Holes for Faces (31 page)

He’d left me feeling ashamed to be timid, which meant not avoiding Copse View. As I marched along the deserted street I thought there was no need to look into the house. I was almost past it when the sense of something eager to be seen dragged my head around. One glimpse was enough to send me fleeing home. The figure was still blurred, though the queen’s face on the plate beside the doorway was absolutely clear, but there was no question that the occupant had moved. It was leaning forward on its sticks at least a foot inside the room.

I didn’t stop walking very fast until I’d slammed the front door behind me. I wouldn’t have been so forceful if I’d realised my parents were home. “That was an entrance,” said my father. “Anything amiss we should know about?”

“We certainly should,” said my mother.

“I was just seeing if I could run all the way home.”

“Don’t take your uncle too much to heart,” my mother said. “There are better ways for you to impress.”

On impulse I showed them my homework books. My father pointed out where the punctuation in my mathematics work was wrong, and my mother wished I’d written about real life and ordinary people instead of ghosts in my essay on the last book I’d read. “Good try,” she told me, and my father added “Better next time, eh?”

I was tempted to show them my stories, but I was sure they wouldn’t approve. I stayed away from writing any that weekend, because the only ideas I had were about figures that stayed too still or not still enough. I tried not to think about them after dark, and told myself that by the time I went to my uncle’s again, whatever was happening on Copse View might have given up for lack of an audience or been sorted out by someone else. But I was there much sooner than next week.

It was Sunday afternoon. While my mother peeled potatoes I was popping peas out of their pods and relishing their clatter in a saucepan. A piece of beef was defrosting in a pool of blood. My father gazed at it for a while and said “That’d do for four of us. We haven’t had Phil over for a while.”

“We haven’t,” said my mother.

Although I wouldn’t have taken this for enthusiasm, my father said “I’ll give him a tinkle.”

Surely my uncle could take a taxi—surely nobody would expect me to collect him and help him back to his flat after dark. I squeezed a pod in my fist while I listened to my father on the phone, but there was silence except for the scraping of my mother’s knife. My hand was clammy with vegetable juice by the time my father said “He’s not answering. That isn’t like him.”

“Sometimes he isn’t much like him these days,” said my mother.

“Can you go over and see what’s up, Craig?”

As I rubbed my hands together I wondered whether any more of me had turned as green. “Don’t you want me to finish these?” I pleaded.

“I’ll take over kitchen duty.”

My last hope was that my mother would object, but she said “Wash your hands for heaven’s sake, Craig. Just don’t be long.”

While night wouldn’t officially fall for an hour, the overcast sky gave me a preview. I was in sight of the woods when I noticed a gap in the railings on Shady Lane. Hadn’t I seen another on Arbour Street? Certainly a path had been made through the shrubs from the opening off Shady Lane. It wound between the trees not too far from Copse View.
           As I dodged along it bushes and trees kept blocking my view of the boarded-up houses. I couldn’t help glancing at the vandalised house; perhaps I thought the distance made me safe. The scrawny figure hadn’t changed its posture or its patchwork appearance. It looked as if it was craning forward to watch me or threatening worse. Overnight it had moved as much closer to the street as it had during the whole of the previous week.

I nearly forced my own way through the undergrowth to leave the sight behind. I was afraid I’d encouraged the figure to advance by trying to see it, perhaps even by thinking about it. Had the vandals fled once they’d seen inside the house? No wonder they’d left the rest of the street alone. I fancied the occupant might especially dislike people of my age, even though I hadn’t been among those who’d rampaged in the woods. I was almost blind with panic and the early twilight by the time I fought off the last twigs and found the unofficial exit onto Arbour Street.

I was trying to be calmer when I arrived at my uncle’s. He seemed to be watching television, which lent its flicker to the front room. I thought he couldn’t hear me tapping on the pane for the cheers of the crowd. When I knocked harder he didn’t respond, and I was nervous of calling to him. I was remembering a horror film I’d watched on television once until my mother had come home to find me watching. I’d seen enough to know you should be apprehensive if anyone was sitting with his back to you in that kind of film. “Uncle Philip,” I said with very little voice.

The wheelchair twisted around, bumping into a sofa scattered with magazines. At first he seemed not to see me, then not to recognise me, and finally not to be pleased that he did. “What are you playing at?” he demanded. “What are you trying to do?”
           He waved away my answer as if it were an insect and propelled the chair across the room less expertly than usual. He struggled to shove the lower half of the window up, and his grimace didn’t relent once he had. “Speak up for yourself. Weren’t you here before?”

“That was yesterday,” I mumbled. “Dad sent me. He—”

“Sending an inspector now, is he? You can tell him my mind’s as good as ever. I know they don’t think that’s much.”

“He tried to phone you. You didn’t answer, so—”

“When did he? Nobody’s rung here.” My uncle fumbled in his lap and on the chair. “Where is the wretched thing?”

Once he’d finished staring at me as if I’d failed to answer in a class he steered the chair around the room and blundered out of it, muttering more than one word I would never have expected him to use. “Here it is,” he said accusingly and reappeared brandishing the cordless phone. “No wonder I couldn’t hear it. Can’t a man have a nap?”

“I didn’t want to wake you. I only did because I was sent.”

“Don’t put yourself out on my behalf.” Before I could deny that he was any trouble he said “So why’s Tom checking up on me?”

“They wanted you to come for dinner.”

“More like one did if any. I see you’re not including yourself.”

I don’t know why this rather than anything else was too much, but I blurted “Look, I came all this way to find out. Of—”

One reason I was anxious to invite him was the thought of passing the house on Copse View by myself, but he didn’t let me finish. “Don’t again,” he said.

“You’ll come, won’t you?”

“Tell them no. I’m still up to cooking my own grub.”

“Can’t you tell them?”

I was hoping that my father would persuade him to change his mind, but he said “I won’t be phoning. I’ll phone if I want you round.”

“I’m sorry,” I pleaded. “I didn’t mean—”

“I know what you meant,” he said and gazed sadly at me. “Never say sorry for telling the truth.”

“I wasn’t.”

I might have tried harder to convince him if I hadn’t realised that he’d given me an excuse to stay away from Copse View. “Don’t bother,” he said and stared at the television. “See, now I’ve missed a goal.”

He dragged the sash down without bothering to glance at me. Even if that hadn’t been enough of a dismissal, the night was creeping up on me. I didn’t realise how close it was until he switched on the light in the room. That made me feel worse than excluded, and I wasn’t slow in heading for home.

Before I reached the woods the streetlamps came on. I began to walk faster until I remembered that most of the lamps around the woods had been smashed. From the corner of the triangle I saw just one was intact—the one outside the house on Copse View. I couldn’t help thinking the vandals were scared to go near; they hadn’t even broken the window. I couldn’t see into the room from the end of the street, but the house looked awakened by the stark light, lent power by the white glare. I wasn’t anxious to learn what effect this might have inside the house.
           The path would take me too close. I would have detoured through the streets behind Copse View if I hadn’t heard the snarl of motorcycles racing up and down them. I didn’t want to encounter the riders, who were likely to be my age or younger and protective of their territory. Instead I walked around the woods.

I had my back to the streetlamp all the way down Arbour Street. A few thin shafts of light extended through the trees, but they didn’t seem to relieve the growing darkness so much as reach for me on behalf of the house. Now and then I heard wings or litter flapping. When I turned along Shady Lane the light started to jab at my vision, blurring the glimpses the woods let me have of the house. I’d been afraid to see it, but now I was more afraid not to see. I kept having to blink scraps of dazzle out of my eyes, and I waited for my vision to clear when a gap between the trees framed the house.

Was the figure closer to the window? I’d been walking in the road, but I ventured to the pavement alongside the woods. Something besides the stillness of the figure reminded me of the trees on either side of the house. Their cracked bark was grey where it wasn’t blackened, and fragments were peeling off, making way for whitish fungus. Far too much of this seemed true of the face beyond the window.

I backed away before I could see anything else and stayed on the far pavement, though the dead houses beside it were no more reassuring than the outstretched shadows of the trees or the secret darkness of the woods, which kept being invaded by glimpses of the house behind the streetlamp. When I reached the corner of the triangle I saw that someone with a spray can had added a letter to the street sign. The first word was no longer just Copse.

Perhaps it was a vandal’s idea of a joke, but I ran the rest of the way home, where I had to take time to calm my breath down. As I opened the front door I was nowhere near deciding what to tell my parents. I was sneaking it shut when my mother hurried out of the computer room, waving a pamphlet called
Safe Home.
“Are you back at last? We were going to phone Philip. Are you by yourself? Where have you been?”

“I had to go a long way. There were boys on bikes.”

“Did they do something to you? What did they do?”

“They would have. That’s why I went round.” I wouldn’t have minded some praise for prudence, but apparently I needed to add “They were riding motorbikes. They’d have gone after me.”

“We haven’t got you thinking there are criminals round every corner, have we?” My father had finished listening none too patiently to the interrogation. “We don’t want him afraid to go out, do we, Rosie? It isn’t nearly that bad, Craig. What’s the problem with my brother?”

“He’s already made his dinner.”

“He isn’t coming.” Perhaps my father simply wanted confirmation, but his gaze made me feel responsible. “So why did you have to go over?” he said.

“Because you told me to.”

“Sometimes I think you aren’t quite with us, Craig,” he said, though my mother seemed to feel this was mostly directed at her. “I was asking why he didn’t take my call.”

“He’d been watching football and—”

I was trying to make sure I didn’t give away too much that had happened, but my mother said “He’d rather have his games than us, then.”

“He was asleep,” I said louder than I was supposed to speak.
            “Control yourself, Craig. I won’t have a hooligan in my house.” Having added a pause, my mother turned her look on my father. “And please don’t make it sound as if I’ve given him a phobia.”

“I don’t believe anyone said that. Phil’s got no reason to call you a sissy, has he, Craig?” When I shook or at least shivered my head my father said “Did he say anything else?”

“Not really.”

“Not really or not at all?”

“Not.”

“Now who’s going on at him?” my mother said in some triumph. “Come and have the dinner there’s been so much fuss about.”

Throughout the meal I felt as if I were being watched or would be if I even slightly faltered in cutting up my meat and vegetables and inserting forkfuls in my mouth and chewing and chewing and, with an effort that turned my hands clammy, swallowing. I managed to control my intake until dinner was finally done and I’d washed up, and then I was just able not to dash upstairs before flushing the toilet to muffle my sounds. Once I’d disposed of the evidence I lay on my bed for a while and eventually ventured down to watch the end of a programme about gang violence in primary schools. “Why don’t you bring whatever you’re reading downstairs?” my mother said.

“Maybe it’s the kind of thing boys like to read by themselves,” said my father.

I went red, not because it was true but on the suspicion that he wanted it to be, and shook my head to placate my mother. She switched off the television in case whatever else it had to offer wasn’t suitable for me, and then my parents set about sectioning the Sunday papers, handing me the travel supplements in case those helped with my geography. I would much rather have been helped not to think about the house on Copse View.

Whenever the sight of the ragged discoloured face and the shape crouching over its sticks tried to invade my mind I made myself remember that my uncle didn’t want me. I had to remember at night in bed, and in the classroom, and while I struggled not to let my parents see my fear, not to mention any number of situations in between these. I was only wishing to be let off my duty until the occupant of the derelict house somehow went away. My uncle didn’t phone during the week, and I was afraid my father might call him and find out the truth, but perhaps he was stubborn as well.