How to Piss in Public

Authors: Gavin McInnes

BOOK: How to Piss in Public

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T
hough technically a memoir, this is more a compendium of hair-whitening bar stories that punch you in the throat until your eyes explode. Many people have watched their friends die and some have been to jail. There are those who have stepped in the ring with professional fighters and been beaten within an inch of their lives. Others have created media empires. Very few have done all this and embarrassed dozens of celebrities; enjoyed more than a couple of threesomes; brought the world “Warhol’s Children”; consistently attracted a million views with viral comedy videos; said, “Jesus is gay,” on national television; and made two American Indians from scratch.

There certainly isn’t anyone with this kind of life experience who can convey each tale in such a hilarious and endearing way. Whether he’s watching his friend get decapitated on acid or snorting cocaine off women’s breasts, McInnes only ever has one priority: maximum laughs. He’s not here to tell you how wise his father is or how hard it was to achieve his success. He’s here to make you laugh so hard, you puke. That’s it.

“You will not find a memoir like this anywhere. Usually when people are this insane, they can’t form coherent sentences, but Gavin brilliantly weaves his bizarre outlook on life in a way that makes it somehow feel relatable. I love this book.”

—JUSTIN HALPERN, author of
Sh*t My Dad Says

“I laughed so hard I got a headache.”

—JUSTIN THEROUX, author of
Tropic Thunder
and
Iron Man 2

“I loved this book, though it may have given my eyeballs gonorrhea.”

—SAMANTHA BEE, author of
I Know I Am, but What Are You?

“Wonderfully powerful, funny, and full of life, this book is amazing and a pleasure to explore. I cried while reading the 9/11 chapter.”

—ANDREW W.K., author of “Party Hard”

“An interesting, infuriating read. You will never love this book harder than it already loves you.”

—PATTON OSWALT, author of
Zombie Spaceship Wasteland

“My idea of heaven is standing at a bar (made of clouds) and telling the most hilarious story of all time as all my dead friends burst into paroxysms of laughter. This is no small beans. There’s nothing more human than storytelling. What do you think separates us from all those other, loser species? Genes? Wrong. It’s memes. While monkeys hysterically yell ‘oooh ooh ahh ah’ in vain and dolphins squeak out those irrelevant little eeks, we walk over to our fellow caveman and say, ‘Stay the hell away from saber-toothed tigers. I just saw them eat a guy.’ And then we tell him a story about it that makes him shit his fur shorts. Storytelling has kept us way ahead of the pack for at least the past forty thousand years, and in a world where there’s probably been more published in the past few months than in all previous months combined, we’ve only just begun.”

—GAVIN McINNES, author of this

“This book sucks.”

—TUCKER MAX, author of
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Described as “the godfather of hipsterdom” and “one of hipsterdom’s primary architects,”
GAVIN MCINNES
is more than just a rude lunatic who keeps getting beat up. He is an icon who personifies irreverence for an entire generation. He’s played in punk bands, done stand-up, and acted in movies and television, but he’s a writer by trade and cofounded
Vice
magazine in 1994 before growing it into a multimedia empire that still dominates youth culture today.

McInnes is the author of
The Vice Guide to Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll; DOs & DON’Ts; DOs & DON’Ts 2;
and
Street Boners,
which is based on his website StreetCarnage.com. He writes for television, creates funny commercials with his production company Rooster New York, and is a regular “wild card” on Fox News’s late-night show
Red Eye
. He lives in New York with his wife and two kids.

MEET THE AUTHORS, WATCH VIDEOS AND MORE AT
SimonandSchuster.com
• THE SOURCE FOR READING GROUPS •

JACKET PHOTOGRAPH BY ANNABEL MEHRAN
COPYRIGHT © 2012 SIMON & SCHUSTER

Also by Gavin McInnes

Street Boners: 1,764 Hipster Fashion Jokes
Dos and Don’ts: 10 Years of “Vice” Magazine’s Street Fashion Critiques
The “Vice” Guide to Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll

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First Scribner hardcover edition March 2012

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2011034596

ISBN 978-1-4516-1417-6
ISBN 978-1-4516-1419-0 (ebook)

All photographs courtesy of the author except where noted.

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