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Authors: Catherine Aird

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Hole in One (2 page)

BOOK: Hole in One
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‘Why not …' Anna turned too. ‘Oh, I see. One of them's gone and got herself into the Hell's Bells bunker. Oh, what bad luck!'
‘I wonder whose ball it is,' said Christine, watching with interest to see whether it was to be Helen or Ursula who set off for the deep bunker behind the green.
‘Whose ever it is, I bet she won't get out of there first go,' said Anna, who had had to listen time and again to detailed accounts of his games from her Colin and who thus knew the course better than Christine – in theory, that is. The depth of the bunker behind the sixth green was a hardy perennial when she was being properly sympathetic in the matter of torn-up cards and lost matches.
‘It's Helen Ewell's,' said Christine, shading her eyes and staring back at the sixth green.
‘Tough,' said Anna, without any noticeable sound of regret. ‘You do realise, Christine, don't you,' she added mischievously, ‘that there's not a single man in sight to come to her aid?'
‘Not even the greenkeeper, poor thing,' said Christine. It was not clear whether it was the greenkeeper or Helen for whom she was expressing her sympathy.
‘Oh, the greenkeeper's out of action, anyway,' said Anna. ‘I heard he's been off sick all week, which is why the fairway grass is a bit long just now'
Christine craned her neck. ‘I can't even see her now she's in the bunker.'
‘So she'll have to manage on her own, won't she?' grinned Anna. ‘Ursula Millward isn't supposed to advise her.' She noted with approval that Ursula had taken up a perfectly correct position by the flag, which she was now raising well above her head so that her friend in the bunker might have some idea of the general direction in which she should be aiming her shot.
‘Come on, Anna,' Christine urged her friend from the safety of the seventh hole. ‘Now we've got a head start we might as well keep it. After all, Helen might give up and just mark Ursula's card from now on. That'd make them a lot quicker and that could be a nuisance to us.'
‘Right you are,' said Anna amiably. ‘Anyway, we'll hear all about it with a vengeance when we get in.'
‘You bet we will. Our Helen likes an audience.'
‘Helen likes a male audience,' Anna corrected her. ‘I don't think we mere lady members'll do instead when she tells us about her terrible luck today.'
She was wrong.
Anyone and everyone would have done for audience when Helen Ewell eventually got back to the Clubhouse of the Berebury Golf Club. The trouble was that by then her voice had been reduced to a totally incoherent babble that no one could understand.
Bogey
Police Superintendent Leeyes checked his watch and not for the first time. He was standing impatiently at the long window of the Clubhouse that looked out on both the eighteenth hole and the first tee of the golf course. Catching sight of some movement near the latter, he turned to the man at his side and said ‘Great, they've opened the first tee to us at last. Come along, Garwood. It's gone half-past already and those dratted women should be well out of the way by now.'
‘They'll be slow,' Douglas Garwood, a short spry man, warned him. ‘Very slow.'
‘Women usually are,' grunted Leeyes.
‘Rabbits always are,' said Garwood.
‘They aren't the only ones,' said Leeyes. He pointed at someone walking outside the window. ‘Look at old Bligh over there. He gets slower and slower.'
‘It's his knee,' said Garwood.
‘Hrrmph,' said Leeyes, resuming his study of the course.
‘Old Bligh may be slow,' observed Garwood, ‘but he still hits a good drive.'
‘True,' admitted Leeyes grudgingly.
‘And anyway it's the third shot that counts as time goes by,' said Garwood, ‘not your drive.'
Leeyes changed tack. ‘And Hopland isn't quick either.' He jerked a thumb in the man's direction. ‘Look at the pair of them shuffling into the locker rooms.'
‘James doesn't have to be quick,' pointed out Garwood. ‘He's as good as retired.'
‘I suppose he doesn't play all that badly,' conceded Leeyes.
‘For an old man,' rejoined Garwood neatly. ‘And there's Luke Trumper over there with Nigel Halesworth waiting to play.'
‘I do believe that they're going to go out now, too,' said
Leeyes, irritated. ‘We'll have to look sharp to get in ahead of them.' He scowled. ‘What's Trumper doing up here today anyway? He's not usually around midweek.'
‘Ready when you are,' said Garwood, leaving Leeyes' question unanswered and suppressing any thought he might have had about it being possible to take the policeman out of the police station but not the police station out of the policeman.
‘Come along then,' urged Leeyes. ‘We don't want to have to play behind a pair of old dodderers let alone Trumper and Halesworth.'
‘Patience is good for the soul,' said Garwood philosophically. ‘And the blood pressure.'
Leeyes shot the man a questioning look, decided he wasn't trying to be funny, and so stayed silent. This was because the Superintendent, ever afraid of being seen in the wrong company, was always careful with whom he played. He never had any qualms in arranging a game with Douglas Garwood. Circumspection was not necessary with the man. Calleshire Consolidated, Plc., of which Company Doug Garwood was the chairman, had an impeccable reputation throughout the county for honest dealing.
And for making money.
A lot of money.
‘Unless, that is,' continued Garwood politely, ‘you're in a hurry to get back on duty.'
‘No, no,' protested Leeyes at once. ‘Not at all. My time's my own today.' The Superintendent was up for the Men's Committee – an important and necessary step on the way to the Captaincy – and was belatedly realising that election candidates had to mind their manners. He gave a deprecating little laugh. ‘One of the few advantages of being in the Force, you know, is the occasional daytime off-duty. Not that we don't work when other men play, of course,' he finished piously.
The two golfers left the Clubhouse, collected their clubs and strolled towards the first tee, passing as they did so the old Nissen hut that did duty as the caddies' shed. Leeyes jerked his head in its direction. ‘Do you need one of those?'
‘Not today, thank you,' said Garwood. He paused and said: ‘I do like to have a caddy in a competition, though. It's all very well for you, Leeyes, but I'm not as young as I was, and a caddy does help on the hills.'
‘Golf isn't like boxing,' said Leeyes profoundly. ‘In boxing a good young one usually beats a good old one.'
‘I'm sure …'
‘In golf,' expounded the Police Superintendent, ‘a good old one beats a good young ‘un. Not the other way round.' He sniffed. ‘No use getting old if you don't get cunning.'
Douglas Garwood was still following his own train of thought. ‘But I don't like it when I've got a caddy and my opponent hasn't, like I did the other day. I think if Peter Gilchrist had had a caddy when we played the third round of the Clarembald Cup last week, I wouldn't have beaten him and got through into the next round. After all, fair's fair.'
‘Quite,' said Leeyes insincerely. A working life spent in the police force had left him uncommitted to the concept of fairness. ‘It's just as bad,' he added even more mendaciously, ‘when it's the opposite way round and the other fellow has a caddy when you haven't.'
‘Not really,' said Garwood. ‘By the way, Leeyes, where do you stand on the Great Divide?'
The Committee of the Berebury Golf Club was presently trying to decide whether to build a driving range on site to attract more players, selling some land for development in the process to fund it. This had split the membership as nothing else had done since the furore over the admission of the Ladies before the war.
‘I'm afraid I have to be neutral,' said Leeyes virtuously,
neatly ducking the issue, ‘being a member of the Force and all that. We have to police demonstrations all the time, you know, and nobody's supposed to know what we think. And what about you?'
‘It never does to mix business with pleasure,' said Garwood obscurely.
The two golfers continued on their way to the first tee while within the caddies' shed talk turned to the pair coming along behind the two men.
‘Who are you going out with today, Dickie?' asked Bert Hedges. He was sitting down on a wooden bench changing into his golf shoes.
‘Major Bligh,' answered Dickie Castle, bending down to do up his own laces. ‘Second round of the Pletchford Plate.'
Bert Hedges stamped his feet well down in his shoes and nodded. ‘He's always in with a fighting chance is the Major – unless he's up against a real tiger, of course.'
‘What about you, mate?' Dickie Castle asked him in return.
‘Today? A singles,' answered Hedges. He shrugged his shoulders. ‘But only a friendly.'
‘It's my belief,' declared Dickie solemnly, ‘that there's no such animal as a friendly match.'
Edmund Pemberton, a copper-nobbed new arrival as a caddy, said ‘A friendly match being a contradiction in terms, you mean?' He was on vacation from the University of Calleshire and had both an enquiring mind and an interest in the meaning of words.
‘I don't know what you mean, laddie,' said Bert Hedges heavily, ‘but what our Dickie here meant was that friendly matches aren't so interesting.'
Dickie Castle grinned, ‘And what Bert means, young Ginger, is that there's usually nothing much riding on a friendly.'
Pemberton, who hated being called either young or Ginger,
had the sense not to take his interest in semantics any further, and changed the subject ‘Is this Major Bligh going to win the Pletchford Plate then?'
Dickie Castle sucked his lips and said judiciously ‘Whether he wins the Pletchford or not really hangs on who he meets in the round after this one with James Hopland.'
‘For his sins,' said Bert Hedges, who hadn't been inside a church since he got married, ‘it'll be either Peter Gilchrist or Brian Southon on account of Brian Southon having had a walkover from Eric Simmonds.'
‘Eric Simmonds still ill, is he?' asked Hedges.
‘I can tell you that it's Gilchrist who won,' another man informed them. ‘I saw it on the board this morning, although how he's got time to play I don't know. They say he's laying people off at his works as fast as he can.'
‘Those two played their match the other day,' said a man called Shipley. ‘Matt went out with them just before he took off and so did old Bellows over there.' He jerked his thumb in the direction of an elderly caddy sitting slightly apart from the others, head well down, and patently deaf to their chat.
Castle nodded. ‘I'm not surprised that it's Gilchrist who won. He's the better man, really. Plays a very steady game when he's got his back to the wall.'
‘It was close, though,' said the other man. ‘I heard they went to the twentieth.'
‘The twentieth?' piped up Edmund Pemberton again. ‘I thought there were only eighteen holes on the course.'
‘When the match is all square at the eighteenth,' Bert Hedges informed him in a lordly way, ‘you start again at the first hole though then you call it the nineteenth …'
‘But I thought the nineteenth was the bar in the Clubhouse,' said Pemberton naively. ‘That's what Matt told me …'
‘It's that, too, boy,' grinned Dickie. ‘Especially on Sunday mornings.'
‘And if you don't happen to win the nineteenth,' persisted Bert Hedges, ‘you go to the twentieth and go on playing until one of the players wins …'
‘And for your information,' added Dickie Castle chillingly, ‘it's called “sudden death”.'
 
‘Can you see where the pin is from where you are?' Ursula Millward had called out after Helen Ewell had descended into the steepest bunker on the course. ‘I'm holding it up high to give you a bearing …'
‘That's not the problem,' Helen called back. ‘I've got a really horrible lie, though. I'll have to take my eight iron at least …' This was followed by the thudding sound of club hitting sand, succeeded by a muffled imprecation from the bunker. ‘No, this needs a lob wedge.'
Ursula Millward waited.
The thudding sound came again.
And again.
And again.
‘The trouble,' shouted up Helen, ‘is that the sand in here is so very soft. The ball keeps on rolling back down again after I've hit it and the place it comes back to gets deeper each time.'
‘I think the rules say you've got to keep counting,' called back Ursula uneasily. She thought about saying something, too, about rabbits being good at burrowing but suppressed the words just in case the remark upset Helen even more.
There was another thud.
‘I am going to get this ball out of this bunker,' said a very determined voice from below, ‘if I have to stay here all night to do it.' This was followed by three more thuds in quick succession.
‘Take your time,' called out Ursula, even though she could see that two men on the course who had been a long way
behind them were rapidly gaining on them – and her own arm was getting quite tired from holding up the flag.
The next thud was followed by a long silence – but not by the expected arrival on the green of Helen's ball.
Curious, Ursula walked across to the edge of the green and peered down. Helen was down on her knees in the bunker, bending over her ball. Then she picked the ball up, tossed it to one side, and started to scrape away at the sand with uncharacteristic urgency.
‘Helen,' began Ursula, ‘I don't think that's allowed …'
She was stopped by a high-pitched shriek.
‘What is it?' she called down.
‘Come down here, Ursula,' sobbed Helen in a strangely strangled voice. ‘Quickly … there's something horrible.'
Ursula laid down the flag-pin and scrambled down to her side, the game forgotten. ‘What is it?'
‘A body,' Helen said in a choked voice. ‘A head anyway,' she quavered.
Before breaking down completely and lapsing into total incoherence, she managed to stutter ‘And I think I've just knocked its eye out.'
BOOK: Hole in One
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