His Love Endures Forever (17 page)

V
ERA FINISHED CLEANING THE KITCHEN BEFORE
she walked into the living room. Elam was sitting on the couch reading the Bible, and Betsy was already upstairs in bed. Vera turned up the propane lamp on her side of the couch, and she eased down beside Elam. She was reaching for her Bible when he cleared his throat.

The scowl on his face as he looked at her above his wirerimmed reading glasses told her she was about to get a talking to. She went ahead and pulled the Bible to her lap, then faced him. “What is it, Elam?”

“You and Sarah are up to something, and you better be careful. We might not approve of Levi’s choices, but we can’t control them. Only God is in control.”

Vera crossed her legs and nervously kicked her foot. “I know that, Elam. Sarah is just going to talk to Levi and make sure he understands what he is giving up. I think he’ll listen to her. I’m sure he has some sort of feelings for the
maedel
, and she might be able to get through to him where we failed.”

Elam groaned, but she pressed on. “Levi doesn’t want this
marriage, this
boppli
, Elam. He just
thinks
he does. God bless our Levi; he is an honorable man. But the wrong man is taking responsibility for this
baremlich
situation.”

“Again, be careful, Vera. A child is a blessing. The situation might not be ideal, but I doubt the Lord would approve of you calling it terrible.” Elam ran a hand down his brownish-gray beard, studying Vera as if she’d done something horrible.

“I know you think I’m meddling, Elam, but this is our
sohn
we’re talking about. I’ve done nothing more than encourage Sarah to speak with Levi, to help him to understand what leaving our community will mean.” She uncrossed her legs and waved a hand in his direction. “It didn’t take much to encourage Sarah to talk to Levi. The girl is crazy about him, and I know his choices are hurting her.” Vera shook her head. “How can he not see it? The two of them are perfectly suited. How could he choose Danielle over Sarah?”

“Vera, I’m not happy that Levi has made this choice. But I will tell you again . . . it’s Levi’s choice to make.”

“Elam.” Vera folded her hands in her lap. “Did you even talk to the boy? Did you tell him what a mistake he is making?”

“
Ya
. I talked to him. I wanted to be sure that he was clear how his life would change if he makes this decision. He knows it saddens us both, Vera. But Levi has a
gut
head on his shoulders, and an even better heart. And if he feels called by God to make this honorable step onto another path, regardless of the cost, who are we to question that calling?”

Vera took a long, slow breath, trying not to snap back at Elam. “Levi isn’t being
called
to do anything. He is being manipulated by a pregnant
Englisch
girl who doesn’t want to raise a
boppli
on her own.”

“
Ya
, well, if you’re wrong . . .” Elam put his glasses back on and buried his head in the Good Book.

“If I’m wrong?”

He looked at her over his wire rims. “Then you’ll be praying for forgiveness for your meddling.”

“Asking Sarah to just talk it through with Levi is not meddling. It’s simply giving our boy yet another opportunity to see if this is truly the Lord’s will.” She opened up her Bible and flipped to the book of Job, realizing that Job too had to suffer loss but that it was allowed by God’s grace.
Is this what’s
happening to me? Will this be a blessing down the road?

It was hard for Vera to believe that.

L
EVI SHIFTED HIS
weight on the seat and hoped that Sarah would remove her hand from his leg. He’d done this twice before with no luck, but this time she eased her hand away. They were almost to her house, and she’d done most of the talking on the way. Thankfully she didn’t bring up Danielle or the wedding again. She’d talked about her job at the bakery, an upcoming quilting party, and things that didn’t really interest Levi, but he’d nodded and made a comment every now and then and tried not to yawn.

He and his father had installed solar panels at four different homes today, and he was exhausted. But at least he was off work tomorrow and could sleep in. Danielle was picking him up at seven thirty to go eat breakfast, then they were going to the courthouse to get their marriage license. He couldn’t believe that he’d be a married man in just a few days. His mind was wandering again when Sarah twisted in her seat to face
him and cupped his cheek with one hand. It caught him a bit off guard, but he didn’t jerk away. He felt like he’d already hurt Sarah’s feelings enough.

“
Danki
for bringing me home.” Sarah’s brown eyes captured his as the waxing moon lit the area around the buggy. Long lashes swept across high cheekbones as she blinked. She looked up at him again, tears in her eyes. Maybe if things had been different, he might have kissed her on this night, if for no other reason than to comfort her. But he gently eased her hand from his face.

“Sarah,” he whispered. “You’ll find the man you’re to be with. In time.”

She smiled, sniffling. “I thought you to be that man, Levi.”

Levi lowered his head in shame. He never should have taken her to the Sunday singings, should have known that she’d think it meant more than it did. But at the time, Levi didn’t know if his feelings for Sarah might have blossomed. He never could have foreseen God’s calling or known how deep his feelings for Danielle really went. “I’m sorry,” he said before he stepped out of the buggy. He wound his way around to her side and opened the door, then offered her his hand, the way he would any woman. Once she was standing in front of him, she slowly wrapped her arms around his waist. Levi didn’t move and kept his hands at his sides, even though his heart was racing.

“Just hold me this one time,” she said, her voice breaking, “before you’re a married man.” Sarah’s head rested on his shoulder.

Levi slowly wrapped his arms around her. They were both shivering out in the cold, and he was ready to get home. But Sarah was clearly upset, and he couldn’t just drop her
off in such a state. So he held her for a few moments. Finally she eased away, but her eyes, still glistening with tears, swept across his face before she leaned in and pressed her mouth to his. Her lips were soft, her touch tender, and Levi found himself returning the kiss as if his body were making its own decisions.

Danielle’s face flashed in his mind’s eye, and as if pricked by a needle, Levi pulled away from her. “No, Sarah. I can’t.”

“But you did. You kissed me back, Levi. Don’t you think that means something?” She leaned her head on his shoulder again, and this time he was more forceful as he pulled away.

“I’m marrying Danielle. That . . . the kiss . . . it shouldn’t have happened.” Levi pulled off his black hat and scratched his head. He’d kissed a few women during his
rumschpringe
, but none of them had ever initiated it. “I have to go.” He waited for Sarah to head toward her house. Levi wouldn’t leave until he saw that she was safely inside. But she covered her face and started to cry hard.

“Ahh, Sarah, please don’t cry.” Levi gently placed a hand on one of her arms. “Please.” He couldn’t stand to see her so upset. And knowing he was the cause of it made it worse.

“I shouldn’t have kissed someone who is promised to another. I’m sorry.” She moved her hands away and tucked her chin. Levi could barely see her face beneath the rim of her black bonnet. “I’m so ashamed.”

Levi lifted her chin and found her eyes. “I’m sorry too, Sarah. I’m sorry if you thought that there was more between us than . . .” He moved his hand from her chin when he saw her blinking her eyes, her lips parted. He couldn’t risk another
kiss. The first one had been wrong enough, and to allow it to happen again would be unforgivable.

She ran a soft finger along his cheek, and despite how he longed for her to go into the house, he couldn’t deny a sudden urge to have her stay. She was so beautiful . . .

“You’re making a mistake, Levi.” She spoke softly as her finger trailed down and across his lips.

Levi swallowed hard as he stepped back and away from her touch. “I hope not.” As soon as he said the words, he regretted them, knowing he should have spoken with more conviction.

“There’s still time . . . you know, for you to change your mind.” Sarah pulled a tissue from her apron pocket and dabbed at her eyes for a few moments, sniffling. “You kissed me back. Think about that tonight, Levi.”

Without any warning, she quickly stepped forward and kissed him on the mouth, then turned and ran toward her house. Levi could hear her crying as she stood on the porch, trying to get ahold of herself before entering. And he felt like a big heel.

D
ANIELLE PULLED UP
to what she’d come to call “my little church” at seven fifteen Wednesday morning. She flung herself out of the car, marched up the steps, and pulled the heavy wooden door open. She hurried to the front pew and sat down. She stared at Jesus hanging on the cross, took a deep breath, and asked herself what she was doing here. What was it about this place that made her angry, yet seemed to pull her in at the same time?

She looked around, making sure she was the only one in
the church. She assumed God could read her thoughts. If there was a God. But she found herself whispering what was ringing through her mind. “I’m not sure what I’m doing here.”

She waited, although she had no idea what she was waiting for. A response? A “word from the Lord”? Breathing in the silence, she crossed her legs and recalled the many Amish worship services Martha had dragged her to. Sometimes, despite the language barrier, she’d felt something . . . something peaceful. Maybe it was just because the Amish were loving, kind people, and with a whole room of them, the love just soaked into your heart somehow.

Danielle uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. It came to her then. She knew why she was there and what she had to say. “God, I don’t want to ruin Levi’s life. I love him enough to not do that. So, if You are there, and You do hear people’s prayers . . . could You maybe just give me some kind of sign? And I’ll try to be a better person.” She paused. “Amen.”

She got up and hurried out of the church. It was exactly seven thirty when she pulled up at Levi’s house, and she was glad to see him sitting outside on the porch. The last thing she needed this morning was to face Vera. She’d already had a bout of dry heaves this morning, and she was sure seeing Levi’s mom would bring on another wave of nausea.

“Hey,” Levi said as he got into her car. He leaned over and kissed her on the mouth, and Danielle wasn’t sure that anything had ever felt more awkward.
Was that a sign from God?
She should have never asked for a sign. She wasn’t even sure if that was how God worked, or more importantly, if He even listened to anything she had to say.
Great. Now I’ll be thinking
everything is a sign
.

By the time they got seated at the Parkview Café for breakfast, it felt like old times. Just her and Levi, two best friends having breakfast. She even managed to get down two pancakes without feeling like she might hurl. But coffee remained out of the question. Just the smell made her tummy queasy. When she was done eating, she stared at the handsome man across from her who would soon become her husband. She tipped her head to one side.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Levi’s sandy blond hair was flat on the top where his hat had been. He’d placed it on the bench seat beside him when they’d arrived. But his brown eyes twinkled, and to Danielle, he looked happy.

“You know . . . I used to be able to tell you anything.”

The left corner of Levi’s mouth curled up, which seemed even cuter now than it used to. “You still can. Nothing’s changed.”

“Everything has changed. We’re going to be married. Husband and wife.” She leaned back against the seat. “Now it feels weird to tell you what’s on my mind.”

“Danielle, what is it?” Levi raised one eyebrow.

“Does it feel weird to you when we kiss?” She held her breath as she waited for him to answer.

“A little.” He grinned. “But in a
gut
way.” He reached over and patted her hand. “Don’t worry. It will all come naturally. I’m sure that I love you and that I want to be with you forever.”

She smiled. “I’m sure too.”
Maybe this is my sign from God,
the warm feeling that I have all over?
Tossing her hair over her shoulders, she knew she had to quit seeing everything as a sign. It was far-fetched. If that were the case, God would have helped her years ago.

“You ready to go get our license?” Levi put some cash on
the table for the waitress and reached for his hat on the seat beside him.

“Yes. I am.”

She smiled when Levi reached for her hand as they left the café. Amish weren’t big on public affection, so she knew it was a big step for Levi. And there it was again . . . that warm feeling. His fingers felt good, intertwining with hers.
If this is a
sign, Lord, I’ll take it
.

SATURDAY MORNING,
D
ANIELLE
didn’t feel sick to her stomach for the first time in days. Ironically. She would have thought that wedding-day jitters might have brought on an extra dose of morning sickness, but she felt great today.
Another sign from God?

Martha had already gone to the church earlier that morning and returned home. She’d wanted to put up a few decorations and to make sure everything was all set. There wasn’t really that much to prepare for, but Martha had insisted on doing it while Danielle got ready. Danielle had been particularly happy to see that Martha had dyed her hair again, and it had turned out a lovely, soft brown. No more purple. Danielle didn’t want purple-haired Martha in her wedding pictures.