His Risk to Take (8 page)

A minute later, Ruby walked out the front door of the warehouse. She sucked in a deep breath of air and focused on keeping her pace even on the sidewalk in case they were watching her leave. She scanned the adjoining streets, searching for the unmarked car that would undoubtedly be waiting for her, but it never came into view. With a confused frown, she turned the corner.

And ran smack into Troy.

He gripped her elbow, propelling her toward his black sedan parked at the curb. “Get in the goddamn car,” he growled.

Ruby searched his face, which looked carved from stone, and decided protesting would only make things worse. “All right, fine,” she responded, matching his tone. “Save the manhandling for later.”

Troy pulled away from the curb mere seconds later, splitting his focus between the streets he navigated and the rearview mirror. For endless blocks, he appeared too angry to speak, but finally broke the silence. “Do you have a death wish, Ruby?”

She ignored his question. “Driscol is inside that warehouse. I confirmed it.” He didn’t say anything in response, just stared straight ahead, jaw grinding together. When they’d driven at least twenty blocks, he pulled into an empty lot running alongside a park. Still, he didn’t turn to look at her. “I know you’re angry, but look at me, I’m fine.” She unhooked her seat belt and faced him. “Aren’t you going to call someone about this? Lenny is in there. I just spoke with him.”

“Why would you do this?” Troy asked quietly. His tone began to alarm Ruby. Why wouldn’t he look at her? “God, I knew you were hiding something, but this…” He shook his head. “This is foolish even by your standards.”

“Foolish?” She laughed without humor, shock at his harsh words trickling through her chest. “Did you know he was there? Did you know he’s been coming and going through the parking garage behind the building? Or that, including Lenny, there are eight armed men inside?” His grip on the steering wheel tightened and his knuckles went white, but he didn’t respond. “No, I don’t think you did. I was trying to help. And I
did
.”

When he finally looked at her, she paled at his haunted expression. “I didn’t ask for your help. I never
wanted
or
needed
your brand of help.”

“You didn’t have to ask.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, despising the tears that threatened behind her eyelids. “That’s the thing about me. Once I decide I’m in your corner, I’m hard to get rid of.”

He leaned toward her, punctuating each word. “People in my corner die, Ruby. They
die
.”

“That’s bullshit,” she choked out, alarmed by his eerie reaction. “If you insist on blaming yourself for Grant’s death, I can’t stop you. But the situations don’t compare. I did this to
avoid
you ending up like Grant. I wanted you to be prepared.”

“Go ahead and justify it to yourself. It doesn’t change the fact that you lied to me, or that you deliberately chose to place yourself in danger rather than actually trust me for one goddamn minute.” He made a bitter noise. “It’s like I’m a fucking magnet for reckless head cases looking to get their rocks off.”

Pain blooming in her chest, she laughed shakily. “Well, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.” Her comment went unappreciated by Troy, so she tried again. “I was worried. I know what he’s capable of, and I didn’t want to lose you…or see you hurt.”

He punched the steering wheel. “Do you think it would have been somehow easier for me to lose
you,
since I’m so used to loss? At this point, what’s one more death on my head, right?” His voice vibrated with emotion. “The situation
is
the same. I don’t know how… We’ve known each other less than a week. But if something had happened today, Ruby, it would have fucked me up just as much as Grant’s death. Maybe…more. So if it’s too soon for you to feel the same, too bad. You’re important to me. And you could have already been gone.”

Ruby’s chest rose and fell rapidly as she absorbed his unexpected words. She didn’t know how to respond. Deeds not words. It was all she knew. She wouldn’t have gone through with her plan today unless she felt something significant for him. Why couldn’t he see that? She didn’t know how to express it any other way. “You’re important to me, too,” she whispered, silently begging Troy to understand what he meant to her, but he only stared quietly out the car window.

They sat there in silence for long, torturous minutes but neither of them spoke again. Anger, resentment, and something akin to defeat radiated from Troy in the driver’s seat. She jumped when he turned the key in the ignition and started the car.

“Where are we going?” she asked huskily as they pulled out of the parking lot.

“I’m taking you home.”

Panic spread through her at the finality in his voice. “Are you coming with me?”

“No.” He shook his head. “We can’t do this anymore, Ruby.”

Her heart beat loudly in her ears, drowning out the car’s engine. “Do what?” Troy didn’t answer. “Look at me!”

His eyes slid shut for a moment before he faced her. Even then, he appeared to be looking straight through her where she sat in the passenger seat. “You were in danger before just by associating with me. Now? I’m a complete liability to you.” His throat worked with emotion. “Not to mention, there will inevitably be more cases like this involving people from your past. I can’t risk you doing this kind of thing again. I can’t risk you at all.”

She shook her head as if to clear it. “You’re cutting me loose to keep me safe. Is that what you’re saying? That’s crazy.”

“I don’t know how else to do it. I asked you for one simple thing, to trust me, to let me keep you safe, and you couldn’t give it to me.”

“You think trust is
easy
for me?”

“No. I don’t.” He rolled one shoulder. “In fact, maybe it’s impossible.”

Ruby stared out the front windshield, cars and trees blurring together as they passed. On the right, her building came into view over the Chinese take-out restaurant. Only this morning, she’d woken with Troy in her bed. Happiness had wormed its way inside her, but now it threatened to detonate like a ticking time bomb. Her chest constricted at the thought of him dropping her off and leaving, but at that moment, she couldn’t think of a single thing to convince him to stay.

When he spoke, his voice was devoid of emotion. “You need to stay home until we make an arrest. I asked to have a new officer assigned to you, since the other one obviously can’t do his job. He’s in the car behind me. Ruby, if you leave the house, he has orders to arrest you.” He didn’t react to her incredulous expression. “If that’s the only way to keep you from jeopardizing yourself, so be it. You interfered with an investigation this afternoon. The choice is no longer mine.”

Ruby absorbed his callously delivered words, then nodded tightly. Intent on hiding the pain curling through her system determined to buckle her, she straightened her spine and placed one hand on the door handle. “If you leave me right now, it will be the last time we’re together. Don’t ever come back. I won’t give you the time of day.” She met his stormy gaze. “That’s a promise. And I never break a promise.”

She gave him five long, painful seconds to respond, but besides a muscle working in his jaw and the accelerated rise and fall of his chest, he showed no reaction.

Ruby got out of the car and closed the door behind her. She refused to turn around and show him the tears streaming down her cheeks. Would never give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry. If he’d truly wanted to hurt her, he’d succeeded with flying colors. It felt as though her heart was trying to claw its way out of her chest.

As she reached the door, keys in hand, she saw it stood slightly ajar. She hesitated for a moment with her hand on the knob, debating whether or not she should go in. Occasionally, the restaurant workers from downstairs used the stairwell to smoke, especially in winter. Today, however, she felt a little jumpy. Then she heard a faint groan of pain and recognized it right away from her memories. Bowen. Without another thought, save the fact that her friend was in pain, she pulled open the door and went inside.

Bowen lay in the far corner, writhing on the floor and holding his ribs, his face covered in blood. He looked up at her, apology in his half-swelled-shut eye. “I’m sorry, Ruby, I tried to stop them.”

The door slammed, and two sets of hands grabbed her from behind.

Chapter Twelve

Troy sat in his idling car, watching Ruby walk toward her building. Every step she took in the opposite direction filled him with more and more panic.
Don’t ever come back
. His instincts were demanding that he go to her, carry her up the stairs, and hold her until the sickening fear passed. If it ever did. No amount of time would erase the dread he’d felt racing into Brooklyn, knowing once he got there his team would go in guns blazing, Ruby helpless in the crossfire. When they’d pulled up as she’d exited, he’d been staggered by relief, but the emotion had fast been replaced by fury. Fury over Ruby putting herself in such a vulnerable position. Fury over her secretiveness.

Fury at himself for not seeing what she had planned.

It felt so incredibly familiar. He’d experienced it before, the split second of fear where he realized the person he would die for without hesitation hadn’t even given him the damn chance. Only this time, the split second had stretched into an intolerable fifteen minutes where he’d been unable to see anything but Ruby amid a sea of gunfire. His worst fear realized.

He had to believe this was the right thing to do. The farther she stayed from him, the safer she would be. She might have managed to distance herself from her past, but in the space of a single afternoon, she’d ingratiated herself with the same crowd. On his behalf. If she’d never met him, if he hadn’t pursued her with such single-mindedness, today wouldn’t have happened. Their relationship could have easily been responsible for her death today.

As she pulled the door open to her building and disappeared from his view, Troy felt it slam behind her like a physical blow. She hadn’t even looked back once. Already he missed the very sight of her. Her scent lingered in the car, taunting him, reminding him of the fierce pleasure he’d derived from smelling her on his pillow. In his bed.

Jesus. This feels like a mistake.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, giving him a much-needed distraction.

“Bennett,” he answered, his voice raw.

“Hey,” Daniel’s voice rang in his ear. “Everything all right?”

“Fuck no.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t sound like it.”

Troy pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let Rhodes know to hold off on the raid. We were right. There’s a back entrance into location number two through the parking garage. Driscol is inside with eight armed men.”

Daniel laughed incredulously. “That’s why she went in there, isn’t it? To scope the place out. Jesus, you’ve got your hands full with that one. Rhodes is going to want to talk to her.”

“No shit. I’m putting it off as long as I can.” He put the car into drive. “Let him know I placed new protection on her. I’m heading back in.”

It took Troy a full minute to actually pull away from the curb, his urge to go inside after Ruby so incredibly strong that he didn’t think he could drive away. He coasted to a stop at the first red light at the end of her block, idling with his foot firmly on the break. The light turned green, and still he didn’t move.

She would be safer this way, he reminded himself. She’d survived incredible odds without him for years. Then he’d walked into her life and, within a week, she was taking life-threatening risks. He couldn’t let it happen again. That afternoon he brought her home from school, when she’d revealed her association to Driscol…he should have walked away then. This was his punishment. Knowing what it was like to sleep with her in his arms and having to give her up.

Still, Troy couldn’t go. He physically couldn’t bring himself to drive any farther from her.

The memory of Ruby walking into her building and slamming the door behind her played on a loop in his mind, over and over until he felt a familiar sense of trepidation creeping up his spine. Struck by a sudden thought, he glanced at the rearview mirror, back toward Ruby’s building. Something was bothering him, and he couldn’t shake it. When it finally hit him, Troy sprang into action. He quickly pressed the distress button on his police radio, flung open his door, and started running.

She hadn’t used her keys.
Before she’d walked into the building, she’d reached into her pocket and took out her keys, but she hadn’t used them.

…

Ruby tried to twist around to see the men who’d grabbed her, but as they dragged her up the stairs, her knees slammed painfully into each step. Her jeans ripped, the metal scraping her knees raw. She opened her mouth to scream, but a clammy palm slapped over her mouth.

Lenny Driscol stood at the top of the stairs.

At once, she felt numb. The men dragging her were making no effort to keep her uninjured, and that told her exactly what was coming. She let her body go limp, emotional and physical pain blurring together until she couldn’t feel a thing.

All for nothing. She’d done it all for nothing. How many times in her life had she been told by her father or men she hustled that her reckless arrogance would be her downfall? That someday it would take a giant bite out of her ass? She’d laughed in their faces, but they’d been right. Today, she’d done the same thing she always did, putting herself at risk without thinking of the consequences, and now she would pay. Twice. After all, she’d lost the man, too. A man she’d fallen for. All for
nothing
.

They reached the top of the stairs. She forced herself to stand and limp into the apartment, but her legs gave out, and she ended up crawling over the door frame on her bloody knees, past a smiling Lenny. Humiliation burned her from the inside, followed by outrage when she saw two of her custom pool cues had been snapped in half. She grabbed the back of a chair and pulled herself into it, holding in a whimper of relief.

As the men disappeared back down the stairs, she looked up at Lenny defiantly, refusing to waver in her cool appraisal of him. “Make yourself at home,” she said with an indifferent shrug.

Lenny laughed, but she could sense his underlying irritation. “I wonder what it would take to get you off your high horse.” His smile widened. “I shouldn’t have to wonder much longer.”

The two men reappeared in her doorway, tossing a half-unconscious Bowen at her feet. Lenny watched her closely, waiting for a reaction, but she managed to keep the disgust and horror off her face. If he’d do this to his own son, what would he do to her? When Lenny turned to close her apartment door, she glimpsed the gun at the small of his back. With a nervous swallow, she risked a look down at Bowen and couldn’t stop herself from flinching. Another person she’d hurt with her thoughtless behavior. Perhaps she deserved whatever she got.

“You must think I’m pretty stupid, Ruby,” Lenny said, circling her chair. “You decide to go straight, drop off the radar for a year, and then reappear, looking for a game.” He stopped in front of her, leaned down near her face. “And if that didn’t tip me off that you were trying to screw me, the unmarked car that dropped you off outside would have. The second you left the warehouse, I got the hell out of there because I knew a raid was coming. I was right.” He shrugged. “I should thank you
and
my son for tipping me off. You were barely out the door before he slipped away to warn you I was coming.”

“Dammit, Bowie,” she whispered shakily, then glared in Lenny’s direction. Humiliation mixed with grief. She’d likely blown the arrest and gotten Bowen hurt in the process. If she’d stayed out of it, none of this would be happening. Instead, she’d gone and jeopardized Troy, Bowen, and herself when she’d intended on the exact opposite. Her throat tightened, emotions threatening to give way. “I guess monsters are born, not made. Thank God Bowen is nothing like you.”

Lenny’s eyes glittered dangerously. He stepped away from her, rubbing the back of his neck with jerky movements. Then he took a giant step forward and slapped her across the face, hard enough to knock her off the chair. Stinging pain radiated from her cheek; a surprised cry tore from her lips. Bowen stirred on the floor beside her, attempting to shield her, but she put a hand on his cheek and told him to stay down. She didn’t think she could endure watching him be punished any more for her mistake.

A hand circled her neck and yanked her off the floor. She was thrown back into the chair, choking and dragging in deep gulps of air. Helplessly, she watched as Lenny reached into the back of his jeans for his gun.

This is it. This is it
, her mind repeated continuously until she started saying it out loud as well. Ruby squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting the final image she ever saw to be Lenny’s face.

Her apartment door crashed open, followed by the unmistakable cocking of a gun and a voice that sent relief racing through her body.

“I wouldn’t reach for that gun, Mr. Driscol.” Troy’s voice vibrated with intensity. Both of Lenny’s men reach into their jackets. “You two, either. My backup just arrived. You won’t make it out of the building.”

Several other police officers entered the apartment behind Troy, guns drawn. With rapid efficiency, they divested Lenny’s men of their weapons and handcuffed them. Troy didn’t take his gun off Lenny until the other threats had been removed, but then he confiscated the gun from Lenny’s waistband and pushed him down to handcuff him. For the first time since he’d entered the apartment, Ruby could see Troy.

As he placed the handcuffs on a resigned Lenny, Troy’s gaze ran over her anxiously, teeth clenching when he saw her ruined knees. Two officers she recognized from Quincy’s stepped in to take over handcuffing Lenny, as if anticipating what he might do. Remorse, apology, anger, and need warred on his face as he watched her. But so many emotions warred inside her that she couldn’t stand the weight of his, too. It reminded her of what she’d done. How she’d risked him. Risked what they might have had together. And she hated seeing his remorse because she didn’t deserve it.

“Tell me you’re okay,” he demanded when he’d gotten himself under control.

With a shaky nod, Ruby tore her gaze away from him and focused on something she could do to help repair the damage. She dropped off the chair onto the floor, ignoring the pain it caused her knees, and used the edge of her coat to wipe blood from Bowen’s face. He shrugged her off, moving with difficulty into a sitting position. She looked up at the room in general. “Can someone please call an ambulance?”

She felt Troy behind her. “It’s already on the way.” He knelt down next to her, but she ignored him, couldn’t stand to see sympathy in his eyes. She felt him slide an arm around her waist, and barely resisted the urge to lean into his warmth. “Sit back up on the chair, baby. Your knees…” He cleared his throat. “You need the ambulance, too.”

“No. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” he grated. “Neither of us are fine.”

As if on cue, three paramedics filed into the apartment and went straight for Bowen, who finally spoke up. “I’m good here, Rube,” he said, expression thoughtful as he watched Troy. “Go get yourself patched up.”

Troy stood over her while the paramedic cut her jeans to the knee so he could clean and bandage her wounds. She could practically feel the tension rolling off Troy, but her own mental strain easily matched his. More than anything, she wanted everyone out of her apartment so she could bury her face in a pillow and cry. She hadn’t cried since her father left to go back out on the road a year prior. Now it felt like tiny cracks were forming in her exterior, ready to burst.

Lenny and his men were escorted down the stairs and placed in the backs of separate patrol cars. All three of them complained over their rough treatment and yelled for lawyers as they went. Bowen’s injuries required further medical treatment, and although he protested vehemently, they finally convinced him if he didn’t get stitches, his face might not heal correctly. That got him moving.

Finally, she and Troy were left alone in the apartment. He closed the door behind the final officer and turned to face her. When he started to speak, she cut him off.

“I already know what you’re going to say, so please… Save your breath.”

“You have no clue what I’m going to say.”

Ruby raised her head to find his gaze riveted on her, drawing her in. She quickly looked away. “Sure, I do. I put myself and others in danger, including you. I acted foolishly. I need to stay away from you for my own good, as well as yours.” She gave a single, shaky nod. “Finally, we agree on something. You were right to leave. You should get as far away from me as possible.”

Troy went very still, unease moving across his face. “Ruby—”

“Just leave me. Please.”

“Don’t ask me to do that,” he said, coming toward her. “We both made mistakes today, but right now, in this moment, we need each other. Don’t let pride get in the way of that.”

“This isn’t about pride.” She hated the defeat in her voice, but the numbness wouldn’t let anything else through. Maybe her refusal
was
based on pride. In the last hour, hers had taken a tremendous hit. She felt exposed, embarrassed… Everything she’d ever stood for had been thrown in her face. But right now, she didn’t care about the reason, only knew she wanted him to leave her in peace so she could scrape up the broken pieces. “Go home, Troy. You caught the bad guy and saved the reckless head case from certain death. It’s over.”

Troy knelt down in front of her, his voice vibrating with emotion. “No, it’s not. But nothing I say right now is going to get through, is it?” She didn’t answer, just stared down at him while doing her best to keep a blank expression. He cupped her ankles and slid his warm hands slowly up to the backs of her knees, his touch so achingly tender that her entire body shook uncontrollably. After the emotional upheaval of the last hour, his touch felt like a healing balm even as it demolished her. Troy leaned forward and pressed light kisses to the bandages on her knees, apologizing between each kiss. “I’m so sorry, Ruby. So sorry.”

Her throat clogged with the sobs dying to break free. He wasn’t going to leave. She could see it on his face, in the fierceness of his expression. Her hands ached to reach out and trace his furrowed brow. Feel the scrape of his beard against her cheek. But another, equally potent part of her could only see her shortcomings when she looked at his face right now. She would have to
make
him leave. Her composure was starting to slip past the point of no return. “I told you if you left, it would be the last time we were together,” she whispered and watched his face cloud. “I never break a promise, Troy. Get
out
.”