How (Not) to Fall in Love (14 page)

“What’s up?” I mumbled.

“Just checking on you. How’s everything going?”

I expelled a sigh of relief. “Better, believe it or not. We’ve got some extra time to move.”

“That’s great. How’d that happen?”

I smiled into the phone. “I asked. And I received.”

She was silent for a few moments. “That’s awesome, Darcy. Good for you.”

“Thanks.” Pride washed over me again, a pinprick of daylight in my darkened state of mind. “So anyway, I’m going to be busy getting everything ready. I hope you aren’t calling to invite me to a party, ’cause you know I can’t come.”

“I know how busy you’ll be,” Sal said. “That’s why I’m calling. Mark and I want to help with the move. You’ve seen those muscles of his. He can lift anything.” She giggled. “And I can help pack. Provide moral support. You just let us know when and where, okay?”

My eyes misted. “Thanks, soul sister. You dress like a train wreck, but you have some redeeming qualities.”

“And you need a makeover and a boy toy, but we’ll deal with that later.”

“G’night, DQ.”

“G’night, Darce.”

Sometimes your garden surprises you
. Dad’s voice was strong and clear in my mind as I snuggled under the covers.
You don’t remember planting strawberries or mint, but there it is, rising up in the middle of the carrot patch. Maybe the seeds blew in from the neighbor’s garden. Or maybe they were buried in the dirt and you unearthed them when you tilled the soil. Or maybe you’re reaping what you’ve sown. However it happened, you now have unexpected bounty. Accept it with gratitude.

Chapter Seventeen

November 6

C
hloe pushed against me in the hall. Hard. My books tumbled to the floor.

“I don’t have time for this, Chloe,” I said as I knelt to gather my books. “Don’t you have somewhere to be? Isn’t Satan lonely without you?”

“You’re the one who can go to hell, Darcy,” she said. “I don’t know what Ryan ever saw in you.”

Nothing, other than a potential stadium suite ticket. But I didn’t care. That crush was part of my past. Even if Ryan didn’t see anything special in me, I was starting to see myself differently. I saw myself standing in the boardroom as J.J. must have, eyes flashing with determination. I saw myself laughing and joking with customers in the coffee shop. I saw myself making dinner for Mom and me, even on late nights when she was already drunk when I got home from work.

It didn’t matter what anyone else saw in me. For the first time, I felt like I was seeing myself.

My teachers were sympathetic, all of them telling me some version of the guidance counselor’s story. I could make up my homework later. Or skip some of it entirely. My academic track record made them willing to accommodate me, but I didn’t want special treatment.

Chloe backed off, making me wonder if I should’ve stood up to her a long time ago. I fought a smile and plowed through the rest of my classes.

Sal caught up with me after school. “What’s on the agenda today?”

“Meeting with the estate sale lady,” I answered.

“Sounds scary. Do you want company?”

“Thanks, but I’ll manage.”

Sal grinned. “She’s large and in charge, that’s my Darcy.”

“I am not large.”

“It’s a metaphor.”

I laughed. “I know. But as much sugar as I’m eating lately, sometimes I worry.”

She rolled her eyes. “Please. You look great.” She narrowed her eyes. “Actually you do. You’re almost glowing.” Shock filled her face. “God, you aren’t pregnant, are you? You haven’t hooked up with Lucas and not told me?”

I gaped at her. “Absolutely not. My God, Sal, how many times do I have to tell you—”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re just friends.” She frowned at me. “So why are you glowing like a fire goddess?”

I laughed. “Maybe I am on fire. It feels that way. There’s so much to do, and I need to do most of it. But I have all this energy just bursting inside of me.” I bit my lip. “It’s a good thing I do have all this energy. Mom is just…overwhelmed.”

“She’s still drinking too much?”

Leave it to Sal to cut through the bullshit. “Yeah. Not always. But most of the time.”

Sal looked worried. “Maybe she needs professional help.”

“Maybe.” I hoped I wasn’t making excuses for her, but I wanted to see what happened when we were more secure. “I think she’s just doing it to cope. It’s not the best choice. But I’m hoping once we’re moved. Once Dad comes back…”

Sal blinked in surprise. “Have you heard from him?”

I shrugged. “Another postcard. Cryptic as usual. This one was from Georgia.”

“Georgia?”

“Who knows?” I’d plotted this one on the map, too. The stones were called the Georgia Guidestones. One of the stones was engraved with ten New Age-y guidelines. Dad had circled the last one:
“Be not a cancer on the earth—Leave room for nature.”
And he’d only signed his name, nothing else.

I thought about telling Sal about my map, but after my mom and J.J.’s reaction, I wasn’t sure I wanted anyone else’s opinion on my theory about Dad’s clonehenge quest. Except, maybe I could tell Lucas. I had a feeling he’d listen.

“Well, call me later,” said Sal. “I’ve got to get to rehearsal.”

“Break a leg.”

She frowned. “You don’t say that before rehearsal. You’re supposed to tell me to bomb.”

“Theater people are so weird.”

She tossed her hair out of her eyes. “Whatever. Are you working Friday night?”

“Yep. Liz texted me today to see if I can close up. She has plans with Charlie. Wanna come by for coffee?”

“Yeah, I’ll stop by on my way to Derek’s party.”

“Hope rehearsal sucks!” I laughed, waving as I ran to catch the bus.

M
s. Hetherington from Family Solutions stood in our foyer and looked around with wide eyes. “This is Tyler Covington’s home? I didn’t make the connection that Charlie is his brother.”

“Yes,” I said simply. “I’m Ty’s daughter.”

She tilted her head. “I’ve followed the news. So he’s not coming back?”

I swallowed. “He is. Eventually. In the meantime, we need to move. And we need cash. Lots of it.” There was no sense beating around the bush. This was her business and I needed
—
we needed
—
as much money as we could get.

“I do wish your mother was home.”

“She’s working. But I promise she’ll sign the contract. She wants this done.”

Ms. Hetherington nodded. “Then let’s get to it.”

We spent two hours walking through our house, talking about every item we owned, Toby trailing at our heels. She wanted to know the names of the artists whose work Mom collected. Fortunately Mom kept a careful journal with that information. Ms. Hetherington’s eyebrows raised as she flipped through it. “We may be better off working through some art dealers I know.”

“Fine,” I agreed.

“Your mom doesn’t want to keep any of it?”

“We’ve kept a few things aside. They’re in the master bedroom.” I’d had to force Mom to make those decisions, plying her with coffee and dragging her to each room in the house to tell me what she wanted to keep and what could go.

Ms. Hetherington nodded and made notes on her clipboard. “We’ll need to put stickers on everything you want to keep,” she told me as we stood in the kitchen. “I’ll have my crew with me to price everything. We’ll come the Tuesday before the sale. It will take us a good three days to price it all and display it properly. The sale will start on Friday and go through Sunday.” She eyed me, businesslike but kind. “It’s probably best if you and your mother aren’t here. It can be…difficult…to watch strangers haggle over your things. To see them carted away.”

I swallowed. “If you think that’s best.”

“I do.”

She prepared the contract while I made us tea. It seemed appropriate somehow. I felt like a character in one of my regency novels, at the whim of strangers who controlled my “estate.”

“Because I know your uncle so well I’m trusting that your mother’s signature will be authentic.” Ms. Hetherington eyed me over the teacup.

I blushed. I had thought of forging it, but there was no need. Mom would sign. “It will be. Should I fax it to you?”

“That will work temporarily, but I’ll need the original when we come to get things ready.” We shook hands and said good-bye.

I sank onto the foyer floor after closing the front door. Toby plopped down next to me. “We did it, Toby.” We lay on the cool tiles, just breathing. Once my heart stopped racing and my breathing calmed, I sat up. “We deserve a reward.” Toby panted in agreement. I headed for the freezer, intent on ice cream, but I veered toward the garage instead. I grabbed Toby’s leash from the hook. He danced with excitement.

We ran awkwardly at first. I’d gone too long between runs. My breathing was ragged, but I pushed through. My body protested but eventually settled into a familiar groove. “Better than ice cream,” I said to the stars winking above us. Sometimes I hated how early it got dark in the winter, but as we jogged through our neighborhood, the blanket of stars above us felt familiar and comforting. Toby jogged alongside me, his dog grin splitting his face.

And it
was
much better than ice cream.

Chapter Eighteen

November 7

S
al came by Liz’s on Friday night, true to her word. I’d just made her a triple-shot mocha with extra whip cream when the door opened and everything switched to slow motion.

It was like a scene from a movie. Everyone in the coffee shop turned to the door. How could they not? Lucas and Heather belonged on the big screen, though 3D IMAX could hardly do them justice. He was stunning in his tux. She’d cause car crashes in her strapless red dress and stiletto heels. They stood just inside the doorway, talking to some regular customers who’d recognized Lucas.

“Who the hell is that?” Sal whispered. She’d visited me at Liz’s before, but never when Lucas was around. I’d described him to her, but obviously I hadn’t done him justice.

My heart felt shattered as I watched him put his hand on Heather’s lower back, steering her into the shop. That day we’d walked together, when he’d almost held my hand, I must’ve been imagining the connection. I’d definitely hallucinated the part about him wanting to kiss me on the bridge.

I leaned in close so only Sal could hear me. “That’s Lucas. And she’s the reason he’ll never look twice at someone like me. Her name is Heather.”

Sal turned to me, her eyes huge. “That’s Lucas? Holy shizballs, girl. No wonder you’re spending all your time here.”

I blushed. “Shut it, DQ.”

Liz flitted around the cover model couple, forcing them to pose while she snapped photos. I’d wondered why she hadn’t left for the concert when I arrived. I busied myself washing clean cups, trying not to stare, while my heart shattered even more.

Sal leaned over the counter, talking under her breath. “Darcy, honey, when it’s time for you to finally pick your boy toy, he’s the one.”

“Shut up,” I hissed.

“Oh, come on, sweetie. He’s unbelievable. I didn’t know they made them like that in this neighborhood or I would’ve moved here years ago.”

“You’re obnoxious.”

“Yet still you love me.”

I threw a towel at her just as Lucas and Heather approached us. Sal dodged the towel, which hit Lucas in the chest. Just kill me now. I was already dying inside anyway. “Sorry, Lucas,” I muttered, mortified.

He bent down to retrieve the towel, and then tossed it to me, a tense smile on his movie star face. I stuffed the towel in the hamper under the sink as Heather watched us, annoyance wrinkling her tiny, perfect nose.

“Darcy, you remember Heather,” he said, his jaw tight as he inclined his head toward her.

I wiped my hands on my apron. “You look amazing,” I said to Heather, forcing a smile. I glanced at Lucas. “You both do.” Lucas ducked his head and I thought I saw his neck redden slightly, but Heather nodded, as if I’d only stated the obvious.

“I didn’t think you were working tonight,” Lucas said, looking up, his brow furrowed.

I cleared my throat, noticing that Heather was antsy, obviously ready to leave. “It was last minute. Liz asked me to close up so she can leave early for a concert with Charlie.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Closing solo?”

“Sure.” I forced a smile I didn’t feel. “I’ll be fine. I know where the first aid kit is.”

His answering smile looked forced, too. I missed his easy, sexy grin. Heather tugged on his arm. “We should get going, Luke. Our reservations are at seven thirty.” Luke? I’d never heard anyone call him that, unless I counted Pickles calling him Lukie.

Lucas glanced curiously at Sal, who’d been watching our exchange intently.

“Sorry,” I said. “Forgot my manners. This is my friend Salena. Salena, this is Lucas.”

I paused. “And this is Heather.”

“Call me Sal,” she said, offering her hand to Lucas, batting her eyelashes while ignoring Heather. Heather’s eyes narrowed. “So is this just a regular Friday look for you two?” Sal asked.

Lucas laughed nervously. Heather didn’t. “It’s, uh, Homecoming,” he said, turning away from me to face Sal. “We’re on our way to dinner.” He glanced over his shoulder at me. “I told Charlie and Liz we’d stop by. Photo op. They insisted.”

I nodded. “They would.”

Sal tapped a finger on her chin. “No offense, Lucas, but you look a tad old to be a high school dance escort.”

His eyes widened, then he laughed. “You think they won’t let me in? I graduated from Sky Ridge two years ago.”

“I’m a senior at Sky Ridge High,” Heather piped up. “Luke and I met last summer.” She looked up at him, dreamy-eyed.

Liz rushed back into the store, an out-of-breath Charlie trailing behind her. “Oh, thank goodness you’re still here. I ran next door to borrow Charlie’s video camera.”

“Looks like you borrowed Charlie, too,” I said. Liz bopped around like Lucas was her son.

Lucas briefly closed his eyes, looking embarrassed as Charlie zoomed in on him with the camera. “You guys are too much.” His voice sounded strained.

Heather giggled. “I want copies of the video.” Behind her, Sal stuck a finger down her throat, pretending to puke.

One of the knitting ladies circled around the paparazzi hubbub and asked me for a latte. I was never so happy to wait on someone in my life.

“Have fun tonight,” I heard Charlie say over all the chattering. “You can party all night, Lucas. You’ve got the day off tomorrow.”

I tried not to imagine Lucas spending all night with Heather. They finally left, Heather waving to everyone like she was on top of a float. Lucas looked distracted, nodding a curt good-bye to Liz and Charlie, not even looking my way as the door closed behind them.

Sal turned to me, looking like the Cheshire cat. “My, my. How very interesting.”

My heart ricocheted wildly in my chest. Lucas thought of us as friends. But seeing him with Heather made me realize how much I cared. How much I wanted something more.

Give it up, Darcy
.
It doesn’t matter how much you want it
.

Guys like Lucas were destined for girls like Heather. It was an unwritten law of the universe.

“Don’t you have a party to go to?” I slammed coffee mugs into the sink.

Sal shrugged. “I do. But I’m glad I didn’t miss all that drama.”

Liz joined us at the counter, bubbling like a shaken-up soda can. “Weren’t they something? My goodness, she was so beautiful. And Lucas…” Her voice trailed away as she looked at me. She cleared her throat and some of the fizz went out of her voice. “Darcy, thanks so much for closing up tonight. Charlie and I are so appreciative.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I imagined Liz and Sal examining me like a lab specimen, wondering how the sight of Lucas and Heather together had affected me. I couldn’t let them know how much it had.

“It’s fine,” I told Liz. “I’m happy to do it.” I forced a smile even as my eyes brimmed with tears. “Not like
I
had a big date tonight.” Sal stared at me, sudden realization dawning in her eyes. I dropped my gaze.

Liz squeezed my shoulders. “You sure you’re okay by yourself tonight?”

I nodded, willing the tears to dry before they fell. I had to keep it together.

Liz said good-bye to Sal and her regulars, the fizz bubbling up in her again as she left the store, encompassing all of us in her good-bye wave. Why was that type of wave endearing from her but annoying as hell from Heather?

“You really should go,” I told Sal, not looking at her. “I know your drama posse is expecting you.” I knelt down and busied myself under the sink, wiping away tears while I pretended to look for something.

“I know when I’m not wanted,” Sal said. “And I also know what you’re hiding from, Darcy.”

I stayed on my knees, refusing to look at her.

“It doesn’t work, you know. Denying your feelings. Especially for you. Your heart is huge.”

I looked up at her in surprise.

“It’s why we’re friends.” She shrugged. “You have an enormous heart, but you keep it hidden. Because you’re afraid of it getting broken.” She glanced at the door as if she were looking for someone. “I see it, Darcy. I always have, because you let me.” She took a deep breath. “But I think…I think maybe he sees it, too.”

My knees popped and cracked in protest as I stood up. “What are you talking about?”

“Just a feeling I have.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “I’m very sensitive to male energy. And Lucas’s energy was whacked out tonight.”

I walked around her to shove tea into the tea racks. “Whatever, Sal. Lucas and I are friends.” I sounded like a glitching MP3 track. “He was just nervous with everybody making such a big deal with the photos and video.” It was true that I’d never seen him act so weird. So distracted. He must really like Heather. Maybe he even loved her.

Ugh.

I had to bury my feelings for him. I didn’t know how, but I had to figure out a way.

Sal nodded at my excuse. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“You really need—”

“—to go,” she finished, grinning. “I am, right now.” She hugged me good-bye and was out the door.

Whatever energy had been keeping me upright faded away. I sat down at one of the tables and rested my head in my hands. What was that prayer about accepting things we couldn’t change? There was so much in my life right now I couldn’t change.

Lucas saw me, all right. As a friend. So what if we liked the same music? So what if our walks with Toby had become a regular thing now? So what if I’d finally told him about my map, and about the henge at our cabin? So what if he hadn’t made fun of me or dismissed my ideas, but had listened and asked questions?

So what if we couldn’t stop laughing when we redid Charlie’s store window, with Pickles’ help, arranging the squirrels into a ridiculous Christmas morning scene, complete with coal-stuffed stockings? That was nothing compared to how he was with Heather tonight. She was so incredible he couldn’t even relax around her. I definitely didn’t impact him like that.

It was time to put my feelings for him in the same place with all my other impossible dreams, like Dad coming home to rescue us and Harvest, like Mom snapping out of it and becoming herself again. Like life going back to what it used to be.

I could make some things happen, like getting the board to extend our moving date, but making someone fall in love with me? That wasn’t something I could control.

Love was mysterious that way, surprising us when we least expected it. And I did love Lucas, I realized that now. But I’d keep that secret safe inside me, next to all my other impossible dreams.