Honour of the Line (16 page)

Early morning sunshine, beating through the dormitory windows, filled me with hope that all would be well and after the wake up call Aggie Boot told me that I still had to do my cleaning duties before reporting to the sewing room to pick up my own clothing, which I had to change into after taking a shower. During the three weeks of my enforced stay I had seen many other lads eating their breakfast in civvies and in the beginning I thought my turn would never come. One of the Officers told me to wait in the common room after breakfast as I was not being collected until around 10.30 and my sentencing was scheduled to be the first job the Magistrates performed after their lunch. Back in the common room I felt like a celebrity as most of the lads wished me good luck as they were called to their various classes.

Finally my escorts arrived and I was pleased to see it was the nice lady police officer who had first taken me to Lemworth Green and a fairly elderly gentleman dressed in a rather shabby grey suit which made him look a cross between a tramp and a scarecrow, who then introduced himself as Mr Green, the District Probation Officer for my local area. He said very little except that he had been to see what my home was like in order to make a report for the Court to read. As on the outward journey, the police lady was really nice and she told me we would be going to the Police Station first so as to get me a lunch which I took as a negative sign, did she know something? Why would I need feeding if I was being released?

Little did I know that along the way a close neighbour of mine called Joey Potts was on his way to Lemworth Green for fourteen days remand. If I’d known we could have waved as we passed each other. I had no doubt he would fit in fine as he was two years older than me and could really handle himself.

Dinner at the Police Station was quite a step up from the swill I had been given for the last three weeks and to make things even better I had the whole meal to myself and not just the cabbage and any other shit the bullies didn’t like. After dinner there was a short delay and I was told we would be going straight into the Court room on arrival as there were no facilities at the Court for detaining minors. During the short journey I noticed a few familiar faces going about their everyday life and inwardly I so hoped I would shortly be let loose on those streets.

Unlike on my previous visit the area outside of the Court Room was almost deserted except for one Policeman and Jill who looked as gorgeous as ever but facially very tired. Her face brightened up as I was led past her into the Court Room where Dad was already sitting in wait. Everybody had to stand as the Magistrates entered the room and I noticed that it was unfortunately the same three as before. They asked for a report from Mr Green the Probation Officer, who said that after visiting my home he was totally satisfied I was being brought up correctly. He also said he thought it would be beneficial if I remained under his supervision should they decide not to send me down for custodial remand. The Magistrates then adjourned to discuss the medical reports, and no doubt have a cup of tea and a salmon sandwich, as they decided upon my fate. It seemed positively hours before they returned and I couldn’t help but notice Dad’s very serious look. It was really frightening. When they returned I had to stand to have my fate bestowed upon me. The same old bag, who was the Chief Magistrate, began her speech by telling me that my behaviour was totally unacceptable and I had to be taught a lesson. This was followed by ‘you will serve two years …………….. probation’. It seemed an eternity before the word probation came out but the wait was all so worthwhile. She also told me that from the end of July I would have to pay maintenance to Angela assuming she had given birth by then. This was to continue until the child reached school leaving age. She also made it clear that probation was not a let off and I now had a criminal record which would almost certainly disqualify me from applying for certain jobs such as Policeman, Postman etc., and she didn’t ever want to see me before the bench again.

As I left the Court Room I felt a huge cloud had been lifted from in front of me but I had this underlying feeling that all was not well at home and this feeling seemed to further gain ground when I saw the Probation Officer talking with Dad so I walked along the deserted corridor in a state of confusion. I was now a free man and suddenly Jill rushed up and cuddled me. She was sobbing her heart out as she told me that Angela had given birth to Stan on the previous Friday and both were doing well. Jill told me she had been up to Lancashire to see her sister in hospital on Sunday and had taken some photos but they would take a couple of weeks to be developed at the chemist, which was quite quick in those times. She promised she would get me one and asked if I would meet her from work on Saturday. I didn’t really know how I felt, I was now a Dad but didn’t feel like one and probably never would. Dad came out with Mr Green who said he would make the necessary arrangements for maintenance payments and send me an appointment to see him on a weekly basis, although this could become less regular if he felt I was doing okay. It was hardly the right time but I went in with all guns blazing and told him Angela had given birth on Friday. Rather surprisingly Dad didn’t show the slightest emotion and I definitely knew then that something was up, so I assumed that once we were alone he was about to deliver a severe tongue lashing to me.

By the time Dad and I left the building in total silence Jill had disappeared which left an eerie emptiness in the air. Once outside Dad broke the silence by telling me that Grandad had died suddenly a week ago. My first thoughts were for Mum who had lost the person who had brought her up but Dad assured me she was coping fine. For a while I had been aware that Grandad had been suffering with breathing difficulties but I assumed this was caused by him constantly inhaling dust on the building sites where he worked. Apparently he had contracted bronchial pneumonia and had spent the last three days of his life in hospital so hopefully he hadn’t suffered too much for too long.

When we arrived home Mum was so pleased to see me it was difficult to imagine anything was wrong and her face brightened into a huge smile when Dad broke the news to her about her grandson Stan being born. Deep down inside I believe Mum hoped that Angela and I would be able to play happy families and that Angela would return to this part of the country but I knew this would never happen in a million years. Mum kept asking me all kinds of questions, such as what time was he born, the colour of his eyes, weight at birth, which made me realise just how distanced and unprepared I was.

I didn’t really know how I felt as I had just come home from three weeks of hell to find out I was now a Dad and the person who had always been there for me had passed away, which had left a gap which could never and would never be filled. Big boys don’t cry was my motto so somehow I managed to fight back the tears although inside my heart was breaking up into little pieces. Amidst all the fuss and emotions it suddenly dawned on me there had been no mention of his funeral and so with a large lump in my throat I asked the question. When Dad told me it was tomorrow I was in absolute utter shock and totally unprepared. I had never been to a funeral before and was really scared. No wonder I hadn’t had many letters and no visitors, I felt so sorry for poor Mum and Dad. How did they cope with the situation? It must have been impossible for them. I brought the subject up with them and Dad said he had phoned the Remand Centre to see how best to deal with things and the Super had told him I was doing very well and it would be for the best not to tell me in case my mixed emotions caused any problems which may have lessened my chances of freedom.

In a state of confusion I realised things were changing rapidly. No more tea at Grandad’s, and I wondered if I would still have the same friendship with Georgina as Grandad’s home would soon be history to our family. Fortunately all of my worries were eased as late that afternoon there was a knock at the door and when Daisy opened it Georgina was standing there. She looked relieved to see me and said that assuming I came home her Mum and Dad wanted me to go for tea with them. On the walk to their house Georgina and I walked arm in arm but just as best mates, comforting each other and I told her about Angela giving birth to Stan. She in return said that Miss Page had asked to be kept informed about things and when she had heard about Grandad had told Georgina to take the day of his funeral off school and to look after me. Again, that was assuming I came home.

We made a detour to the phone box and I rang Sue’s number which she had given to Georgina. Sue told me to take care and she would see me at school on Thursday and hopefully we could have a private chat after school. My diary was becoming full up with appointments to meet people which was helping me to cope with my sadness.

Georgina’s parents were like family to me but it still felt really awkward walking into their house knowing Grandad’s house was empty. Already the garden was beginning to look untidy and the curtains had been taken down. Little did I know that Mum, Dad and his sister had cleaned everything and returned the key to the landlord to avoid having to pay further rent.

Stan wasn’t mentioned, as Georgina was going to tell her parents later, which took some weight off my shoulders and also saved quite a bit of embarrassment. After eating bangers and mash which was my best meal for over three weeks, Georgina and I walked to the rec and it was obvious that most of my friends knew what was going on but, as true friends do, they carried on as usual, insisting I played football with them and showing me very little mercy. That night I slept like a log and after a day like that, with its ups and downs, it was hardly surprising.

I awoke to a miserable morning, it was cloudy and grey and everywhere was wet although the rain had now stopped. It was reassuring to wake up in my own bed in familiar surroundings and I should have been celebrating my first day back on the streets. However, Grandad’s funeral was at 10.30 which brought me back to reality with a bump but fortunately there wasn’t too long to think about things. I walked Daisy to school as it was agreed she was too young for all of the upset and also she only saw Grandad briefly once or twice a week and although he loved her very much he was really more suited to me and my sport. Mum and Dad were busy making sandwiches and other relatives and friends were slowly gathering.

Grandad’s service was to be held in the chapel at the Undertakers and as the rain had stopped we all walked there, which must have looked somewhat odd as all the men wore suits and black ties and the women dark clothes but surprisingly we were laughing and joking a lot. Dad cracked a joke that when we went to the cemetery it would be the best car he had ever ridden in. He wasn’t being disrespectful just trying to deflect the obvious sadness.

Georgina was already there with her Mum, Dad and brothers and she came straight over to me and we walked in together holding hands. The actual service was short and sweet but I couldn’t stop myself from staring at the coffin and our favourite football which was sitting proudly on top of it. Funerals at that time were very regimental but my family had broken with tradition by saying they wanted our favourite leather football to be buried alongside Grandad, who was being laid to rest with the Grandmum I never knew. Members of the family had scratched their names onto the ball with a pen nib and ink and it was impossible to read any of it really but it was the thought that mattered the most.

The town cemetery was a slow ten minute drive and it was horrible sitting in the car immediately behind the hearse which was crawling along at a snails pace. At the cemetery gates a top hatted funeral director got out and walked in front of the procession until he reached the newly opened grave. It was hard to imagine the Nan I never knew was already in there waiting. As we got out of the car the heavens opened up yet again and we had to trudge through the mud to the graveside, our families budget didn’t stretch to artificial grass. Georgina put her arm around me but I feared she was the one who needed the most support. She was shaking like a leaf. The Priest said his ashes to ashes bit as the coffin was lowered and then family members scattered handfuls of earth into the open grave. It was with surprise that the Priest then said our family had decided they wanted me to do the honours with the ball. He threw it towards me and it seemed to arrive like a bullet, which normally I could have controlled with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back, but this was real pressure like never before. However, my first touch was almost too good, as I took the weight off the ball but fortunately, after what seemed like a lifetime, the ball rolled across the edge of the grave and we all heard the ball bounce on the coffin lid three or four times before all became silent. This was to be the most important kick of my entire life. Deep down I thought that would make Grandad so proud of me and I stood upright without tears and my head held high with pride. Looking around I could see a mixture of smiles and tears.

Back at home there were a few tears, mainly from the females, although I suspected the men were trying to come over as hard men but after a while it all settled down and everybody enjoyed a catch up with a bite to eat and a cup of splosh. There were also some beers which had mysteriously arrived on the doorstep whilst we were at the service. It was later discovered Angela’s Dad had donated them as my Grandad was one of his regulars. This made me think he was not such a bad man afterall and I understood he had every right to dislike me. It was decided that Georgina and I would meet Daisy from school and take her to the grave to see Grandad’s flowers. She was far too young to really understand what was happening and seemed far more intent in telling Georgina that she was now an Aunty. As we looked at the flowers it was very moving to see a tribute from Grandad’s friends at the Honour of the Line, but they were put into insignificance by a bunch from Angela and Jill’s parents with some very touching words and it became obvious they were decent people and who could blame them for how they felt towards me. It also transpired that when they had sent the complimentary beers around they had tried to keep things secret so it was apparent they were not show off’s.