How to Twist a Dragon's Tale (Hiccup) (11 page)

great ebony wings, rode the tall, sinister figure of a Man.

The Man had one arm that ended in a copper-red hook, and this hook was heaving on the metal reins as he fought to gain control of the enraged, rearing Creature. With the other arm he lashed at the Exterminator's sides with a great black whip until the dragon brought down its great front legs, and bowed down in snarling, pacing, barely controlled submission.

Fishlegs, Camicazi, and Hiccup took a few steps backward, Camicazi holding on very tightly to the Fire-Stone. The Man in Black pushed up the visor on his Fire-Suit.

The face below it was the same face they had seen on those gigantic statues littered over the island. A completely hairless face with no eyebrows, eyelashes, or moustache. An unpleasant, glittering smile with too many teeth in it.

One eye piercing, as mean as a snakebite. The other eye gone and covered by an eye patch.

One arm long, with a golden dragon bracelet writhing all around it.

The other arm short, ending in a hook like a copper-red question mark.

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"Good day, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third," drawled Alvin the Treacherous, quietly pushing his whip back into his waistband, unscrewing his hook and replacing it with his sword, the Stormblade. "How absolutely
delightful
to bump into you again. And where might YOU three young scallywags be heading this lovely sunny Sunday afternoon?"

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13. MEANWHILE, BACK ON BERK

Meanwhile, back on Berk, at exactly the same moment that Alvin unscrewed his hook, a very gloomy Stoick had been standing with his Warriors around him, watching the crush of the deserting crowds at Hooligan Harbor.

His rather unpleasant nephew, Snotlout, came sidling up to him, an ingratiating smirk on his ugly mug.

"Humungous and Hiccup have already run away," he sneered. 'And they've taken
The Peregrine Falcon."

"THE PEREGRINE FALCON?"
roared Stoick the Vast. "They've burgled my
Peregrine Falcon?"

This was adding insult to injury.

Stoick the Vast loved his
Peregrine Falcon.
It was a beautiful blue and black narrowboat, the fastest in the Archipelago. Not only had that beastly thinks-he's-so-cool Humungous led his son astray with this cowardly Running-Away business, he'd had the cheek to do it in Stoick's favorite boat!

"Yup," said Snotlout, gleefully fanning the flames of Stoick's wrath. "I saw them only half an hour ago, sailing out of here to the west, as cool as you please."

Stoick opened his mouth to explode.

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And then he shut it again.

"To the west?" he said, baffled. "Are you sure they were sailing to the
west?"

He didn't wait for an answer. He swiveled around to the left, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand.

There, disappearing over the western horizon, he could just see the curved white sail of
The Peregrine Falcon.
He would recognize that sail anywhere.

"Everybody else is deserting to the SOUTH!" bellowed Stoick. "To the west is Lava-Lout Island, the Volcano and all those Extermi-whosits! What is my son doing deserting to the WEST?"

Stoick was not the brightest Barbarian in the business, but even
he
could see that this was a major mistake on the part of his son.

Gobber gave a little cough at Stoick's elbow. "Um ... I'm not sure he
is
deserting, Chief. Didn't you hear him say back there in The Thing that he was going to take the Fire-Stone back to the Volcano to stop it from exploding?"

There was a short pause.

"Did he?" said Stoick eagerly.

Stoick didn't know what to think.

On the one hand he was over the moon that his son wasn't deserting after all, and was NOT a

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traitor to his Tribe, or a disgrace to the noble name of Haddock.

On the other hand, this was
insanity.

Throwing the Fire-Stone back? Risking the Volcano exploding, the Exterminators hatching ...

It was ridiculous, mad, suicidal...

... why, it was straight-down-the-line HOOLIGAN HERO behavior!

"WELL, WHAT ARE WE ALL DOING HERE TWIDDLING OUR THUMBS FOR, THEN?" roared Stoick. "WE SHOULD BE
HELPING
THE LAD! LAUNCH
THE BLUE WHALE!
GET OUT MY

BATTLE-AXE! (Thank you, Snotlout, for bringing this to my attention.) DOWN TO THE HARBOR, ONE TWO ONE TWO ONE TWO!"

Curses,
thought Snotlout.
Why did I open my big mouth?

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14. IS IT
ALWAYS NICE
TO BUMP INTO AN OLD AQUAINTANCE?

Hiccup would have been delighted to know that his father and the Hooligan Tribe were sailing to his assistance.

But they were still an hour or so's sail away, and in the meantime, Hiccup had more immediate problems.

Without even thinking, all three Vikings drew their swords as well.

Before doing this, Camicazi quietly removed her hairy waistcoat from around her shoulders, and carefully nestled the Fire-Stone inside it. (Alvin was performing the final twist on his sword, so he didn't notice her doing this, which is important, as we shall see.)

So near, and yet so far.

Fishlegs fumbled with his scabbard, in his haste to draw his sword, and the entire contents of his Running-Away Suitcase spilled all over the mountainside.

'Alvin the Treacherous!" blurted out Camicazi. "How on earth did you escape from all those Sharkworms?"*

*To find out about Alvin and the Sharkworms, please read
How to Speak Dragonese.
Another excellent book.

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"So kind of you to ask, my dear young lady," murmured Alvin the Treacherous, picking at his teeth with the end of his hook, for all the world as if he were relaxing in an easy chair, rather than sitting on the back of an Exterminator, on top of a Volcano that was about to explode. "So kind of you to ask. After you had torn down my precious Fort Sinister and thrown me to the Sharkworms, most people would assume that I would
indeed
be dead."

Alvin's one eye was now cold and furious.

"We didn't
throw
you to the Sharkworms!" protested Fishlegs. "You
fell,
in the middle of trying to kill us!"

Alvin ignored him. "But you should know that a Treacherous is hard to kill, my dears, very hard to kill. The Sharkworms were hungry but I was hungrier. The first Sharkworm took my eye" -- Alvin pointed savagely at his eye-patch -- "but it regretted it," said Alvin with grim satisfaction. "I killed it as it ate, from a single blow of the Stormblade, and then I crawled inside its open mouth, and hid within the floating corpse while the feeding frenzy continued."

"Oh, yuck," groaned Fishlegs, pulling a face.

"Indeed," bit Alvin, "but one finds one is not so picky when one's life is on the line. Six long hours the

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frenzy continued, before the Sharkworms started to drift away, along the Summer Current. And then, my hook curled around the floating Sharkworm's backbone, I struck out for the shore. It took me a long time, for we had drifted far," said Alvin bitterly, "and weak and eyeless as I was. And then when I
finally
managed to get within swimming distance of the land, and let go of the dead Creature that had hidden me and supported me that whole way, it took one final act of revenge. Even though it was long since dead, its jaws snapped forward in a reflex action, and took off one of my kicking, swimming legs from just below the knee."

"Oh, dear," murmured Hiccup, sympathetic, even though it was Alvin.

"Quite so," said Alvin. "All of the Romans had left by the time I got back to the Island. So I spent that long, cold winter hiding in the ruins of Fort Sinister, nursing myself back to health, practicing my sword-fighting, and dreaming of REVENGE."

[Image: Men and a woman.]

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"Oh
dear,"
said Hiccup again.

"Quite so," said Alvin again. "I have my revenge on the SHARK WORM. I have carved my fake leg out of the tooth with which it bit me. But I do not have my revenge on YOU, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third. You owe me a hand, a leg, an eye, and a full head of hair, and I intend you to pay."

"But it is not strictly my fault that you lost all these things!" protested Hiccup. "You brought them on yourself! And speaking of owing people things, what about YOUR treatment of poor Humungously Hotshot? You took his ruby heart's stone, and left him to rot in the terrible Gold Mines of this island. You let him think that his Love did not love him, and had married someone else knowing that he was still alive, and in slavery. What had Humungous done to
you
for you to hate him so badly?"

"I can hate without reason," spat Alvin the Treacherous. "And what about his treatment of ME? He promised me that he would kill you. That would have been such a lovely artistic twist of Fate, to kill his Love's only son. I would have enjoyed that so much.

"And I worked so hard for it, pouring poisonous lies about you into his foolish trusting ears, stoking

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up his ANGER and his bitterness, his desire for revenge ... I never expected a Hero like him would break a solemn promise like that one, especially to ME, whom he owed so much. My goodness" -- Alvin sounded virtuously indignant -- "you can't trust anybody these days!"

Alvin sighed. "But I suppose if he failed me in killing YOU, Hiccup, he has also failed me in the second part of his mission."

"What was the second part of his mission?" asked Hiccup in surprise.

Alvin's hairless eyebrows lifted. "Didn't he tell you?" purred Alvin. "I wonder why not? He was supposed to bring the FIRE-STONE to me, here, at the Volcano."

Camicazi, Hiccup, and Fishlegs all gasped and took a step backward, horribly aware that the Fire-Stone was lying only a few feet behind them, curled up in Camicazi's waistcoat.

"The Fire-Stone?" stammered Hiccup, playing for time. "What's the Fire-Stone?"

"You know perfectly well what the Fire-Stone is, Hiccup," sneered Alvin. "The Fire-Stone has many powerful secrets, but one of its many riddles is that the Exterminators are terrified of it. So he who holds the

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Fire-Stone controls the Exterminators ... and therefore the Archipelago. I wonder why Humungous didn't tell you he was supposed to bring it to me."

Alvin looked with narrowed eyes at the three young Vikings, all trying to look unconcerned.

And then Alvin smiled, as something occurred to him, a silky serpentine smile, revealing far too many teeth. "Perhaps it is because
you were bringing it to me anyway!"

Alvin started to laugh, throwing his head back in a singularly unpleasant gloating roar. "Oh, this is
TOO GOOD
!"

He wiped his streaming eyes.

"You're a clever boy, aren't you, Hiccup? Perhaps you worked out another of the Fire-Stone's riddles... that it can stop the Volcano from exploding. So you have come here, three terrifying Viking Heroes, none of you taller than my armpit, bringing the Fire-Stone with you, hoping, praying,
longing
to prevent disaster at the last minute! How swe-e-e-et..." Alvin sneered.

He moved a little closer to the three Vikings, like a malevolent spider, swishing his Stormblade and tuttutting insincerely.

"And you were so close," he commiserated,

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[Image: A man.]

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"s-o-o-o-oo close to success! So near ... and yet so far. What a
shame.
I do so hate to disappoint the little children in their charming little dreams." He sighed. "But I'm afraid it can't be helped. It's my job." A hint of steel crept into his voice.
"Hand over the Fire-Stone, Hiccup. "

"I don't
have
the Fire-Stone," said Hiccup stoutly.

"Really?" asked Alvin in disbelief.

Toothless had crept out from under Hiccup's helmet and was listening with interest. "Oh y-y-yes you do!" he stammered. "It's right over --"

Hiccup hurriedly clapped a hand over his mouth. Alvin chuckled, for he understood enough Dragonese to know what Toothless had just said.

"You're a clever boy, Hiccup," he said, "but you really should have learned by now to work alone, like me. Then you wouldn't be let down by all the idiotically stupid creatures and people around you ...
HAND OYER THE FIRE-STONE BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER!"