There it is. The catch in his voice, the one which makes it clear my behavior hurt him when all I wanted to do was the exact opposite.
Taking an unsteady breath in, I let it out slowly and as he squeezes me in a show of support, I say, “You’re a good man, Benedict.”
“But…?” When I don’t continue, he sighs and disentangles his body from mine, sliding away to sit on the edge of the bed, head in hands. “I’m not stupid, Caroline. I know something happened. They said something to you and you just need to fucking tell me what the hell it was.”
Sitting up, I hug my knees to my chest, the ache of the last week back in my chest. “I…it’s not what they said to me, but what I heard.”
“And?”
“I’m not sure it’s my business.” When he turns enough to look at me, my emotions threaten to fall from my eyes in the form of tears at the grim line of his lips and the burning disappointment in his gaze. “I was just trying to avoid having to tell you before they did.”
“Well, they didn’t. So, tell me.”
Shaking my head, I hug my knees tighter. “Why don’t you ask them? You should hear it from—”
“No.” He cuts me off with an angry swipe of his hand in the air, his voice rising. “Tell me now, Caroline, or this is over. You’re with me, so you owe me your loyalty. If you can’t tell me anything, how will I know you won’t keep things from me? Especially when it’s coming between us!”
“But, it’s not that simple—”
“Bullshit.” He cuts in again, crawling close to me again, enough I can feel the heat and anger radiating off him in waves as he lowers his voice to a dangerously deceptive level. “If they’re deceiving me, I deserve to fucking know. Do you think I wouldn’t tell you if I overheard Nathan and Rissa talking about something I’m pretty sure you weren’t aware of? Because the shit has to be pretty bad if you’re avoiding me over it.”
I flinch, not because he’s angry and his words cut into my heart, but because I know he’s right. Yet it’s the step Len took toward me after telling me to keep my mouth shut that keeps replaying in my head. What would he have done if Miranda hadn’t stopped him? Would he do anything at all if I do say something? Maybe he’d just been upset someone had heard and wasn’t trying to threaten me?
“Caroline, it’s impossible to avoid getting hurt in any relationship at some point. I’m asking you to divulge what you heard even if it hurts me.” He lifts a hand to my face and gives it a brief caress with the pad of his thumb. “I’m a big boy, sweetheart. I can take it.”
Averting my gaze as tear cloud my eyes, he drops his hand as I give him what he wants, but say it so soft he leans in to hear me. “I overhead Miranda saying they started before you agreed and she’s…uh, pregnant.”
His flinch is unmistakable. His sharp intake of breath is like a shot in the silent room; whatever he expected me to say, it wasn’t that. And I can’t look at him, because I’m not sure I won’t break down crying for him. The silence stretches on and on, and I feel the need to say something. Anything.
So I try to comfort him. “Maybe the baby isn’t his? Maybe—”
“Not mine,” he interjects with a cough. “Not possible unless it’s the longest pregnancy on the fucking planet.”
“What?” Although the urge to cry is still there, my mouth drops open while managing to meet his once again, and I snap it shut before continuing. “He said she’ll start to show soon. That’s like, four or five months right?”
He glares at me, anger evident in the thin line of his mouth and tense jaw. Getting off the bed, he goes over to the window, shoving a hand through his hair as he stands there peering out even though I know he’s not seeing anything beyond the glass.
“She moved out six months ago,” he finally says. “We haven’t had sex in eight.”
Oh.
Ooooooh.
Hot fucking damn.
“Benedict…I…wow. I’m sorry.”
“Why?” Turning away from the window, he regards me with self-mocking smile. “I’m the idiot who didn’t see it coming. Scratch that,” he says, lifting a hand up as I go to interject. “I saw it coming. I chose to fucking ignore it like a moron.”
Not knowing what I can really say, I extend my hand to him, wiggling my fingers in invitation. “You could continue standing naked by my window calling yourself names, or you can come back to bed with me. What’ll it be?”
His cock jumps at my question, making it clear which way his body wants to go. He stalks toward the bed, towering over me until I lean back on the pillows, and then he walks around the bed before getting in.
Lying on his back, he fists his cock, his eyes seeking mine out and finding them. “Straddle me.” When I do, he keeps his one hand on his cock while using his free one to grip my chin and makes sure our gazes are connected before he says, “Thank you for telling me.”
“As if I had much of a choice?”
“Of course you did.” He swipes his thumb across my lips and when they part, he smiles. “It might’ve taken you a week, but you chose honesty when I made you face me.”
“You brought me my favorite muffin and fucked me like you missed me. How could I not?” We both know I’m not serious. Yeah, I hoped she would tell him before I did, but in the end, I would’ve told him no matter what. And for that, I add, “I’m sorry for putting you off. You’re right; I didn’t want to hurt you. But that’s not for me to decide when it’s something you should know.”
“Apology accepted.”
“You don’t seem all that surprised though.”
“Your girlfriend doesn’t stop sleeping with you eight months ago without it being clear something isn’t right, Caroline. I wish I could say I’m surprised they began before she talked to me about it, but I’m not.”
“Why…? Did you suspect?”
He drops his hand from my mouth, his smile rueful. “No, I didn’t, but there’s no use in being angry about it, is there?”
“You’re still gonna wait for her to break up with you even though she cheated?”
“I told you, it’s the only way to go,” he says with a shrug. “Did it sound like they were planning to tell me?”
“Uhm, he wants her to, but it seemed like she was afraid for you to find out the truth.”
“I believe that.”
I’m sure he does. It’s clear he’s given up on her, but I’m still taken aback at his lack of what I think would be a proper reaction at what I told him. “Are you hurt at all by this?”
“I stopped being hurt by her a while ago. Not much surprises me anymore when it comes to Miranda. We’ll part ways when she says we will, and I suspect it will be sooner rather than later now.”
“And your friendship with Len?”
He lifts a brow at the same time as his hips. “Do you really want to continue talking about this, or would you prefer to ride my cock and give us something else to focus on?” Grabbing one of my hands, he replaces his hand with mine, and puts both of his behind his head. “Well?”
The fact he doesn’t want to talk anymore is obvious. So, instead of answering him, I do what he least expects and scoot back a little before bending over and covering the tip of his cock with my mouth. His hiss of surprise is followed by a guttural groan, and his hands slipping into my hair, fisting it even though he keeps his grip gentle. Flicking my eyes up to his face shows his are closed, so I shut my own while taking him deeper until I can’t go any further, my hand tight at the base.
It doesn’t last long. I’ve never considered myself real good at it, so when he indicates with a light tug that I should stop, I do. His eyes are gleaming as they meet mine, reaching for and then handing me a condom.
“Much as I love having your mouth around me, sweetheart, I want you on top.”
I’m barely into position when he grabs my hips and thrust into me with single, hard lift of his hips.
“God,” he says, pulling me down so we’re skin to skin, and hugs me close. “I’d fuck you all day long if I weren’t such an old man.”
“Shut up.”
We both laugh and he releases me, letting me straighten up before cupping my breasts in his hands and squeezing them.
“Have I told you how much I love these?” He flicks his thumb over each nipple, making them rise and tighten as he grins. “Because I do. They almost overfill my hands, but not quite. They’re perfect.”
“They might be, but I’m not.”
I don’t realize I’ve said that out loud until he frowns, and slides his hands around me to pull me down toward him once more. He presses one, two, three soft kisses to my lips, then whispers against them.
“You don’t need to be perfect. Just be yourself, Caroline, that’s all I care about.” A longer, deeper kiss, and then, “It hurt more to have you avoid me like that than what you told me. I’m never going to be mad at you for being honest.”
“Okay.”
He smiles against my lips. “And after this, I believe you owe me dinner.”
“Mmm, I am hungry.”
“I’ve changed my mind.”
Don’t even get to ask him what he means. He invades my mouth with his tongue, sliding a hand to cup the back of my neck, rolling us over until I’m on my back and he’s surrounding me. There’s no more talking, only sighs and gasps and moans during the gentlest sex we’ve had together yet.
3
The answer to my question about his friendship with Len is answered the following evening.
Arriving at the club with Benedict hand-in-hand, it’s only seven p.m. yet the place is packed. Benedict keeps it open tonight for Christmas Eve, but he’ll shut down at three a.m. and won’t open up again until the day after Christmas.
Walking through to the bar, it’s funny how many people say hi and greet him by name, and I wonder — not for the first time — how the hell I never knew he was the owner. Guess that goes to show how much I didn’t pay attention, but I sure am now.
I’m a little nervous tonight. I haven’t seen Miranda or Len since that day, and I think Benedict somehow knows how I hope to avoid them, because he won’t let go of my hand. He keeps me close until we hit the bar where we sit, and Frank greets me with a warm smile.
“Caroline, glad to see your lovely face, darlin’. What d’ya want to drink?”
“Hmm. Make me something tasty and pretty.”
He winks. “Coming right up, I’ve got the perfect thing for you. Sir?”
“You haven’t called me sir in five years, don’t start now Frank.” They both laugh and Benedict shakes his head. “Nothing for me right now.”
A pair of arms encircling me from behind make me jump, until I hear Ethan’s laugh and Destiny’s distinctive giggle.
“Caro, you too busy being Ben’s slut to call me?” he sits his head on my shoulder and when I turn my head a little to look down at him, he’s pouting.
“As busy as you are being Destiny’s prostitute. Where’s my money?”
He laughs and lets go of me, sitting on the stool beside me as I whirl to face him. “In my back pocket. She paid me all in one dollar bills. You’ll have to dance for it.”
“Hi Caroline,” Destiny sings, wrapping her arms me without warning, or invitation.
“Uh, hi.”
After I give her an awkward return pat, she steps back with a grin, and throws her arm around Ethan’s shoulder while he encircles her waist with his.
“No, really.” Ethan’s tone is serious now and he rests his free hand on my bare knee, eyes searching mine. “You okay? Your texts had me worried and I wanted to kick somebody’s ass, but didn’t know whose.”
“I’m taking care of that,” Benedict tosses in as he places his hands on my shoulders and bends to kiss the crook of my neck. “Speaking of, I’ll be right back.”
He walks away before I can respond and I crane my neck to see where he’s going but soon, he’s lost in the crowd.
“Here’s your drink, Caroline,” Frank says, catching my attention. “It’s called purple haze.”
“Wow, it’s really purple!” Destiny notes with a giggle.
“Yeah, hence the name.” Frank nods at me. “Let me know if you like it. If not, I’ll make you something else.”
One sip tells me all I need to know. “It’s like drinking candy, Frank, and I love the color. Thank you.”
“I’ll have one!” Destiny shouts like Frank is deaf and he winks at me before walking away to make one for her.
“Caro—”
That’s all the words able to leave Ethan’s mouth before we hear a female scream and a man saying, “What the fuck man?”
I know the voice though, and with a ‘watch my drink’ to Ethan, I make my way through the crowd. It’s pretty easy to shove my way through as people stop to gawk, and right as they all appear in my sight, Miranda glares at Benedict.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
Len is holding something to his face, blood drops on his shirt making it clear Benedict punched him dead square in the face. Miranda stands between them, although it looks at if Benedict retreated a little, and she glares as her focus shifts to me when she realizes I’m nearby.
“Oh,” she says with a slightly hysterical laugh. “I get it. Turns out shutting your mouth isn’t your strong suit is it?”
“Lay off, Miranda and go to my office,” Benedict says as the music shuts off and people continue staring. “This isn’t the place for private conversation, as you two should’ve realized last week.”
“You started it by punching him in the face.”
“Go, Miranda. You and him.
Now.
” He looks up at the DJ. “Turn the music back on. Sorry folks.”
Benedict reaches me first, but it doesn’t prevent Miranda and Len from glaring at me as they walk by us on their way to the office.
We follow them, and seeing Benedict flex his hand, I ask, “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. Can’t say the same about his face.”
I bite back a laugh at that. “Was it necessary to punch him the moment you could get close enough?”
“No, but it felt great.”
As they reach the door and walk inside, I stop. “I don’t need to be in there with you, Benedict. They sure as hell don’t want me in there.”
“Personally, I don’t give a shit what they want, but if it makes you uncomfortable then stay out here. However, I need someone in there with me as a witness.”
“To what? Murder?”
With a chuckle and shake of his head, his lips meet mine in a sweet kiss before he steps back. “If you don’t want to go, how about Ethan? Destiny is Len’s sister and Frank is loyal to me, so they’re both out for those reasons. Have to protect myself.”