How to Outswim a Shark Without a Snorkel (3 page)

The scarlet skunk cleaner shrimp cleans other fish of dead skin and parasites. Some fish even let it clean the inside of their mouths without harming it.

—Animal Wisdom

“Turn around! I can't see your butt!”

“I don't like it!” I ducked away from my computer screen with my hands over my backside. “The fabric sticks out funny, and it makes my butt look big!”

“You don't
have
a butt, so how is that even possible?!” Liv glared into the webcam and spun her finger in the air. Her voice sounded tinny and faraway, but her eyes were bright. “
Turn
around!
”

Even though she'd been living in New Zealand for the past couple of months, that didn't stop Liv from helping me with my wardrobe choices. Before she moved, Liv and I used to spend
hours
on the phone and at each other's houses. We even talked to each other on the phone at the same time as we'd chat online. But now it cost an arm and a leg (so said Mom) to call her, so Liv and I had been using the computer to video chat.

It worked okay most of the time, except for the time when Daz heard us and gave me fake moose antlers from behind my back, which Liv thought was hilarious, but
honestly
brothers are the worst.

“Arggh
, fine
,” I said. “Happy?” I backed away from the screen and spun quickly, slamming my arms against my sides. “See? Funny butt.”

Liv's eyes widened, and her lip curled up in false disgust. “You weirdo. You look fantastic! It doesn't make your butt stick out. It makes you look like you
have
one! It's a miracle! It stays in the keeper pile.”

I slumped down into my chair and tugged the fabric lower against my knees. I still wasn't used to all of this. When I decided I couldn't spend my whole life squirreled away trying to pretend I was anonymous, I knew I'd have to make some changes.

So far, tackling the “image” part of being my true self wasn't very helpful. Really, I needed a new wardrobe. But since I didn't have any money, I was getting rid of all the clothes that made me look like a ten-year-old, including my favorite
Peter Pan
T-shirt with the hole in the armpit, even though it was
so-o-o
comfortable.

Okay, I might have kept that one. But I promise not to wear it in front of people, okay?

“But it's so short!” I said. “Are you supposed to see my thighs like this?” I squished a finger into my leg, watching as the skin turned white, then slowly left behind a reddish fingerprint.

Technically I didn't pick out this skirt. Sugar bought it for me last week, but I think she forgot that I would be wearing it instead of her. Unfortunately, I look less like a model and more like a twelve-and-a-half-year-old who's got a weird pickle-shaped sunburn on her knees.

Liv lifted her eyebrows smugly. “Trust me. It stays in the keeper pile. Kevin will love it! How is it going with him, anyway?” She disappeared off screen and returned with her mouth full. Her cheeks stuck out like a chipmunk.

I shrugged. “It's fine, I guess.” I squinted at her. “Liv, it's practically midnight there. What the heck are you eating?”

She grinned, showing off the mess in her teeth. “Izza eez an eat fie!” she mumbled.

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh, well that makes it clear.”

She swallowed her bite. “It's a cheese and meat pie. They love these things down here. Pies for breakfast, pies for lunch. Pies, pies, pies,” she sang. She took another big bite and held it closer to the screen. “Want fum?”

I scrunched my nose and stepped out of the view of the computer, slipping out of the skirt. Once my robe was pulled on, I sat back down. My skirt sat in a pile on the center of the floor, like a swishy black hole that was sucking out my ego.

“Okay. So quit changing the subject now,” she said, leaning back in her chair. “Tell me how
Kevin
is. Has he put the moves on you yet?” She giggled like a madwoman, her eyes shining like giddy little pixels on my screen.

I frowned. “I told you! He's fine. We all had a good time at the dance, and he's coming over later to hang out with Daz. So he's fine. I'm fine.” I shut my mouth before I rambled too much.

“The ‘fine-itis'? Come on. You're a terrible liar. Your lips always do that thing when you lie.” She squinted at me, squishing up her lips.

My hand whipped to my face. “What thing? They do not!”

She smirked. “Sure they do! You think in a lifetime of best friendship I don't know your lie face? You do this.” She pursed her lips together again, sticking them out like a duck. “You look like you're slurping spaghetti when you lie!”

“Okay,
okay
!” I yelled. I made sure my lips were loosey-goosey. “I guess I was sort of confused about the dance.”

“Because he didn't tell you he loved you and give you a giant smackeroo on the lips?”

“No!” I said. I hid my lying lips. The truth was I was sort of afraid of kissing him. Or anyone, really. But that didn't make me stop wondering if
he
wanted to.

“I just don't know what he's thinking, you know? I hate that feeling.” I stared at Liv's face on the screen. “We did slow dance four times. That counts, I think?” I thought back to the dance and how Kevin had gone to get me punch like guys in the movies do for their dates. “Maybe he only sees me like a friend?” I said.

“Leilani says that when a guy likes you, he will make sure you know it,” she said. “Maybe he's working up to it?”

I rolled my chair away from the screen, making a face.
Leilani
was Liv's new friend, and I couldn't help but get a little peeved when I heard her name.

Lay-lah-nee.

They met when Liv moved into her new house, and she plays the flute and never seems to care that she's yanking my very best friend away like some sort of kraken. So I've never actually met her and she
could
be a perfectly nice person, but still. Liv was
always
talking about Leilani's opinion on stuff, like she was somehow smarter than us just because she had purple hair and was like eight months older.

I returned to the screen, plastering on my best “Leilani's-name-doesn't-bug-me” face.

“Maybe, yeah.” I poked aimlessly at my spacebar, trying to clean it. There had to be easily two years' worth of toast crumbs in there.

“Plus, he got you that totally sweet present before your zoo thing, remember?”

My eyes slid over to the notebook that Kevin had given me before my presentation. I had been so nervous to be in front of people, but he had shown up to surprise me in his supersweet way and said I'd be great. I still hadn't written in it; it was too perfect. I liked it better blank, full of possibilities.

“Maybe that was only as a friend, though? I got you presents all the time when you were still here.” When Liv used to live up the road, we used to give each other little gifts like flowers or used books or special flavors of lip gloss. My heart hurt to think about it.

“That's true, but I am pretty awesome.” She fake-primped her messy hair. “Leilani's already kissed a guy. She said it was super sloppy, and that he was super drooly like a dog. I think as long as you kiss someone by the time you're in high school, you're good.”

I bit my lip. High school used to seem so far away, but now it was almost close. Only one year away. It was hard to imagine someone else's
mouth
anywhere near mine. Did it feel like kissing your pillow? Not that I'd ever done that. Except that one time in sixth grade when Liv and I had that sleepover and watched
Pride
and
Prejudice
on the Women's Channel. Even though I didn't think that Mark Darcy guy was
that
hot.

Although he did have quite nice hair. And I liked how he was super serious but also sweet to Elizabeth at the same time.

I wasn't sure if I wanted a kiss. Maybe I did? Did the squirmy feeling in my stomach when I saw Kevin mean that I did? Or did it mean that I was a total freakazoid who didn't have the first clue about the opposite sex?

Ugh.

See? I can't even
think
that word without feeling weird. Even though it's totally scientific and not at all gross.

“Oh!” Liv exclaimed suddenly. “How could I forget to tell you? Guess what happened yesterday!” Her eyes widened and a happy-sneaky look appeared on her face, like she was about to scarf the last handful of theater popcorn from the bag.

“Umm…you ran into a real live hobbit?” I ventured.

“Nooo.” She beamed. “Even better. Hang on. I'm going to
show
you.” She dashed away, leaving her empty chair spinning behind her. It was hot pink and squishy looking, instead of the green one she had when she had still lived here. I guess it would have been hard to pack stuff like chairs with a big move like that. It was weird seeing her in a new chair, somehow.

She came back, waving a letter in front of her. “Check it out!” She unfolded the paper and tried to hold it steady for the webcam.

“I can't read that,” I said. “The letters are all blurry.”

“It's my transcript!” she squealed. “My parents were talking to the school board guy yesterday. You know, checking up on my classes to make sure I'd be okay here in their school system for the winter start.”

“Yeah, and?” Oh man, it would be awful if Liv got held back a year. Were they supersmart in New Zealand? What if they were way ahead of us with lessons? I held my breath, ready to give her a pep talk.

“I get to
skip
a
grade
!” she squealed.

A cold fist gripped my heart. “You…what?” I sputtered. This wasn't right.

“Yes!” She grinned. She held her transcript to her chest. “They said I was too advanced and that I would be bored in eighth grade here, and their school system is different here with classes, and all the extra work I did to catch up for the move, and…I get to start
high
school
this year! How cool, huh?!”

My eyes blinked uncontrollably. “Wow,” I managed to say. My throat was tight. “That's…insane. I thought we'd be going into high school together,” I said. I couldn't keep the disappointment from my voice. “I mean, together, in different places. Obviously.” My face was hotter than the Serengeti.

Liv didn't notice. “I know! I was so excited when I found out. That means I get to go to classes with Leilani too. I was all worried that I'd be stuck alone in some class full of people with weird accents that I don't know.”

“Yeah. That would suck,” I said.

Almost as bad as it would suck for me to go back to junior high while you're in
high
school
.

I felt about two inches tall. I never realized it before, but I always sort of felt like Liv and I were reading the same book, you know? Like, the book of
life
or something, which sounds totally nerdy, but true. Now, instead of being on the same page as me, she was flipping ahead a few chapters, leaving me stuck in the dust like a tiny footnote. How was this fair? And how come she wasn't afraid at all? If I found out I had to go to high school this year, I'd be pulling out my hair and rocking in a corner. What would I wear? Who would I talk to? You need
time
to get used to big stuff like this. And here's Liv flouncing into ninth grade like it's no biggie.

I was just starting to get used to everything without her. Being in school without her. Eating vanilla shakes at Shaken, Not Stirred without her. How come after trying so hard to be okay with my life, things had to go changing again? First the sharks and now Liv.

“Earth to Ana? Did you hear what I said?”

I snapped back to reality. “Huh? Sorry, no…” My eyes were stinging, but she probably couldn't tell from the pixelly image.

“Our pact! Remember? We need to fast-track it!”

I stared at her face on the monitor as I tried to remember. Pact? Liv had already missed the half-birthday pact last month. What other pact was there?

“Um,” I said, trying not to hurt her feelings. “Right.”

“Our kissing pact!” she squeaked. “We only have a month now instead of a full year!”

“Oh!” I exclaimed. A dark feeling crept over me. Like a snake winding itself around my heart.

Oh.

See, Liv and I
had
made a kissing pact, back when we were eleven years old. This was when everybody in school started talking about kissing for the first time, but Liv and I weren't really interested. We always told ourselves so long as we kissed a boy by the time high school started, we wouldn't have to worry about being labeled as losers for the rest of our lives. We made a blood pact to do it together too, using a safety pin to prick our pointer fingers and smush them together like they do in the movies. My finger hurt for hours afterward.