Hopelessly Devoted to Holden Finn (8 page)

It had been a spontaneous decision to call in at the chemist on the way home from work that Friday night and Bonnie didn’t even know what had made her do it. All she knew was every day that week had seen her mood become more and more impatient, and every day that she looked in the mirror, she was less satisfied by what she saw. Maybe a change was the answer?

But right now Paige would be on her own in the flat, waiting for Bonnie to get home. She glanced up and along the aisle where a girl with pink hair and a nose ring was picking up the same colour that was already on her head, clearly a refresher application. Bonnie hesitated for a moment, mesmerised by how young and trendy she was. Then she grabbed the red and marched to the tills at the front of the shop.

***

‘Oh my God, Mum, you look amazing!’ Paige stared at Bonnie who had gone into the bathroom after tea without a word to her daughter, applied the dye and then dried and smoothed her hair with rarely-used straighteners. The effect was dramatic, to say the least, and even Bonnie had been shocked at the sight of herself in the mirror. After a moment or two of wide-eyed contemplation, she began to bubble with excitement at the change, and Paige’s reaction had reinforced that. Maybe this was all she needed to shake herself out of the rut her life had fallen into.

Paige flipped herself from the sofa and went over to Bonnie, picking up a lock of hair from her shoulders to examine. ‘It’s gorgeous,’ she beamed. ‘How come you decided to do this?’

Bonnie shrugged, trying to make light of the compliment, but the delight at Paige’s comments evident in her smile. ‘I just fancied a change.’

‘The men will be fainting over you,’ Paige said.

It was the first time Paige had ever talked so openly about the fact that Bonnie was single. Bonnie cautiously wondered whether to take it as a good sign. Perhaps Paige was finally coming to terms with the fact that her father was not coming back, and
maybe she was coming around to the idea that Bonnie deserved a second chance at love… something Bonnie herself was finding it hard to do.

‘I don’t know about that,’ Bonnie laughed lightly. ‘I think it will take a lot more than a new hairdo. A year on the exercise bike to lift this saggy bum for a start.’

‘Don’t be daft. You look way prettier than loads of my mates’ mums.’

Bonnie felt herself swell with pride. Was that how Paige really saw her? Maybe she was having some sort of personality crisis and being unusually kind. Either way, it gave Bonnie a feeling of warmth that she hadn’t had for a long time.

***

Dear Holden

It’s not long until we come and see you now, at least, until my daughter comes to see you. I suppose I’ll be waiting in the flat here, or at the very best outside in the car trying not to embarrass Paige. I dyed my hair. I think it looks nice and Paige seems to like it. Henri would have hated it. I wonder what you’ll think if I do get to meet you…

Bonnie ran a hand down her hair absently, still slightly surprised by the uncharacteristic sleekness of it. She read the letter through once more, then screwed up the page and threw it into the kitchen bin. The clock showed eleven-thirty and she had another Monday to look forward to again the following day. They came around so quickly she could barely keep up. In six hours she would be up again, yawning and arguing with Paige to get out of bed for school. With a deep sigh, she dumped her mug in the sink and went up to bed.

***

Linda wolf-whistled as Bonnie pulled back the wet hood of her coat. ‘Wow, you look like one hot momma!’

Bonnie laughed lightly. ‘Steady on.’

Fred put his head round the door to the stockroom to give them his usual morning reprimand. He stopped in his tracks with his mouth hanging open.

‘Bloody hell…’

‘Don’t mince your words, Fred,’ Linda said in a wry tone.

‘What the hell have you done to your hair, lass?’

Bonnie frowned. ‘Traditionally, this is where you compliment me on how nice and different I look.’

‘I’ll have to go home to get my sunglasses.’ There was almost a grin, but not quite as he uttered his next sentence. ‘Don’t stand too close to the tomatoes today; we might not be able to find you again.’

‘Cheeky bugger!’ Bonnie exclaimed.

Linda cocked an incredulous eyebrow at her boss. ‘I can’t believe you, of all people, are making scathing comments about hair.’

Fred self-consciously ran a hand over his pate. ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he grumbled.

Linda shot a sideways glance at Bonnie, biting back laughter.

‘Never mind that now,’ Fred insisted, ‘there’s a shop that needs stocking out here. Get those fridges unlocked.’

With a quick grin at Linda, Bonnie went to get the keys from the kitchen. The usual early morning knock came from the back door and Linda shuffled over to answer it.

‘Morning!’ Max shook the rain from his coat. ‘Kettle on?’

Linda stepped back to let him in. ‘Not yet but give us a tick.’

‘Alright, Max?’ Bonnie stepped from the kitchen, immediately aware of Max’s stare and suddenly feeling herself blush.

Max shook his head. ‘Sorry… blimey…’

Linda laughed as she went to put the kettle on. ‘Bonnie, you’d better not put make-up on tomorrow, the blokes round here might not be responsible for their actions.’

Bonnie slapped her arm playfully as she passed and squeezed into the kitchenette.

‘You look…’ Max’s sentence trailed off again.

‘Lovely? I’m sure that’s the word you’re looking for,’ Linda called from the kitchen.

‘I mean,’ Max continued as if Linda hadn’t spoken, ‘not that you don’t always look nice… it’s just that….’ He shook his head again.

Bonnie couldn’t work out whether he approved or not. But then, she thought somewhat peevishly, it was her hair and she could do what she bloody well liked to it.
Why should she be bothered that Max may not like it? Equally, what did it matter to her if he did?

Linda appeared at the kitchen doorway wiping her hands on a teacloth. ‘Max, if that’s your animal magnetism and easy going charm you’re displaying there, it’s a wonder Sarah didn’t drop her knickers the minute she clapped eyes on you.’ Max seemed to come back to himself and grinned widely. ‘How’s it going with Sarah, by the way?’ she added as Bonnie sloped off to open the fridges.

‘Good, thanks. I think we’re coming up to our three-week anniversary.’

‘Oooh, get you. Next we’ll be talking weddings.’

Bonnie listened to the exchange as she stepped into the first walk-in fridge, her good humour dissipating. The cold never failed to surprise her no matter how many years it had been and, immediately, her skin prickled all over, her breath rising in a white plume. She dragged out a tray of Spanish plums and hauled them into the stockroom, glad to be back in the warm.

‘When you’ve finished organising Max’s love life, a little help here, Lind?’ Bonnie snapped as she emerged from the fridge.

Linda shot a confused look at Max, who shrugged silently as Bonnie took the fruit out to the shop.

***

Try as she might, Bonnie hadn’t quite managed to shake the dour mood that had settled over her that day at work, despite all the compliments and admiring looks from regular customers. By lunchtime, Linda had complained about her being less fun than a mass funeral, and stalked off to the Bounty to get lunch alone while Bonnie had sat in the kitchen of the shop nursing a cup-a-soup and a foul temper.

Linda’s irritation only ever flared momentarily, so after her usual ten minutes of idle banter with Stavros, she was back to her old self. Busy all afternoon with customers, she hardly paid any more attention to Bonnie’s dark mood and bid her a cheery farewell at home time.

As Bonnie had promised her mum she would call after work, she thought she’d better honour that promise. Jeanie had been less than enthusiastic about seeing her recently and Bonnie figured she’d somehow managed to upset her too.

***

Bonnie let herself in at Jeanie’s house and shouted down the hallway. ‘Hey, Mum, it’s just me.’

Jeanie’s head popped out from the kitchen doorway. ‘On your own tonight?’

‘Paige is at Annabel’s for tea. They’re planning world domination, starting with the radio station next week. I’ve got to pick her up on the way home when she’s created her masterplan.’

‘Right.’

Jeanie’s head disappeared again and Bonnie frowned. That wasn’t the reaction to her joke she had been expecting. She entered the kitchen to find her mum sitting at the table with a magazine open and a cup of tea half drunk.

‘What’s that mag?’ Bonnie asked.

Jeanie flicked the magazine shut and pushed it across the table to where Bonnie was sitting herself down. ‘I’ve finished with it if you want to take it home with you.’

‘Oooh, ta, Mum.’ Bonnie pulled it over to look at the cover.

‘Cup of tea?’ Jeanie asked, pushing herself up from her seat. Bonnie watched her carefully as she went over to the kettle without waiting for Bonnie’s reply.

‘Are you feeling ok, Mum?’

‘Hmmm?’

‘You seem a bit… distracted.’

‘No, no, I’m fine.’ Jeanie flicked the switch to the kettle and reached for a mug from the cupboard.

‘Mum, sit down.’

‘I’ll make your drink first…’

‘Mum, the drink can wait. Just sit down and tell me what’s wrong.’

‘There’s nothing wrong.’

‘Something is bothering you.’

Jeanie paused, before exhaling loudly and then sitting down next to Bonnie at the table.

‘I’ve been trying to tell you for ages…’

‘Tell me what?’

‘I’ve met someone.’

‘What do you mean?’ Bonnie knew perfectly well what her mother meant; but her brain couldn’t compute the information for some reason.

‘I’ve met a man…’

Bonnie stared at her mother.

‘It’s not that abnormal.’

‘I know, but it’s just so sudden.’

‘Sudden? You’re the one who’s been telling me for the last five years I should find another fella.’

‘It’s just that…’

‘It’s just that you didn’t really mean it even though you thought you did and now that there’s someone on the scene it feels like a replacement for your dad, even though you know that nobody will ever replace your dad.’ Jeanie smiled and pulled Bonnie into a hug. ‘I knew how you’d feel about it, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you.’

‘Ok,’ Bonnie said quietly as she pulled away. ‘You’re right, just like you always are. How long has this been going on?’

‘A couple of months.’

‘A couple of months?’ Bonnie thought back to the times that she could remember her mum being out over the past few weeks. ‘But when? You’re nearly always here.’

‘He’s been kind of hard to get hold of,’ Jeanie replied awkwardly. ‘There hasn’t been much opportunity for us to see each other.’

Bonnie looked at her mum thoughtfully. ‘So who is he?’ she asked, rallying herself to cheeriness.

‘He’s named Juan.’

‘Unusual name. Where’s he live?’

‘Costa del Sol.’

‘What!’

‘Spain.’ Jeanie got up to fetch the biscuit tin from the cupboard.

‘I know where it is,’ Bonnie said. ‘But how the hell are you going to sustain a relationship with a man in Spain?’

Jeanie shrugged as she popped the lid off the tin and nosed inside.

Bonnie sat at the table with a dazed expression. ‘No wonder you’ve been on so many fag runs...’

Jeanie laughed. ‘Sorry, love. I just didn’t know how to tell you about him. But then after all that messing around and wondering how to put it, I realised that the best way was just to come out with it. After all, you’re a big girl now.’

Bonnie paused. ‘Spanish, eh?’

Jeanie nodded.

‘We don’t half have a thing for foreigners in our family.’ Bonnie gave a faint smile.

‘Let’s hope we don’t have a thing for deserters,’ Jeanie replied darkly.

‘It’s pretty hard to desert someone when they live in another country already.’

Jeanie hesitated for a moment, holding her daughter in a carefully measured gaze and Bonnie felt her blood run cold. She’d seen that look a million times before and she knew she wasn’t going to like what it meant.

‘That’s the thing,’ Jeanie began slowly, ‘I’m not sure we’re going to be in separate countries for much longer.’

‘Please tell me Juan is moving to England…’

Jeanie shook her head.

‘Oh, God, Mum…’

‘He’s asked me to move to Spain, and I’ve said yes.’

‘You hardly know the man!’

‘That didn’t stop you running off with Henri when you were eighteen,’ Jeanie snapped.

‘That was a three-month fling and then we moved back to England together, it was different, it was never meant to be permanent.’

‘You didn’t know that at the time.’

Bonnie sighed, fighting the tears that she knew were selfish. ‘What will I do without you, Mum?’

Jeanie put down the tin and went back to the table. She took Bonnie’s hand. ‘It took me a long time to get over your dad, but lately I’ve come to realise something very important. I’m not getting any younger, despite the leather trousers that I know you think are unsuitable,’ Jeanie laughed and Bonnie forced a smile, ‘and life is too short to be so afraid that you let everything pass you by.’

‘That means that you have to leap into risky moves across Europe with a man you hardly know?’

‘Sometimes, yes, it does. Sometimes, you just have to take a chance. When you meet Juan I know you’ll like him. He makes me feel more alive than I have done in years. He makes me complete, the way your dad used to. Can you be happy for me?’

‘I’ll worry to death about you,’ Bonnie sniffed.

‘You needn’t. You have things more pressing than a silly old rocker to worry about.’

‘I don’t.’

‘You have Paige, who is turning into a beautiful young woman before your eyes, who is smart and switched on in a way I’ve never seen in another girl of her age before. But she’s also hurt and vulnerable. She needs you much more than I do.’

‘We
both
need you,’ Bonnie said.

Jeanie squeezed Bonnie’s hand. ‘You could always come.’

‘With you? What would Juan say? That’s gives a whole new slant on baggage.’