Hopeless (21 page)

“I can’t believe you told him.”

Jay turned around to see Victoria standing
behind them, looking devastated. He jumped up, anxious to comfort her.
“Sweetheart, I—”

Victoria held her hand up as she took a
step back. “Don’t touch me.” She pointed a trembling finger at Lindsay. “I
trusted you. You were the only person I’ve ever trusted with my secrets. How
could you do this to me?”

“Honey, I’m sorry.” Tears started streaking
Lindsay’s face and she brushed them away. “I thought he knew about the cancer
and the fact you couldn’t have a family—”

Her mouth fell open as hurt gave way to
shock. “You told him everything?”

“Baby, listen to me…” He was desperate to
touch her, to pull her into his arms and tell her he didn’t give a damn about
any of it, but the wild look in her told him she would bolt if he dared to come
any closer.

“You…” She glared at him. “You couldn’t get
the details you wanted from me, so you thought you’d come here and pump my
so-called friend for information about my past? You think one meaningless night
gives you the right to insinuate yourself into my life this way?”

Jay told himself she was hurt and angry,
she didn’t mean what she was saying, but it still stung.

A middle-aged doctor wearing a white lab
coat approached them. “Pardon me, are you Victoria Pierce?”

She turned to face him. “Yes, sir.”

“We’re ready to do the ultrasound now. Ms.
Wright said she’d like you to be with her.”

“Of course, I’ll be right there.” She
waited for the doctor to walk away before she turned back to Lindsay and Jay.
“I don’t want either of you to be here when I come out of Lena’s room. Understood?”

She looked so cold, so detached. Jay knew
there was no way he was going to be able to reason with her until she had time
to calm down. “Fine, I’ll call you later.”

“Don’t bother.”

He reached for her wrist when she turned to
walk away. “You don’t really think I’m going to give up on you so easily?”

She peeled his fingers off her wrist before
she looked up at him with eyes so emotionless it broke his heart. He knew
somewhere between hurt and anger, she’d slipped on her mask of indifference and
he feared that would be the hardest layer of all to penetrate.

“You don’t have a choice.” 

Victoria took a deep breath before she
stepped into Lena’s hospital room. The last thing the young girl needed was to
bear the burden of Victoria’s problems on top of her own.

She couldn’t believe the only two people
she’d ever allowed herself to trust betrayed her in one fell swoop.

Lena looked terrified as the doctor spread
the gel on her protruding stomach.

Victoria set her own problems aside as she
took the girl’s hand and smiled. “Everything’s going to be fine.” Of course,
she had no way of knowing that, and during her illness she always resented it
when nurses and doctors tried to sugar coat things to spare her, but she could
tell Lena was nearing her breaking point.

“What’s if it’s not?” she whispered
fiercely, digging her short nails into Victoria’s hand. “What if I did
something wrong? What if I hurt my baby?”

“Sssh,” Victoria said, brushing Lena’s hair
off her face. She’d never had any experience being maternal, and she’d
certainly never had an example to follow, but the other counselors at the
shelter told her she had a way of putting traumatized children at ease. They’d
always told her she’d make a wonderful mother someday. When they said it, they
had no way of knowing how deep the offhand compliment sliced her.

They sat in silence, waiting and praying
for the tiny blip to appear on the screen. They both watched the doctor’s face
as he focused all of his attention on the screen, trying to read his reaction,
looking for some hint everything was as it should be.

Victoria was stunned at how invested she
was. She hadn’t even known this baby existed twenty-four hours ago, yet she
knew she’d be devastated if she found out it was no more. Lena wasn’t ready to
be a mother. It may be a blessing in disguise, but Victoria couldn’t help but feel
every baby was a gift to be treasured, especially after she’d seen so many beautiful
infants being cast aside like unwanted waste.

“Is everything okay?” Lena whispered,
staring at the screen. “Is my baby okay?”

“Everything looks fine. Judging by this,
I’d say you’re about thirty weeks.” He looked to Lena for confirmation. “Does
that sound right?”

“Yes, sir, I think so.”

Victoria and Lena both stared on, in awe,
as the doctor pointed out the blip on the screen. The tiny little blip with a
strong heartbeat and a stronger will to live had already beat the odds, already
established him or herself as a fighter.

“I can tell you the baby’s gender, if you’d
like to know.”

Lena looked up at Victoria and smiled.
“Yes, please.”

“It looks like it’s going to be a girl. We
don’t like to say with absolute certainty. Of course, there’s always room for
error, but in this case, I’m 98% percent certain.”

“A girl,” Lena whispered, clenching
Victoria’s hand tighter. “I’m going to have a baby girl.”

Victoria couldn’t stem the flow of tears if
she’d wanted to. The last twenty-four hours had taken her on a rollercoaster
ride from heaven to hell and back again. “I’m sure she’s gonna be beautiful,
just like her mama.”  

“You know, you’re a very lucky young lady,”
the doctor said. “This far into your pregnancy, without prenatal care…” He
shook his head. “It could have been disastrous.”

“I understand,” Lena said, quietly.

Victoria wanted to speak out, to defend
Lena, to tell the doctor she was barely more than a kid herself who’d had to
deal with more in her short time on this earth than most adults could deal with
in a lifetime, but she held her tongue. She knew Lena was going to have to
learn to take care of herself if she had a prayer of being able to take care of
her baby.

“Would you like a photo?” the doctor asked,
getting up from the stool he was perched on.

“Yes, please.”

Victoria watched the doctor print the image
and push the ultrasound machine aside. He’d probably done this hundreds of
times in his career, but this was the first time Victoria had ever witnessed
the miracle of life growing inside someone’s body and she was stunned to
realize it had shaken her to the core.

The doctor passed the image to Lena. “I’ll
send you home with a prescription for prenatal vitamins. You should set up an
appointment with your family doctor as soon as possible.”

Lena remained quiet until the doctor left
the room. “I don’t have a doctor. I don’t have insurance. What am I gonna do?”

Victoria knew what it felt like to feel
helpless and alone. She knew what it felt like to be hungry and be scared.
“It’s okay,” she said, squeezing Lena’s hand. “The shelter has a reserve fund
for medical emergencies, and I’ll ask my doctor if he can see you.”

Lena stared at the picture in her hand for
a long time before she said, “I came back for a reason, Victoria.”

“I don’t need to know why you came back,
honey. I’m just so glad you did.”

“I’ve never had a mother or big sister to
take care of me…” She cleared her throat, obviously trying to get the words
out. “Ever since I met you, you made it a point to take care of me. You’d visit
me at my foster homes, come in to my room and talk to me when I was at the
shelter, help me with my homework before I started skippin’ school.” She choked
back a sob. “Hell, you even came out to look for me on the streets once. Do you
remember?”

Victoria remembered being terrified at the
thought of a twelve-year-old girl being out on the streets at night with no one
to protect her. She’d hunted every dark alley, dumpster, bridge, park, and
abandoned house in the city, all night long, until she finally found her
huddled in the corner of a store, trying to keep warm.

“Of course I remember.”

“You were the first person to ever give a
damn about me, to care whether I’d be dead or alive come morning.”

Victoria tried in vain to blink back the
tears. She’d tried so hard to protect her heart, to prevent anyone from getting
too close, but without even realizing it, this scared, lonely teenager wore her
down. “You have so much potential, Lena. You could do or be anything you want
to be.”

“I want to be just like you,” she said,
looking up at Victoria shyly, under the veil of her long, dark eyelashes.
“Strong and fearless.”

Victoria almost laughed out loud at her
inaccurate description. She felt as weak and helpless as she’d ever felt. Her
best friend had turned on her. The first man she’d ever thought to let her
guard down with betrayed her, and she felt hopelessly alone in the world. It
never bothered her before, the thought of being alone, but today, for some
unknown reason, it terrified her.

“Victoria, I have something to ask you.”
She took a deep breath. “I know I don’t have the right to ask this. It isn’t
your problem to fix…”

“Honey, you can ask me anything. You know
I’ll try to help any way I can.”

With trembling fingers, Lena handed
Victoria the image the doctor had given her mere moments before. “I’d like you
to adopt my baby.”

A rush of nausea came over Victoria at the
same time the room began to spin. “What did you say?” She prayed she’d heard
her wrong. She must have heard her wrong. Anyone in their right mind could see she
wasn’t fit to be a mother. She was sick and… okay, maybe she wasn’t sick
anymore, but she could be, any time… tomorrow, the next day… no one knew for sure.

“I want you to take my baby.”

“No!” Victoria jumped up out of her seat,
almost knocking it over in her haste to get out of the small hospital room. The
walls were closing in on her, trying to trap her. She couldn’t think, couldn’t
breathe. She couldn’t stay. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… so sorry. You don’t want
me.” She covered her mouth when a sob escaped. “You wouldn’t want me. You don’t
understand. Your baby deserves better, someone who can promise to be there for
her.” She slowly backed out of the room. “I can’t. I’m so sorry… I just can’t.”

Jay knew he should just go home and hope
Victoria would call or stop by when she was ready to talk, but he didn’t trust
himself to give her the space she needed if he was left alone with his thoughts.

When he pulled into his dad’s driveway, he
almost thought about completing the circle and leaving again. He didn’t know
what to say, how to explain what was going on with him. But then he realized
this was his dad, so he probably wouldn’t have to. Josh had always known what
he was thinking and when he was struggling without ever needing a clue. That’s
what made him the kind of dad Jay always hoped he’d be someday. But he never
imagined a family wouldn’t be in the cards for him. With Victoria, it was an
either / or proposition, and he already knew he’d be willing to make any sacrifice
to make her his. He thought he could live without kids, but he didn’t want to
think about living without her.

Jay knew he could just walk in, but he rang
the doorbell instead. He needed another minute to collect himself.  

His step-mother, Lexi, pulled the heavy
wood door open and grinned when she saw him. She put a hand on her hip. “Hey, since
when do you ring the doorbell?”

He couldn’t respond, couldn’t get the words
past the lump in his throat. It was so damn unfair. He’d always had a huge
circle of people who loved him, family, friends, extended family, and Victoria
had no one. “I’m sorry, Lex,” he whispered, holding his hand up. “Just gimme a
minute.”

She pulled him over the threshold and into
her waiting arms. “It’s okay,” she said, stroking his back through his leather
jacket. “Whatever it is, it’s gonna be okay, honey.”

Jay had always had a close relationship
with his step-mother, but he’d never felt so grateful to have her in his life.
She seemed to sense a hug was exactly what he needed to help him say what he
needed to say. “I’ve got a problem, Lex.” He cleared his throat. “A big
problem.”

She stepped back and stroked his cheek.
“Your dad’s out back, honey.” She grabbed his hand when he stepped past her.
“Listen, if you need a woman’s perspective, you come back in and talk to me,
okay?”

He forced a smile. “Will do, thanks.”

Jay took his time walking out to the patio,
trying to collect his thoughts. He didn’t want to betray Victoria’s confidence
by sharing her personal story with someone else, but if he didn’t talk about this,
it was going to continue eating away at him until it impacted every area of his
life.

Josh was cleaning debris from the pool, but
looked up and smiled when he saw his son. “Hey, buddy, this is a nice surprise.
What’s up?”

Jay slipped his leather jacket off and set
it on the back of one of the loungers by the pool. “You got a minute, Dad?
There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”