Hit the Road, Manny: A Manny Files Novel (14 page)

Glass flowers hang from the ceiling of the hotel Bellagio in Las Vegas. It’s a sculpture by a guy named Chihuly. India counted the different colors while Mom and Dad checked into the hotel. Lulu kept rereading parts of
To Kill a Mockingbird
. Belly was staring at a lady in a wheelchair who reminded me of Grandma before she died. She smelled like Estee Lauder and had silver bracelets and necklaces on that matched her shiny wheelchair. She must have reminded Belly of Grandma too, because Belly grabbed ahold of the lady’s hand while I asked her questions. “What is your favorite color?” “What is your favorite five o’clock cocktail?” I used to carry Grandma’s five o’clock cocktail out to her every evening when Grandma lived in the hospital bed in our living room before she died.

The lady in the wheelchair answered, “Light blue,” and, “Gin and tonic on the rocks with a squeeze of lime.” Just like Grandma.

Belly climbed up in her lap and asked for a ride around the lobby.

“Belly, no!” scolded Lulu, holding her place in
To Kill a Mockingbird
with her finger. “I’m sorry,” she apologized.

“Don’t be,” the lady in the wheelchair said. “You keep reading your book. I’ll entertain this pretty young lady.”

“I’m pretty,” Belly said, nodding her head and agreeing with the lady in the wheelchair. She didn’t say it in her foghorn voice, and she didn’t call herself “her.” She used a really calm voice like she had good manners and was polite. The lady probably had no idea that at any minute Belly might ask her to pull her finger, like she did to Dad’s boss at last year’s office Christmas party. Dad’s boss joked that maybe Dad could use his bonus to send Belly off to finishing school.

The lady started rolling her wheelchair through the lobby, while Belly raised her hands in the air and said, “Whee!” like she was on a roller coaster ride. The lady looked like she was on a ride too. Her cheeks were red and she had a big smile on her face.

The manny followed them, probably to make sure Belly didn’t steal the lady’s purse or steer the wheelchair into a fountain. She didn’t. She just rode nicely like a normal little girl. I’ve never seen her act like a person before. She usually acts like a wild animal or a dog from the pound. Belly even kissed the lady in the wheelchair on the cheek and thanked her for the ride before she climbed down, grabbed Mom’s hand, and walked with us to the elevators.

Belly returned to being a wild animal again when we got to the floor that our hotel room was on. She jumped out of the elevator, screamed, and ran down the long hallway and tried to do cartwheels. They looked more like donkey kicks, though, because her legs didn’t go over her head. They just went sideways into the air, and then she’d say, “TAA-DAA!”

“Shhhhh!” Mom told her, but it was too late. The door across from where we were entering our room opened up a crack and somebody yelled, “Quiet down, you pesky kids!” in a really mean voice.

“OOOOOOO! GRUMPY!” Belly said, the same way the manny does to her when she’s grumpy. The manny covered up Belly’s mouth gently with his hand.

“We’re very sorry, sir…,” the manny started to apologize to the partially cracked door. Just then the door opened up all the way and Uncle Max was standing there. Uncle Max was here! The manny leaped at him and squeezed a hug around his neck, the same way I do to Mom and Dad when they come back from a long trip.

“IT’S UNCLE MAX THAT’S THE GRUMPY OLD MAN!” yelled Belly.

“Usually,” said the manny, joking. I started jumping up and down and gave Uncle Max a hug too. So did India. Lulu, Mom, and Dad did too, but it was strange—they didn’t act nearly as surprised to see him.

We started asking Uncle Max all kinds of questions.

“What are you doing here?”

“How are the paintings going?”

“Why does the manny call you Sugar Bear?”

We went into Uncle Max’s room and collapsed on his bed and in the chairs. There was a bouquet of flowers and a card on the table by the bed. They were dark burgundy calla lilies, the manny’s favorite. The manny opened up the envelope, read the card, and smiled really big. He gave Uncle Max another hug and whispered something to him. I didn’t even try to hear what it was because it wasn’t my business, but I bet it was, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” The manny’s always saying that. It’s his favorite line from
Dirty Dancing
.

Lulu, India, and I are sharing a hotel room, and Belly is sharing with Mom and Dad. Our hotel rooms join together with a door. Lulu wants to keep it closed, but Mom and Dad are making her keep it open to make sure that we don’t order room-service chocolate malts or rent an R-rated movie off the television. I’ve seen only one R-rated movie. It was called
Billy Elliot
, and Mom rented it for us one night. She had seen it in the theater and thought it had a good message. It’s about a little boy who wants to go to the Royal Ballet School to become a dancer even though his father doesn’t think boys should do ballet. His father changes his mind at the end and is proud when Billy is the star of an all-male version of the ballet
Swan Lake
. Mom cried at the end. She also cried at the end of
Finding Nemo
when Nemo and his father see each other again.

The manny is sharing the room with Uncle Max across the hall. They slept late this morning because they went out to a late dinner last night. India said that they are probably tired because they drank too much wine. I put a chair up next to our door so that I could stand on it to see through the little eyehole. Whenever I heard a noise or movement in the hallway, I ran over to see if it was the manny and Uncle Max. I saw the housekeeper. I saw room service. I saw a dressed-up woman with fancy jewelry pick her nose. She must have forgotten that people can see her through the peepholes in their doors.

When they did finally come out of their room, Uncle Max was wearing a crisp white shirt and jeans, and the manny was wearing a black Lacoste golf shirt and khaki pants with a striped belt. I saw what they were wearing and ran to the closet to change. I was definitely underdressed for what we were going to do today. Maybe we were going to have lunch at Siegfried and Roy’s mansion. I bet the manny knows them. I had on an “I
 NY” T-shirt that Dad had brought me from a business trip, but I changed into my black Lacoste golf shirt. Mine isn’t really Lacoste, but it is black. Lulu called me Mini-Me for the rest of the day, but the manny said that “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” He told me that the clothing designer Zac Posen is always imitating his style for his fashion line and that’s why “young Hollywood looks so put together these days.” India said that if Zac Posen really imitated the manny’s style, there would be a lot more women with shaved heads, leather loafers, and patches of hair on their chins that they missed while shaving, a definite
Glamour
Don’t. She said Zac Posen is always a
Glamour
Do, even when he wears a metallic gold sport coat.

We didn’t go have lunch at Siegfried and Roy’s mansion. We went shopping at a place called Caesars Palace. In the middle of the shops there are statues of Roman gods that talk and move. A big crowd gathered, and we watched the King Atlas statue decide which of his children would rule Atlantis next. They fought over it until King Atlas started yelling and the walls began to thunder. Belly had to get up on Dad’s shoulders because she was scared. I didn’t really pay attention to the show because there was a brown velvet blazer in the window of Banana Republic that I kept staring at. It looked like cake frosting.

Caesars Palace is also where Elton John has his concert when Céline Dion isn’t using the stage. Dad bought us all tickets to the 7:30 show and said it was his gift to Uncle Max and the manny. They must be celebrating something special, because Dad doesn’t usually give gifts. He usually lets Mom take care of that and just signs the cards where Mom points. Maybe Uncle Max and the manny were celebrating Uncle Max’s painting show. Or maybe it was Oprah’s birthday again. The manny always celebrates that.

Belly got tired and cranky, so we went back to the Bellagio so she could take a nap in the hotel room. When Belly gets tired and cranky, she throws herself on the floor and does her frustrated cry, with lots of yelling sobs but no real tears. Mom is usually good at knowing when Belly is about to get tired and cranky, but this one sneaked up on us in the middle of Gap Kids. Before Mom could grab Belly and bribe her with candy from her purse or a chocolate chip cookie from Mrs. Fields, Belly threw herself onto the floor. She rolled underneath a table of striped baby sweaters, fake-sobbing and kicking the table leg. A pregnant lady was holding up one of the sweaters and showing her husband. Dad said it must be their first child, because nobody shops for their babies the second or third time around. The pregnant lady got a worried look on her face and started to cry. Her husband tried to comfort her by putting his arm around her. He made eye contact with Mom and said, “She’s just really emotional these days.”

Mom smiled and said, “It’s not always like this. Sometimes she knocks over the window display.”

The pregnant lady laughed through her tears while Mom grabbed Belly and said, “Let’s go back to the room so you can embarrass me in private.”

“We all need to rest anyway,” Uncle Max added. “We have a big night tonight.”

We’re going to the Elton John concert and then to a surprise that Uncle Max planned. Lulu’s trying to figure out what the surprise is because she doesn’t want to be tricked into going someplace that has topless showgirls. She says that topless showgirls make her uncomfortable. I’m not sure how she knows.

Mom wore fancy gray slacks and a silky cream shirt that flowed like a flag in the wind when she walked. Her high heels made her as tall as Dad and Uncle Max, and taller than the manny. She looked like a model in a fashion show and even walked differently, like she couldn’t keep up with her legs. Instead of her usual gigantic purse she carried a small, jeweled bag that had only Kleenex and Altoids inside. Belly would probably ask for both during the Elton John concert.

Lulu, India, and Belly all had fancy dresses on too. Belly wore hers with a pair of purple rain boots with daisies painted on the sides. Mom didn’t make her change into her nice shoes because she likes to let Belly express herself. We don’t know what it is that Belly’s trying to express, but one time she wore toilet paper around the top of her head like a turban to a birthday party.

Dad looked like he does when he goes to work: blue suit, white shirt, and tie. He wore the orange pocket square in his front jacket pocket for a “splash of color.” That’s what I wrote on the Father’s Day card when I gave him the pocket square. Dad asked me to fluff it just right and stuff it in his pocket because I have the touch.

Uncle Max thinks I have the touch too. He asked my opinion on his shoes. I chose black pointy leather oxfords. He wore them with a black suit. The manny wore black too, except he wore a white shirt, suspenders, and a floppy black bow tie from last fall’s Barneys CO-OP catalog. I wanted to wear suspenders too, but I was worried that Lulu would call me Mini-Me again. And I didn’t have suspenders. India gave us each her
Glamour
Do approval as she held the hotel room door for us to go through. She made Dad go back into the bathroom and put more product in his hair. Then she gave him a faux-hawk.

Instead of suspenders I wore slacks, a starched white shirt, and a green sweater vest. I saw the same look in the window of the Brooks Brothers store at the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace. As we were walking through the hotel lobby on the way to the concert, the manny even said, “You look just like the window display at Brooks Brothers.”

“I
do
?” I asked, scrunching up my face and pretending that I didn’t know that I looked like the window display.

The manny just nodded. I put my hands in my pockets and walked the way businessmen do on Saturdays, like I was happy to be going to a football game or a pumpkin sale instead of sitting in front of a computer typing in quarterly reports. Dad does quarterly reports. It’s when you report on how many quarters you have in the bank.

Our seats at the Elton John concert were right in the middle of the first floor. We could see the stage perfectly without binoculars or standing on the chairs. There was a big red piano on the left side of the stage and neon signs that said
ELTON
on the right side. Everybody was dressed really fancy and carried martini glasses with olives or glasses of wine. I felt like I was at the opera. I’ve never been to the opera, but I bet people dress up and carry cocktails.

As soon as the concert started, I knew I wasn’t at the opera. Elton John came out onstage, and the whole audience screamed and stood up. A lady in a red strapless dress screamed, “YOU ROCK!” I don’t think that happens at the opera. I also don’t think that they would have blow-up fruit and big blow-up boobs on the stage at the opera.

Elton John wore a bright red suit that India called Nehru. She announced to herself loud enough for all of us to hear, “He is such a
Glamour
Don’t that he’s a
Glamour
Do.” Then she sighed like she was in love.

“I was hoping he’d play more of his
Lion King
songs,” Lulu said, leaning over to India. “Céline would never sing this song.” Elton John was singing a wild song that had the
B
word in it, while a big video of Pamela Anderson swinging around a pole played behind him. Lulu had her hands over her eyes. She hates pole dancing and she hates the
B
word. I don’t really like it either, but I read in
People
magazine that women in the suburbs are taking pole-dancing classes for exercise. I told Mom that she should get a pole for our garage, to go with our weight bench and Thighmaster. India was moving her knees up and down to the same beat that Pamela Anderson was swinging around the pole.

Mom, Dad, Uncle Max, and the manny sang to nearly every song. “Philadelphia Freedom.” “Your Song.” “Levon.” Mom even put her hands up in the air and waved them around while she sang along with “Rocket Man.” Lulu calmly asked her to please stop because security was looking at her.

When Elton John was introducing one song, he said, “This one goes out to all the sugar bears out there.” I looked over and saw Uncle Max squeeze the manny’s knee with his hand. The manny’s hand was on top of Uncle Max’s hand. He had his eyes closed and he started mouthing the words. The manny put his arm around Uncle Max when it got to a part that said “And someone saved my life tonight sugar bear.” At the end of the song I leaned over to Uncle Max and said, “You’re a free butterfly, Sugar Bear.” He winked at me.

Belly was asleep by the time the concert was over. She even slept through the standing ovation and Elton John yelling, “Thank you! I love you!” in his British accent. Belly had six Altoids lined up and pressed into her bare leg, and Kleenexes stuffed into her ears. Her purple rain boots were on the floor, and her bare feet were sprawled across Mom’s nice clothes. Mom still looked like she was a fashion model, but not for
Vogue
. More like
Ladies’ Home Journal
.

The lights came up in the theater, and the manny and Uncle Max looked energized, like they had just woken up from a nap. Their faces were beaming like Belly’s does on Christmas morning when she runs into the room and jumps on the pile of presents.

Dad stood up and picked up Belly, who woke up and scrambled to save the Altoids that were falling to the floor.

“Céline will get them,” said the manny. “She loves Altoids. She eats them for dinner.”

Lulu punched the manny in the arm.

On the way out of the theater we talked about our favorite parts of the concert.

“I liked the big blow-up boobs!” Dad said, laughing.

“I liked ‘Tiny Dancer,’” Mom said.

“My favorite song was ‘Daniel,’” said India.

Belly made Dad put her down so she could show us her favorite part. “I LIKED THE ITCH, THE ITCH, THE ITCH IS BACK.” Belly started jumping up and down like crazy and pretended to be scratching itches all over her body. She looked like she was being attacked by ants.

The song didn’t really say “The itch is back.” It said something else, but nobody corrected Belly.

“What about ‘Circle of Life’?” Mom asked.

“NO, THE ITCH SONG!” Belly said, letting out a big breath and lowering her shoulders like she was completely happy.

Lulu changed the subject. “My favorite part was when Elton made eye contact with me and said, ‘Thank you. I love you.’” She called him Elton just like she calls Céline Dion, Céline. Like they went to college together.

“GOY!” Mom said, and then high-fived me like she was in my class and we were out at recess.

I sang “You’re a butterfly. And butterflies are free to fly” in my mind while we walked to wherever Uncle Max was taking us. I couldn’t wait. Maybe it was side-by-side massages. I’ve never had a massage.