Horrid Henry Robs the Bank
Read Horrid Henry Robs the Bank Online
Authors: Francesca Simon
Text © Francesca Simon 2008
Cover and internal illustrations © Tony Ross 2008
Cover and internal design © 2013 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systemsâexcept in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviewsâwithout permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
Published by Sourcebooks Jabberwocky, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.
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Originally published in Great Britain in 2008 by Orion Children's Books.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is on file with the publisher.
For my brilliant friend Dina Rabinovitch, who did so much for children's literature, and for her son, Elon Julius
“It's not fair!” howled Horrid Henry. “I want a Hip-Hop Robot dog!”
Horrid Henry needed money. Lots and lots and lots of money. His parents didn't need money, and yet they had tons more than he did. It was so unfair. Why was he so brilliant at
spending
money, and so bad at
getting
money?
And now Mom and Dad refused to buy him something he desperately needed.
“You have plenty of toys,” said Mom.
“Which you never play with,” said Dad.
“That's 'cause they're all so boring!” screeched Henry. “I want a robot dog!”
“Too expensive,” said Mom.
“Too noisy,” said Dad.
“But
everyone
has a Hip-Hop Robot Dog,” whined Henry. “Everyone but
me
.”
Horrid Henry stomped out of the room. How could he get some money?
Wait. Maybe he could
persuade
Peter to give him some. Peter always had tons of cash because he never bought anything.
Yes! He could hold Peter's Bunnykins for ransom. He could tell Peter his room was haunted and get Peter to pay him for ghostbusting. He could make Peter donate to Henry's favorite charity, Child in Need⦠Hip-Hop Robot Dog, here I come, thought Horrid Henry, bursting into Peter's bedroom.
Perfect Peter and Tidy Ted were whispering together on the floor. Papers were scattered all around them.
“You can't come in my room,” said Peter.
“Yes I can,” said Henry, “'cause I'm already in. Pooh, your room stinks.”
“That's 'cause you're in it,” said Peter.
Henry decided to ignore this insult.
“Whatcha doing?”
“Nothing,” said Peter.
“We're writing our own newspaper like Mrs. Oddbod suggested in assembly,” said Ted. “We've even got a
Tidy with Ted
column,” he added proudly.
“A snooze paper, you mean,” said Henry.
“It is not,” said Peter.
Henry snorted. “What's it called?”
“
The Best Boys' Busy Bee
,” said Peter.
“What a stupid name,” said Henry.
“It's not a stupid name,” said Peter. “Miss Lovely said it was perfect.”
“Peter, I have a great idea for your paper,” said Henry.
“What?” said Peter cautiously.
“You can use your newspaper for Fluffy's litter box.”
“MOOOM!” wailed Peter. “Henry's being mean to me.”
“Don't be horrid, Henry!” shouted Mom.
“Peter is a poopsicle, Peter is a poopsicle,” chanted Henry.
But then Peter did something strange. Instead of screaming for Mom, Peter started writing.
“Now everyone who buys my newspaper will know how horrid you are,” said Peter, putting down his pencil.
Buy?
Buy?
“We're selling it in school tomorrow,” said Ted. “Miss Lovely said we could.”
Sell?
Sell?
“Lemme see that,” said Henry, yanking the paper out of Peter's hands.
The
Busy Bee's
headline read:
PETER IN THE GOOD AS GOLD BOOK FOR THE FOURTH TIME THIS MONTH
Horrid Henry snorted. What a worm. Then his eye caught the second headline:
COMPUTER BAN FOR HORRID BOY
Henry was banned from playing games on the computer today because he was mean to his brother Peter and called him wibble pants and poopsicle.
The Busy Bee
hopes Henry has learned his lesson and will stop being such a big meanie.
“You're going toâ¦
sell
this?” spluttered Henry. His name would be mud. Worse than mud. Everyone would know what a stupid toad brother he had. Worse, some people might even
believe
Peter's lies.
And then suddenly Horrid Henry had a brilliant, spectacular idea. He'd write his
own
newspaper. Everyone would want to buy it. He'd be rich!
He could call his newspaper
The Hourly Howler
and charge 25¢ a copy. If he could write seven editions a day, and sell each copy to 500 people, he'd make⦠he'd makeâ¦well, multiplication was never his best subject, but he could make
tons
of money!!!!!!
On the other hand, writing seven newspapers a day, every day, seemed an awful lot of work. An awful, awful lot of work. Perhaps
The Daily Digger
was the way to go. He'd charge a lot more per copy, and do a lot less work. Yes!
Hmmn. Perhaps
The Weekly Warble
would be better. No,
The Monthly Moaner
.
Maybe just
The Purple Hand Basher
.
The Basher
! What a great name for a great paper!
Now, what should his newspaper have? News of course. All about Henry's triumphs. And gossip and quizzes and sports.
First, I need a great headline, thought Horrid Henry.
What about: PETER IS A WORM. Tempting, thought Henry, but old news: everyone already knows that Peter is a worm. What could he tell his readers that they
didn't
know?
After all, news didn't have to be true, did it? Just
new
. And boy did he have some brand-new news!
PETER SENT TO PRISON
The world's toadiest brother has been found guilty of being a worm and taken straight to prison. He was sentenced to live on bread and water for three years.
The Basher
says: “It should have been ten years.”
SECRET CLUB COLLAPSES!!!
The Secret Club has collapsed. “Margaret is such a moody old bossy-pants no one wants to be in her club anymore,” said Susan.
“Goodbye, grump-face,” said Gurinder.
Right, that was the news section taken care of. Now, for some good gossip.
But what gossip? What scandal? Sadly, Horrid Henry didn't know any horrid rumors. But a gossip columnist needed to write somethingâ¦
MRS. ODDBOD BIKINI SHOCK
Mrs. Oddbod was seen strolling down Main Street wearing a new yellow polka dot bikini. Is this any way for a principal to behave?
TEACHER IN TOILET TERROR
Terrible screams rang out from the boys' bathroom yesterday. “Help! Help! There's a monster in the toilet!” screamed the crazed teacher Miss Boudicca Battle-Axe. “It's got hairy scary claws and three heads!!”
