Holding On (30 page)

22

“He’s beautiful. Isn’t he just beautiful?” Nora murmured. She was seated on the only chair in the room, gazing down at her grandson. He was nothing more than a tiny little face peeking out of a bundled up blanket. He was sleeping at the moment. Grunting and squirming at regular intervals.

Margo
had shown up first, flustered and disgruntled that Quinn hadn’t called her. She’d looked slightly horrified when Quinn admitted that Luke had been with her. Margo clearly did not think it was a place for a man who was not the father to be. She had just begun to chastise Quinn over it when Luke walked back into the room and cut her off. He had pointed out that Quinn had just gone through a seven hour ordeal. And she did
not
need to be reprimanded for anything at the moment.

Margo had huffed at him but remained more or less silent over the matter.

Now it was later in the day and both grandpas had already come and gone, needing to get back to work. But neither grandma looked as though they were going to leave willingly anytime soon. Luke had texted Carly close to morning and she’d jumped out of bed and made the drive, arriving shortly after the baby was born.

“Do you have a name?”
Nora asked hopefully.

“Of course she has a nam
e,” Margo admonished. Carly was standing right behind her and rolled her eyes. “She’d better have a name,” Margo continued. She sounded a little more unsure this time.

Quinn
nodded and swallowed down the knot of apprehension. She shifted slightly in the hospital bed. Her eyes darted around to the four remaining family members. They had crowded into her small—but thankfully private—room. She was exhausted but she didn’t want to sleep. She didn’t want to miss out on seeing her baby for a single second. And her company didn’t appear to want to leave. Jemma had popped in on her lunch break. She’d left with a promise that she’d return later in the day with Lily.

F
or now, it was both grandmas and Carly and Luke.

“I was thinking…” H
er eyes flicked to Carly who gave her a small, encouraging smile. “Carter Lucas McGrath. If you’re okay with that?”

“Oh, Quinn, are you sure?”
Nora asked. Her eyes were filling with tears yet again. Carter had been her maiden name.

Luke
walked over to Quinn’s side. “You don’t have to do that,” he said softly.

“It wasn’t my idea. It was Jake’s. We had a few first names picked out. But we couldn’t agree on any.
Then one day he mentioned Carter and…well, we both really liked it,” she explained to Nora. Then she turned to Luke. “But he wanted the baby named after you from the start.”

“
He did?” Luke asked. His voice had become strained and he was visibly blinking back tears.

Quinn nodded and grabbed his hand. He squeezed it back tightly and she said, “I mean, if you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah,” Luke said, nodding emphatically. “That…I’d be honored.”

“Well hello there little Carter,” Nora cooed to him again. He blinked at the sound of her voice and then closed his eyes once more. His grandma swiped away a tear that had trickled down. It wasn’t her first tear of the day and Quinn was certain it wouldn’t be her last. She knew how Nora felt.

Quinn smiled at the tiny little bundle. She wanted to hold him desperately but thought maybe
Nora needed to hold him, too. It was a bittersweet day for everyone in the room but she knew that Nora, especially, was fighting with her mixed emotions. She was so elated to meet her grandson and yet so heartbroken that her own son would never meet his child. She was clinging to the little bundle. Quinn couldn’t help but think that really, she was clinging to the living, breathing reminder of Jake.

As much as she wanted to do the same, she let
Nora have her moment. She knew that, she herself, would have plenty of time later.

Margo sm
iled at the baby but didn’t seem quite as enthused about the name choice.

“Yes,” Carly said, “hello little Carter.”
Her hand floated up to the blanket and gently burrowed inside until she found a tiny little foot to squeeze.

“Would you like to hold him?”
Nora finally offered.

Carly grinned and held out her arms.
Nora passed him off; the tiny grunting, stretching little baby.

“He feels like he doesn’t weigh anything!” Carly exclaimed as she gently bobbed him up and down.

“Six pounds five ounces, was plenty big enough. Thank you very much,” Quinn told her sister.

“Oh, I wish I could’ve been there,” Carly said as she stared at his sweet little face.

“No, you probably don’t,” Quinn decided with a grimace.

“Oh, come on, you did great,” Luke quietly told her.

“It sounds like you did great, too,” Carly told Luke.

Margo pursed her lips, sealing in some type of unhappy
comment, Quinn was sure. She had never entirely understood Quinn and Luke’s friendship. A young boy and a young girl just didn’t spend that much time together when she was growing up. This went above and beyond what Margo was comfortable with.

“It was actually pretty cool,” Luke admitted.

“He even cut the cord,” Quinn said with a wry smile. Her mother frowned, just as Quinn knew she would. Somehow, Quinn found her reaction to be comical. She loved her mother but really, the woman just needed to lighten up.

W
hile Luke may not have been the ideal choice, he’d been exactly what she needed and she would be forever grateful. Now that it was over, she couldn’t have imagined going through it without his calm, steady support.

The doctor had
likely just assumed Luke was the father. He’d handed off the scissor to Luke as he told him what to do. Luke hadn’t hesitated. It was only after, when he looked back at Quinn, that he wondered if that had been okay. She’d smiled and told him it was fine. He knew he was never going to forget that first gasping, screaming gulp of air that the baby took. Or the look on Quinn’s face when the nurse placed the baby on her chest.

And though he knew that none of it was his place…he wouldn’t give up the experience for anything. And he felt guilty as hell for it because he knew it shouldn’t have been him in there. It should’ve been Jake.
The guilt twisted up his insides so tightly it made him sick at times. But he was trying not to show it.

“Well,” Margo said brusquely, “I think it’s best if we don’t go advertising to everyone that Luke attended the birth.”

“You know what Margo?” Nora said in a syrupy voice as she forced a smile. “I think you and I should head down to the cafeteria. I think we could really both use a cup of coffee.”

Margo was clearly going to protest but Carly jumped in. “That’s a great idea, Mom. Can you bring me back a diet soda?
And maybe a cookie? Thanks.”

Margo paused, trying to manufacture an argument but
Nora latched onto her elbow. “We won’t be long,” she said.

S
he threw a smile over her shoulder at Quinn. Quinn gave her a grateful one in return.

“Mom’s taking this well,” Carly
sarcastically pointed out after the pair had left.

Margo hadn’t been aware that Luke had been staying with Quinn. To find out he’d been staying there for the past few weeks
and
to find out he’d been present during what she thought was such an inappropriate time was not sitting well with her. She had been taking every chance she could to let everyone know exactly how she felt.

In short, she was bringing
unneeded stress to Quinn.

“What a surprise,” Luke wryly replied.
He glanced at Quinn and made a face. “I don’t think she’s ever going to forgive me for not forcing you to call her the minute you went into labor.”

Quinn shrugged. “She’ll get over it.” With every comment that had shot out of her mom’s mouth, she knew she’d made the right decision. Luke had been wonderful. She knew her mother, had she been there, would’ve made the
experience a whole lot less bearable.

“Do you want to hold him
?” Carly asked Luke.

He shook his head. While he didn’t entirely agr
ee with Margo, he did feel very much as though he were overstepping boundaries. And he didn’t want to do that. Not anymore than he already had. He’d already held the baby when a nurse had stuffed him into Luke’s arms. Like with cutting the cord, the action had been so unexpected that Luke hadn’t had time to protest.

“Oh, come on,” Carly pressed. “He’s our nephew! You must want to hold your nephew!”

Quinn noted the conflicted look on Luke’s face. Her heart sank as she wondered what was going through his head.

“I’ll take him,” she said.

“Alright,” Carly relented. “I guess you really haven’t gotten to hold him much.”

“I haven’t,” Quinn agreed as Carly handed him over. His little hat got stuck to her watch band and popped off.

“Oh!” she squealed in delight. “Look at his little cone head!”

Across the room, Luke looked at her in h
orror. Then his eyes swung to Quinn. She got the distinct impression he thought she might be insulted but she just laughed as she cradled the tiny, warm little bundle to her chest. “It’s pretty bad, isn’t it?”

“I’ll say,” Carly giggled
as she wedged the hat back onto Carter’s head. “But he’s still so precious,” she said. “His little head will look just fine in no time.”

Luke’s eyes widened and he stepped forward. “You mean it’s not going to stay that way?”

Quinn shook her head and giggled at his expression. “No, Luke. Your head probably looked just like that at one time. It’s totally normal.”

His shoulders visibly slumped in relief. “Oh thank God,” he breathed out. “It’s bad enough he looks like Yoda—”

He immediately clamped his lips shut when he realized his faux pas. Carly swung an annoyed glare around at him.

“I didn’t mean…It’s just…” H
e tried to stumble through an explanation. “I just thought babies were supposed to be cute,” he said meekly.

“Luke!” Carly cried. “Dig yourself a little deeper why don’t you?”

He gave her a sheepish grin back. “Okay, how ’bout I say…he looks
just
like his daddy.” He winked at Quinn and despite herself, she started to laugh. Then she yawned hugely.

“Quinn, you should get some sleep,” Carly told her. “Lily and Jemma are going to be getting off work in a while and then they’ll be back up here.”

“Carly’s right,” Luke jumped in. Quinn looked beyond exhausted. Hell, he was beyond exhausted and she was the one who had done all the work.

Quinn glanced down at Carter, he was sleeping soundly. She looked disappointed at having to give him up so soon after finally getting him back. “I am tired,” she admitted.

“I’ll put him in that…thing for you,” Luke said. He motioned to the strange rolling bassinet that was standard for hospital nurseries. The clear glass sides made it look so sterile and not at all baby friendly.

“Okay,” Quinn agreed
.

S
he carefully lifted Carter into Luke’s arms. She smiled because he was so obviously awkward at holding a baby. But he was trying so hard not to be. He took the few steps to the bassinet. He stopped next to it and just gazed at the baby in his arms for a minute. It was such an odd bitter-sweet feeling to be holding his brother’s baby. Given the circumstances.

Carly and Quinn shared
a sad smile while Luke had his back to them. Then finally, he placed the sleeping baby inside. He rolled Carter over to Quinn’s bedside so she could reach for him if he stirred.

“Are you sure you want him in here?” Luke asked. He reminded her, “The nurse said they could bring him to the nursery if you want to sleep.”

“We’re fine,” Quinn assured him. “I want him in here with me.”

Luke nodded and then bent over to kiss her forehead. “We’ll be back later.”

Quinn smiled at him and then was wrapped in a hug from Carly. “He’s absolutely perfect,” Carly whispered in her ear.

“Thanks,” Quinn whispered back.

She was already settling down under the scratchy hospital blanket when Luke and Carly stepped into the hallway.