His Favorite Mistress (42 page)

A strong part of her longed to do exactly that, longed to let herself pretend so she could be with him as his wife. And more, so she could stop missing him. For in spite of all the hours they spent together each day, the nights without him were long and lonely. At first she’d assumed he would continue to seek out her bed, but after that last terrible fight between them, he had not returned to her. She didn’t know if he was punishing her, was punishing them both, or thought she no longer desired him.

And yet another disturbing possibility existed—one that made her cringe to consider.
What if he has stopped wanting me altogether?
she worried. But if that were the case, his attentions to her made little sense—unless he was only being stubborn, determined at all costs to win his point. Then again, maybe the truth was that he did really love her, just as he said.

Oh, God, I don’t know what to think,
she realized, setting her teacup into its saucer with a sharp clink.
But at least I have the baby,
she reassured herself.
No matter what might happen, at least I have our child.

The music stopped two evenings later, the last lilting notes drifting away as Gabriella and Tony finished their waltz. Numerous couples around them began to separate and make their way from the dance floor. Slipping out of his arms, Gabriella turned to do the same, then reached out to clutch him again as the room suddenly whirled around her.

“Here now, what is this?” Tony asked, catching her close.

As quickly as the sensation had begun, however, it stopped, her head clearing as her balance turned strong and steady once again.
Gracious,
she thought,
what
was
that?
Even as the question formed, she knew what
that
had been—her pregnancy. But she hadn’t told Tony about the baby yet, and a crowded ballroom was no place to share such news. She did plan to let him know, though she still hadn’t decided exactly when.

“Heavens, I’m not sure,” she dissembled. “The heat perhaps. It is rather close in here, do you not agree?”

He sent her a look of concern. “A little, but no more than the usual Ton squeeze. Are you sure you are well?”

“Quite sure.”

“Because if you are coming down with something—”

“I only need a cool drink and a bite of supper. All that dancing has left me famished.” And she was—battling nausea in the mornings only to find herself starving come nightfall. Now she knew how Lily had been feeling these past few months.

“If you are sure?” he questioned.

“I am.” She forced an extra-bright smile. “I feel fine.” And she did—for a woman who happened to be in a delicate condition.

Tony smiled back, apparently deciding to accept her explanation. “If I know our hosts, their staff is probably laying out the buffet by now. Shall we see if we can sneak in a few minutes early?”

She nodded. “Yes, let’s.”

Tony was right, and although they were the first to arrive, several other couples and small groups drifted in only moments after they found a table and began to eat.

The meal eased her hunger, but to Gabriella’s consternation, she found herself smothering yawns by the time supper concluded over an hour later. As she and Tony exited the dining room, he bent close. “You look ready to drift off. Why do I not call for our coach and take you home?”

Covering another yawn with her gloved hand, her eyes watering a bit, she agreed.

Inside the coach, Tony drew her against his side so she could use his shoulder as a head rest. Too sleepy to object, she settled against him with a relieved sigh, relaxing deeply for the first time since she had last slept in his arms.

The vehicle was motionless when she awakened, awareness returning to her in an easy slide. Tony was holding her, his arm cradling her close like a warm, snug cocoon. “Are we there?” she asked.

“Yes, but there’s no hurry.”

“How long—”

“A little while. I didn’t want to disturb you; you were sleeping so peacefully.” With a finger, he brushed a curl away from her face. “You looked like an angel.”

Gazing at his deeply handsome face and into his intense blue eyes—their color turned nearly black in the low light—she felt a rush of desire quicken inside her. “Kiss me, Tony,” she whispered.

An answering half-smile fanned over his lips. “With pleasure.”

Gathering her even closer, he touched his mouth to hers in an embrace that was passionate and tender, warm yet restrained, as though he was set on relishing her like some rare delicacy of which he had just been invited to partake. Caressing her, he sipped and savored, his tongue gliding and exploring in ways that soon turned her blood to steam, her heart beating like thunder beneath her breasts.

Threading her fingers into his hair, she kissed him back, giving herself the right to express everything she felt, everything she desired. Opening her mouth, she drew him in, leading him deeper into a fervid aerie of passionate delights that left both of them struggling for breath and her for sanity. Yet soon, even that much was not enough, her body hungering for more—much more.

“Would you like to come inside?” she asked, quivering as he cupped one of her breasts inside his palm for a gentle caress.

He kissed her twice more, skimming his mouth over her cheek and down the line of her throat, pausing to run his tongue over her wildly thrumming pulse. “
Hmm,
do you want me to come in?”

“Yes,” she admitted, her voice husky with need. “My bed is empty without you.”

He raised his head, his gaze warm as he met her eyes. “Does this mean, then, that you believe me now? That you trust I love you? Because I do, Gabriella. I love you so very, very much.”

A small measure of her passion faded, doubt rushing in to replace her pleasure. She stared, knowing she should just say “yes” and let their lives go forward. Tell him what he wanted to hear whether she truly believed it or not. But something within her refused to say the words, her tongue and her promises silent.

The light died in his gaze as suddenly as it had come, his arms sliding away. “I see.” He swallowed and looked away. “Well, perhaps it is still too soon. I think you should go inside and up to bed now.” His face was shuttered, jaw drawn tight as if he were in pain.

“Tony—”

Reaching over, he shoved open the door and leapt out, then reached up a hand to assist her from the coach. In silence, she accepted and allowed him to see her to her door.

Once there, he gave a curt bow. “Good evening, madam. I wish you sweet dreams.”

“Tony, please. Come inside and let us talk.”

He shot her a caustic glance. “About what? I think we’ve said it all.”

Behind her, a footman opened the door as Tony turned and stalked to his coach. After a curt order, the coachman flicked the reins and set the horses in motion.

She watched until the coach disappeared, only then retreating inside. With her footsteps like lead, she went up the stairs to her bedroom, all too aware he would not be joining her. Once inside, she slumped onto the mattress, her mind replaying the memory of his expression. He’d looked…crushed, like a man who’d just had his heart twisted from his chest. Had she put that look on his face, in his eyes? Had she hurt him that much? And if she had, then it could mean only one thing.
He does love me!

Oh, God, what
have
I done?
she whispered to herself.

Chapter Twenty-three

T
ONY PACED ACROSS
the Pendragons’ upstairs drawing room two mornings later, dejected thoughts tumbling through his mind.

“How about a cup of tea?” Julianna suggested. “Or would you rather I send for something stronger? A brandy, perhaps?”

At first he didn’t respond, then abruptly he stopped and turned to face her. “Thank you, no. Unfortunately spirits will not cure what ails me.”

A little frown settled between her delicate brows. “Well, at least have the tea and some cakes. You look as if you could do with food, and several hours’ rest as well. When is the last time you slept?”

“Yesterday, I don’t know.” He waved off the question with a hand. “All that isn’t important right now. I came here because I didn’t know who else to ask. You’re her friend and her aunt. You know her better than anyone else.”

Julianna folded her hands in her lap. “If ‘her’ is Gabriella, then I would say her friend Maude knows her quite a bit better than I. But I suspect you do not wish to wait long enough to contact Miss Woodcraft.”

“No. Besides, she would likely tell me to get stuffed and take a swim in the Thames.”

“I rather doubt she would make either of those suggestions,” Julianna replied, her lips twitching for a moment. “Nor do I believe she would be unwilling to help you. But what is it that has occurred? Something new besides the separation, I assume?”

He strode across the room, going to the window to gaze across the square at the Vesseys’ townhouse—Gabriella’s townhouse. For a moment, he looked for some sign of her before turning away. “She doesn’t believe me. I’ve told her I love her and she does not trust a word of it.”

Pausing, he strode back and dropped into a chair, reaching up to drag a hand through his already disheveled hair. “I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried everything. Flowers, candy, jewelry. I’ve sent her notes and poems. I’ve been courting her this past month like some lovesick swain—appropriate, I suppose, since that is precisely what I am.”

A moment of silence fell before Julianna spoke. “You poor thing! You really do love her, don’t you?”

“What!” His head came up. “Yes, I love her, but obviously even you don’t believe me. How much plainer must I make it?”

“None. And I
do
believe you,” she said in a soothing tone. “But even you have to admit, after what you said to Ethan, she has valid reason to doubt.”

“Christ!”
he swore, then just as quickly apologized. “Please do not remind me of that accursed conversation. How I wish I could take back that blighted day! If I could, everything would be right between us.” But it wasn’t.
Heaven help me,
he thought,
I’ve made such a mess of everything!

Quiet despair crept over him, a soul-deep sadness that tore at his vitals in a way he’d never before known. “Perhaps I should just grant her the divorce she says she wants. Accept that this marriage is over between us and let her go. Maybe without me, she might be free to find some happiness. And I want her to be happy. More than anything, I need her to find joy.”

Julianna made a dismissive noise. “Well, she won’t be happy divorced from you, I can tell you that. In spite of whatever difficulties the two of you may be having at the moment, I know Gabriella loves you. A divorce would devastate her.”

A breath of hope rose again inside him. “Then why will she not believe me? What can I do to make her see how deeply I care? And I do, Julianna. I never thought I would love a woman the way I love her. Hell, I can’t even abide my own house these days because she isn’t in it.”

Julianna smiled. “Then we must find a way to convince Gabriella of your devotion and coax her back home. She’s just scared, you know. Afraid of being hurt yet again.”

“Well, she won’t be,” he defended. “And I will prove it to her if she will only give me the chance.”

“Let’s see,” Julianna mused, tapping a finger against her chin. “Obviously none of the usual cajoleries will work, so you’ll need something stronger, something she will find impossible to refute or ignore.”

“And what might that be? I mean, how do you prove an emotion?”

“By example, generally. Or in extreme circumstances, such as this one, by doing something you would not ordinarily do. I think you need to make a grand gesture.”

“A grand gesture? And what would that be exactly?”

“Oh, I couldn’t say; that will be up to you to decide. But I know you will think of something, since you are a man of extraordinarily persuasive abilities. Just remember that she loves you, Tony, and everything will come right.”

Everything will be well,
Gabriella repeated to herself five days later as she walked into the Duke of Raeburn’s crowded London ballroom. Tonight’s gala festivities were rumored to be one of
“the”
events of the Season, drawing at least half the members of the Ton—the better half, she’d overheard someone boast a few days ago.

Nevertheless, she’d almost decided not to come. But when she mentioned her reluctance to Julianna, her friend had convinced her to change her mind.

“But you must come,” Julianna stated. “Everyone will be there. It’s even rumored they will be having fireworks, ordered by the prospective bride, Lady Jeannette herself. You wouldn’t want to miss that.”

“Oh, I don’t know. It sounds lively, but I haven’t been feeling much like having fun lately.”

“No, you’ve been quite blue-deviled, so a rousing party seems just what you need. I will not accept no for an answer. Rafe and I shall take you up in our coach, so all you need do is enjoy the evening.”

But now as she strolled across the ballroom, she had serious doubts that she would enjoy anything tonight. Julianna was right, though. She did need to shake off her mopes. Contrary to her usual optimistic nature, she had been seriously blue-deviled of late. Of course, dealing with bouts of morning sickness and unexpected waves of weariness didn’t help matters. Mostly, though, she was despondent over Tony.