Authors: Erik Williams
“And of course there’s the primary question: would you kill someone? It’s not asked in conjunction with an ‘if you had to’ on the end. Just a straight, ‘Would you kill someone?’”
“What did you say?”
“I said, ‘Yes. In the line of duty or in self-defense, absolutely.’”
“Good, straightforward answer.”
“A good, safe answer. Of course the shrink only nodded and made a note on his legal pad. He knew it was a safe answer, too. Then he asked the cake taker, ‘Would you kill someone outside those two situations?’
“Now reason and logic should have rung alarm bells in my head. It’s a loaded question and one which could easily be taken out of context, especially when you’re young and dumb like I was at the time. But I was young and dumb at the time and so I answered it honestly. I said, ‘Yes.’”
“How’d the shrink take that?”
Nate sipped his beer again. “The shrink said, ‘Would you? And in what situation would you kill someone?’
“At the time I had only been married a year and Samantha was a baby. So I said, ‘If someone threatened the lives of my family I wouldn’t hesitate to kill them.’
“The shrink’s face got all puckered up like he’d been forced to suck a lemon. He said, ‘You wouldn’t hesitate? You’d just kill them without pause?’”
Nate sat silent. Henry leaned forward, waiting for the rest of the story.
“And you said?” Henry probed after a few moments of silence.
“I’d rip them to pieces.”
The answer didn’t surprise Henry. It fit Nate: a big teddy bear which could savage someone if it had to. Don’t poke the bear or give him a reason to kill you.
Nate shrugged. “I guess my answer wasn’t too out of the ordinary because I still got accepted as a Deputy Sheriff. Either that or Edom County was hurting for cops at the time.”
“How is Samantha doing, anyway?”
Nate shrugged. “Can’t complain. Finishing up her senior year at FSU.”
Henry nodded and they chatted for another half hour before he looked at his watch. Claire should have been over by now.
“Well, look at that,” Nate said.
Henry did and saw Claire walking Brownie on his leash around the backyard. Claire waved and Nate waved back but Henry just stared and sipped his beer. Even muttered a bit under his breath.
Just can’t spend a few minutes away can you, Henry thought.
“I’ll go get her,” Henry said. “Sorry she’s being rude.”
Nate shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, Hank.”
“She told me she’d—”
“Hank,” Nate said, “you needed a beer and a break from the deer. Claire needs time with the deer to say goodbye. It isn’t going to be easy for her tomorrow so let her have these moments now. It’ll go a long way in helping her let go.”
Henry sat back and sighed, letting Nate’s common sense wash over him. He’d been ready to jump up and stomp across the yard and insist Claire leave the deer and visit with the neighbors, neighbors Henry had tried to avoid at all costs up until a few hours ago. Now, his neighbor’s advice humbled him and he realized just how right he was.
As he watched Claire walk Brownie, petting its neck and sides, Henry’s heart ached. She wanted to be a mother so badly. Sitting there, Henry knew Claire needed a child and adoption was the way. And for the first time, he had no objections.
Chapter Five:
Daytrip to Blackwater
Claire petted the top of Brownie’s head with one hand and wiped tears away with her other. The deer looked up at her and nuzzled her chin with his nose.
“I’m going to miss you.”
Someone might have thought her love for Brownie was an obsession. Claire didn’t care. She’d helped an injured, dying animal. She’d saved a living thing and nursed it like a mother taking care of her child.
The thought of children stabbed at her heart and she let the thoughts go. Unable to have children, Claire knew she had probably displaced her maternal failures onto Brownie. Yet she took comfort in the fact she had succeeded in caring for an animal. She could be a good mother. Now she needed a child to fill the void Brownie would leave.
Maybe I can talk Henry into adoption, Claire thought. But not right away. Soon though.
“Ready to go?”
Claire turned her head and saw Henry standing on the ramp of the horse trailer and thought of the possible family she had stopped dreaming about years ago. Henry had opposed adoption when they discovered Claire couldn’t conceive five years before. He had wanted a child of his own blood or none at all. She chalked it up to depression, knowing he wouldn’t have such a child unless it was with another woman. But now Claire thought he would change his mind. Henry hadn’t left her, after all. It would take some persuasion but Claire felt confident she could convince him to adopt this time.
“Well?” Henry said.
She nodded and turned back to Brownie.
“Let’s take you home.”
* * * * *
The exit for State Road 28 North approached. Henry threw on the right blinker and merged the Honda CR-V onto the off-ramp. The final leg of the journey had thankfully started.
Claire stopped humming. “How much longer do we have?”
“About twenty minutes.”
Henry followed the curve of the off ramp until it leveled out. His foot pressed down harder than normal on the accelerator as he merged on to the 28.
The woods on both sides of the road appeared thick and deep but passed by in green blurs as if they drove through a wooded tunnel, causing Henry to feel slightly claustrophobic. He’d grown up on the coast and loved the beach, not the woods. Even though he’d spent his entire life in Edom County, Henry had only ventured north through Blackwater Forest as a passenger heading to Alabama, never as a visitor. He’d heard too many ghost stories and urban legends about Blackwater as a kid to ever want to visit as an adult.
“Don’t drive too fast,” Claire said. “I don’t want Brownie to get sick.”
Henry looked in the rearview mirror at the horse trailer they towed and realized he’d forgotten it for a moment.
“Please slow down.”
“Sorry.”
“Just don’t want Brownie to get sick.”
“I know.”
“Where do you think we should let him go?” Claire said.
“What do you mean? I thought we already agreed where?”
“I don’t want to release him near a road.”
“We’re not going to,” Henry said. “There’s a trail head up here. We can walk him into the woods away from the road and release him. No problems.”
Claire shook her head. “It needs to be away from the road.”
“It is away from the road. Trust me.”
“Okay.” Claire started humming again.
* * * * *
The parking lot at the trail head sat empty. No one else out on a chilly March Sunday hiking or fishing or releasing deer in the wild. No people, no hassle and no stupid questions.
Henry leaned against the horse trailer and waited for Claire. She had had to use the bathroom.
“Feel better?” Henry said as Claire returned from the port-a-potty.
“It stank.”
“They usually do.”
Henry opened the door to the trailer and lowered the ramp. Brownie stood there, his thin but healed body shaking slightly. It looked like the drive had made the deer nervous.
“You poor thing.”
Claire walked into the trailer and put her arms around Brownie’s neck. Henry watched his wife embrace the deer and hoped she would let it go and not force him to become a pushy asshole.
How is he going to survive in the woods with you coddling him? he thought.
Claire released her embrace and petted Brownie’s neck. “You ready to go home?”
“Yes,” Henry said and handed her the leash.
Claire took it. The look she gave as she did told Henry not to push. He’d seen it many times and knew it well. Any further sarcasm and he’d have a fight on his hands.
“Come on, Brownie.” Claire led him out of the trailer. “Let’s take you home.”
* * * * *
“This looks like a good spot.”
Henry stopped on the trail and turned to Claire and Brownie. They’d walked about five minutes into the woods.
The pines grew nice and tall and kept the trail in constant shade. Flies buzzed around Henry’s head. He waved them away and was thankful they weren’t mosquitoes, ticks, or deer flies.
“What do you think?”
Claire looked around her. “I don’t know.”
“You can’t see the parking lot or road from here. The other deer live that way.” Henry pointed up the trail, deeper into the woods. “Brownie will probably follow the scent of their piss and shit and be back amongst his own kind in no time.”
Henry watched Claire look over her shoulder toward the parking lot, then around at their surroundings before finally settling on him.
“No.” Claire patted Brownie on the neck. “I want to take him deeper. I don’t want him to follow us back to the car.”
Henry sighed and put his hands on his hips. “Okay. How about another five minutes up the trail? The woods are deeper there.”
Claire pointed perpendicularly to the trail. “How about that way?”
“What?” Henry looked where Claire pointed. “It’s the same as here.”
“There’s no trail.”
“So?”
“Nobody will mess with him.”
Henry scratched his head. “Honey, there’s nobody out here but us. I think he’ll be okay.”
“Brownie’s used to people. He doesn’t fear them. I’m afraid he’ll approach other hikers, thinking they’re like us, and get himself hurt.”
“Hikers are hikers, not hunters.”
“Hikers are people and people are cruel.”
Henry quit. Claire had latched onto an irrational argument and he knew he wouldn’t budge her. She wanted to walk Brownie into the woods away from the trail and she’d do it with or without his company.
“Okay,” Henry said. “But not too far.”
Claire smiled and her face brightened. Henry had trouble arguing with her when she looked at him like that. So he led the way off the trail, Claire humming behind him.
Chapter Six:
A Walk in the Woods
“You’re free now,” Claire said.
Henry looked from his wife to Brownie. Her hand stroked its head one more time. Her finger traced the circle of white hair above its left eye. Then the deer took off running into the woods.
As Brownie bounded away, relief flooded Henry. He’d feared the deer wouldn’t leave. Thought it might have gotten too attached to Claire. Nature, though, seemed to have kicked in. Brownie wanted to go home as much as Henry wanted him to.
“Are you going to be okay?”
Henry moved close to her. He’d stood a few paces behind to allow her the room to say goodbye. Now he filled his role as husband and went to comfort her.
“Yeah.” Claire wiped a tear from her eye. “This is the way it should be. He’s alive and free.”
Henry put an arm around her shoulder, surprised by how well she’d done. “Did you believe after the state we found him in, we’d be here letting him go?”
Claire looked at him with her big blue eyes. God, he loved those eyes.
“Of course. Brownie’s a fighter and he wanted to live.”
“It’s still pretty amazing.”
“Yes, it is.”
A few pine needles fell on Henry’s head. He brushed them off and surveyed his environment. Pine trees towered above them. Everything looked the same. Nothing but trees, plants, and sandy soil. Hundreds of thousands of acres of forest and zero civilization surrounded them.
An urgent need to leave filled him. The sun headed down and Henry knew the darker it got, the more everything looked the same. The more everything looked the same, the easier to get lost.
When he thought about how far they had to travel to reach the car, a little of the warmth Henry had felt toward Claire faded. She had insisted on walking the deer to a “safe” place in the woods. It took them twenty minutes of heading away from the trail to find the “safe” place, not the five minutes Henry had agreed to.
“Are you okay?”
Claire’s gentle question and smile chased Henry’s frustration over the hike ahead of them away. He squeezed her shoulder.
“I’m fine. It’s getting late, though. We better get back to the car before the sun goes down.”
Claire’s eyes drifted over the trees around them. “I never noticed how much everything looks the same out here. I can’t remember which way we came. Do you?”
Henry nodded, exuding a confidence he didn’t really feel. As he traced the trees with her, he found himself starting to think the same thing. Shit.
“Sure,” Henry said after a second or two. “The trail is that way.”
* * * * *
Nate pulled the curtain away and looked at Henry’s driveway saturated in the orange rays of a setting sun. No CR-V. No horse trailer. He glanced at his watch and shook his head.
Should be here by now, he thought.
“What are you looking at?” Sarah said over his shoulder.
Nate released the curtain and turned away from the window to her. “Henry and Claire aren’t back yet.”
“I’m sure your trailer is fine.”
“I’m not worried about the trailer.”
Sarah tilted her head to the side and her eyes relaxed. Nate knew the look. Sarah was moving into reassurance mode.
“Police instincts kicking in?”
Nate nodded. “Something like that.”
Sarah walked over and slipped an arm around his waist and guided him away from the window.
“They’re okay, Nate. Probably stopped for dinner or something. Let it be tonight. Check on them in the morning. I’m sure they’ll be there and just fine.”
Nate kissed Sarah on the cheek and pretended to feel reassured although not one part of him did. Something didn’t sit right and he wished he knew why. “Sure thing. Now what’s for supper?”
* * * * *
Three hours later, Henry still led Claire through the woods, looking for the trail.
Claire took a break from her humming. “We’re not going to find it in the dark.”
Her words smacked Henry across the face. He’d listened to her say they headed the wrong way since they’d started back. At first, Claire had just annoyed him with her remarks. But her recent words created feelings of utter failure within. Not only had he failed to navigate out of the woods, he’d failed to take care of his wife.