because the gossip is so thick that I lose everyone’s respect?”
 

Grayling struggled out of his boots and then, to her surprise, sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed so the chessboard sat between them. “Do you know what I discovered just now?”

Meredith crossed her arms over her chest. “I cannot imagine.”

“I’d much rather fight with you than anyone else.” His expression turned teasing. “I’d much rather do a great many things with you than with anyone else. But sadly, this bed is too small.”
 

He glanced at each side of the narrow bed and then around the room.

“I thought you were here because of the blow to my head.”

Gray, finished with his inspection, set the carved chess pieces in place. “There is that, but there are days when a man desires a woman’s company, no matter the cost.”

Meredith’s heart skipped a beat. She placed a hand on her stomach to steady herself. “Please remember that when I’m dismissed for misconduct. I’d like an excellent letter of recommendation for my next position.”

“Oh, I doubt I’ll ever dismiss you.” His smile returned, but he kept his gaze on the board. “Let me ask you a question. How does the very proper, very lovely Meredith Clark feel about spending even more time with her employer? Because I have to tell you, seeing you in bed, seeing you anywhere about the hall, in fact, brings to mind that we made a very poor bargain. We are very similar creatures, you and I. We are both used to acquiring our heart’s desire.”

“We’re nothing alike.”

“Oh, I beg to differ.” He offered a dazzling smile. “And I aim to convince you to give me, us, another chance.” He swung a garnet bracelet before her face. The gemstones winked prettily in the afternoon light and Meredith almost reached to catch them. She held back but the cost was high. She was well aware that a man gave gems to his mistress or his wife. Never to a governess. He was cruel to tease her like this. “To what end?”

“You’ll see.” He tucked the trinket back into his coat pocket and then tipped his head at the board. His brows rose, mocking her chances of winning. “Let’s see just how far you will go to get what you want and what else might be claimed in the process. It’s your move, sweetheart.”

“I’m not your sweetheart,” she grumbled.

Grayling shook his head. “You see, even that name doesn’t suit you. I’m definitely going to need the real one. No matter how long it takes.”

CHAPTER 18

SNOW CRUNCHED BENEATH thick boots as Constantine trudged across the grounds of Stanton Harold Hall in search of forgiveness. He had not enjoyed or looked forward to Christmas since the day his wife had died and he wanted this year to be different. Augusta had died today, exactly two years ago, and the cheer the season had once evoked had fled with her.

Yet this morning, Christmas Eve, had dawned clear and bright and full of hope. He glanced up at the crystal-blue sky and smiled. The world outside his windows, his domain, had beckoned him to explore during the brief lull between snowstorms to clear his conscience, to make peace with his past and prepare for the future.

A future he wanted very much, no matter the cost to his social standing.

The snow was thickly piled on the earthen path, but he knew where he was going and trudged the short distance with sure steps. He’d walked this path countless times in the past, more so in the past two years. The Lynch Gate stood open and he passed beneath the snow-covered structure, pausing momentarily to glance around the shrouded cemetery. It was as if he’d stepped into another world. A world where hopes and dreams must end.

He walked past the grave markers of his ancestors, some grand, others tilting beneath the weight of age and snow. His parents’ graves were side by side and he passed them by with a momentary pang. They’d had years together, not always civil, but together, none the less, passing away within months of the other. He’d always thought he’d have the same life.

The one he wanted was farther back, a few more steps to the right.

He paused when he reached his destination and glanced down at the snow-covered plot.
 

Here lies Augusta Regina Hunt. Beloved wife and mother. Forever young.

Constantine stepped around the grave and brushed snow from the headstone. “The weather has cleared, my love. Just in time for Christmas.”

He clutched the headstone briefly and then stepped back, pulling his greatcoat closer about him as a light wind stirred the cold air. He removed his hat. “The new governess has done what she can to mend their broken hearts, but our daughters still miss you. They always will. You should see Willow now. You always said she’d be a beauty, and I see more of you in her eyes every day. She will cause me no end of trouble with the fellows when she’s grown enough to have her coming out.”

Lord help him. If Willow grew to be as beautiful as her mother, then he would have to always keep his dueling pistols primed and ready once she came of age. Constantine stared at the distant snow-dusted woods. “Maisy is completely unlike her elder sister. You picked her nature to perfection when she was little. Miss Mischief. She’s still hiding under tables despite the governess’s best efforts to keep her on her feet. I may have to pry her out into the light when it’s her time to be a debutante. I wonder what she’ll make of society’s strictures. I don’t know how she’ll survive all those rules.”

He laughed as he imagined the trouble coming his way. “I always wondered how you would cope with them, but it seemed God had other plans for us both. I’m sorry, love. I never should have got another child on you. I put your life in danger. But as you pointed out, I needed an heir. I still do.”

Constantine glanced down at the gravestone again. “Poppy is so beautiful. The gift you left to me fills the space in my heart I never knew existed. I’ve struggled with my joy and sadness so often when I hold her. You never got a chance. She’s the sweetest of all our children and she needs more love than I can give. I’m not enough for her. Not enough for all of them.”

He curled his hands into fists. “I’ve missed you so badly these past years. Do you remember how we were together? Snugly curled about each other in your bed every night, sneaking away from our guests to kiss or make love. We had a good marriage. You were the mother of my children, but you also became a good friend. No one could ever know how much your absence has cut into my soul. Marrying you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I treasured our life together.”