How Forever Feels (16 page)

Another kiss for Jayne, a helpless smile for Maya, and he was gone. Jayne waited until she heard the back door close before she spoke.

“Have you and Jack…?”

“No, but I'm not gonna lie, Jayne, every time he kisses me goodbye, even though it's only on the cheek, it's like…holy crap.” She smoothed her finger around the rim of her mug and shook her head slowly. “And the crazy thing is, it's not just about sex. I mean, yeah, obviously, I'd have him naked in a heartbeat if I could, but…like last night for instance, God, all I wanted to do was crawl through that phone and curl up against him in that stupid hotel bed.”

Jayne sighed. “Yeah.”

“Every time I'm near him, I want to touch him, like I almost don't believe he's real, so if I could touch him, I could be sure, but I can't. I can't even hold his hand! And God help me, every time he smiles at me I just want to…” Sputtering out what sounded like a deranged laugh, she let her head fall back and covered her face with her hands. “I'm losing it, aren't I? I've gone crazy, there's no other explanation.”

“No, you're not crazy.” Jayne's smile lasted about half a second before turning to a wince. “You're just in love, that's all.”

“It can't be,” Maya huffed. “I've been in love before and it wasn't like this. This is…I don't even know. And I went and invited him out tomorrow, so we'll be together all afternoon…which is awesome, but at the same time, I have to ask myself why? Why put myself—and him—in a situation that we both know isn't going to end well? Am I some kind of masochist or something?”

“Probably.” Jayne's laugh, soft and kind, made Maya groan. “Here's what you do. You get up tomorrow, and you go spend whatever time you can together. Don't put any pressure on yourselves to make it any more than what it is, just enjoy it. And then you get up the next day and the day after that and you do it all over again until he goes back to Seattle.”

“Is that what you did?”

“Yup.” Jayne's gaze drifted past the island, past the kitchen, to a memory that made her sigh. “Every day until I left town.”

Maya stared at her friend for a long time. “How hard was that, getting on the bus and driving away from him the way you did?”

Jayne's nod was slow, thoughtful. “Second hardest thing I've ever done.”

“What was the first? Watching Nick marry Abby?”

Jayne blinked back to the present and turned a sad smile on Maya. “No. Watching him bury her and knowing I couldn't do anything to help him through it.”

“I'm so sorry,” Maya whispered. “That must have been…God, Jayne…and here I am, wallowing around in self-pity over something so stupid.”

“It's not stupid; it's hard. And I hate to tell you, but even if he was going back to deepest darkest Siberia, where there was no Internet or phone service and where regular mail really did run on the backs of snails, it'd still be hard.” Pushing off her stool, Jayne patted Maya on the back and walked around to refill the kettle. “Luckily for you, my friend, you'll only be three and a half hours away from each other. Same time zone and everything, so you can pretty much see each other as much as you like.”

“If that was true, Jayne, I wouldn't be sitting in your kitchen crying in my tea right now.”

“What does Jack think of all this, anyway? I can't believe he's been carrying this around for four years. That couldn't have been easy for him.”

“I don't know, he hasn't said much since he told me.”

“Figures.” Jayne leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. “You have to admire his loyalty and at the same time, you just want to crack him up the back of his head.”

“Exactly,” Maya huffed. “Except I'd need a ladder to reach up that high.”

Jayne's chuckle came out over a half-snort. “Maybe take him out at the knees instead.”

For the next few moments, they didn't say anything, just looked at each other with the same helpless expressions. If there was an easy way out of Maya's situation, neither one of them knew what it was.

Maya couldn't remember the last time she'd had jitters like this. Going to Jayne's last night was supposed to have made her feel better, or at least help give her some kind of direction, but all it had done was make her crazier.

And now she had less than half an hour before Jack showed up, and for the life of her, she couldn't stop twitching. She'd dropped a bucket of water and two vases before Alec arrived, took one look at her, and shooed her out of the way.

“Good Lord, what's wrong with you?” With a gentle nudge, he pushed her toward the stool at the end of the table and set about sweeping up the latest vase. “Are you ill?”

“I wish,” she grumbled, more to herself than anything.

“Then it can only be one other thing making you look like that, and he better be worth the cost of that vase. Crystal's not cheap so he better not be either.”

That made Maya smile a little. Pushing sixty, Alec stood a stout five seven—maybe—always wore his graying hair combed neatly and was never seen in anything but a suit and tie. The single-breasted dark blue with micro-thin black pinstripes, complete with a crisp white shirt, looked particularly nice on him, even though he'd paired it with his Pac-Man tie.

In all the times she'd seen him since he moved to town, he'd never worn a simple or plain tie; they were all something weird. There was the one that looked like a hot dog, one that had the periodic table on it, and she was pretty sure he had a tie for each Star Wars character.

“Now.” With everything swept up and taken care of, he straightened his round glasses and rubbed his hands together. “What can I do?”

“There's not—oh crap, he's early.” Suddenly parched, Maya couldn't even manage to swallow before the door whooshed open and in walked Jack.

“Oh my.” Alec's quiet appraisal made Maya laugh as she stumbled off the stool and tried to contain the bubble of happiness Jack's appearance brought to her.

“You're early,” she said, wishing she could at least stop smiling like that, especially when his only response was a small shrug and a barely restrained grin of his own. Pathetic, that's what they were. “Uh, Jack, this is Alec. Alec, Jack.”

“Well, hello, Jack. It's nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you too. Great tie.” They shook hands, but before Jack stepped back, his tipped his head to the side a little, pretending to size Alec up. “I hear you're the sweetest guy ever.”

“I do what I can.” Alec's round face warmed into a slow smile. “But in truth, I think Maya's being a little overly generous if that's how she described me.”

“It's the truth.” With her hand still gripping the back of the stool, she straightened her shoulders and exhaled. “Okay, well, the morning orders have all been taken care of, so you're free to play around with whatever you like. Go crazy. Ellie's in her boutique all day if you need something, and you have my cell number, so…”

“So go already.” Alec's voice was gentle, his wink teasing as she edged around him to grab her jacket and bag. “Have fun.”

Maya's smile faltered a little, but Jack's voice was steady as a rock when he answered.

“We will, thanks.”

They darted out into the rain and headed straight for Jack's Jeep, where Maya gave Pete lots of love before turning and staring out the front window like Jack did. The thick steady rain hadn't let up in days and showed no signs of slowing now.

“It's kinda nasty out to be doing the Four Lakes Trail in this,” she said. “What should we do?”

The wipers swished four or five times before Jack shrugged. “What about bowling?”

“Bowling?” She tried not to laugh, but one look at how serious he was and she couldn't help it. “Really?”

“Why not?”

“Let's see. Because I haven't bowled since my seventh birthday party. Because you don't know who else has had their feet in those shoes. Because—”

“You haven't been bowling since you were seven?” Jack put the Jeep in gear and pulled away from the curb. “That's just wrong, Snip. We're going bowling.”

“What about Pete?”

“He'll be fine in the hotel for a while.” Even as he said it, he peered through his rearview mirror into the backseat. “Not a fan of the rain anyway, are you, buddy?”

The whole way to the hotel and then back to the bowling alley, she tried to talk him out of it, but Jack was determined that that was what they were going to do. So there she was, half an hour later, standing near the foul line on Lane 8 in an ugly pair of red-and-black shoes, watching her ball wobble its way down the gutter.

“Yeah,” she scoffed. “This is awesome. Great idea.”

“You're doing it wrong.”

“No—ya think?” Rolling her eyes, she lifted another ball off the rack and turned to face the ten pins that stood there taunting her. “Is it possible to find heavier balls, because these ones don't quite rip my arms out of their sockets.”

“Here, let me show you.” Jack's voice, right behind her, made Maya start, but it took her a second or two to move out of his way. With a ball in hand, he nodded down the alley. “Don't aim for the pins, aim for the marks on the floor. Keep your wrist straight and follow through.”

Three long strides, he released the ball and sent it sailing down the alley, where it blasted all but two of the pins backward.

“Okay,” she muttered. “Look out.”

She waited until the pins reset, then stepped forward. Ball up, eyes focused on the middle arrows painted on the floor, she took one step, drew the ball back, lost her balance with the swing of its weight, and promptly dropped it behind her.

The kids in Lane 6 thought it was hilarious and apparently so did Jack.

“Pins are that way,” he said, pointing.

Blushing, she chased the ball down and carried it back to the foul line. With her toes lined up about a breath away from the line, she stretched both hands as wide as she could around the ball, bent over at the waist and granny-styled it.

“Or you could do it that way,” Jack snorted. “Nice form.”

“Shut up.” Okay, so it wasn't a strike, but by the time her turn was done, she'd knocked down half of them, so that was something.

Stepping aside, she waved Jack through for his turn, but instead of sitting down, she stayed standing so she could watch him. And no, she didn't even try to hide which part of his form she was actually watching. She couldn't have cared less how he lined himself up or followed through, it was the way his body moved, the way the muscles in his back rippled beneath his T-shirt, the way his biceps flexed and…wow…the way his butt looked in those jeans.

“Snip?”

Startled, she forced herself to blink past that last image still so clear in her mind to find him standing in front of her, grinning.

“Oh.” Busted, all she could do was laugh. “Sorry. Nice form.”

That turned his grin a little sheepish as they both went out of their way to switch spots without getting anywhere near the other. And so it went for the rest of the first game. At one point Jack went and ordered them burgers, which were surprisingly good, and by the time they'd eaten, Maya willingly agreed to a second game.

Of all the ways she thought that afternoon might go, she never would have guessed it'd be like that, or that she'd somehow be so relaxed and happy while still being so jittery. He did all of that to her with a smile, a wink, or anytime he glanced her way.

When they climbed back in the Jeep, Jack headed straight for the highway.

“Where're we going?” she asked.

“Back to the hotel.” And then as if the weight of his words suddenly landed on him, Jack sighed. “I'm going to take Pete out for a quick walk and while I'm doing that, you can figure out what we do next. There's a couple of those tourist guidebooks on the desk, so look through those and pick out something neither one of us has done. How's that sound?”

“Kind of lame, actually.” She laughed. “But okay.”

So while Jack took a reluctant Pete out in the rain, Maya flipped through the booklets, using Jack's ink-stained notepad and fountain pen to make a list. There were the railway and mining museums, the gondola ride up the back of The Chief, or maybe—

The knock on the door made her start. He'd had the key in his hand when he left; maybe it was housekeeping.

And maybe Maya should have used the damn peephole before opening the door.

“Oh!” Stella's mouth hung open like a giant carp's, her eyes huge and panicked. “I…I…”

Maya couldn't have moved if she wanted to, because the tsunami of emotions raging through her right then cemented her feet in place. There were so many things she wanted to say right then—so many mean, horrible things, like how it was nice to see Stella with her clothes on for a change—and yet for some reason, all she did was clench her jaw shut as tight as she could and stare back at the woman who'd helped destroy her life.

If it wasn't for Stella, Maya would still be married and living in the house she'd worked so hard to turn into a home. If it wasn't for Stella, Maya might already have a baby, she might—

The elevator door slid open, out stepped Jack and Pete, and in that moment, every other “might” vanished from her mind except these: If it wasn't for Stella, Maya might never have discovered these feelings for Jack. If it wasn't for Stella, she might never have known about his feelings for her. If it wasn't for Stella, Maya might never have known what it was like to walk around with jitters so bad she could hardly think straight.

For a fraction of a second there, she almost considered thanking Stella, but then she saw the look on Jack's face.

He closed the distance in a dozen very long and very angry strides, and the whole way over, he didn't once look at Maya, but kept his eyes locked on Stella as he stormed toward them. Pete, on the other hand, wagged his way straight to Maya and pushed up against her legs until she had to grab the doorframe for support.