How He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (4 page)

The hostess led us through the crowded bar to rectangular table that was made for ten but somehow had twenty chairs around it. I searched the entire bar for Nick, but, to my disappointment, I didn’t see him anywhere. I was hopeful that he would show up.

We placed our drink orders, shouting to the waitress over the pumping music. She came back awhile later with our drinks and some party favors. I put on a princess tiara with red sparkles as I drank my delicious champagne punch. We chatted and laughed at our table; soon we ordered a second round, and my group of friends started talking louder and laughing more heartily. The ladies all wanted to dance, so we hit the floor as the guys sat at the table drinking (and, presumably, watching us shaking our booties on the dance floor). I kept my eyes trained on the door just in case Nick walked in. I turned and saw Danny dancing next to us with some random girl from the bar, so there went my last hope for someone to kiss at midnight. I was depressed by the thought, but I was having a good time with my girlfriends, so I decided not to dwell on it.

Four champagne punches deep and I was feeling a healthy buzz at 11:45. Lucy and I hit the restroom so we could dance the night away after the clock struck twelve, and we stocked back up on libations, this time opting for just plain champagne to toast with at midnight. The moments ticked down quickly, and by the time we returned to the dance floor, it was packed with everyone ready to countdown to a brand new year. I glanced at the door again at 11:58. My view was obstructed by the mass of people, and in my heart, I knew that it was too late for him to show up anyway. I hoped he wasn’t in some bar ready to kiss some random girl. Just picturing that was tremendously depressing. I couldn’t control what he was doing at that moment, but I could control what I did in the
new year. I had to do something to get him to notice me in the next year, and my resolution ran through my head again. He and I
would
find a way to get together in the new year.

Travis stood next to me, his arm around Brooke’s shoulders, and Lucy and Jake were embracing on my other side. Everyone was smiling, so I pulled my thoughts from my obsession and grinned at Travis, trying to focus on the fun happening all around me rather than the depressing thoughts I was having as I pictured Nick’s arms around some random girl in a bar somewhere in the same general vicinity as me.

The big televisions screens surrounding the bar all showed the ball beginning its descent in New York, and the countdown was at one minute until the New Year. I felt myself getting excited.

Who cared that I didn’t have anyone to kiss at midnight? The important thing was that this was the end of an old year and the start of a brand new one, and I had several goals in mind for this
new year. The most important, of course, being Nick. I would find a way to push past this professional business friendship relationship we had formed. I would find a way to kiss him, hold him, make love to him in this new year.

It was my resolution, and I was determined to make it happen.

Everyone raised their glasses in the air and counted along, “Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” I glanced over at Lucy, whose lips were locked to Jake’s, and then Travis, who was kissing Brooke. I smiled, happy for my friends despite my lack of a man to kiss at midnight, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around, and my heart stopped as my eyes met Nick’s. Utter shock hit me as I realized that he was actually here. And he looked fucking sexy in a black suit with a gray shirt under it, open at the collar. He had just a shadow of a beard, making him look rugged and manly, and his hair was mussed perfectly in every direction. I was so dazed that he was standing in front of me that I was rendered momentarily speechless.

The room suddenly got very quiet around me, and all I could do was stare at him. His eyes never left mine as he brought both of his hands up to cup my cheeks and I was certain at that moment that he was going to kiss me. My heart slammed into my ribs and then my eyes closed automatically as his lips brushed mine just once. Every nerve ending in my body was alight with electricity at our connection. He clutched me close against his chest in a quick embrace. “Happy New Year,” he murmured, his breath tickling close against my ear, sending shivers down my spine. And then, as if it had all been a dream, he was gone.

I stood rooted to the spot, unsure of whether that had really happened or if I had just imagined it, if I had dreamed it because I wanted it so badly or if all of the champagne had finally caught up with me and I was hallucinating.

It was like the room had been on mute for a moment, and suddenly someone had turned the volume back up to full blast.

“Happy New Year!”
Travis shouted to me, pulling me into a hug and kissing my cheek. I blinked a few times, trying to focus on what was happening around me, still unsure of what had just happened.

I shook my head to clear it, echoing, “Happy New Year,” to Travis.

Lucy hugged me next, and then Jake and Holly. We all clinked glasses as a group, and I realized that everyone had been so wrapped up in their own New Year’s kisses that no one had witnessed mine. Whether or not it was in my mind or it had really happened, it was my very own New Year’s secret. And that secret, special moment that the two of us had shared had been perfect, even if it had only been in my mind.

Chapter 3

The next morning, I awoke with a really, really bad champagne hangover. Scratch that. The next afternoon, I awoke with a really, really bad champagne hangover. A glance at the clock told me that it was a little after noon. I had wasted half of the first day of the year already. Not a good start on my resolution to be more productive in this brand new year.

Anytime I drank anything bubby, I awoke with a hangover the next day, but this one was particularly bad. Probably because I had about four more after midnight as we danced the night away at Mahogany. Travis was in my kitchen making coffee when I emerged from my bedroom in search of some ibuprofen and orange juice.

“Good Morning,” Travis greeted me with a big, enthusiastic hug.

“Morning,” I mumbled, wondering what the hell he was so happy about.

“Happy New Year!”

“Who fed you happy pills this morning?”

“Nobody. I’m just in a good mood.”

“Good for you. What are you doing here?”

“I figured you’d need someone to come take care of you. I dropped Brooke off a little while ago and came over here.”

“I feel like shit.”

“So do I. Remind me that I can’t drink champagne anymore.”

“Me too.
Now hurry up with that coffee and pipe down.”

He laughed. “I love grumpy Jules,” he said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “Go lay on the couch and I’ll bring you your hangover cure.”

I managed a small smile. “Love you,” I said, kissing his cheek as I made my way to the couch, unplugging my phone from its charger on the way.

I laid down and flipped my phone on, prepared to look at everyone’s drunken NYE Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr pictures, but instead I was greeted with a text message from Nick. My heart raced as I clicked the screen to open the text
:
Happy New Year (again). Sorry I couldn’t stay. You looked beautiful.

Holy fuck
. So it hadn’t been a dream. Nick had kissed me at midnight last night. He was my New Year’s kiss. And he thought I was beautiful.

“What’s wrong?” Travis called from the kitchen.

Apparently my “holy fuck” had been aloud.

“Did you see Nick last night?” I asked, sitting up when he brought me my juice and four tablets. I tossed the pills in my mouth and guzzled down the juice.

He shook his head. “No. Did you?”

A slow grin spread across my face. “I did.
At midnight.”

Travis’s brow furrowed.
“When?”

“There was only one midnight last night, Trav.”

“No shit, Jules. He was at Mahogany?”

I nodded. “All I remember is that we counted down to midnight, and then everyone was locked in their New Years kisses, and someone tapped me on my shoulder, and there he was, behind me, and he kissed me and wished me a Happy New Year, and then he was gone.”

“Why didn’t you say anything last night?”

“I thought it was my imagination playing drunken tricks on me, but I got this text from him this morning.”

Travis sat next to me and took my phone from me, reading the text. “Huh,” he grunted.

“So what do you think it means?”

He looked at me, eyebrows raised. “What do you mean?”

“Like does he like me?”

“He found you at midnight in a crowded bar on New Year’s Eve to kiss you, and he texted you at—” he glanced at my phone, and then continued, “—four in the morning to tell you that you looked beautiful. You were obviously still on his mind. What do you think it means?”

I leaned back on the couch, satisfied with his answer. I took my phone from Trav’s hands and texted Nick back:
Happy New Year to you, too. Wish you could’ve stayed. You looked hot.

A few seconds later, his reply cam
e:
I wish I could’ve stayed, too. My buddies were at a bar down the street, but I had to see you.

My heart melted.
He
had to see
me
? Did he have any idea how my eyes had been trained on that door all night just in case he should happen to walk through it?

I texted back:
I’m glad you did. I really enjoyed my first seconds of this year. A lot.

Me too.
A whole lot.

He liked the kiss! God, I wanted him here, now, with me. I wanted to profess my love to him. I wanted to feel him hovering over me, his body hot and hard against mine, his lips on my skin. I was getting ahead of myself, but he was damn near perfect, and he was finally – finally, after a year – showing an interest in me. My dream was coming true.

What are you doing today
?
I finally replied, hoping he would say that he was free and that maybe we could meet up to discuss the kiss… or whatever.

Annual New Year’s Day hangover party at my buddy’s house.

Sounds fun.

Not great. Hangover = no appetite.
Plus loud children.

Travis finally spoke up. “What are you doing?”

“I’m having a texting conversation with Nick.”

“Well I’m bored.”

“Then go home. Go find Brooke. I’m sure she can find something to entertain you.”

“I like her, but I need a Brooke break. Let’s do something today.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.
Brunch?”

“No appetite yet.”

“Champagne brunch?”

“Seriously, Trav?”

“Sure. Rally time. Get back on that horse. What better to cure a hangover than more booze?”

“Let me shower and then I’ll let you know how I feel.”

I texted Nick one more time
:
Have fun. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

After his reply came
(
I can’t wait, either
.
), I headed to the shower.

The next morning, I was excited, for possibly the first time ever, to return to work after a break. But I still managed to show up hung over. I blamed Travis for talking me into drinking away our New Year’s Day hangovers. For the record, it wasn’t a good idea.

I spent hours pulling together the perfect outfit for my first day back at work after the magical New Year’s kiss. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard, but I wanted to look
hot
. I wanted to be irresistible to Nick when he walked in and saw me sitting at my cube. I got to work early, despite the hangover, donning jeans and black boots and a low cut, long-sleeve t-shirt. I curled my hair and perfected my make-up. My tried and true juice and four tablets and a steaming shower hangover cure helped me work through the pain, and I was also working on a strong cup of coffee. I opened my email and found one from Nick declaring a team meeting at 9:00 sharp. It was reminiscent of Josie’s email the year before, but I refused to believe that McMillan would move Nick after only a year on our team. It was only 8:45, so I scanned a few other emails and started my daily “To Do” list before grabbing my iPad and coffee cup and heading to the conference room.

Nick was there by himself, pulling up a PowerPoint when I walked into the room. He glanced up and smiled at me, focusing solely on me as he stopped what he was doing. “Julianne,” he said warmly, my name rolling smoothly off his tongue. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, Nick,” I said, smiling back at him, loving how my name sounded coming out of his mouth. “How was your party?” I chose my seat carefully, taking the seat across from him that afforded me the best view of him during the meeting.