Home Run: A Novel (22 page)

Come on home, she says.

I can’t now.

That’s what you always say, she says.

I can’t help it.

Yes, you can. I’m not stupid, you know.

Only stupid thing you’ve ever done was to marry Dad.

Stop it, Cory.

Just sayin’.

I really want to see you.

You will, and when you do you won’t believe how buff I am.

I just want to see you, she says.

Very soon okay I gotta go.

I love you.

Love you too, he says to her.

The last words he ever says to her.

The words he replays in his mind on the ride home after getting the message from Clay that she’s gone.

Just like that.

Chapter Thirty-four

Strike Out

It was the same old story.

It was like he was ten years old again, having a great day and a wonderful celebration and then waking up to find something miserable spilling all over him.

Back then it was Dad showing up drunk and making whatever joy Cory had experienced in the day dry up. It was still the same. Something inevitably happened to drain the joy from Cory’s life.

There had been plenty of high fives and handshakes and shoulder taps and love flowing as the parents and spectators filed off the field.
This
was the story everybody had hoped for. Coach Brand coming to save the day. The Bulldogs beating their archrival. Pajersky sent off without congratulating any of them.

Cory was following Emma and Tyler to the parking lot when Stanton ran up to them with a face of disbelief.

“Coach. You got robbed. It’s not an all-star team if you’re not on it.”

Cory had forgotten all about the all-stars.

“Whoa, buddy. What are you talking about?”

“How’s the league gonna win without you on the team?”

Stanton’s father called his name and he ran off, leaving Cory to process the news.

Normally this sort of thing came from Helene. But, well, he was ignoring Helene. Just like he was ignoring the Grizzlies and the rest of the league.

But life goes on without you. It always will. Nobody’s gonna wait.

Tyler and Emma waited for him to say something.

“You all right?” Emma asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said in a casual tone. “Just forgot that was coming out today.”

Maybe I didn’t want to remember.

He didn’t want them to see the surprise and hurt he was feeling. He just wanted to leave this scene and deal with the news on his own.

“Bye, Coach,” Tyler said.

He nodded. “Good game, Tyler.”

Eight consecutive years of making the all-star team, and now this.

He turned, not wanting to see his disappointment reflected in their faces. Not wanting to risk getting an invitation from Emma tonight.

It didn’t matter what good thing might happen in life. Somehow, the Brands had a way of wrecking anything wonderful that might come their way.

“Mom?”

Tyler’s voice had that tone, the one that inevitably meant hard questions were coming.

“Yeah?”

“Do you like Coach Cory?”

She glanced at the red light and wasn’t sure what to say. They were only minutes away from the house. To adequately answer Tyler’s question, she would need a good hour or two.

“Of course I do,” she said in her best mommy voice.

“Then why don’t you like having him around?”

“What do you mean I don’t like having him around?”

“Anytime he wants to hang out you say no. We always have to leave after games. It’s like you don’t like him.”

Oh, Ty.

“It’s not that.”

Emma didn’t know what to say. This was a complicated conversation to have with anybody, including herself. She still didn’t know exactly how she felt about Cory. He’d left over ten years ago, and a lot had happened since.

But love doesn’t necessarily fade, does it?

“Is it ’cause he gets angry?” Tyler asked.

“No,” she said instinctively, then quickly added, “Well, partially. It’s complicated.”

“Why?”

She was never ready for conversations like this. Like when Tyler asked about his father’s death and why God would allow something like that. Parents didn’t always have the answers, and single parents like Emma
certainly
didn’t have the answers.

I’m trying to figure this out as I go.

“Do you remember Daddy’s friend Isaac? The one who visited us that time? He served with your father in Afghanistan?”

“The sad guy?”

“He wasn’t sad, Tyler. He was just—he suffered a lot.”

She thought of the army sergeant who had come to pay his respects. She could tell something was not right with him. It wasn’t anything he said or did, but just the way he looked and spoke. She could see the dark shadows of depression in his eyes and hear the sadness in his tone.

“Some people—they have things they have to overcome in life. Some deal with things like war and death in different ways.”

“But Cory’s not like the army man. Cory’s fun.”

Not all the time.

Emma pulled into their neighborhood.

“I’m not talking about Cory not being fun. He just—his father wasn’t a very good man. Cory had a tough time when he was your age.”

“And that’s why you don’t like him?”

“Tyler, I never said I don’t like him.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s complicated.”

Emma knew that losing James had left a gaping hole in Tyler’s life. In both of their lives. It was natural for Tyler to gravitate toward the fun-loving and funny Cory Brand, who just happened to be one of the most popular major-league baseball players out there.

That would be complicated enough.

But, oh yeah, Tyler, by the way, he’s also technically your father.

They arrived home, and Tyler seemed content to forget the conversation and turn on the television. But her son’s words stayed with Emma. She wondered if she had been too harsh with Cory.

God only knows what kind of mess he’s going to get into tonight.

A couple of hours later, Emma found herself back in her truck, heading out to check on Cory. She didn’t want to have to explain it to anybody, including herself. She was worried about a guy she once loved and maybe deep down still loved in some weird way. This was a troubled man who didn’t have many real friends and probably didn’t trust anybody. But she knew there was only one Emma in his life. Regardless of all of the other women who had come across Cory’s path, none of them had their shared history. And none of them had someone like Tyler.

At least not that I know of.

She had asked her aunt to come by and stay at the house while she was gone. Aunt Becky was one of the few relatives on Emma’s side who was still around. Emma could call her at nine at night and know Becky would help out.

Emma wasn’t sure what she was going to say or do when she knocked on Cory’s door at the motel. But it didn’t matter, because when she turned into the parking lot, his pickup truck wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

An idea came to mind. She knew Cory. People didn’t change
that
much in ten years or even forty.

Emma had always known she couldn’t hold Cory back. He had to get out of this place. He had to see the world.

He had to get away from the pain of those first eighteen years.

She drove back to the field. Sure enough, there was a truck in the outfield with its lights on. A figure stood in the back of the truck.

What is he doing?

As she slowed down to park, Emma rolled down the window. The night was cool and still. She could hear the sound of a baseball game being blasted from the truck’s speakers. Every few moments she heard the thwack of a bat connecting with a ball. Then she heard him yell something.

Emma thought about leaving, knowing that this could be messy. She knew the state he was probably in.

She sighed, then climbed out of the truck and began walking toward him.

As she approached, she heard the sound of something else being hit. Not a baseball. What was he hitting?

“Foul.” Cory’s wail could probably be heard for five miles.

He threw something up and swung at it, sending it exploding with a plume of liquid. A beer can. Cory staggered a bit at the back of the pickup, leaning over to reach for something. He tossed up another beer and then tore into it, sending it spinning wildly forward as it erupted in a foamy mess.

“Way back, way back, it’s going, it’s gone.”

Emma stopped about twenty feet from the truck, hoping not to get hit or sprayed with beer. She called out his name several times, then shouted it over the sound of the radio.

At first Cory looked stunned to see her, then he looked embarrassed. He dropped the bat like a kid caught doing something he shouldn’t.

He’s still that boy I met and couldn’t run away from, and he always will be.

“What are you doing?” Emma asked as Cory moved to the back of the pickup and sat on the edge.

She stepped over a couple of burst beer cans and then noticed the truck bed was littered with empty cans.

“Hey,” Cory said in a tired, drunken voice.

His eyes looked glazed, and she could tell he was bombed. She saw an empty case of beer in the pickup and another half-empty case on the other side of the truck bed.

“Nice,” she said, not even trying to hide her disdain. “Okay. Well, I wondered if you were doing all right after the all-star news. But I see that you—are the same as always.”

She couldn’t talk to him in this state. She wasn’t sure what exactly she was doing here. She wasn’t his caretaker or his lover or even his friend. She turned and began to walk back to her truck.

“Come on,” Cory shouted behind her. “Don’t leave me here. It was the all-star thing. I didn’t get the votes.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said, not even bothering to look back.

“Emma, come on. Give a guy a break. I was upset. My career’s not looking so hot. I mean—I don’t even know what I’m doing here in this town.”

Emma turned around and looked at the pitiful sight sitting on the back of the truck. “Well, I’m sure it’s very disappointing. But then, adults cope with disappointment all the time. Want to ask me how I know?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cory said, not looking at her. “I disappointed you.”

She knew Cory was used to giving apologies. It was just a line from a man who was used to giving lines.

“I didn’t just leave to play baseball, you know?” Cory was now looking at her, a dejected look filling his face. “The thought of being a dad scared the life out of me.”

And you think it didn’t terrify me?

If she were closer she might have slapped him on his pretty face. She couldn’t say a word.

“But I’ve changed, Emma.”

This line—no, not just a line, but a lie—snapped her out of her silent anger and made her want to tear into him. He actually sounded like he believed what he was saying.

She laughed in contempt. “Clearly you’ve changed.”

Cory wasn’t about to back down. Not now. The cool and calm Cory who made everybody laugh and love him was gone. This was the drunk Cory, the one who would do whatever it took to have his needs met.

It was the same when he was sixteen or twenty.

“I’ve been thinking,” Cory said. “I want us to be a family. I never feel like the kind of man I do when I’m with—”

“Stop talking.”

He had the gall—the drunken delirious audacity to actually suggest—

She began walking away again, and she could hear him get off the truck and start rushing toward her. Then she heard him stumble and let out a moan in pain. Emma looked around. What a mess of a man Cory had become.

“Better be careful,” she said.

“Emma, stop. Listen to me—
I’ve changed.
I want to be Tyler’s dad.”

She looked at him and wanted to make sure he heard what she was about to say. She wanted to make it crystal clear, to know that Cory
got
what she was going to tell him.

For ten years she had wondered if this conversation would ever happen. She was ready.

“Really?
Really
? You want to be his dad? You were too scared to be his dad ten years ago, but now you have somehow summoned your courage and you think you’re ready to be Tyler’s father?”

“Yes. I—”

“Oh, no.” Emma took a few steps closer so he could see her and hear her clearly. “It takes courage to be a parent, Cory. It’s sheer bravery to love a child—to care for him, be there for him, to love him when he pushes you away. It takes courage to put your dreams on hold, to juggle your own heartache and disappointments while you … pray for the wisdom to navigate the endless decisions—and activities.”

Emma was seething and couldn’t hold back. Not now, not with Cory in this condition, not after what he was suggesting.

“What’s too much, what’s not enough,” she continued. “And split-second choices, never knowing which ones are going to affect the rest of his life and which don’t really matter. And just when you think you might be getting the hang of it, you lose your husband. So you now get to make every choice alone—again. So while suffocating in grief you have no choice but to pull it together so you can care for the most precious, most amazing person you have ever known.”

Cory didn’t say a word. He just stood there, his face full of hurt and guilt.

“Yeah, parenting is not for the faint of heart, Cory. It’s not for the scared or the self-absorbed.”

Emma glanced around to see if they were still alone. “You ran once,” she said. “You’ll run again. People don’t change.”

“It was a mistake,” Cory yelled at her. “A huge mistake. The old man said I’d only end up resenting you and the baby the way he resented me.”

Emma paused.

No father—no parent—would be that cruel.

“He told me I’d just screw up the baby, and I believed him.
I believed him
.” Cory wiped his mouth. Were those tears in his eyes?