Hopeful (10 page)

Mrs. Graber looked her over more closely. “Now perhaps you could tell me why you are walking alone?”

“I just needed some time to think, too. But I am glad for your company.”

Mrs. Graber chuckled. “I feel the same way. Sometimes it’s nice to simply walk next to another person without feeling the need to say anything.”

“Yes, you’re right about that.” With a bit of a surprise, she realized that there had been very few times in the past three years that she’d ever felt like she could be at ease.

For too long she’d been afraid of Will forcing his company on her. Then she had to fend off her mother’s questions about why she was avoiding Will.

“Mrs. Graber, walking like this is nice, for sure. Thank you for joining me.”

“We all need someone walking by our side, dear,” she murmured. “I was happy to walk with you today—but please don’t forget that the Lord is always with you, too. I’ve found it’s nice to lean on Him a bit from time to time.”

Mary Kate nodded, feeling soothed by Mrs. Graber’s words. For too long she’d struggled to feel God’s presence in her life. Now, she was so skittish, she was afraid she wouldn’t notice His presence even if He were there. Maybe instead of trying to keep to herself so much, she needed to start trusting the One Whom she could really count on.

A
ll day on Monday, Miriam struggled with the way Mary Kate had left them at lunch. Though she sympathized with Mary Kate’s past and completely understood her reasons not to want to enter a relationship with Junior, Miriam didn’t understand her friend’s behavior.

She’d actually thought Mary Kate had been pretty rude to the whole Beiler family. And even if she wasn’t interested in Junior, Mary Kate was new in town. Everyone could use some friends, right?

But instead of gritting her teeth and making the best of an awkward situation, Mary Kate had taken off without even saying good-bye and had really embarrassed Miriam.

Though she’d tried to temper her hurt and anger, instead of easing as her Sunday passed, they only got worse. Mary Kate had told Junior that she would stop by Miriam’s home later that day and explain herself.

So Miriam had spent the day avoiding conversations about Junior with her mother, biding her time until Mary Kate came over and they could discuss everything.

But Mary Kate never came.

That was when Miriam knew she was going to have to find an opportunity talk to Mary Kate herself. She kept half waiting for Junior to show up unexpectedly, wanting a report on what Mary Kate had said.

She quickly walked over to the schoolhouse after work. But when she got there, the building was all locked up. One of the men in their church group was pulling some of the weeds in the pretty flower beds around the front walkway.

“Miss Mary Kate took off as soon as the last child left here,” he said. “Scurried out of here like her feet were on fire, she did.”

Miriam thanked him for the report, then turned around and walked all the way down the other side of Main Street. She was determined to put things to right with her girlfriend, no matter what.

She’d just passed the Grabers’ store when she spied the man who’d been sitting alone in the restaurant the other day. He was walking toward her, and once again his gaze was piercing. He also looked mildly irritated.

She ducked her head as they got closer, hoping he wouldn’t recognize her. But instead, he stopped and signaled to her.

“You’re the woman from the Sugarcreek Inn, aren’t you? You were my server.”

“Jah.”

“Miriam.”

“You remembered my name.” She tried to sound happy about that, but in truth it made her feel a little uneasy.

“I never forget faces or names.”

For some reason, she wasn’t comforted by that statement. “That’s quite a talent,” she said lightly, hoping to merely share greetings then move on.

“I was just out for a walk this afternoon. Would you care to walk with me for a little bit?”

His invitation was too forward. And made her feel even more apprehensive to be around him. “I’m, ah, sorry, but I’m on my way to see a friend.”

“Are you meeting your boyfriend?”

“
Nee
, it’s a girlfriend.” Then of course she wished she hadn’t said anything. It was none of his business. And she was getting the feeling that the less he knew about her the better.

“So you don’t have a boyfriend?”

His probing questions were starting to make her
naerfich
. “I must go.”

“Of course. Don’t worry, we’ll see each other again soon.” She swallowed hard and started walking. His confidence unsettled her. She’d never met a man who’d been so forward. She didn’t know what to think about him. She breathed a sigh of relief when she was sure he hadn’t followed her.

Her heart beating a bit too fast, she stopped at the empty hardware store, raced upstairs to Mary Kate’s apartment, then pounded on her door. When she heard nothing, she knocked even harder. “Mary Kate?” she called out. “Mary Kate, are you here?”

With a click of a deadbolt, Mary Kate opened up her door. “Whatever is wrong? You knocked so hard you could have woken the dead.”

“Nothing’s wrong, I simply wanted to see you. May I come in?”

Mary Kate stepped back to allow her in. The moment Miriam walked inside, Mary Kate shut the door behind her and clicked back the deadbolt.

Miriam looked at the thick lock on the door in surprise. “Why are you locking the door?”

“I always do. Now, why are you looking so flustered and out of breath?”

For a moment, Miriam was tempted to tell her about her encounter with the man from the restaurant and his personal questions. But on second thought, she pushed it back. Mary Kate was obviously feeling a little worried, and the last thing she needed to hear about was Miriam’s suspicions about an unfamiliar man. Talk about letting her imagination get the best of her!

“I’ve been chasing you down all afternoon, since you didn’t stop by my house yesterday.”

Mary Kate’s expression turned mulish. “Is that right? What do you need to talk about?”

“Yesterday’s lunch, of course. I can’t believe you left like you did.”

Mary Kate crossed her arms in front of her chest. “So you came over to yell at me?”

“I came over to get a reason, since you didn’t feel like telling anyone why you were so anxious to leave. And, for your information, I am not yelling.”

“I had told you that I didn’t want to eat with the Beilers.”

“I know you said you weren’t interested in Junior, but if you just got to know him . . .”

“I have nothing against Junior, Miriam.”

“Well, you had to have known the way you left would make things awkward for me. Junior was pretty upset.”

Mary Kate stared at her for long moment, then unfolded her arms and turned away to the window. “Miriam, I told you about what happened between me and Will. And I’ve told you about how I felt about my job at the school.”

“And . . .”

“And, those two things seem like pretty good reasons not to want to sit with a man who wants to date me and just happens to have a sister who is struggling in my classroom.” She turned back to Miriam, her look vaguely accusing. “And, if you want to know the whole truth, I was irritated with you. You set up a date with me and Junior without even asking how I felt about it.”

“It was hardly a date.”

With obvious impatience, Mary Kate shrugged. “I’m sorry if I was rude, but all of it could have been avoided if you simply asked me if I wanted to sit with them instead of telling me.”

“I told you, he really likes you. And he’s such a
gut
man. You should give him a chance.”

Mary Kate winced. “I can’t. I simply cannot.”

Miriam practically gaped at her. “I know you don’t want to enter another bad relationship, but you have to realize . . . Junior Beiler, well, he’s the most eligible bachelor in town! So many have wondered why he hasn’t married yet, and here he finally takes an interest in you . . . ”

“Miriam, I don’t know how many ways I can tell you this. I am not interested in Junior. For your sake, I wish I was. But I’m not. At all.”

Relief warred with frustration. Miriam hated to think of Mary Kate and Junior being together. But she also hated the idea of Junior pining for Mary Kate and continually using Miriam to get Mary Kate’s attention.

“Is there something else going on?” Mary Kate’s tone was softer now. “Do you like him?”

“It doesn’t matter if I did.”

“Sure it does. We’re friends.”

“Mary Kate, Junior Beiler doesn’t think of me in a romantic way.” As much as it pained her to say the words, they did feel cleansing. Sometimes confronting the cold, hard truth made a person feel better. Kind of.

“Maybe he will one day.” Her voice gentled. “He’d be a fool not to come to his senses and see that you’re super.”

“I doubt that.”

“Miriam, as soon as the school year ends, I’m going to tell the school board that I don’t want to return. I don’t want to be a teacher anymore. I’m not good at it, and it’s not fair that the children have to have someone like me as their teacher.”

“I’m sure you’re a better teacher than you think.”

“Even if I am, I know I don’t want to stay in Sugarcreek.”

Just the thought of losing her best friend so suddenly made her feel sick. “There are lots of other things you can do here. Why, you can work at the Sugarcreek Inn with me.”

“Nee
. I want to leave. I need to leave. I really am hoping to move to Florida.” Looking at her somewhat ramshackle apartment, she said, “I had hoped I would be happy here. Maybe even start over. But every night when I go to sleep my heart beats loudly. I get scared. It’s not far enough away, Miriam.”

“Why are you so scared? Have you heard from Will?”

“
Nee
. I mean, not exactly. There’s just something inside me that feels a little strange. Every once in a while I feel a prickling at the back of my neck, like he’s nearby.” She shook her head, like she was clearing her head. “I’m sure it’s just my imagination, though.”

Mary Kate sounded so firm, so final, Miriam knew she wasn’t going to change her mind.

And that made her more depressed than ever. At the end of the school year Mary Kate would be leaving. And Miriam would be remaining in Sugarcreek, doing the same job that she was tired of, living with her parents who wished she was living in another house as someone’s wife.

Only now, it would be worse. Because her parents would think that Miriam had messed up her chances with Junior. And she would have no other single girl who was so like her to confide in and joke with.

She’d be more alone than ever.

That lump that had formed in her throat got a little bigger. It seemed she had misjudged a lot of things lately. She’d been so sure that one day Junior Beiler was going to look at her and suddenly return her affections.

She’d been so certain that she and Mary Kate were as close as sisters, that they’d built a strong friendship with each other, and it would always be that way.

Now it felt as if everything was spiraling even further out of control. No matter how hard she was attempting to hold on to her dreams, it was obvious that it was time to let them go.

Mary Kate sighed. “Miriam, please don’t look so
bedrohwa
, so sad! I promise, none of this is your fault. If anything, you should be pleased about everything I’ve been saying. Obviously, I’m a mess! I’ve got a lot of problems right now. At the moment I’m not being a very good friend or teacher. And I’m certainly in no condition to be a good girlfriend.”

“I hate to hear you say things like that.”

“Sometimes the truth hurts, but it needs to be said. But I’m okay with that, too. I promise, Miriam, there’s really nothing to be so upset about.”

Miriam tried to push the thoughts of her friend leaving out of mind. For now, she had to deal with the issue at hand. “I wonder what I should say to Junior the next time we meet.” Trying to lighten the tension and make a joke about her situation, Miriam looked at Mary Kate hopefully. “Any ideas?”

“I don’t think it’s your job to tell him anything,” she said gently. “He shouldn’t ask so much of you. And don’t worry, if he asks me to go out with him next time I see him, I’ll tell him how I feel.”

“Don’t do that!”

“Miriam, I don’t like him. He seems like a perfectly nice person, but he’s not the man for me. No man is right for me right now.”

“I’ll have to tell him something else.”

“Miriam, he shouldn’t have gotten you involved in the first place. We’re not silly teenagers. If he wanted to get to know me, all he had to do was talk to me at school. You shouldn’t feel so responsible.”

“Easy for you to say.”

With a sigh, Mary Kate crossed her arms over her chest. “Miriam, I think the real question is, what do
you
want to do about Junior Beiler?”

Ruthlessly, she pushed any and all visions of Junior gazing at her with affection away. Instead, she lifted her chin. “This conversation is not about me.”

“But maybe it should be. Don’tcha think? And for the record, though he seems like a nice man, he doesn’t seem all that special. If he doesn’t already see what a good person you are, then you shouldn’t waste another minute of your time on him. You deserve someone better.”

Miriam supposed Mary Kate had a point. But that was because Mary Kate didn’t know Junior like she did. “Let me tell you a story about Junior. When his
daed
died, he was barely twenty years old. Just a kid, really, just coming off his
rumspringa
. He loved sports, loved to hang out with his friends. He . . . He was just an average man, you know?”

“What happened when his
daed
died?”

“Just a few weeks after, a couple of their relatives who had stayed after the funeral made some offers. They wanted to break up his family. All the aunts and uncles were each going to take a couple of the siblings and raise them. They were very kind about it, of course. They wanted to help care for their nieces and nephews. But Junior refused to let any of them leave.”

Mary Kate blinked. “Even Kaylene? She must have been very small then.”