How to speak Dragonese (3 page)

40

It was a far, far larger boat than Hiccup was expecting. Surely Peaceable fishing boats didn't normally have three layers of oars? And the sound the dragons were making was also unusual.

"Those dragons aren't hungry, they're
angry,"
said Hiccup slowly.

"Who cares?" shrieked Fishlegs, grabbing a grappling hook that was on a rope attached to the prow of
The Hopeful Puffin.
He threw it so that it caught perfectly over the rim of the larger boat and held.

Fishlegs was not a great athlete. He had tried this countless times in Boarding-an-Enemy-Ship Lessons and had never managed to throw it successfully before.

In fact, several times he had nearly knocked himself out in the process. Which just goes to show, it's amazing what a person can do when he feels he is in deadly mortal danger.

"Hang on a second, Fishlegs!" warned Hiccup. "We have to keep our heads here! We haven't definitely
seen
a Sharkworm yet, have we? And those dragons are screaming the most awful things in Dragonese..."

41

VIKING DRAGONS AND THEIR EGGS

The SHARKWORM

One of the
scariest predators
in the ocean. You
are not safe either
in the water
or
out, for the Sharkworm
has
thick,
muscly alligator legs that allow
it to Climb on board ship to kill.

STATISTICS

COLORS: Black, green, gray. ARMED WITH: Serrated
fangs, claws,
etc... 9

RADAR: Absolutely......8

POISON: None......0

HUNTING ABILITY: Unbelievable on sea and land... 10

SPEED: Astonishingly
quick
.....10

FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR: Don't get in the water.... 10

[Image: Wings
fold
into body cavity when swimming]

42

But Fishlegs was in too much of a twitter of terror to listen to Hiccup.

"Have you forgotten? We're supposed to be boarding a Peaceable fishing boat right now!" he scolded. "Remember Boarding-an-Enemy-Ship lessons? Remember Gobber? Big chap, bad breath, muscles like Bashyballs? He's going to KILL us if we don't come back with a Peaceable helmet, right? Although, of course, it's a fascinating question whether or not that was a deadly man-eating Sharkworm or just a trick of the eyes, I really don't feel like staying here and discussing it somehow ..."

Fishlegs started climbing the rope.

Again, Fishlegs was normally hopeless at rope-climbing. But this time he was up that rope as quick as a Shortwing Squirrel serpent scrambling up a tree.

Hiccup hopped nervously from one foot to another, listening to the furiously angry dragons shrieking from the enormous ship towering above him.

He couldn't let Fishlegs board the ship alone.

Hiccup said a quick prayer to Woden, put his hands upon the rope and began to squirm up after his friend.

"Here goes ..." muttered Fishlegs, as he reached

43

the top of the rope and prepared to climb over the edge and into the boat. He pulled out his sword with one trembling hand. "Remember, they're
only
fishermen, they're scared silly by Hooligans," he reminded himself. "What was it Gobber said to say when we went over the top? Oh I know, that stupid Hooligan War Cry -- YAAAAH!"

"Wait!"
whispered Hiccup, frantically scrambling up behind him.
"Don't do anything rash!"

But it was too late.

Hiccup reached the top and Fishlegs threw himself over the side, screaming "Y-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!" at the top of his voice. Gobber really would have been proud of him.

Fishlegs landed on the deck, swinging his sword around his head in his most menacing and barbaric fashion, expecting to be faced by two or three terrified Peaceable fishermen.

Instead of which, three hundred and fifty of Rome's finest soldiers, heavily armed with the latest in modern weaponry, swiveled round to look at him.

"Oh
brother
..." whispered Hiccup to himself, still swinging from the rope and peering over the rim of the boat. "So much for this being our lucky day ..."

31

44

3. OUT OF THE COOKING POT AND INTO THE BARBECUE

"Uh-oh ..." said Fishlegs.

This was most definitely NOT a Peaceable fishing boat.

It was, in fact, a sizable Roman ship, seventy meters long from stern to prow. The sails were pure white, and high above, when Hiccup craned his neck, he could see the Roman flag of the Imperial Eagle flapping cheerily in the wind. The boat was crammed with what looked like an entire
legion
of Roman soldiers, who were now looking at Fishlegs with astonishment and fury.

There was a gigantic iron cage set near the mast of the boat.

An enormous number and variety of dragon species were being held prisoner behind the bars of this cage. Deadly Nadders, Flying 'Gators, Big Spotted Gormlesses, Yellow Vampires, Common or Gardens -- you name it, they were all there, trapped together in a furious tangle of talons and wings and fangs, ready

45

to be sent back to the restaurants and shoemakers in Rome.

"Oh, for Thor's sake," whispered Hiccup.
"Roman Dragon rustlers.
I do not believe this ..."

'Ah ..." said Fishlegs with a nervous smile, backing toward the edge of the boat, "I seem to have made some sort of
mistake.
This is the wrong boat, you see ..." He tried to laugh in an airy fashion. "So sorry to disturb ... Carry on with what you were doing, why don't you ..."

The nearest soldier, who was a six-feet-five centurion with legs like tree trunks, drew his sword with a nasty flourish.

"And where do you think you're going?" he asked Fishlegs in Latin.* He put out a big hand to grab Fishlegs, and Fishlegs ducked under his arm in the nick of time.

"GET HIM!" yelled the big centurion, and six or seven more soldiers made a leap toward Fishlegs.

* Latin was the language spoken by the Ancient Romans. Most Vikings did not understand this language, but Hiccup had been secretly taught a little Latin by his grandfather, Old Wrinkly. "Might come in useful," Old Wrinkly had said. (As indeed it did, on occasions too numerous to mention.)

46

Now, if Hiccup had been a traditional Hooligan Hero, he would have drawn his sword, Endeavor, and launched himself over the side to the aid of his friend, shouting the Hooligan War Cry at the top of his voice.

[Image: Pirates.]

But then if Hiccup had been a traditional Hooligan Hero, he would have been dead as a kipper

47

several books ago. A
noble
kipper, perhaps, a gloriously
brave
kipper; but, nonetheless, a very, very dead kipper.

Instead, Hiccup sneaked over the edge of the boat as quietly as he could. As soft as a ghost, he hid behind a couple of jars of olive oil beside a bit of the deck that was covered by a large tent.

In the meantime, Fishlegs was being chased by the Roman soldiers. The chase didn't last long. Fishlegs ducked and dodged as best he could but finally ran into the stomach of a gigantic centurion, who picked him clear off the ground.

"Look who we have here ..." bellowed the centurion, as Fishlegs kicked his legs like a stranded beetle. "A scary little Viking trying to attack us all on his own ..."

"Har har har!" The other three hundred and forty-nine soldiers thought this was very funny.

"This is all a big mistake," wailed Fishlegs, scratching himself violently as his eczema started coming out with the anxiety of the moment. "Please let me go ..."

"Let's take you to the Boss, little barbarian, " said the centurion. He carried Fishlegs over to the tent where Hiccup was hiding.

48

Hiccup peered out from behind his jar. Gently he drew back the curtain so he could see what was happening.

Bright red in the face and trembling and itching, Fishlegs was brought before two richly dressed men reclining under the tent just a meter away from where Hiccup was crouching.

One of these men was very, very fat. So fat that parts of his stomach were dripping over the edge of his couch and were being held up by a small slave. The other man was thin and wearing a fancy helmet with a gigantic plume and a face guard that covered his eyes.

[Image: The fat consul.]

49

The Fat Roman was eating nanodragons in honey from a plate on a low table in front of him. Nanodragons were a tiny species of dragon as numerous as insects. They were about the size of locusts. The poor creatures were still alive and were wriggling but unable to escape from the honey that gummed up their wings. Hiccup could hear their pathetic cries for help as the fat fingers picked them up and gobbled them down.

[Image: The thin prefect.]

The Fat Roman was difficult to understand because he was talking with his mouth full.

"By Jupiter, Prefect," drawled the Fat Roman through a big helping of nanodragon. "I do believe we

50

have been attacked by a teeny-weeny little barbarian..."

"So we have, Consul," replied the Thin Prefect. "I recognize this one. He is a member of one of the local Tribes I was telling you about. I'm worried that these Tribes might object to OUR FIENDISHLY CLEVER PLAN."

"Oh yes, remind me what is our Fiendishly Clever Plan again?" asked the Fat Consul.

"One, disguise ourselves cunningly as Hooligans and kidnap the heir to the Brutish Bog-Burglars..."

"Marvelous," spluttered the Fat Consul.

"Two," said the Thin Prefect evilly, "disguise ourselves cunningly as Bog-Burglars and kidnap the heir to the Hairy Hooligans ..."

"You're a genius," gurgled the Fat Consul.

"Three, the Bog-Burglars and the Hooligans are so busy fighting each other, they do not notice us STEALING EVERY SINGLE DRAGON IN THE INNER ISLES!"

"Bravo!" shouted the Fat Consul.

Hiccup would have loved to hang around and discover more about the plan. But he had important

51

The Romans Fiendishly Clever Plan

I The Romans disguise themselves cunningly as HOOLIGANS and kidnap the Heir to the BRUTISH BOG-BURGLARS...

II The Romans disguise themselves cunningly as BOG-BURGLARS and kidnap the Heir to the HAIRY HOOLIGANS...

III The BOG-BURGLARS and the HOOLIGANS are so busy fighting EACH OTHER they do not notice the Romans...stealing EVERY SINGLE DRAGON IN THE WHOLE OF THE INNER ISLBS!!!

Her her her her her (evil laughter)

52

work to do. He had to get Fishlegs and himself off this ship alive.

Luckily, although everyday life as a Viking was a big struggle for Hiccup, he always came into his own in a crisis. And this sure was a crisis.

Hiccup quickly summed up the problem. On the other side: three hundred and fifty of Imperial Rome's finest soldiers armed with javelins, swords, spears, arrows, entrenching tools, etc., etc., etc. On his side: two scrawny Vikings and two small dragons, one on strike and one in a coma.

Yup, it was a crisis.

Hiccup's eye was caught by a tiny Electric-squirm clinging to the edge of the curtain. He looked from the Electricsquirm back to the cage of dragons. All that talk about distracting had given him an idea.

Perhaps
he
could use the Electricsquirm to distract the Romans' attention so that he could tiptoe up and open that cage of dragons. The dragons would rush out and attack everybody, and in the confusion, Hiccup could rescue Fishlegs...

Hiccup got out his handkerchief, wrapped it

53

VIKING DRAGONS AND THEIR EGGS

The ELECTRICSQUIRM

This nanodragon is not aggressive, but it
gives a truly
terrible (although
not fatal)
electric shock when touched. Like their close cousins
the Glow-worms,
these creatures can he used as a source of light
if no flame
or candle is available.

STATISTICS

COLORS: Transparent SIZE: Very small

POISON: None.....0

RADAR: None........0

ARMED WITH: Electricity.........8

DEFENSE: Electricity.......8

SPEED: Quite nippy.....5

FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR: Harmless
if picked up by tail.... 5

[Image: Horny tail does not conduct electricity.]