Homewrecker (Into the Flames #1) (36 page)

“You still deserve better than me,” I mutter, dropping my eyes to the floor. I hate feeling like this, but hearing the words from someone who should love you unconditionally makes them hit a little harder. “You should be with someone better and in a relationship that isn’t going to cause problems everywhere but behind closed doors.”

I feel Gunnar shake his head. Sighing, he pulls my hair to one side of my neck so he can press his face against my bare skin. “I’ll tell you until I’m blue in the face and I’ll do it every day until I die. There isn’t a damn person on this earth better than you. You’re caring, smart, funny, and beautiful. You’re sexy as fuck without even tryin’ to be, and a lot of it has to do with the confidence you usually have.” He hums in the back of his throat. Wrapping his fingers around the front of my neck, I try to relax into the feeling of his thumb gliding across the pulse point under my jaw, but I still don’t lift my eyes from the floor. “Not to mention you bein’ an animal in bed. You’re the total fuckin’ package, baby. I couldn’t find anyone more made for me if I searched the rest of my life. The time we spent apart did nothing but cement that for me. You’re it for me in every way.”

Dixon moves closer, dragging his fingers up my arm. He trails them over my chest and neck until he reaches my face. Cupping my chin, he lifts my head until he can see my eyes and his are filled with worry. He lets his thumb drag over my lip before dipping in for a soft kiss. “Everything he just told you, double it, because the same goes for me. There isn’t anyone better for us, Kennedy, but I know you deserve better than me. If I was given a choice, I’d still choose you every time. No hesitation, no wonderin’, no regrets. I’ve always loved you, but I never really knew what it was like to be loved back by the right person. It’s a crazy feelin’ knowin’ I’m finally right where I need to be.”

“I love you both, too. So much,” I reply, emotion clogging my throat. I want nothing more than to get lost in them both for the rest of my life and never have to worry about anyone else, but that’s not how the world works. It’s a cruel place sometimes and I don’t want that shit on them. “I just...”

“No one better,” Dixon reiterates. “And if you think for one second that this relationship between the three of us is only gonna be something that happens behind closed doors, then we need to sit down and reevaluate what we have here. Behind closed doors only isn’t going to work for me.”

“What?” My eyes widen. I swallow around the lump in my throat, barely able to breathe because we went from them telling me that they love me, to Dixon wanting to reevaluate things because I’m afraid for this to go public.

Pressing the length of his body against mine, he pins me between his chest and Gunnar’s. This— feeling them on either side of me— is something I love but don’t think I will ever get used to. I hope not at least. Feeling them close in on me to keep me close makes me feel safe, loved and more wanted than I ever have before and it pushes a bit of the bad my mother put in my head today out.

“Lemme tell you somethin’, Sunshine,” Dixon starts in again. “When you decided to say yes to mine and Gunnar’s idea, you became one part of a three piece relationship. People in relationships leave the house and do things in public. Don’t think for a second that we’re gonna sit back and hide.”

My mouth falls slack and every nerve in me screams to run away from the situation. Not because I don’t want to be with Gunnar and Dixon all the time, but because I’m afraid the repercussions of bringing this to light will hurt them professionally. Dixon stares at me and I know he is trying his hardest to be patient, but I can tell the side of him that rushes him into the fire without thinking is trying to take over and move things along faster.

“Kennedy, breathe,” Gunnar reminds me and it isn’t until he says something that I realize I haven’t been. Quickly I fill my lungs and get my breathing back on track. “Now tell us what’s goin’ on in your head right now that has you freakin’ out so badly.”

Dixon uses his chest to push me back against Gunnar more than I already was. My back arches slightly toward him and I let my head fall back onto Gunnar’s shoulder. I quickly realize that it was exactly what he was hoping for. With my head resting back he can tower over me while they have me pinned between their bodies and stare down at me, watching to see if I lie to them. There isn’t a reason to lie, the truth is more of a reason to hide than any lie that I could come up with would be. Without looking away from his burning blue eyes, I finally open my mouth and let them in on what has been running through my head for weeks.

“Between being a firefighter with hopes on being chief in the future, and a teacher that is also the head football coach, there is a whole lot on the line. Especially since there’s already been a scandal with the team once this year.”

“And…” they urge when I stop speaking.

“And have you forgotten that we live in the Bible belt and not a lot of people are going to agree with our choice? People are judgmental by nature and have a tendency to jump to stupid conclusions instead of minding their own business. I know that not
everyone
is judgmental, but all it’ll take is one person to complain. One person says something about not being OK with us and suddenly every single thing you’ve both worked so hard for goes flying out the window.”

“So let me get somethin’ straight,” Dixon says, brushing the hair off my forehead. “First you were lettin’ your mother’s opinion influence you and it made you feel like you weren’t good enough for us. Now everyone else’s possible judgmental thoughts and feelings are comin’ between us. What about your thoughts and feelings, Kennedy? What about Gunnar’s? What about mine? Do those even matter to you when you’re makin’ decisions?”

“Of course they do. They’re all that matter,” I admit softly, letting my gaze fall away for the first time.

“Funny, because in everything you were just sayin’, you were talkin’ about everyone
but
the three of us. If you had thought to voice your concerns about how our jobs would be affected, we would have told you that we’ve already spoken to the people over us. Then we would’ve been able to tell you that they were OK with everything as long as it didn’t cause issues while we were at work.”

“Are we back to where we were a few months ago, baby?” Gunnar props his cheek against the side of my head and sighs. “Open up, Kennedy. This isn’t gonna work if we go back to assuming we know what the other person wants. That ended up disastrous and I’m not willin’ to let this go down that same path. Everything with our jobs will be fine. If not, we cross that bridge, together, when and if the time comes. We’re not hidin’ anymore and we need to know if you’re on board.”

“No more hiding,” I finally say.

“Good,” Dixon smiles brightly down at me. “Because it’s been killin’ me to not be able to touch you in public the way I want to.”

“The way you want to?” I ask, wondering exactly how he wants to touch me in front of people considering the way we’ve always been. If you were looking from the outside in, even before we were together, you would have thought we were. Dixon has never had a problem grabbing my hand, or wrapping an arm around me in public before.

“Mhm. You’ve always been Gunnar’s so he’s been able to kiss and touch you however he wanted if the mood struck him. But like I said before, this is a three piece relationship. All three of us together. You’re mine too, and I wanna be able to show the world exactly how I feel about you. There will be times when we’re both gonna touch you when we’re out together.” Inching closer, I can feel him breathe and his lips skim across mine as he continues to talk. “There are times that both of us are going to want to kiss you, and I don’t give a damn who’s watchin’. I don’t care about anything but you and Gunnar.”

The reassurance and the love I feel coming from both of them calm me a lot. It helps me to see the bigger picture. They’re right, no matter how nervous I am about what people think, this is about us. We are the three people working to make this relationship strong. In bed, every night, it’s only the three of us.

We are the only opinions that should matter.

Nerves flutter in my stomach because tonight is the first night that we’re going out and it’s no holds barred. People will see all three of us together and we are going to have to figure out how to deal with their reactions. All the reassuring that Gunnar and Dixon did the other day and the days following my mother’s appearance run through my head with every breath. When we’re at home, everything is fine and I’m completely at peace with my decision to love both of them openly, but people are assholes and I don’t want them to judge the guys because of this. I know they said that all the people they’ve talked to at work were fine with it, but I’m afraid the judgment is going to hit hard sooner or later and everything will unravel.

I close my eyes, resting my head against the tunnel wall and take a deep breath. A hand slides into mine and squeezes gently but I don’t have to open my eyes to know it’s Dixon’s. The callouses on his warm fingers tell me everything I need to know. I’ve felt those fingers on every inch of me, loving me until I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore. When I don’t open my eyes to meet his, he shifts his body, nuzzling his face into my neck. The stubble on his cheeks grazes my skin, making my body bow into him.

Dixon’s arms slip around me after letting go of my hand. “Stop thinkin’ about it,” he whispers.

I barely hear him over the sound of the fans filling the stadium seats, already screaming for the team. He presses his lips against the skin under my ear and I sigh, relaxing into his touch. Fingers drift over my cheek but they aren’t Dixon’s so my eyes fly open, meeting Gunnar’s warm brown gaze. Holding his hand out to me, I take it. Dixon straightens up and grabs my other one, firmly lacing his fingers with mine.

They both tell me that everything is going to be fine, but the pit in my stomach is telling me something different. Walking out of the tunnel with them on either side of me, showing the entire place that I belong with them, should make me ecstatic. It makes me more nervous for them than anything. All it will take is one complaint to the school by a parent because we’re setting a bad example for their child, and Gunnar will be out of a job. I know he told me that he’s talked to the school about this, and although they weren’t over the moon about it, he still has a job. I know that one wrong move can change that. Dixon’s chief and the boys at the firehouse actually are very supportive. Chief Smet called Dixon a lucky bastard and said that he knew Dixon would never allow his personal life to affect how he does his job and that was all that mattered. He was told as long as there were no more brawls in the back office, he would be fine.

Normally we wouldn’t even be on the field, but not only are we in the playoffs, it’s family day. All the players walk out with their mothers and somehow Gunnar talked us into walking with him. I’m nervous, but the face splitting smile on his face proves that he either doesn’t care, or is really good at hiding it. Through opening ceremonies my hands are never let go by either of them and it isn’t until everyone starts to head to their seats that Gunnar tips my face up to his and kisses me.

“Mmmm,” I sigh, resting my hand against his chest.

He winks at me before turning his attention to Dixon. “Keep her safe.”

“Seriously?” Dixon laughs, pulling me back to him so I’m tucked against his side. “If you think I would let anything happen to her we need to talk.”

“Habit.” Gunnar shrugs, bumping fists with Dixon before kissing me again quickly.

We both tell Gunnar good luck before heading back to the stands and climbing to the empty spot beside Lynsey and Mark. Dixon pulls me closer the second we’re seated and buries his face in my neck, grazing his teeth over the skin under my ear.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to be able to touch you like this in public? I used to be the kid suited up wishin’ I could haul my helmet off and kiss you instead of Gunnar. Now I can touch you whenever, and however the hell I want.”

Turning my face toward his, I smile. “You can kiss me too.”

He doesn’t waste any time doing just that and it takes Lynsey tapping on my shoulder to get us to pull apart. I feel the heat spread across my face.

“Could we keep it PG-13 around here for now?” Lynsey asks, covering my mouth with her hand and pulling me away from Dixon. “I’m all for making my directorial debut, but the football game scene is played out and I don’t think Mark can handle crowd control alone.”

Dixon chuckles, wrapping an arm around me he pulls me close and settles in to watch the game. His fingers run softly over my arm, caressing my skin so that goosebumps break out.

Halfway through the fourth quarter someone taps on my shoulder. I pull my attention away from the game to find out what they want, and as soon as I see the woman I know I should ignore her, but I can’t. The disgusted look on her face makes the pretty young blonde look like a snarky bitch and I can already tell I’m going to regret turning around.

“How is it that a homewrecking whore like you can get not only one of the best guys in town, but two? Don’t they realize that if you cheated on one with the other, that you’ll eventually cheat on them both with someone new. Then what? Are you going to convince them both that you need someone else in your bed full-time? That you need him as much as you need them.”