His Obsession Next Door (In the Line of Duty) (17 page)

She inched back and stroked him with her hands as she met his eyes. “I’ve got you, Cole,” she assured him. “This time I’ve got you.”

When she drew him back into her mouth, he took deep, gulping breaths and began moving, pushing deep. Everything in what they were doing was far more intimate than anything they’d done to date. He pulled her hair back to watch and she glanced up at him. When their eyes met, something important passed between them, and she guessed he knew every bit as much as she did this was about so much more than sex.

Tension raced through his body, coming to a peak. A moment later, his body jerked and he gripped her head to pull her off. When she refused to move, he fisted her hair and cursed out loud. She cupped his balls and could feel blood rushing through his veins.

“Gems,” he bit out, his cock spasming around her tongue moments before his liquid heat filled her mouth.

She drank him all in, and stayed burrowed between his thighs until his breathing returned to normal. When she inched back, he brushed his thumb over her mouth. She nearly sobbed from the emotions and tenderness filling his dark eyes.

With his pants half off he shimmied backward and collapsed on the pillow. His voice dropped to a whisper as he reached for her. “Come here.” She climbed in beside him, needing him to hold her while she held him in return. He wrapped his arm around her, his hand going to her zipper. Cole wasn’t a guy who took without giving.

She shook her head and pressed against him. Tonight she didn’t want a physical union, she wanted an emotional one. “This is all about you. Not me.”

Silence hung for a long time, then he finally broke it by saying, “Gemma,” but she silenced him with a kiss. She didn’t want anything to break this profound moment between them.

Gemma snuggled in tight and Cole squeezed her so hard it was nearly impossible to fill her lungs. Both lost in their own thoughts, they stayed that way until they fell asleep and her morning wake-up call roused them.

She blinked her eyes open to see Cole and her heart beat a little faster. Dear God, how could she not love a man who wanted to protect her, a man who put his own feelings and best interests aside for her? A man who’d rather face a firing squad than a room full of benefactors yet did it anyway? For her.

While he might not have been her first lover like she’d hoped at seventeen, there was no denying she wanted him to be her last. This thing between them went well beyond casual sex. When he blinked his tortured eyes open and caught her watching him, she wondered what it was going to take for him to acknowledge it too.

Chapter Nine

Cole put down his razor and stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He thought about canceling on dinner tonight, but after everything Brandon and Gemma’s parents had done for him, he definitely owed them a visit. Hell, he owed them a lot more than that.

He suspected, however, they’d take one look at him and Gemma and know what they’d been doing for the last month. And while both Audrey and Frank loved him like a son, from the way Gemma’s mother was pushing wealthy, upscale men on her only daughter, he knew they weren’t keen on loving him like a son-in-law.

Son-in-law.

Shit, where the hell had that thought come from? If Brandon were here he’d be kicking his ass. Rightfully so. Cole dropped his razor back into its case and his hands went to his dog tags. Guilt ate him up inside to think how he’d been dishonoring his best friend’s dying wish. He wasn’t about to swallow the emotions down. He damn well deserved to feel like a traitorous prick.

He finished up in the bathroom, then glanced at his watch. Gemma had to do a home visit, to check on the young girl who’d recently adopted a puppy. She’d asked him to come along, but he declined and told her he’d meet her at her folks’ place. The thoughts of seeing that young girl with her family, all happy and loving, might be more than he could take right now.

With a few minutes to spare, he took Charlie out for a walk. When he returned home, Charlie curled up on his bed and Cole made his way to his bike. The air was still hot and a ride might help cool his body and clear his head, not to mention blow the scent of a well-fucked guy off his skin before he sat down to dinner with Gemma’s folks.

He drove across town and by the time he reached Audrey and Frank’s upscale apartment, Gemma had already arrived. He pulled his bike in behind her car and made his way inside. When he reached the door and was about to knock, Gemma pulled it open. Her smile was so warm and welcoming, it nearly brought him to his knees. His mind instantly rewound to last night and the way she’d taken care of him. There was no doubt this woman was clawing past his defenses without even trying. The sheer intimacy in what she did for him last night, taking him into her mouth and caring for him when he was feeling a little raw and exposed made his heart ache. Jesus, she was so kind and compassionate, giving without taking. It had him wanting things he simply couldn’t have, things that weren’t his to have.

She went up on her toes and lifted her mouth to his. Instead of giving her what she wanted, he placed a kiss on her cheek. He didn’t miss the disappointment in her eyes or the way that sadness in her baby blues cut right to his core.

“Cole,” Audrey said, breaking the tension between them as she stepped up beside Gemma. “Come in, come in.” She led him into the living room where Frank sat on the sofa, nursing a drink.

“Cole,” Frank greeted, standing to wrap his arms around him. “How have you been, son?”

Cole returned the hug, his heart squeezing in his too-tight chest not only because the man who’d become his surrogate father had called him son, but also because one look at Frank reminded him so much of Brandon.

He cleared his throat. “Things are good, Frank.”

“Good, good, come have a drink with me.”

Frank poured a generous amount of dark rum into a tumbler and handed it to him. Cole took a swig and lowered himself into one of the plush recliners across from the sofa.

“Gemma tells me about all the work you’re doing to help her.” He glanced toward the kitchen and lowered his voice. “She’s a stubborn one.” He gave a sad shake of his head. “Won’t let us help her out at all.”

“She wants to be independent and it’s important for her to prove she can do things on her own,” Cole responded. But as he thought more about that, his heart grew a little heavy. Gemma had a family who cared about her, and her cause, and wanted to help in the ways they knew how. How was that any different than what he was doing? Sure, her mother might want her to settle down because she worried about her safety, but that was natural maternal instinct. It didn’t mean they didn’t see her as a grown up, and weren’t proud of her work. In fact, Gemma might be the only one who didn’t understand that by continually pushing them away, she was coming across as narrow minded and maybe just a little bit young and selfish. Then again, who was he to call anyone selfish…?

“It’s also important to know it’s okay to ask family for help,” Frank said. “Just like you know you can come to us too, right, Cole?” Cole caught the worry in Frank’s eyes. Worry for him—the boy who’d practically grown up without a family, at least one who gave a shit about him. Cole grew a little more agitated that Gemma didn’t see them for what they were. Frank and Audrey were good people, treating him like a son and giving him more than a place to stay when he was a kid.

“Hey, are you two talking about me?” Gemma teased. She plunked herself down next to her father and he wrapped his arm around her.

He smiled at her and dropped a loving kiss onto her forehead. “Gemma, you might be a grown woman, but you’ll always be my little girl and I’ll always want to help you. Someday when you have kids of your own, you’ll understand that.”

Cole’s heart hitched. The normalcy in all this reminded him of how much he wanted a family of his own, and how much he wanted it with Gemma.

Audrey came from the kitchen. “Dinner time.” She smiled at Cole and proceeded to tell him about all the dishes she’d made for him. But when he got up from the recliner and spotted a table full of pictures, his appetite retreated like a band of soldiers caught in the crossfire.

He scanned the photos, stopping to examine the one of him and Brandon when they were fourteen and playing their favorite video game. Christ, the two of them had spent hours in front of the TV, until Audrey kicked them outdoors to get some fresh air. Brandon was a whiz with gaming and computers, and Cole always thought his friend should have gone to college instead of enlisting. His glance moved on to the picture of Brandon at his high school graduation, then to the one of Brandon looking like a proud soldier after graduating from basic training.

His heart tumbled in his chest and he fought the prick of tears as the memories shook him. Fuck, he missed him so much. When his hand tightened around his drink glass Gemma came up beside him. He couldn’t help but flinch when she brushed her knuckles along his.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

Turning from her, he followed Audrey to the dining room, which had been beautifully set for four. He sat and took another swig of his rum, praying it would wash down the emotions rising up in him.

After the meal was served, they talked mainly about Gemma’s cause and how his speech had the benefactors opening their wallets. Cole was having a hard time concentrating on anything. Being back here with Brandon’s family had him feeling raw and exposed, making it harder and harder for him to keep his shit together. And Cole always kept his shit together. Falling apart was not an option. Every now and then Gemma would cast a glance his way, worry moving over her eyes.

Soon anger moved into his stomach, because Audrey turned the conversation to Gemma and her marital status.

“Gemma, you rushed away so fast last night, I didn’t get a chance to introduce you to Marie Johnson’s son. He’s a fine young boy.”

Gemma cast Cole a glance and he got the distinct impression she wanted him to say something. But how could he come right out and tell Audrey and Frank what the two of them were doing behind closed doors?

Sadness moved over Gemma’s face as she turned back to her mother. “Maybe next time,” she said, and Cole fisted his hands, hating himself.

As Audrey continued to list off a bevy of bachelors who’d love to go out with her, pushing Gemma harder and harder, all Cole wanted to do was push back. He clenched down on his teeth in an effort to stop himself from telling everyone around the table how he really felt. Except he couldn’t give Gemma what she wanted, and he wasn’t the man her parents wanted for her.

Cole forced himself to eat, and once they finished their meal and the dishes were cleared, Audrey and Frank disappeared into the kitchen to make tea, leaving him alone with Gemma.

Blue eyes full of concern blinked up at him and he knew he needed to escape, to remove himself from all things that reminded him of Brandon, all things that reminded him he wasn’t the guy for Gems.

“Want to go into the other room?” she asked quietly.

Cole pushed out of his chair and followed Gemma into the living room. Once again he was bombarded with pictures of his fallen friend.

“Are you okay, Cole?”

He glanced at the picture of Brandon in his formal military garb and his stomach twisted so hard he feared he was going to vomit. “He wasn’t cut out for the army,” he murmured under his breath.

“Don’t you ever say that.”

Cole’s head came up with a start, surprised by the anger in her tone. “What?”

Fire lit Gemma’s eyes as her hand went to the back of her neck. “Don’t you ever say that about Brandon.”

“What are you talking about? What’s gotten into you?”

She rubbed the back of her neck furiously, her blue eyes flashing. “Brandon was a great soldier and a great man. Don’t you ever say he wasn’t.”

Cole shook his head, his emotions in turmoil. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

He exhaled slowly and took a moment to choose his words carefully. “He joined the army because of me. If he didn’t follow in my footsteps, he’d be alive today.”

“No, Cole. Brandon joined the army because he wanted to. His choices were his own. Don’t you dare take responsibility for his actions. They were his and his alone.”

She turned from him to glance at a childhood picture of a young Brandon and Gemma, brother and sister sitting on their horses eating ice cream. Cole stepped up to her and removed her hand from her neck. She leaned forward, her hair spilling over her shoulders and he worked to rub the tension from her muscles.

“I didn’t mean…” he began, but his words died an abrupt death when he spotted the small tattoo at the base of her hairline. Hands shaking, he parted her curls, and his stomach recoiled when he saw the word
honor
.

“Gemma, what…when?”

She turned to face him and tilted her chin until their eyes met. “After Brandon died,” she whispered.

Cole’s voice was as shaky as his hands when he asked, “Is that why you always rub the back of your neck when someone mentions his name?”

She nodded. “Brandon was the most honorable man I knew, and this tattoo helps me remember him, but it also helps me let go. Know what I mean?”

Feeling like he’d been sucker punched, Cole faltered backward. Honor. That one word, and the meaning behind it had chaos erupting inside him, reminding him he’d failed the one man he owed everything to. He gripped his dog tags and squeezed until they cut skin. “I need to go.” He swallowed the knot clogging his throat. “I really, really need to go.”