HotTango (2 page)

The store was a long T-shaped space, with the front taken up
by clothing and the left by vibrators. Tanya wandered to the other side,
leaving Goldie, Mallory and Clarissa to compare dildo notes.

There weren’t any lingerie or vibrators on display here.
Instead the shelves were full of other novelty items, the likes of which her
high school friends had given her at her bachelorette party and they’d
snickered over. Feather ticklers, blindfolds, fuzzy handcuffs. She seriously
doubted Cole would ever entertain the idea of bringing any of the items into
their bedroom. She loved the man but he was incredibly straitlaced at times.

She sighed and finished touring the section, only to be
stopped by a bookshelf. One half seemed geared toward self-help-style female
encouragement, counseling and sex education, while the other held fiction
titles. She recognized more than a few.

Tanya skimmed over the selection, spying a few she owned,
like Jaid Black and Eden Bradley. She bent to run her finger over the books on
the bottom shelf. There was a new one by Joey W. Hill she really wanted but hadn’t
picked up yet. Despite the more eco-friendly digital ereaders, she liked a
paperback every now and then, and for one of her favorite authors she’d prefer
it.

“Finding everything all right?”

Tanya suppressed the urge to groan and glanced up at a woman
with dark-rimmed glasses, straight black hair and beautiful brown skin. Unlike
her coworker, Lea wore an off-the-shoulder striped t-shirt and jeans. It made
her appear more approachable and Tanya found herself relaxing a little.

“Just looking for a book.”

“Do you know the title or author?”

“It’s Joey Hill’s latest.”

Lea nodded. “Ah, yes. We had five in and they sold
immediately. The boss ordered more which should be in later this week. Want me
to take your name and hold one for you?”

“That would be great.” Tanya wouldn’t admit it out loud, but
it would be easier to buy the book here without feeling like she had to hide it
under something so no one saw what she was getting. It was a cowardly thing to
do, and she’d keep doing it while drooling over the cover in private.

Lea led her back to the counter and took her name and phone
number.

“Can I help you with anything else today?”

Tanya sighed and shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

Mallory, Goldie and Clarissa were at a table with several
vibrating boxes between them, their heads bent together in deep discussion.
Tanya watched as Clarissa took one of the penis-shaped ones and placed it
against her nose.

What the heck?

Lea laughed. “It’s how you test the strength of the
vibration.”

Tanya gaped at the woman. “Did I say that out loud?”

“Afraid so.” Lea leaned against the counter and propped her
chin up, grinning at her. “Are you guys out for a run or something?”

“No, we’re part of the local roller derby league. We
practice on Saturday mornings down at the rink on the corner.”

“Get out,” Lea gasped. “Like full contact, hit each other?”

Tanya chuckled. “Yup. Rink rash, bruises and all of it.”

“Rink rash?” Lea’s brow wrinkled at the unfamiliar
terminology.

“Yeah. Like this.” Tanya turned to display the back of her right
thigh. The bruise had faded and the red rash was almost gone, but the pattern
of the fishnets she’d been wearing when she took the tumble was still visible.
That had hurt like a bitch.

“Girl,” Lea drew the word out with a Latin flare. “Is it
fun? What does your husband think about that?”

Tanya glanced at her left hand. She must have slipped her
wedding set back on after practice out of habit. She didn’t even remember doing
it, but wearing the rings was natural.

She shrugged, not really knowing how to answer the question.
Every now and then people asked her about it, and she never really knew how to
respond. “Cole, that’s my husband, he’s cool with it. I’ve always been a tomboy
so it wasn’t a surprise. I think his cop buddies give him crap about it, but he
doesn’t act weird when I come home with bruises or anything.”

“Does it turn him on at all?”

“Uh, I guess? Not really.” Tanya shrugged again and tried
not to appear as uncomfortable as she felt.

“Sorry, that’s an inappropriate question. Clarissa is always
telling me to be more polite and less direct.” Lea rolled her eyes. “It’s not
like people come into here for anything except spicing up their sex lives, but
I shouldn’t ask questions like that.”

“No, it’s okay. I guess, well, that’s mostly my problem. The
lack of spice, I mean.” Tanya wrung the strap on her purse in her hands and
wished for a rock to crawl under.

Lea merely nodded. “Can I ask how long you’ve been married?”

Tanya had to hand it to the woman, she had an easy way about
her that made Tanya want to talk. “Thirteen years.”

“Girl, how old are you?” Lea slapped her hand over her
mouth. “Don’t answer that.”

Tanya tossed her head back and laughed. “I’m thirty-one. We
got married when we were eighteen. About six weeks after we graduated high school.”
She’d barely been able to wait. The memory of how she’d stayed up all night
making centerpieces and dreaming about the wedding still made her smile. There
wasn’t a single thing she’d have changed.

“Damn.” Lea sighed and plopped her chin back onto her palm.
“I wish I would have found someone when I was eighteen I wanted to spend the
rest of my life with. Did you just know?”

Images of a younger, lanky Cole before he filled out into
the beefcake he was now flashed through Tanya’s mind. He’d been slightly
awkward, unaware of how to handle his strength and completely blind to his
natural charisma. Tanya had fallen for him hook, line and sinker out the gate,
no looking back, no second guesses. It was as though they were made for each
other. The familiar, deep-seated warmth in her chest blossomed, reminding her
of all the times she had felt loved and cherished by her husband. That was what
she clung to these days. It was a rough patch. She knew they’d work through it,
but for now it sucked big hairy ones.

Tanya nodded, swallowing back a wistful sigh. “Yeah, I mean,
we started dating when we were fourteen. There was never anyone else. Never
will be.”

“And you’re having a disconnect in the bedroom.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you tried lingerie?”

“And Cole doesn’t even notice it.”

“Does he know you want more attention?”

Tanya shrugged and glanced at her friends, still engrossed
in their vibrator talk. “It’s not easy. He’s SWAT, so he’s always on call 24/7.
Every time we start talking about things, he gets a call. We go to the movies,
he gets a call. It’s frustrating. I used to work for One World, which does a
lot of humanitarian and green projects. Digging wells for villages in Africa,
saving the whales, disaster relief, that sort of stuff. I was gone at least
four months out of the year, sometimes more. We’re just so used to being apart
and coexisting that it’s weird being home all the time now.

“Sorry, that’s a lot to tell someone.”

“No, no. It’s okay.”

“And I don’t tell my derby friends he’s SWAT. They think
he’s a patrol officer,” she added hurriedly. In the beginning she hadn’t
considered that having a cop for a husband would get her different treatment,
but it had. To protect both of them, she’d never mentioned the specifics of his
occupation. Roller derby attracted an alternative audience, not all of whom
were friendly to the law. So far, ignoring that faction of derby girls had
worked for her. It was a big league, after all.

Lea nodded, her brows rising. “Okay, so you have a good
relationship, it’s just changing. It’s not the packaging, because girl, you
have a hot body. I’m no therapist, but I’ve been working in this shop long
enough to guess that it boils down to getting good communication rolling
between two people.”

Tanya felt like toeing the ground as if she were a damn
toddler. “I guess. It’s just hard to ask more of him when I know he gives so
much.”

“To other people.”

“Yeah, but—”

“There is no but. He’s a public servant and it sounds like
you’re one of those champions for the earth types, so you both give everything
you have to everyone else and what do you have left for each other?”

“Gee, Mom, way to bust my ass.”

Lea laughed and held up her hands. “Sorry. My first marriage
was a disaster because we didn’t talk about what he went through in the Army.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Me too, but it makes me the perfect example to tell
you—don’t do what I did.” Lea tilted her head to the side. “Hm. I have an idea.
Hold on.”

Lea pivoted and walked through a pink curtain. She left
Tanya standing at the counter listening to the latest Top 40 hit with a
backbeat of vibrators from across the room.

“Here we go.” Lea emerged from the back with a box in hand.
It was a red box fastened with black ribbon and a silver lock. Paper tags
proclaimed it Pandora’s Box and listed the necessary product information. She
set the item on the counter and pushed it toward Tanya.

“Pandora’s Box. Open the secrets to a more fulfilling sex
life. Make your fantasies come true.” She glanced at Lea. “I’m sorry, but
what?”

“Okay, so hang with me for a second. Yeah, it’s a fancy box
with some suggestive cards and dice inside. It’s not the product that will fix
what’s going on. This just gets the ball rolling. You break out the cards, roll
the dice and things get a little hot. You tear down that wall slowly but
surely. Together. Trying something new, a little different, whatever.”

The box was innocent enough. Tanya turned it over and read
one of the testimonials.

“And this is just another suggestion, but you could get
something like the Beginner’s Bondage Kit. If you like Joey Hill, it could make
some of the suggestions more fun.”

Tanya glanced at Lea, who had her chin propped on her fist,
a grin on her face.

It was a crazy idea, but what did she have to lose?

Tanya slapped the box on the counter.

“Sold.”

Cole climbed out of the SUV and plodded toward the bright
lights of the sprawling contemporary house. It was still strange to call it
home, but building it had made Tanya happy so his opinion hadn’t mattered. What
had he known about building a home?

He pushed open the front door and frowned. How many times
had he told Tanya to lock the dang door? It didn’t matter how nice a
neighborhood they lived in, people broke into all kinds of homes. And theirs
certainly drew the eye, what with all the new green innovations she’d insisted
on.

“Tanya?” He kicked the door shut and flipped the deadbolt.
The alarm beeped at him and he keyed the code in automatically.

“In the kitchen.”

“Babe, how many times do I need to tell you to lock the
front door?” Images of the people his SWAT team hadn’t been able to save
flashed through his mind. He’d die if she became one of them. He rested his
shoulder against the archway leading from the main hallway into the kitchen.

Tanya spun to face him and he experienced that same punch to
the gut he felt every time he saw her. Everyone else got to see the
businesswoman, the roller derby princess or the disaster relief champion. He
got to see this. The grinning, girlish face he’d fallen for at the county fair.

“Did I leave the door unlocked?” She blinked innocently and
it wasn’t an act. That was all Tanya.

Her long hair was freshly washed and held the gentle wave he
loved and she hated. Her makeup long gone, she wore a simple tank top and
shorts, probably in a recycled fabric that benefitted orphans from Zimbabwe or
some other country. Sometimes just thinking about everything she took into
consideration when making a simple sock purchase hurt his skull.

“I locked it, but next time would you please think about
it?” Cole tried for stern. He could stare down gangsters, bark and make a
suspect pee his pants, but his own wife?

“I’m sorry. I had a lot with me when I came home. How was
your day?” She padded across the tile floor and lifted up on tiptoes to press a
sweet kiss to his cheek.

Cole held perfectly still. He dug his fingers into his palms
to keep from grabbing her. Despite her beliefs about how badass she was, Tanya
was still breakable. Still his wife. And he’d treat her with the respect she
warranted.

He quite simply didn’t deserve this woman.

“Stressful. You cooking?”

“Yeah, some stir fry. It’ll be ready in about ten minutes.”

“Enough time for me to take a shower.” He cupped her
shoulders and squeezed. It was that or take her into his arms, bend her over
and do her right there on their thermo-recycled-dynamic-whatever tile floor.
He’d fantasized about that after watching her do stretches. The way she could
touch her face to her shins was unreal.

“It’ll be ready.” She flashed him a bright smile and spun
away to do her magic at the stove.

Cole watched her bob her hips in time to the radio. His gaze
dropped to her firm ass. His palm itched to grab it, but he knew she had a deep
tissue bruise on one hip. Tanya’s latest round of contusions was fading but
they’d just be replaced in a week or less. The woman collected injuries faster
than he did.

That was it. He had to get away from her.

He left the kitchen and picked up a change of clothes from
the bedroom before hitting the shower. The hot spray washed away grime and
sweat that felt as if it caked his body from standing out in crowds for the
last nine hours. Everyone said having the Summer Olympics in Metro City was a
great honor and would bring in lots of revenue. Cole knew only that it was a
logistical nightmare. The next two weeks would be the longest of his life.

But each night he got to come home to Tanya. It was a
novelty that hadn’t worn off yet, even after three years. He was so used to
coming home to their condo. Empty. On a good night he would get to make a video
call to whatever part of the world Tanya was working in. In those days he’d
lived for the first week of her coming home. For that time they were randy
teenagers all over again, unable to keep their hands off each other. He’d
pitied his married coworkers who talked dispassionately about their spouses,
because he and Tanya burned up the sheets.

Cole scrubbed his chest and shoulders, taking off a layer of
skin as he went.

He wasn’t unaware of the change in his relationship with
Tanya. He sure as hell wanted her, and that was the problem. Not long after
they’d moved into the house, Tanya had suggested christening their couch.
They’d been tipsy and his fine control had slipped. He’d left actual bruises on
her arms, shoulders and hips. She’d not complained once, never brought it up,
but the sight of bruises he’d left on her was enough to shut down their sex
life.

Cole knew his own strength. He tested it out against bad
guys in the field every day, and Tanya didn’t stand a chance against him. So he
kept a firm handle on his control, because the honest truth was that she was a
brightly burning star and he was the weight holding her down.

Sluicing the water off his body, he did a quick rubdown with
a towel then paused at his clothing. A dose of painkillers sat on top of the
fabric and a glass of iced tea was sweating condensation on the counter.

His temples pulsed with an impending migraine.

Tanya.

She’d known his head was killing him before even he realized
it. He took the medicine before getting dressed in sweatpants and one of the
many gray SWAT t-shirts that made up his off-duty wardrobe. Glass in hand, he
retraced his steps to the kitchen, which was empty. The light beyond it was on,
illuminating an intimate dinner.

The hair on his arms rose in a precautionary warning, as if
to say
Danger ahead!

On a typical night they ate either at the bar in the
kitchen, the back patio or in front of the TV.

They rarely used the dining table.

“This looks nice,” he said as he stepped through the kitchen
to the table long enough to seat ten people with elbow room.

Tanya turned to face him. She’d changed into a simple cotton
dress in a soft, summer green that set off her eyes. All that was missing was a
flower for her hair. “I thought you might want a nice dinner after working late
last night and all day today.”

The table was set, complete with linen napkins probably sewn
by thankful mothers from Thailand or somewhere. A small vase he vaguely
recalled being part of a Valentine’s Day gift sat in the middle with a bunch of
daisies in it.

“It looks very nice.” He put a hand against the small of her
back and kissed her forehead with the briefest touch possible. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She preened under his praise and circled
the table to sit across from him.

He settled into the chair, evaluating the room for a
tactical retreat. Until the time when he needed to make an exit, he smoothed
the napkin over a knee and inhaled the fragrant aroma of whatever concoction
Tanya had put together. The woman wasn’t a chef, but she could cook a wide
variety of foods, at least three dishes from each group of people she’d spent
considerable time helping. It was her souvenir, she said.

Tanya picked up her fork and studied him across the table.
“I didn’t even hear you come in last night. Did you get to see any of the
opening ceremony?”

“Nothing. My team was on the outside. We mostly did traffic
control all night.” He shoveled a mouthful of what looked to be meat, some kind
of noodle and sugar snap peas into his mouth.

“That’s too bad. I loved the superhero theme they went with.
It was very cool to see the city’s history played out like one big musical
number.” She snickered and grinned. “Made me think about that old Halloween
costume your mom made you.”

“Stop right there.” He coughed around his food, shaking a
finger at her. His mother had terrorized him by holding Tanya’s hand and
showing her every single picture she’d ever taken of him. Including those of
the superhero costume he’d worn until the seams literally burst because he was
too big.

Tanya laughed, not at all repentant. “You were so cute. I
wonder if she would give me a copy to frame.”

“No.”

“Oh come on.”

“No way.”

“Please?”

“Not going to happen.”

Tanya didn’t even try to pout, she just grinned at him and twirled
her fork between her fingers. He could hear her mother’s voice in his mind
telling Tanya to stop playing with her food. Some habits could never be broken.

“How was practice?” he asked to change the subject.

“Really good. I think the bout next weekend is going to
really be awesome. Did you get Saturday night off, or do you have to work?”

“I worked it so I’m on duty during the day and will be off
that night, but I am on call.”

“Awesome.” Tanya smiled without a trace of bitterness or
resentment.

Cole was not unaware that he had yet to make it through a
single one of her games because of work. He felt guilty, but she’d never said a
cross word about it. He hoped like hell he could make it to this one as it
would be the last major home game of the season before playoffs, which were
held over one week in a tournament style.

“What do you have going on this week?” He stabbed a large
piece of meat with his fork and cut it up.

“Finishing up the consulting gig with that soda company,
writing up a leadership plan for continued Gulf relief and I’ll probably get
started on the plan for the office building job. They want to make the whole
tower green, mount solar panels on the roof, do a few terrace gardens and
implement a paperless system on top of the regular stuff.”

Tanya’s move into the private sector was to serve the latest
craze and even she didn’t know how long it would last, but she was one of the
most well-equipped people to offer these types of services. It didn’t hurt that
companies paid her a king’s ransom to do the jobs either.

“What about you?” she asked.

Cole chewed slowly. Sometimes it was difficult to decide
what to tell Tanya and what to keep from her for her own good. There were
aspects of his job that were dark, disturbing and haunted him. At other times
he just didn’t want to worry her needlessly. Usually he shot straight with her
because she’d always told him the stark facts about situations she’d faced with
One World. They were both the type of person who didn’t shrink from difficult
situations.

“Truth?” He swallowed and put his fork down. “We’re working
on a raid on top of all the Olympics staffing. It’s a good thing we have so
many other PDs supporting this because it’s crazy. Everyone’s on high alert
too. Remember that Ali Saed guy who was captured? He’s the one thought to be a
leader of a radical terrorist group. Well, his followers have been threatening
to attack symbols of our way of life unless he’s released.”

“And you think they might target the Games?” she asked as
calmly as if they were discussing the weather.

“It would make sense.”

“Please be safe?”

“Of course.”

They lapsed into silence. Forks scraping bowls and the click
of glasses on the table were the only sounds between them. Tanya was the first
to finish her meal. She pushed her plate away and folded her hands together on
the table. The energy in the room shifted slightly, raising the hair on his
arms.

Danger! Danger! Danger!

“Something on your mind?” he asked, despite knowing better
than to ask. Whatever Tanya wanted to talk about, she’d damn sure let him know.

She had the grace to appear abashed. “I just want to talk to
you about something. I know this isn’t great timing, there’s a lot going on
over the next two weeks, but I just want to talk about it.”

Cole’s mind raced with the possibilities. Children? A new
business move he wouldn’t like? A trip? Something from home? He tested each but
came back to the same one.

It had to be kids.

They’d been married for over a decade and everyone was on
their case about popping out the next Cole or Tanya. Parents, siblings,
friends, coworkers—they hounded Tanya and him all the time about babies, but he
and she had been on the same page about where they were in life. Sweat broke
out across his brow and his vision sharpened the way it did before a raid.

“God, forget it.” Tanya shoved away from the table and
grabbed her plate.

Part of him wanted to let her storm off, but she didn’t
deserve that. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Tanya, wait.”

“No. Anytime I want to talk about something serious you get
like that. Start looking for a way to escape.” Dishes hit the bottom of the
sink and the sound of water rushing out of the faucet punctuated her words.

He winced.

Great move.

She had him figured out.

Cole picked up his plate and brought it to the sink, where
Tanya was resolutely ignoring him. He scraped the last of the dishes off in the
compost bin and waited for his wife to acknowledge his presence. Her mouth was
frozen in an adorable frown he wanted to kiss away. God, he had fantasies about
that mouth. Even when she was angry.

“Babe?”

Her scrubbing increased in speed.

“Babe, please talk to me.”

“Don’t be patronizing,” she snapped and plunked the dish in
the opposite sink to rinse.

He pushed her hands aside and took over the rinsing, letting
her go back to scrubbing. Their first date had been dinner at her parents’
house, after which they’d washed dishes together. It was one of their oldest
routines.

“I’m not.” He took a deep breath and stepped off the
proverbial ledge. “The truth? I keep waiting for you to bring up the topic of
kids.”

The plate Tanya was scrubbing slipped out of her hand, suds
flew up in her hair and water doused the front of her dress.

“Kids?” she yelped.

He turned toward her and rested a hip against the counter.
“Well, yeah.”