Hold Back the Night (29 page)

'Will the gentleman be staying?' asked Helene.

'Yes,' Domini said.

'Then I'll prepare a bed ...'

'No,' Domini answered. 'That won't be necessary.' In this household, of all households, there was no need for pretence.

'Of course,' Helene said tactfully and left.

How had Sander found her? He wouldn't be here if he didn't know her true identity. And how had he discovered that? Surely not through Berenice, who was not one to break promises. Surely not from the small clue Tasey had provided in letting the name of Anastasia slip ... if that had triggered any question in Sander's mind, he would have pursued it at the time. So how had Sander found out?

But the question chased through Domini's mind without her feeling any real need to seek the answer. There was only one thing of true importance: Sander had come to find her.

The white cane leaning against the oaken breakfront was reminder enough that the trip could not have been easy for him. And yet he had braved it, not trusting to the telephone or the mail. Did he really love her so much? To Domini's overflowing heart it was the final proof.

By the time she ascended the stairs in stockinged feet, her face was reasonably well schooled. Tasey now inhabited the room that had once been Domini's own, a bright room well suited for a nursery because it had a large play area with roomy built-in shelves just the right size for toys. The shelves were still quite empty, but Christmas would soon see to their filling.

Domini came to a halt in the darkened hall, not entering because of what Sander had said. From this position she could see without being easily seen by Tasey.

Tasey was already snug beneath her blankets, her eyelids growing heavy as they always did almost as soon as her dark head came to rest on the pillow. Sander was sitting on the edge of the bed, and he didn't look up when Domini came to the door, although his shoulders tensed enough that she knew he had detected the silent pad of her feet. His face was bent in Tasey's direction. Unruly dark hair fell over his forehead, leaving his eyes in pools of shadow. Domini's heart twanged to see the two of them together, as she had thought she might never do again.

'Of course the unicorn doesn't turn into a handsome prince, unless you want him to,' Sander said, and Domini realized that Tasey must have told her father the invented story once related to her by Grant. She must have asked Sander to finish it. 'Do you want him to be a prince?'

'No,' Tasey murmured, snuggling in against the strong hand that stroked her hair. 'I like my unicorn the way he is.'

'Then I won't bother finishing the first story, except to say that the little princess kept her unicorn forever and a day, just the way he was. I'll tell you a different story, a true one that has no prince in it at all, although it does have a unicorn, one very much like yours. Did you know that some people think unicorns mean love?'

Tasey's eyes travelled to her beloved yellow unicorn, which stood in a corner of her room, smiling its eternal and inscrutable smile. Her mouth had already taken possession of a thumb, so she answered with a sleepy shake of her head, forgetting that Sander could not see.

He waited for no answer but went on, his voice low and vibrant and meant for Domini's ears as well. 'One day the man in my story saw a golden-haired girl riding an enchanted unicorn. She was a very special, magical person, and also the loveliest thing he had ever seen. She was young and innocent, as pure as the driven snow. When she saw him, she asked him to kiss her. But the man was in love with ... with a beautiful black-haired sorceress who had put him under her spell.'

In Sander's slight hesitation Domini detected a reluctance, as if that was one part of the story he preferred not to tell. Perhaps it was as well he was unable to see the changing expression on her face.

'Because he was under a spell, he knew he mustn't kiss the golden-haired girl, or something very wrong indeed would happen. She would fall off the unicorn's back, for one thing, and change into . . . into an ordinary mortal instead of a magical person. The man didn't want to hurt her, and so he refused to do as she asked. In fact, he got very angry with her.'

'Why?' Tasey got the word past the obstacle of her thumb.

'He was angry she had asked, because it was very hard for him to refuse. He was an ordinary mortal man, you see, and he wanted to kiss her very badly. Mostly, though, he was angry with himself. He started to get sick inside just from thinking about how much he wanted to kiss her. He tried to remember he was in love with the sorceress, and for a time he fooled himself with that. But still, he thought a lot about the lovely golden-haired girl and the kiss she had asked for.'

'She asked three times. The first time she asked, he told her no, he didn't like her; and that was a lie. The second time she asked, he told her no, he didn't want her; and that was also a lie. The third time she asked he told her no, he didn't love her, and that was true enough ... or so he thought at the time, because of the spell he was under. But the golden-haired girl answered by saying she loved him. So that third time . . . well, you know what always happens the third time in fairy tales. He was still angry but he kissed her after all.'

Tasey's thumb came out of her mouth. 'Did she fall off the unicorn?'

'I'm afraid so,' Sander said ruefully, head still turned to his daughter. 'She fell a long, long way off, such a long way that no one knew where she was at all. The man thought he must have hurt her, just as he had been warned, but he couldn't tell because he hadn't seen her fall. He lost his eyes, you see, in punishment for what he had done. He was blind.'

'Like you,' Tasey murmured before her mouth occupied itself again. Her dark blue eyes were glazed with sleep, her expression contented in expectation of a happy ending.

'Exactly,' Sander agreed soberly and then went on with his story. 'The man felt terrible to think of what he might have done. Maybe he even deserved to lose his eyes. Because everything was black, he grabbed for the unicorn and hung on for dear life. For a long time it was the only thing he had to hang on to at all. After many adventures it led him to a strange land very far away. After a time he even lost hold of the unicorn, and then life was very black indeed, for the new land was filled with monsters he couldn't see. They were hard to fight, because without his eyes he felt like only half a man.

'But then one day he met someone who wasn't a monster at all. In fact, when she was around his monsters went away. He couldn't see her face, but he began to like hearing her voice. He liked the feel of her hands. He liked the way she laughed and the smell of the soap she used. He liked the sound of her footsteps. Little by little he liked more things about the lady he couldn't see, until one day

Tasey's eyes were closed. Slowly Sander's head lifted to the doorway, his sightless eyes wearing a tortured expression that tore at Domini's heart.

'One day she asked him for three kisses, just as the golden-haired girl had done. He desperately wanted to say yes, but he thought his kisses would surely destroy her, just as they had destroyed once before. He would rather have destroyed himself. And so, very angrily and very rudely, he told her to go away.'

Although Sander's voice remained low and level, it had taken on a hoarseness that conveyed deep emotion, to Domini's ears at least. Tasey's drowsy smile suggested that she understood only the fairy tale narrative, but Domini knew that with his simple words he was trying to express the very real anguish that had ruled his actions for so long.

'When she went, his monsters came back. He fought a great battle with them, and because there was now true love in his heart, he finally won. And so his bad spell was broken.'

Tasey sighed pleasurably and her lashes fluttered. Through her thumb she mumbled, 'Could he see?'

Sander bowed his head, and for a long moment Domini could see the muscles working in his throat. Then he said gruffly, 'Yes, he could see.'

It was the lie Tasey expected, but perhaps there was truth in it too. The silence extended before he continued. 'And so he went searching for his lady-love. Although he had never seen her face, he knew he would know it with his heart. He searched the four corners of the winds, and in the lonely lands to the west of the sun. Then one night in the mountains of the moon, he found a lady, and because he saw with his heart, he knew at once she was the lady he loved. It was the golden-haired girl and she hadn't changed a bit, although the spell had come absolutely true. She was still special for him, but she was an ordinary mortal, with ordinary human feelings and a wonderful human heart. He loved her more than ever that way. And so he said yes, as he should have said at first. Yes, yes, yes.'

Sander's head was still lowered, penitent, asking a question rather than giving an answer. There was no mistaking what he had said yes to, and Domini's heart soared with love, the leaden unhappiness of these past months forgotten in the fullness of the moment.

Seeing Tasey almost asleep, Domini inserted some quiet words from the doorway. 'She always was human,' she said.

'Yes,' Sander agreed softly. 'She had never been magical at all, although he hadn't known it. The magic was all in the unicorn, and the unicorn was love. But if he had seen that right at the start, there would have been no story to tell.'

Tasey's last sigh of contentment ended with a final flutter of eyelids, leaving her thick dark lashes curling over her young cheeks. Sander sat with bent head and waited for the sounds of regular breathing. With Tasey finally asleep, he kept his voice low but made no effort to hide the deep emotion that was evident in his expression. 'I'm sorry there is a story to tell,' he said, his regretful eyes lifting blindly to the door.

'So am I,' Domini whispered, forgiving him all the same, for everything. Sander's simple story had revealed a great deal about his varying emotional state through the years. It was hard for a proud man to give excuses for his actions, to tell of the hell he had undergone and the remorse he had felt. Domini knew he had tried to tell her in the best way he knew. The story was a kind of penance for all his actions.

He dropped his head to Tasey once more, his hand still resting against the dark hair so like his own. 'Will she wake?' he asked.

'No. She wears herself out during the day.'

'Whose child is she?'

'Does it matter?'

'No,' he said, although his voice jerked a little in the saying, 'I won't ask again, either you or Tasey. I have to admit I put some offhand questions to her, but she could only tell me about some former man friend of yours. It seems she wanted a father, and for a while hoped it might be him. He sounded nice. Was he?'

'Yes.'

By the clench of his jaw and the tautness of skin over his knuckles, she could see that Sander was struggling with jealousy. She might have paid him then for whatever had happened recently with Nicole, but that wasn't like Domini. She gave forgiveness when it was asked, and she knew that Sander had asked it, for everything, with his story to Tasey.

'She's your child, Sander. There's been no man but you. Tasey doesn't know the truth yet, but I've never lied to her either. I told her I would tell her some day who her father was. And some day I will.'

That he was deeply moved showed in the tug of muscles around his mouth, in the way one hand rose to his bowed head. With thumb and forefinger pressed to the bridge of his nose, he struggled for control. When he spoke a moment later, his voice was choked. 'Do you mind if I sit with her for a little while? I knew it was possible, of course, because I knew her age. All the same, it's a big thing to hear in so many words. When a man discovers he's a father...'

Domini understood. He needed to be alone, just as she had needed to be alone a short time ago. Strong men had weaknesses, too, but to display them would go against the grain of someone so proud.

'My room's right across the hall,' she said without offering to return and guide him. In strange surroundings she knew he could not be sure of his route, but she was confident he would be able to make his way alone. Hadn't he found his way across four thousand miles of ocean?

Unready so soon after her father's death and Berenice's departure to take over either of their rooms, Domini was using what had been a guest bedroom. A pleasant space, it had simple solid furniture and large rag rugs, but it was somewhat chilly at the moment. She turned on one low lamp. In the fireplace, one of many in the farmhouse, fresh logs had been laid, and while she waited Domini busied herself in lighting it, watching while the flames caught at the kindling, their brightness reflecting the moisture glistening in her eyes. When Sander arrived, feeling the door-frame as he came, she was crouched in front of the fire, poker in hand, coaxing warmth from the newly crackling fire.

She turned her head without rising, tears of happiness shimmering unconcealed on her lashes.

'Domini,' he breathed, a hoarse breath during which his face was turned so surely in the direction of the fire that she knew he had heard her movements. Slowly he entered and closed the door behind him, his tall figure moving for the moment no farther into the room. Between them a bond extended, making the distance unimportant.

'Sander,' she whispered. 'Oh, Sander

He came across the room, moving cautiously but not faltering, testing for obstacles en route to his goal. Domini watched with a full heart, knowing that time would give him a familiarity and confidence he did not yet have. When he had come far enough, she reached out to touch him, telling him where she was. He dropped to the rag rug beside her, where the leaping flames cast changing shadows into his dark, regretful eyes. He put his arm around her and stroked her hair, a gentle caress devoid for the moment of any message but comfort and love.