Home is Goodbye (18 page)

She led her into the bedroom and opened her wardrobe. Hanging one beside the other were yards and yards of many coloured materials. Reflectively she glanced at Sara and began to bring out a number that she threw carelessly on to the bed.

‘First you wear top,’ she told her. She pointed to
her
tight-sleeved blouse. ‘Then skirt.’ Quickly she unwound her own sari and showed her petticoat, that was loosely gathered in at the waist with elastic. She pushed a large part of the material into the petticoat, looping it in attractive folds in front of her, before winding it round
her
waist and throwing the remainder over one shoulder.

‘Like that!’ she exclaimed.

‘And it stays in place?’ Sara asked disbelievingly.

‘Yes. I give you one.’

Sara’s protests were brushed firmly on one side. ‘I have so many!’ Kamala assured her. She held some of the ones she had chosen from the wardrobe up against Sara and chose one in a pinky blue, decorated with silver round the edges. ‘This one, I think?’

She pushed it into Sara’s arms, together with the blouse and petticoat that went with it.

‘You like?’ she asked with pretty hesitancy.

‘I love it,’ Sara assured her, ‘but I’m not sure that I should take it.’

Kamala grasped her hand and pulled her back into the sitting-room. Both men looked up and smiled at the scuffle.

‘You tell her, Matt,’ Kamala commanded. ‘She is to take sari!’

Matt’s eyes rose comically and he grinned at Sara.

‘Don’t you want it?’ he teased her.

‘Of course I do!’ she exclaimed. ‘But it’s so beautiful that I can’t believe that Mrs. Cengupta really means me to take it!’

Kamala giggled and everyone began to speak at once assuring her that they would be delighted for her to have it
.

‘Carried unanimously!’ Matt said firmly.

‘Very democratic!’ Dr. Cengupta agreed, grinning broadly.

Blushing a little, Sara held the cloth up against her, fingering the beautiful material as she did so.

‘It’s beautiful!’ she said.

Matt looked up at her and his eyes darkened.

‘Beautiful,’ he agreed.

For one breathless instant Sara thought that he meant her as well as the sari, but the next moment he was getting up to go and she realized that she must have imagined that intense personal glance that she had thought she had seen.

‘Shall I drive you home, Sara?’ he asked, and his voice was quite normal.

‘Please,’ she said. She smiled firmly at him.
Nothing
was going to dim her pleasure in her gift.

They left amid cries from Kamala begging them to come again soon. Sara waved until they were almost out of sight and then settled herself comfortably in her seat.

‘I have enjoyed myself,’ she said. ‘Wasn’t it kind of them to ask me?’

Matt chuckled.

‘You’ve made quite a hit with them,’ he told her. ‘I’m glad. It’s not always very easy for them living on the estate. Quite a number of people won’t have much to do with them.’

‘But I thought them charming!’ Sara exclaimed.

‘Good,’ he said. ‘But can you see your aunt inviting them to tea?’

‘No,’ she admitted. ‘But I liked them all the same!’ If her aunt were ill, she thought, she would be glad enough to have Dr. Cengupta’s help
—
and Nurse Lucy’s too! And in modern Tanzania these things matter less and less.

Matt glanced at his watch. ‘Do you mind if we go the long way home?’ he asked her. ‘I want to call in at the drying plant to make sure that it’s going as well as it’s able to.’

She shook her head, more than content to drive on for ever so long as it was beside him.

‘When are all the family arriving?’ she asked sleepily.

‘The first batch will arrive any day now.’ He paused. ‘Sara, I’m sorry not to have seen more of you lately, but I have to make sure that they can’t pick too many holes in the running of the estate. That’s the trouble with having one’s own relatives as shareholders!’

‘Doesn’t any of it belong to you?’ she asked.

‘The buildings do.’

‘Both the houses?’

‘Yes. And the drying shed.’

‘Then you own more shares than anyone else?’

‘I suppose I do. But that doesn’t seem to count very much. Between them they have the majority of the shares, and they gang up rather, you now.’

‘It doesn’t seem right to me,’ Sara objected, ‘You spend your whole life here on the estate. You must know more about it than they do
!
’

‘I do!’ he said grimly. ‘But the price of sisal is falling all the time. It’s going out. At least I think it is. And
the
family blame me for the drop in profits. But between us, Mother, James, my sister and I have pretty well a controlling interest. Uncle David tried to buy James out, but I wouldn’t let him sell. The time will come for that when the soya beans are really going ahead!’

So that was the truth about Matt forbidding James to leave the estate! Sara wondered whether Felicity knew that and if so whether it would make any difference to her plans. His share of the profits would surely keep them until they were settled in England.

‘Matt, where will we live after—’ she broke off.

‘After we get married?’

‘Mmm.’

‘In the manager’s house, I thought,’ he said, without any hesitation. ‘It’s more convenient than the house, and your garden has made it look a hundred times better!’

Sara’s heart sank. What would become of Mrs. Wayne? she wondered. She knew that she had no legal right to the house, but somehow it was going to be very difficult to dispossess her. She had made it hers by living in it, by mourning her husband there, and by her complete inability to live apart from it.

‘Couldn’t we build a new house?’ she suggested.

Matt gave her a quick glance that told her that he knew exactly what she was thinking.

‘It isn’t worth it, my dear,’ he explained to her gently. ‘One day we’ll be moving to Arusha. Joe is only staying there until I’m ready to move. His wife wants to go back to England.’

‘Leave Kwaheri?’ Sara demanded. ‘But I thought the estate was your whole life!’

‘Africa is my life. I don’t much mind whether it’s here or at Arusha. I didn’t suppose that you would mind
either.’ He gave her an apologetic look.

‘Not mind!’ she repeated. ‘Kwaheri is Africa to me! I love it!’

‘It’ll always be here,’ he reminded her gently. ‘We’ll come back often
—
whenever you feel that you want to.’

‘And what about Aunt Laura?’ she asked, somewhat mollified.

‘She’s a bit of a problem,’ he admitted. ‘I’m not going to have her upsetting you, so she won’t be able to stay on. But to tell the truth I think she might well decide to go to England with Felicity when it comes to it!’

But this Sara just could not believe! She was prepared to accept that James was as free as air to return to England; she had accepted with reasonable calm the fact that she was not to live at Kwaheri; but that Mrs. Wayne would go to England with her daughter — that was too much!

Matt appeared quite unconcerned at the consternation he had caused in her mind. He contented himself with saying, ‘I’ve known her for quite a time, you know, that’s why I think the pair of them are being so silly not telling her. Of course she knows! She always knows everything! She has the best spy system in Tanzania and it only hurts her to think that they don’t trust her enough to confide in her.
’

Sara thought back to her aunt sitting on the verandah, watching her working in the garden, and her remark: ‘You have more courage than the two of them put together, I shall miss you when you go back to work.’ It seemed likely that she might know that John and Felicity were getting married. Sara wondered whether she was lonely. She made very little effort to be friends with any of the neighbours. She might be better off in England where she would no longer be continually reminded of
her life with her husband.

Sara brought her thoughts up with a sharp jerk. She could not believe that Mrs. Wayne really had any such intention. It was just foolish wishful thinking to suppose anything of the sort!

The stink from the drying plant greeted them from a long way off.

‘Smells healthy enough!’ Matt said with satisfaction.

Sara wrinkled up her nose in distaste.

‘I can’t pretend it’s my favourite spot on the estate,’ she laughed. ‘The stench of decay is not my idea of a healthy smell either, come to that!’

Matt sniffed the air.

‘I love it!’ he claimed untruthfully, and they both laughed.

It came as a surprise when he stopped the car and sat looking at her for a moment. She stopped laughing and gave him a quick, inquiring glance.

‘Are you happy about our getting married?’ he asked her, his voice suddenly rough. She felt her mouth going dry and licked her lips. She didn’t know what to say, and then there was no need to say anything, for he pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard on the lips.

The smell of the sisal seemed to disappear and they were back at Sonjo, roasting the meat over a fire that smelt of smoke and the great outdoors. Then it was over and Sara found herself released as suddenly as she had been embraced. She watched in silence as Matt got out of the car and walked over to the plant. She knew then as surely as she had ever known anything that she would never be able to marry him. He would know, she thought breathlessly. She would never be able to
hide her feelings. But she was glad that she had had just that one moment out of time. One moment to keep in her heart always.

She could not bring herself to tell him immediately. I’ll allow myself this one day, she told herself, tomorrow I shall tell him. Tomorrow when I’ve had time to look at this moment.

So when he came back she was quite quiet. If he noticed that she wasn’t very talkative, he evidently thought that it wasn’t very surprising, for he started up the car immediately and drove away rapidly into the approaching dusk.

‘Would you mind dropping me at the hospital?’ Sara said when they were approaching that building. ‘I’ve left the jeep there and I shall need it in the morning.’

He smiled at her. It was hard to see him looking so content and pleased with life. What could possibly be making him so? Surely the kiss couldn’t have had any great effect on him?

‘Looks like someone else has had the same idea,’ he drawled, indicating an approaching cloud of dust. ‘Can’t make out who it is yet, can you?’

Sara peered into the distance.

‘Looks like a Volkswagen van,’ she suggested.

‘Might be Willy Friedrich,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘I wonder what he can want.’

He put his foot down hard on the accelerator and the car spurted forward. If she had been driving, Sara would have been nervous of travelling at such a speed, but she was quite confident with Matt at the wheel. He was much the best driver on the estate, she thought, and wondered why such a small thing should give her so much secret pleasure.

They got to the hospital only a second or so behind Herr Friedrich.

‘Anything the matter?’ Matt called out to him.

A small man leapt out of the Volkswagen.

‘Ah, Matt, my friend!’ he exclaimed. ‘It is my child! I have brought her to your hospital, but she is very ill!’ He wrung his hands in his dismay. ‘Is your doctor here?’ he asked.

Matt looked inquiringly at Sara.

‘I’m afraid that he will be at his house at the moment,’ she said, the mantle of authority flowing on to her. ‘If you would let me see your daughter, Matt could ring Dr. Cengupta and he will be here in a matter of moments.’

She smiled confidently at the little German and began walking over to the Volkswagen.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

It
was easy to see the child was sick. She lay on the seat in the back of the van, her tiny form flushed and her eyes sleepy.

‘Hullo, sweetheart,’ Sara greeted her, her heart contracting with pity for the tiny little girl.

‘Papa!’ the child whimpered.

The child’s father peered over Sara’s shoulder.

‘
Mein Gott
!’
he said pathetically. ‘Vat can be ze matter vith her?’

‘She’ll be all right,’ Sara reassured him. ‘Can she speak any English?’

He shook his head regretfully. ‘She is too small for lessons,’ he explained. ‘And my wife and I speak always German together.’

‘I expect we shall manage,’ Sara smiled, with considerably more confidence than she felt. She herself spoke no German and she thought it likely that the little girl would be with them for some time to come.

With care, she lifted her up from the seat and carried her into the hospital. Fretfully the little girl began to cry. Sara laid her down gently on one of the beds and held her hand to comfort her.

‘
Did she show signs of having a bad cold?’ she asked.

‘She may have done,’ Herr Friedrich said doubtfully. ‘I was away from home. But my wife say nothing.’

They looked up as Matt came back from the telephone. He came over to the bed and smiled down at the little patient.

‘
Well,
libeling
?’
he asked her.

Slowly she began to smile at him, muttering an indistinct word or two of German.

‘That’s fine,’ he told her.
‘
You keep that up and Dr. Cengupta will think we’ve called him out for nothing!’

But when the Indian doctor arrived he looked grave.

‘I think we shall have to keep her,’ he said. ‘I suspect that she has polio.’

They all flinched away from the word.

‘But surely not!’ Matt exclaimed. ‘It’s so rare out here!’

‘It is always rare in countries where the standards of hygiene are not one hundred per cent,’ Dr. Cengupta said bleakly. ‘Or rather it is not so serious because almost everyone has a mild dose and speedily recovers, thinking they have had no more than a bad headache for a day or so. But there are cases. There is no need to despair,’ he went on to the little girl’s father. ‘Nurse Wayne is fresh out from England and she has nursed many cases. I too did my training in London. Your daughter shall have every care.’

‘But the hospital, it is small,’ Herr Friedrich said scornfully. ‘She should go to Dar-es-Salaam, no? I fly her there, there are many doctors!’

‘You may of course do that,’ the Indian agreed smoothly, ‘but I should not advise it. She will be better if she is kept quiet.’

‘It is impossible!’ the German exclaimed. ‘Never would my wife allow her to have an ayah, yet here you have an African nurse. The little one would be afraid.’

Matt gave an impatient motion to his head.

‘I don’t think you need worry,’ he said stiffly. ‘Nurse Wayne is more than competent and she will be undertaking the nursing of your daughter.’

‘Indeed? It is true?’

‘Certainly,’ Dr. Cengupta agreed gently. ‘It shall be arranged. I think it would be best for the little girl, and that is what matters, is it not?’

He was not at all sure, but he gave way already thinking of yet a greater problem, the problem of how he was going to break the news to his wife.

‘How to tell her? How to tell her?’ he muttered over and over again, while Sara gently eased the little girl out of her clothes and into the bed that looked several sizes too big for her.

‘We shall have to take precautions to keep her isolated, nurse,’ Dr. Cengupta reminded her. ‘I shall take Herr Friedrich to my office and then I shall come back and we shall see what can be done for the little one.’

Firmly he removed the German from the ward, leaving Sara to cope as best she could.

‘Well, I’ll be off,’ Matt said heavily. ‘I’m sorry you’re landed with this, but it would be so much better if we could persuade the small farmers to come in with us over the hospital
.’

‘It wouldn’t have done her much good to be moved either,’ Sara smiled.

‘No,’ he agreed. ‘But it means we shan’t be able to see much of each other!’

She shook her head. Now was the time that she ought to tell him that she was not going to marry him. It wouldn’t be fair to let him go without telling him. She might be stuck in the hospital for days and by that time he would have told all his relations. It would be far worse telling him then! She opened her mouth, but no sound came.

‘Look after yourself,
’
he said lightly. He took a step towards her and kissed her gently on the forehead. ‘Why do you have to have such a dangerous job?’ he asked her teasingly. ‘I shan’t get a moment’s peace until this is over!’

She laughed at his concern. ‘Don’t be silly!’ she admonished him. ‘I’ve
had all my shots!’

With one finger he flicked her lightly on the nose. ‘Remind me to tell you something when all this is over,’ he said. ‘Something important, that I should have told you before.’

She nodded. She had a lump in her throat that prevented her from saying anything, and when she looked up again he had gone.

With a sigh she began to fit up curtains over the doors of the ward. She would have to write him now. She just couldn’t leave things as they were!

Little Hedda fought every inch of the way. There was no doubt about the little girl’s courage. And Sara fought beside her, massaging her limbs and doing everything she could to see that the virus left as few effects as possible.

One day turned into another and still the battle went on, until a whole week had gone by. From the windows of the hospital, Sara had watched the various arrivals of different members of the Halifax family and had wondered how Matt was getting on with them. Once she had seen him in Julia’s car — only a fleeting glance, but more than sufficient to set her fussing over Hedda’s bed until even the matron of the London hospital where she had trained would have singled out the bed for a word of approbation.

She felt strangely cut off from the world. It was true that there was nothing to stop her from using the telephone, but she had nothing to say to Matt and to ring up anyone else seemed strangely poin
tl
ess.

Then at last came the day when Hedda was allowed
o
ut of bed. She was still very weak, but there was no sign of the polio having left any paralysis. Dr. Cengupta and she exchanged quiet grins of satisfaction and celebrated with
pan
that Kamala had sent down when she heard the good news.

With no excuse for dallying any longer, Sara finally got out her writing case and settled down to the painful task of writing to Matt.

Dear Matt—

What could one say? I have changed my mind and won’t marry you after all? Too abrupt. I am sure you will agree that we are not really suited in spite of our very real liking for each other? That wouldn’t do either.

It was a relief when she was called to the telephone,

‘Is that Sara?’ Mrs
.
Halifax’s voice asked.

‘Yes, yes, it is,’ Sara agreed.

‘My dear! What have you been thinking of me? I have been meaning to get hold of you every day! Such a blow that poor child going down with polio! Matt was almost frantic! You can have no idea what it’s been like here. Perhaps it’s as well because you would certainly think twice about marrying into the family! But what I really wanted to say — I am doing this badly, aren’t I? — was to tell you how happy I am! I knew, of course! As soon as I set eyes on you after that awful time you had at Sonjo. They say that mothers always know when a girl falls in love with their son, don’t they? Or do they say something else about it? You can be sure it’s something unpleasant! People are always unpleasant about mothers-in-law. Can’t think why! Mine was quite charming! So much nicer than my own mother, you know. Perhaps you’d better say something, dear, while I catch my breath!’

‘I — I can’t think what to say,’ Sara stammered, feeling rather foolish. ‘I mean, I’m very happy too.’ Now why on
earth had she said that?

‘Are you? Matt said he wasn’t sure.’

Sara thought for a moment. ‘Oh,’ she said.

Mrs. Halifax chuckled. ‘How very non-committal,’ she said. ‘When are you allowed out? Because I feel we ought to give some sort of party while the family is here to celebrate. Do you mind?’

‘I should love it,’ Sara heard herself saying with every appearance of enthusiasm. ‘We’re not in quarantine any longer.’

‘Good. I’ll fix it up for the week-end, then. Saturday probably, with full regalia. I’ll let you know, my dear. Meanwhile you know how welcome you are! And don’t pay any attention to the stories the family will tell you, will you? I know you wouldn’t be so silly, but really, David’s sense of humour
has
become rather embarrassing in the last year or so! Then that’s all settled?’

‘
Yes, and
—
and thank you, Mrs. Halifax. I’ve never believed in mother-in-law jokes either, and I think Matt made a very good choice in his mother.’

There was a choked silence.

‘
You’ve made me cry now,’
Mrs.
Halifax told her. ‘Oh dear, and I do hate people who get all emotional! I shall have to slink up to my room and repair the damage.’

‘I’m crying too,’ Sara confessed. ‘
Could
it be because we’re happy?’

Mrs. Halifax laughed, a rather shaky laugh, it was true, but with genuine amusement nevertheless.