How to Seduce a Fireman: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance (14 page)

“It should never have happened, Milt. I should never have told her all I did.”

Jace stood, jerked his hand from Wendy Anne’s firm grasp, and advanced on Quinn. “It took us over two years of counseling and constant reinforcement to get our baby sister beyond her self-destructive behavior, and in a couple of days you’ve got her cutting again.”

Stars exploded when Jace’s fist made contact with Quinn’s eye. He’d been expecting it from Wolf, the protective older brother, but not from jovial, gentle Jace. The power of the impact forced Quinn back a couple of steps. Cassie’s family crowded around in one collective gasp of support, and he doubted any of it was for him. Milt’s support backed against the wall along with his bloody shirt, his hand over his bony chest and his eyes wide.

“I had that coming.” Quinn straightened. “And more. I’ll grant you another shot before I start standing my ground. Because you have to believe me when I say I want to rip something apart so badly right now, I can barely see straight. We’ve been friends. Good friends. I’d rather it not be you I tear into.”

Jace landed another blow, this time to Quinn’s stomach.

“That’s two.” The hit barely hurt his hardened abs.

Jace shook his fist as if to relieve the sting. “Well, damn if you don’t take the fun out of revenge. You’re supposed to fight back.”

“No way in hell! I’m not staying!”

Everyone’s heads swiveled in the direction of the cubicle from where Cassie’s shrieking emanated.

A female’s response was too low to completely distinguish, although Quinn caught a couple of terms like “overnight observation” and “possible treatment”.

Quinn made a few steps toward Cassie’s cubicle when Becca’s hand touched his arm. “Not yet. Not until they get her under control.”

His gaze swept to her cool hand resting on his forearm and then to the concern in her eyes. “Don’t try to stop me. I’m the only one who can help her.”

“Look, it was just a temporary relapse.” Cassie’s voice stopped Quinn in his tracks. “Like…like an alcoholic tossing back a shot after learning someone he loved had just died. I am not going to cut myself again. And I, for damn sure, am not spending a couple of nights in the psychiatric ward. Wolf, either you take me home or I’m calling one of my sisters.”

April and Jenna groaned and shook their heads. Their arms were wrapped around each other’s waists, their expressions mirror images of each other.

“She needs
me
.” Why was it so hard for everyone to understand? “I’ll talk to her. Apologize.”

“Apologize?” April scoffed. “Wolf said you’d upset her to the point of cutting again. No. Let family deal with this like we’ve always done.”

“Megan gets off her nursing shift in four hours. Let her handle Cassie’s temper.” Jenna fiddled with her rows of bangle bracelets. “Remember what it was like dealing with her before when she was cutting?” She covered both eyes with her hands and sobbed. “I…I can’t bear seeing her go through this again.”

April enveloped her sister in her arms while giving Quinn the evil eye.

“That little girl’s got herself worked into a state. That’s for sure.” Milt scratched his neck and tweaked a bit of gas.

There had been fear in Cassie’s voice, and Quinn’s urge to go to her was greater than he expected. She was his. His to protect.

His demeanor must have telegraphed his thoughts because Jace waved his index finger under Quinn’s nose. “Don’t even think about it, Gallagher. The last person she needs to see right now is you.”

Something in him clicked. It clicked so soundly it felt right, damned right. Maybe it was the sound of distress in her voice, or his hunger to be needed by her, or his rebellious nature resenting what anyone said he could and couldn’t do. But, in that instant, surrounded by the antiseptic smells of the hospital, the squeaking of crepe soles and the almost constant squawking of some doctor’s name over the intercom, he knew he’d crawl through hell and back for this woman. He had to tell her how much he cared for her, that Renata’s shallow, exotic beauty was nothing compared to the complex mixture of sass and sweetness that lined the preciousness of Cassie Wolford’s soul.

He switched his attentions to Becca. “I said some shit to her I never meant for her to hear. Things from my past. Cassie kept telling me we needed to learn to trust each other with everything and so I communicated with her in a bungling, foolish way.”

She pursed her lips and blinked a couple times. “You finally opened up and told her about the woman who hurt you so badly?”

He removed his ball cap, twisted it in his hands and then slapped it once against his thigh before resettling it on his head. “Yeah,” he glanced toward the curtained space that held the woman he loved.

“It had been so many years since I’d talked about it, my words were clumsy, and I hurt Cassie like hell in the bargain. I need to make things right. I need to tell her how much more important she is to me than that other woman ever was.”

Becca removed the plastic top from a coffee container and blew on its contents. “Wolf will pound the heck out of you, you know. He’s very protective of his sisters.”

Quinn exhaled a harsh bark of laughter. “Hell, won’t be anything I don’t deserve. I just need to do whatever I can to stop Cassie from hurting so much. A few days ago I decided to leave Clearwater to keep from screwing up her life. Now I’m not sure if I can leave until I know she’s over this depression I put her in.” He glanced at Becca. “Until I’m sure she’s safe.”

April, the most outgoing of the twins, got right in his face. “You think your leaving for good won’t put her into a deeper depression? You’re the only man she’s talked about in, like, forever. She sees you as some Greek god or something. When we went shopping for my wedding gown, she picked one out for herself. One she thought you’d like.”

“Please, tell me she didn’t buy it.” Marriage to him would be disastrous with his baggage and ghosts.

April lifted a shoulder and huffed her annoyance. “She put it on layaway.”

“Veil, too,” Jenna chimed in.

“I’m telling you, I’m not staying and you can’t make me!” Everyone’s head whipped around at Cassie’s threat. The green curtain shook as if she were climbing the fabric walls.

“Cassie, I’ll get a court order and admit you myself.” Wolf returned his own warning.

Like hell! No one makes her do what she doesn’t want.

“I’ll never forgive you if…” A sob rose above the rings of the curtain and tumbled over the connecting rod. Her words choked, ripping Quinn’s heart in two.

He stormed in the direction of the examining area, hell-bent on doing something,
anything
, to protect her, even if it meant putting his private emotions out there. When he yanked back the curtain, three pairs of eyes pivoted in his direction.

A familiar pair of brown orbs darkened and narrowed. Wolf practically shoved the older woman in the white coat out of his way to get to Quinn. “I will fucking kill you for what you did to her!”

“Ten minutes, buddy, and I’m all yours. That’s a promise. Jace already took a couple shots. Looks like you’ll have to be happy with what’s left.”

Quinn’s gaze settled on Cassie, who had her bandaged arms over her eyes, as if by doing so she could pretend he wasn’t there. Seeing her like this erased all the pain, the agonizing pain of finding his men dead in Chile. At this definitive moment, one thing became flawlessly clear—the depth of his love for Cassie Wolford. The urge to scoop her into his arms and cradle her to him, to take on her agony, was so powerful, he wasn’t so sure he could keep his hands off her.

“Take a good look at her, Gallagher. This is all your handiwork.” Wolf pointed to his sister.

The two men glared at each other. Quinn could see love and fear mirrored in Wolf’s eyes. How could he blame Wolf for caring about the woman Quinn adored? He could understand her brother’s snarling. Damn if he didn’t want to snarl and tear apart every piece of equipment in the narrow cubicle, himself.

“Ten minutes, Wolf.”

Protective brother stepped between Quinn and Cassie. “No way in hell.”

Quinn shoved Wolf aside and placed his hands on Cassie’s thighs. “Baby, give me ten minutes to explain why I had no clue what I was doing.” He gently stroked her legs. “Once I started talking about the past, all the ugly poison of it came flowing out. Honest to God, Cassie, I don’t even remember all of what I said.”

She shook her head and her shoulders trembled from crying. The urge to embrace her was so pronounced he could barely inhale his next breath. He had to ease the agony of what he’d done to her, the frailty of what she’d become. “Angel?”

“No. Not your angel anymore.” She kept her hands over her eyes, refusing to look at him.

Oh, but she was his angel and would be until he took his last breath. Even if she moved on to another man, which she might well do after the way he’d bungled things today. His awkward words must have hurt her deeply to put her here—cut, bandaged, sobbing from the depths of her wounded soul. His hand reached to touch her hair.

Wolf got between them. “Not on your freakin’ life, pal. Can’t you see how delicate she is right now?”

Quinn could see it. Hell, his heart could comprehend it. He looked at the middle-aged therapist. Maybe there was another way. He stepped back and directed his plea to the doctor. “Would you listen, please, and help us through this? Cassie trusts you. If you’ve earned her respect, then you have mine too.”

The woman’s grey eyebrows rose for a second, and she edged next to Cassie, wrapping her arm around her patient’s shoulders. “Can you handle this? Do you want me to do some joint counseling here…today? Or would you rather I made him leave? You’re in charge here.”

“I’m not talking to him. Let him talk. Let him tell you how much he still loves a dead woman. How he loves her more than…more than…”

He had to reach her somehow. “Cassie, if you don’t listen to what I have to say, won’t you always wonder?” His voice was low and, he hoped, calming. “Give yourself the gift of knowledge before you order me to walk out of this cubicle.”

“I hate how you always make sense.” She turned her back and reached for the box of tissues on the bedside table. “Wolf, you’ll have to leave.”

“Are you kidding me?” Her brother’s hands fisted at his hips and his scowl skewered Quinn to the spot. The man cared deeply for his family. No one could fault him for that.

“Couple’s counseling is best done in private, Mr. Wolford.” The doctor pulled back the curtain as a sign for him to leave.

Always one to deliver the last word, Wolf pointed at Quinn. “Ten minutes and your ass is mine.”

“Twenty minutes.” The psychologist made it a point to look at her watch and note the time on her chart. Wolf stormed around the edges of the curtain and she thrust out her hand, a charm bracelet jangling with her movement. “I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced. I’m Dr. Paxwell.”

Quinn shook her hand and noted its warmth. “Pleasure meeting you, ma’am, if you’re the person who helped Cassie in the past, you have my eternal gratitude. I’m Quinn Gallagher.”

“I’ve heard your name mentioned a time or two today. I will demand you leave your macho attitude outside this curtain.” She pointed her pen over her shoulder.

“Anything for Cassie. Just so you realize, sharing with you won’t be easy, but I’ll do anything to help the woman I love.”

Cassie gave her typical smart-ass “huh” and he fought the smile it always brought.

Dr. Paxwell nodded once. “I appreciate that, Mr. Gallagher.”

“It took me a long time to build up enough trust with Cassie to tell her what happened in Chile, so—” He took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. “No doubt I’ll bungle it up with you the same as I did with her. She was the first person I told in four years and…shit…” He socked his hat back on, pulling it low over his eyes. “I said everything wrong. Look at what I did to her.” He stepped closer, needing to touch her. Without thinking, he fingered her long hair. “I adore everything about this woman, even the fiery part of her personality that drives me crazy insane at times.” He smiled at Dr. Paxwell. “If she only knew how her rants make me laugh deep down inside where no one else can reach.”

Cassie sobbed, covering her eyes with tissues, still refusing to look at him.

“Take your time, Mr. Gallagher. Cassie, any time this gets to be too much for you, you have the power to stop it. Do you both understand this rule? Cassie’s feelings must come first. Her relapse, however temporary, is of great concern to me. It was so unexpected. She was doing so well.”

“I’m to blame for her setback.” Hell, he was always to blame for whatever went wrong.

“I don’t want him to…to…see me like…this.”

Her sobbing was killing him, unmanning him. “Angel, I’ll turn my back.” He shifted and leaned against the foot of the gurney. “I won’t look at you. I promise. Will that be okay with you, baby?”

The sheets rustled behind him. “I suppose.”

“I don’t know how to start this, except at the beginning.” He sighed and gathered his thoughts, jamming his fingertips into the front pockets of his jeans. “Four years ago I was on a clandestine mission for the government.”

“Covert ops?” Dr. Paxwell’s grey eyebrows furrowed.

He nodded. “Yes, in Chile, hunting drug traffickers. I headed a team of four Americans and two Chileans. One of the natives was a woman. Beautiful. Willing. Charming. I wasn’t experienced in long-term relationships. I’d always been more of a one-night stand kind of guy and, for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to get emotionally involved. What I didn’t know was she was working for the cartel I was investigating, and, because of her, I lost three of my American team and the other Chilean. The fourth man on my team was badly hurt.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” The concern in the doctor’s hazel eyes was genuine. “You must carry a great deal of guilt.”

He nodded. “You have no idea. It’s changed my whole life.”

“Guilt often does.”

“When Renata, she’s the woman I was fu…ah…seeing, confessed she was working for the cartel and had given them information that caused my men to die, I was so enraged, I shot her between the eyes.” He glanced at the psychologist, who stared at him, her expression unreadable. “I resigned from the agency and started a new life, here, in Florida. Tried my best to keep to myself, but the guys at the station were the best. Friendly. Outgoing. And then there was Cassie.”

“How do you feel about Cassie?”

“I’ve never shared this with anyone.” He crossed his arms and glanced at his crossed feet. Several seconds passed as he gathered courage. “But right now, seeing her like this, I’d tell you every secret I have. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her at her eighteenth birthday party.”

There was a gasp behind him. He wanted to turn to make sure Cassie was okay, but he’d promised he wouldn’t look at her. He gaged the doctor’s reaction to make sure all was well with his angel before he continued.

“I knew she was too young for me. She’s still too young. There’s a seven year difference in our ages. So we hung out as friends.”

“We dated without the sex. That’s what Ryder said.”

The therapist glanced at Cassie. “And who is Ryder?”

“A friend who runs a health bar. He makes the best fruit smoothies. Quinn and I stop in once or twice a week.”

“I see. Do you and Quinn do other things together?”

Cassie blew her nose again. “We jog a couple days a week. Scuba-dive. Go to movies.”

“The two of you alone or do you do these things in a group?” The doctor scratched her grey hair with the blunt end of her pen.

“Usually we go alone. Sometimes her family has picnics or holiday meals, and I’m always invited.” It was the only time he felt part of a real family, with all the noise and teasing and caring.

“Do you enjoy family functions, Quinn?”

He nodded. “As long as Cassie’s around, I enjoy most anything. Hell, she’s even gotten me to go to a few church bazaars and yard sales.”

“And you’ve dragged me along to a few Buccaneers football games.”

Quinn chuckled. “Come on, you love the tailgating parties.”

Her soft laughter alleviated the edge of tightness in his muscles. “Yeah, guess I do. All that yummy food you grill.”

“Cassie, how do you feel about him?”

“You’ll never believe this. I fell in love with Quinn at my eighteenth birthday party—the same night he says he fell in love with me.”

Dr. Paxwell tucked her pen behind her ear and then wrapped her arms around the chart she’d been making notes on, holding it to her chest. “So you two fell in love at first sight and have dated without the intimacy of sex for three years?” It did sound kind of incredulous the way she put it.

“I chased him and he treated me like I was his annoying little sister. The man wouldn’t even kiss me.”

“Why did you do that, Mr. Gallagher? Why hold her off, when you obviously care so much for her? To spend so much time with the same woman with no physical release isn’t healthy.”

He shrugged. “I’m bad news. Thanks to me, four men lost their lives, another was badly scarred and I shot a woman I cared about.” He exhaled a shuddering breath. “Even my own father disowned me. What did I have to offer someone sweet like Cassie?”

“Have you had counseling for PTSD?”

“Yeah, for a month.”

Dr.Paxwell made an annoyed sound in her throat. “That’s hardly enough to scratch the surface. Are you having nightmares? Flashbacks?”

He nodded. “Memory lapses.”

“So you kept all this hidden for nearly four years? What was the impetus for telling Cassie now?”

He stalled in responding. Would Cassie want her therapist to know they’d become intimate?

“We had sex. His attraction to me scares him so badly he’s resigned as a fireman and is leaving Clearwater. Leaving me. I gave him my virginity and he gave me the boot.”

“Dammit, Cassie. I tried telling you I’m damaged inside. What if I hurt you?”

The sheets rustled before her slap landed across the back of his head, knocking off his ball cap. She moved on her knees until they were eye to eye. “Hurt me? Hurt me! You self-centered, self-pitying, control freak.” The tears started flowing again.

He swept her into his arms and stood. She wrapped her bandaged arms around his neck, snuggled her head against his shoulder and sobbed. “Angel,” he whispered as he carried her to the other side of the small room, hoping they’d gain some semblance of privacy. “I hurt you, baby, and I’m so sorry.” He kissed her forehead. “I never meant to imply I loved Renata more than I love you.” He kissed her cheek. “I meant to show you what it did to me to shoot someone I cared about. I mean, hell, what kind of person does that?” He kissed her jaw. “My feelings for her were real, but not nearly as deep, as all-consuming, as they are for you.” His lips barely touched hers. “The way I felt about her wasn’t even close to how intensely I love you. You’re everything to me.
Everything.
” Then his lips covered hers, and he breathed in the sunshine from her soul.

****

Could she trust him? He pulled her closer to his chest as if he couldn’t bear to let her go. His muscles flexed to tighten his hold on her and his lips—dear Lord, his lips wrought some kind of sensual magic on her whole body.

Quinn finally pulled back from the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers. “I love you, angel.” He leaned her against the bed, shoved his hand into the back pocket of his jeans and removed something. “Open your hand.” When she did, he poured the gold chain onto her palm. “Put this back on and promise me you won’t ever take it off. Whether you’re able to sense it just yet, things between us have changed. I can’t fight how I feel for you anymore. My love for you has changed me.”

The angel with the diamond-encrusted wings stared back at her, almost forlorn in her solitude. “I don’t know.” She’d been in so much pain when she removed it.

She hadn’t wanted Quinn to see her like this, weakened to the point of cutting, something she hadn’t resorted to since the summer between her sophomore and junior years of high school. Her siblings had gathered around her that night, several years ago, and embraced her as they cried. Seeing Wolf, Jace, her three sisters and Jace’s wife, Wendy Anne, in tears was akin to electric shock treatment. She finally realized she wasn’t just hurting herself; she was punishing them all. Her love for her family became her healing focus.

Now, here she was again. Cutting and punishing those she loved because a man she adored had affections for someone else. She was here because she felt “less than” what he normally desired in a woman. This wasn’t one of her proudest moments.

“Put it on, sweetheart…for me.” He picked her up again, setting her properly on the bed, and tried to tug the chain from her grasp. “Hold your hair up so I can place the angel back where she belongs. And, once I’ve got my necklace back on you, I’m going to give you hell for scaring me like you did tonight. Don’t you ever resort to cutting yourself. Shit, I’d rather you chased me down with a razor blade and sliced me to shreds.”