Homecourt Advantage (39 page)

Paul tried to hide his shock; he didn’t want to upset her further.

Was this true? Did this really happen? Had she been keeping a secret this devastating from him for all these years? But why? He wondered what was making her relive the whole experience now.

“So what happened to the Disciples?”

“Nothing, thanks to me. I was too scared to tell the police anything. Oh, they questioned me and they questioned me, but all I ever said was, ‘I didn’t see a thing.’ The Disciples put the word out on the street that if I talked, my mother was dead and then I was next. I covered my ass and that’s all I did. So I never said a thing. But I knew exactly who did it. I knew their names, their addresses, their telephone numbers, what schools they went to. I had to see them every day, but I never said a thing.” She repeated the refrain—a cry from her heart. Lorraine stared straight through Paul.

He was shocked at what he was hearing, but at the same time he realized that the pieces were starting to come together.

“You’ve been going through this by yourself all this time. Why didn’t you ever tell me? You know you could have talked to me about it. I’m so sorry this happened to you. So this is the reason you’ve been having nightmares, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Now, tell me, when did this happen?”

“The spring of my senior year in high school. I hadn’t turned seventeen yet. Then I left to go to Howard and it just like fell out of mind. Every so often a little piece would tease at me. So I prayed on it the best I could. But it was like a hole in my mind—like shock.” Lorraine began moving away from the corner toward Paul. “Then after you got big, the endorsements from McDonald’s, Gatorade, and Reebok brought you so much attention.”

“That’s what the phone stuff was about?” Paul asked, not quite understanding.

“The girl, Crissy, her mother got our number and started calling here threatening me and telling me how I was going to have to pay for her little girl’s death since I let her killers get away.”

“How’d she find you?”

“Apparently she had seen our picture together in the newspaper.” Lorraine began sobbing. “Then it all came back. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. For the last few months it’s like I’ve been possessed. One night I got home late—I told you, a little boy had come in on a drive-by. It’s been hell ever since. Between the phone calls, the memories, the guilt—I think I’m losing my mind.

“I don’t know what to do now, Paul. Just getting the number changed isn’t going to stop Crissy’s mom from harassing me. Hell, I don’t blame her for calling me out. If Crissy had been my little girl, I’d probably be doing the same thing. There was no reason that her murderers should have ever walked the streets again,” Lorraine said, looking at Paul for the first time.

“Let’s notify the police,” Paul said.

“No way! I don’t want to call the police on that poor woman! She’s been through enough,” Lorraine said vehemently, shaking her head.

“Not on her. Maybe you
did
have a reason not to report them years ago when you and your mother’s life could have been in danger. But what’s stopping you from reporting them now? Didn’t you say you knew all of their names?”

“First, middle, and last names, those details all came back—and I can’t forget them,” Lorraine said, glancing up at Paul.

“There’s no statute of limitations for murder. Report the bastards now. The police will track them down, if they’re not already dead or in jail. But at least this way, you’re doing the right thing. They can’t hurt you now,” Paul said, grabbing Lorraine’s hand.

“But what about us, Paul? What if the Disciples try to come after us?” Lorraine asked, concerned.

“Come here, woman,” Paul said, pulling Lorraine into his arms. “Do you think I would ever let anybody harm you?”

“But what if they—”

“They’re not gonna do anything to either one of us. That gang probably isn’t even together anymore, and even if they are, they’re not getting near us. Trust me on this.” Paul took his wife in his arms and finally embraced her.

“It’s hard, huh?” Casey said as Trina ended her phone
call with Rick.

“The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Trina’s voice was shaky. “I need to run upstairs and check on Monica and her friend. They’re a little too quiet. If the buzzer rings, take the cake out of the oven for me, will ya?”

As Trina hurried out of the kitchen, Casey could not help but marvel at her fortitude. With two children, another one on the way, a husband who could offer only problems, no support, and the challenge of a new business, Trina was holding up well. What amazed Casey the most were the changes she saw in Trina. With all the ambivalence Casey felt about her own marriage, she never actually visualized asking Brent to leave, and being able to stick to such a decision.

Casey looked up as Trina returned to the kitchen with a bemused expression on her face. “Monica and her little friend were on the bed kissing the pillows—like they were making out with boys. I don’t know where she gets that stuff,” Trina said, looking at the oven timer.

“Yeah, kids are like sponges.”

“Well, she must have gotten that from school or one of her friends’ houses, ‘cause she ain’t never seen me and Rick kiss the way she was kissing that pillow. I feel sorry for her life-size Barbie doll; no telling what she does to her.”

The aroma of the baking cake permeated the air as Trina removed it from the oven and placed it on the island counter. She seemed to go far away for a moment, then she returned to their earlier conversation.

“The hardest thing about all of this is that I really miss him … in a different way than when he’s just on the road. You know what I mean?”

Casey slowly nodded her head. But inside, she couldn’t imagine it. As much as Casey was perceived as independent by the other Flyers women, she knew that she was definitely no pillar of strength. She never even considered asking Brent to leave after finding out he had gotten another woman pregnant. In fact, the only thing she had done over the last three years was beat herself up for remaining in the marriage.

Sitting on the barstool in Trina’s kitchen, Casey realized that she had been in a holding pattern of uncertainty since Brent’s infidelity. Watching a determined Trina as she spread the thick, sweet glaze over the warm cake, Casey envied Trina’s decisiveness about her children and her business venture; but what she admired most of all was how she had handled her husband. Trina had asserted herself in her marriage and had made her decision out of love for her family and herself.

Trina suddenly glanced up at Casey and waved the spreading knife in the air. “I had no other choice, though.”

Casey leaned her head to the side as she looked at Trina. “About what?”

A serious expression clouded her face as she stared at Casey across the counter. Trina began to speak and stopped a couple of times before finally uttering a word.

“Something just snapped in me … what I was feeling about my … my and Rick’s baby. Like, he didn’t want another child. That’s why ittook me so long to finally break it to him. But you see, there was still this part of me that believed he’d react differently if I told him I was pregnant. I guess I kind of had my hopes up that he would secretly be happy … you know, that he might accept it.” Trina shook her head. “I’d been disappointed by him before, but nothing like that. No, nothing where he had rejected our family. I knew I still loved him and that I still wanted to be his wife, but I wasn’t going to let him do anything to destroy our family.”

Casey wondered whether she could somehow apply what Trina was saying to her situation with Brent. “So what did it come down to, Trina?”

“My children. It was my children. He wanted me to back down from something that was against everything I stand for, questioning my own pregnancy, … and you know the funny thing about it, Casey? I didn’t even know how important my own beliefs were to me until I was up against the wall.”

“So you chose your children over him?” Casey asked.

“I chose my children and myself. Both are part of me. I know I did the right thing, and one day we may even be a family again.”

“What makes you want that so badly? I mean, how do you know that Rick wouldn’t just disappoint you again if you got back together?” Casey asked.

“I don’t know anything for certain. I guess that’s why I told him to leave in the first place. I only knew that he wasn’t happy with ‘having another mouth to feed,’ as he put it. That didn’t make no sense to me. Not to be able to accept your own child? I couldn’t understand that. And then for him to say that it all came down to money, with all that gambling he was doing; it just wasn’t right.”

Casey loved Brent with every ounce of her being, but why couldn’t she figure out what to do about her relationship? There was an inner tug-of-war going on, and she wanted desperately to come to peace with her situation. She recognized that Brent was a good man, but she was stuck like a record replaying his adulterous act. She just couldn’t forgive him.

“Why do you think I never made Brent go?” Casey asked, feeling confused.

Trina looked at her and then said, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I certainly had plenty of ammunition to send his ass packing. Why didn’t I kick him out and be done with him? I must be a fool.”

“What are you talking about? Every time I’ve seen you and Brent together, I only wished Rick would be that sensitive and loving toward me. He’s so sweet on you.”

Casey revealed more of her private life to Trina than to any other person—except Remy. She had always been careful to be the model wife in the circle of Flyers women—except for Alexis, of course. With everyone else she was always ready to listen. She was the one to whom everyone entrusted their deep, dark secrets. Not only did she choose to keep her personal issues private, she also somehow believed that since everyone thought she was strong, she had no place to take her own weaknesses or those of her relationship.

“He’s done some things.” Casey hesitated. “Brent’s done some messed-up stuff, you know what I mean?”

“When, Casey?” Trina skeptically said.

“A while ago, recently … Hell, I don’t know. It’s just hard for me to forgive him,” Casey said, standing up and walking to the window.

“Casey, most of us know about the little girl. And I know that must have been hard for you to go through. But it’s also clear how you two love one another
and
like one another. Brent respects you and appreciates you. And I can tell, no matter what’s happened between you, that you feel the same way toward him.” Trina approached Casey.

“What if I can’t ever trust him again, and what if trust is not enough to make a difference?”

“There’s no doubt he made a mistake and that he hurt you. But perhaps there’s a way to forgive him so that you two can focus on the good stuff you have.”

“But he fucked everything up!”

Trina threw the knife in the sink as she finished icing the cake. “Is that right? Well, tell me why—no, tell yourself why you’re still with him.”

Trina wasn’t holding back. She was asking questions Casey hadn’t had the courage to ask herself. Adultery was at odds with every imageshe’d had of marriage growing up as a child. Monogamy was supposed to be a given. The fact that infidelity had entered her marriage had rocked her belief system to the core. And then to learn he had lied again.

“Casey, let’s just say that there’s a chance the two of you can work things out. What does he have to do to win back your trust?”

Casey continued looking out the window watching the drizzle, the indecisive prelude to the rain that refused to come. “Well, how do I know that there’s a chance for us to get it right?”

“How do you know there’s not? Have you even given it a chance?”

“I don’t know what to do. It’s like I can’t even make a decision to stay or leave.”

“Is there something else you’re waiting for Brent to do to prove his love to you? If you love him, why can’t you forgive him?”

“Trina, love’s not all there is to a relationship … a marriage. You’ve got to have trust.”

“Sometimes it’s a leap of faith you gotta take. But you want to know what I think? I think you
can
put your faith in Brent,” Trina said. She removed her apron, revealing a full, rounded belly beneath a snug velour shirt.

“How can I forgive him? How can I forget what he’s done when his daughter is a constant reminder of his infidelity?”

Trina walked up to Casey and rubbed her thin shoulders. “Sit down, Casey. I want to tell you something that I’ve learned in fourteen years of marriage.” She led Casey to the kitchen table. “I’m gonna be blunt with you, just like my aunt Thelma had to be with me a short while ago. Casey, there comes a time when you have to be a woman. You have to make decisions, not just for yourself, ‘cause that’s a given. But you know what else you gotta do? You gotta make decisions for your family and about your family, whether you like it or not. And if you don’t think you can do that, you know what you gotta do? Casey, you need to shit or get off the pot, for everyone’s sake. Right now, whether you realize it or not, Brent is your family as well as Brent Jr., and now so is his daughter. For better or worse, that’s part of the commitment you made to him when you committed to be his family.”

Casey shook her head. “Well, that commitment didn’t include him cheating on me and fathering a child in the process.”

“But you’re still married to him?”

“Yes.”

“Well, is he sorry?”

“He claims he is.”

“Is he good to you?”

“Yes.”

“How do you feel when you’re with him?”

Casey thought about repeating the first word that came to her mind at Trina’s question, but she was almost embarrassed to say it for fear that she would sound foolish.

“Well? How do you feel when he’s with you, when you’re with him? What’s it feel like to you, girl?”

“It feels … I guess the best word to describe it is … is ‘divine,’ “ Casey said, feeling her cheeks flush.

“Then you have your answer. I don’t know what you’re gonna do or what you want to do, but what you need to do is choose. Stop all this back-and-forth stuff.”