Home Alone 2 (2 page)

"Don't you think you better get your jacket and tie on?" he asked.

Kevin looked up from the TV. "No."

"We have to leave for the Christmas pageant in a few minutes," Peter said.

"My tie's in my room and I can't get it," Kevin said.

"Why not?" Kate asked.

"Because Uncle Frank's taking a shower in the kid's bathroom," Kevin explained.

Peter turned to his son. "Just run in and get your tie. It's okay."

Kevin turned off the TV. "Does Uncle Frank have a lot of muscles nobody knows about?"

"Only in his head, honey," Kate replied with a smile.

As Kevin left his parents' bedroom, he found his cousin Sondra and sister Megan dragging their suitcases down the hall.

"Where's your suitcase, Kevin?" Megan asked.

"In my room," Kevin said.

"Well, Dad said we have to have our suitcases down by the door before we go to the Christmas pageant," Megan the know-it-all said.

"Are you my new mother?" Kevin asked. He couldn't stand it when she nagged him.

"Remember what happened last year?" Sondra asked.

Kevin felt his teeth clench. He hated the way they all loved to remind him how he'd missed the trip to Paris and ruined the vacation for everyone. Instead of replying, Kevin aimed the Talkboy at the girls and pressed "play."

"
Blurgh!
" The loud belch he'd recorded earlier came out.

Megan wrinkled her nose. "You're totally nauseating!"

Kevin just laughed. The girls pulled their luggage past him and down the stairs. Kevin went to his room and pushed the door open. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom and Frank singing something about a "cool jerk."

Wow, I never knew anyone could sing so badly, Kevin thought. He snuck over to the bathroom door and pushed it open a little. Through the translucent curtain he could see Frank wiggling around as he sang. Kevin aimed the Talkboy toward his uncle and started to record the terrible off-key singing. Suddenly Frank noticed him and yanked the curtain aside.

"Get outta here, you nosy little jerk!" Frank shouted angrily. "Or I'll come out and slap you silly."

Kevin slammed the bathroom door, grabbed his tie, and raced out of the room. Didn't anyone have a sense of humor anymore?

A little while later Kevin stood with the children's choir on the stage at his school. Each member of the choir held a small glowing electric candle. Buzz stood on a riser behind Kevin, and behind Buzz was a row of Christmas trees. The auditorium was lit with holiday lights, and its walls were adorned with wreaths, ribbons, and ornaments. The seats were filled with families of the choir members, and Kevin spotted his parents sitting next to Uncle Frank and his wife, Aunt Leslie.

Down in front of the choir, Ms. Wickersham, the silver-haired music teacher who accompanied the choir on piano, smiled and nodded. The choir began to sing:

In the audience Kate watched Kevin and Buzz with great pleasure and pride. She was especially excited for Kevin.

"Kevin's solo is coming up," she whispered to Peter. "Tell Leslie."

Peter leaned to his sister-in-law, who was even chubbier than Frank and had frizzy bleached blonde hair. "Kevin's solo is coming up. Tell Frank."

Leslie leaned toward her husband, but saw that his head was tilted back, his eyes closed, and his mouth agape as he snored loudly.

"Wake up!" she hissed, smacking him on the arm.

"Wha—?" Frank opened his eyes, startled.

"Kevin's going to do his solo," she whispered.

"Oh, great." Frank yawned and went back to sleep.

On the stage, the choir continued to sing:

Kevin swallowed nervously and straightened the knot of his tie. He'd never sung a solo before such a large crowd before. Behind him, Buzz was also aware that Kevin's big moment was approaching. As usual the little twerp was getting all the attention, and it ticked Buzz off. If only there was some way he could mess Kevin up . . .

Buzz had an idea, but it would take another electric candle. He grabbed one from the kid singing next to him, and smiled to himself. This was going to be good.

In front of the choir, Ms. Wickersham nodded at Kevin and winked. Kevin took a deep breath. This was it. His big solo. He began to sing:

Some of the audience started to smile and giggle, but Kevin tried to ignore them and kept singing:

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than a bunch of people burst out laughing. Kevin's ears burned with humiliation. Even Ms.

Wickersham was grinning. Kevin forced the next lines of the song out:

By now most of the audience was howling with laughter. Even the other kids in the choir had joined in. Kevin couldn't believe how rude they were being. Could his singing really be that bad? And why did his ears feel so hot?

People were laughing and pointing at him. Suddenly Kevin began to suspect something and turned around. Buzz was holding two electric candles and grinning like an idiot. Now Kevin knew why his ears felt so hot. That big jerk had held the candles behind them, making Kevin's ears glow in the middle of his big solo!

Wham!
Kevin slugged Buzz in the stomach. The big dummy lost his balance and fell into the other kids. The next thing Kevin knew, the whole choir started to collapse like a bunch of bowling pins. The Christmas trees and wreaths crashed down as kids grabbed for anything that would help them keep their balance. Finally the entire chorus fell in on itself, forming a writhing mass of arms, legs, electric candles, and Christmas trees.

In the audience Kate McCallister closed her eyes and shook her head in despair. Why was it always her children who caused the worst scenes?

The entire clan was gathered in the living room. Buzz and Kevin sat in chairs in front of the fireplace, facing them. It was like being on trial, with Kate as the prosecutor and the rest of the family, the jury.

"Buzz, you're the oldest so you'll go first," Kate said.

Buzz stood up and cleared his throat. He stared down at the floor.

"I want to apologize to all of you for whatever displeasure I caused. And I want to apologize to my brother." Buzz turned to Kevin. "I'm sorry, Kevin. My prank was immature and ill-timed."

"Immature or not, it was pretty hilarious," Uncle Frank said. The other adults glared angrily at him and he sank down into his chair.

"I can assure you all that there will be absolutely no more shenanigans from me," Buzz continued with the most phony apology Kevin had ever heard. "Christmas is a sacred, happy, family, together, loving, caring, getting-along-time-of-year, and everybody in the family of man should go along with that. . . . Amen."

Kate smiled proudly. "That was very nice, Buzz."

Kevin's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe his mother had actually believed that garbage. Meanwhile, Buzz turned back to Kevin. When Buzz was certain no one else in the family could see him, he curled his lips back and grinned maliciously at Kevin, wiggling his retainer with his tongue.

"Try to beat that, you little trout sniffer," Buzz whispered. Then he sat down in his chair, looking repentant.

"Kevin?" Kate said. "What do you have to say?"

Kevin rose and stared at them. He couldn't believe that they'd bought all the lies Buzz had just told. Couldn't they see that Buzz was yanking their chains? As Kevin looked into their eager, expectant faces, he could see that they'd been totally conned.

Well, Kevin thought, I'm going to tell them the truth.

"I'm not sorry," he said defiantly. "I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me and, since he gets away with everything, I let him have it. And since you're all so stupid to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked. Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?"

A shocked silence fell over the McCallisters. Then Uncle Frank jumped up from his chair and pointed a threatening finger at Kevin. "You better not wreck my vacation, you little sourpuss. Your dad's paying good money for this trip."

Kevin just smirked. Typical, he thought, and then turned to leave.

"Stop, Kevin!" Kate shouted.

"If you walk out of here, you'll sleep in the attic!" his father yelled.

Kevin looked back at them and shrugged. "So what else is new?"

Kevin laid on the fold-out couch and stared up at the attic rafters. How could they ever believe Buzz? he thought angrily. What a bunch of jerks.

He heard footsteps on the stairs. That would be his mother, of course, coming up to yell at him.

A moment later Kate opened the door and entered the room. Kevin stared straight up at the rafters and ignored her.

"The last time we all tried to go on a trip, we had a problem that started just like this," Kate said.

"Yeah," Kevin said bitterly. "With me getting dumped on."

Kate crossed her arms firmly. "That isn't what happened last time and it isn't what's happening now. Your brother Buzz apologized to you."

"And when you couldn't see, he wiggled his retainer at me," Kevin said. "He didn't mean what he said. He was just kissing up to you."

"I'm sorry, Kevin, but I don't believe that," Kate replied. "You've been so negative lately. I wish you'd be more cooperative. Now, we're all getting on that airplane at ten o'clock tomorrow morning. Your father's spending a lot of money to take us to Florida."

"Great," Kevin snapped. "We're going to spend three and a half hours cooped up in an airplane just so we can see a bunch of palm trees and old people with bony legs."

It was obvious to Kate that her son wasn't ready to cooperate. "All right, Kevin. You sit up here for a while and think about it. When you're ready to apologize to Buzz and the rest of the family—"

"I'm not apologizing to Buzz," Kevin shouted. "I'd rather kiss a toilet seat."

"Then you can stay up here for the rest of the night."

"Fine," said Kevin. All the anger he was feeling spilled out. "I don't want to be down there anyway. I can't trust anybody in this family. And you know what? If I had my own money, I'd go on my own vacation. By myself. Alone. Without any of you guys. And I'd have the most fun of my whole life."

"You got your wish last year," Kate warned him. "Maybe you'll get it again this year."

"I sure hope so!" Kevin yelled at her.

Kate gazed helplessly at her young son. She didn't understand what was troubling him. Maybe he just had to be left alone. She turned and went back down the stairs.

Kevin watched his mother leave. Then he looked up at the rafters. Someday I'm going to go away all by myself, he thought. No one will bother me, no one will make fun of me, no one will cause me any trouble.

The morning sunlight peeked through the bedroom curtains. Kate lay under the covers, dreaming that she was lying on a large rubber raft in a clear blue pool. On a terrace beside her, Peter sat at an umbrella table, wearing a thick white robe, sipping freshly squeezed orange juice, and reading the paper. The children had gone to the beach for the day, and Kate was luxuriating in the peace and quiet.

Suddenly she heard a loud knocking sound.

"Hey! Anybody home?" a voice shouted. "Ya better hurry or you're gonna miss your plane!"

Plane? Kate thought as she started to wake.

Oh, no! Kate sat straight up in bed and stared at Peter in wide-eyed terror.

"We did it again!" They screamed simultaneously.

In a flash they burst out of bed and started to wake the others. Moments later the three-story house was a mass of hysteria as the McCallisters dressed and got ready to leave. Still pulling on a blouse and slacks, Kate ran to the bottom of the third-floor stairs.

"Kevin!" she shouted.

Kevin opened the door from the third floor and rubbed his sleepy eyes. "Yeah?"

"Get dressed!" Kate gasped. "We're not leaving you this time. And wear your warm blue coat. It's cold out."

"Sure, Mom." Kevin yawned.

A few minutes later the front door burst open and fourteen hastily dressed people dragged their luggage outside. Their shirttails flapped in the winter air, their shoelaces were untied and their coats unbuttoned as they hurried into the two airport vans waiting in the driveway.

Kate stood on the porch and directed traffic. "Our McCallisters in the first van, the other McCallisters in the second van!"

Uncle Frank came out of the house lugging a heavy suitcase. "I know I shouldn't complain about a free trip," he mumbled, "but you people give the worst wake-up calls!"

Kate grabbed him. "Do you have the plane tickets?"

"Leslie's in charge of the tickets," Uncle Frank said. "I'm in charge of hotel reservations."

Kate let him go. A second later Aunt Leslie rushed out of the house waving the airline tickets.

"Got 'em, Kate!" she gasped. Peter came next, panting for breath.