Hint of Desire (24 page)

Lily hesitated, she’d had so many doubts
. Then she considered with care. “Yes, I wanted this marriage.”

“You say that past tense.”

Lily felt tears well at the corner of her eyes. “I fear I cannot be the wife he needs.”

“Nonsense.”

“Nonsense?”

“He chose you
. No matter what reasons he may have used to excuse his motive, he chose you. Westlake is not a man to do anything against his will.”

Lily lowered her eyes again
. “He felt an obligation . . . and I wanted a safe home for Simon.”

“Again, nonsense
. Westlake, despite his strong sense of duty, always finds a way to make what he wants become the proper answer. He decided there was an obligation because he wished there to be one. And as for you and young Simon, of course, you want him safe. What mother wouldn’t? But, do you think sending the duke stomping about the house is the proper way to go about that? From my observations, I thought you brighter.”

Lily dared a glance up
. “I don’t understand.”

“Do I have to explain everything
? Clearly, I do. If Westlake wants to protect you and your son, nothing will stop him. No matter what the word of the law, if the Duke of Westlake stands up and says otherwise, than otherwise becomes the law. I doubt any save the regent has the power and will to withstand Westlake’s rule – and I not even sure of him. You must make Westlake want to take that stand. Do you understand now?”

“I am not sure.”

“God save me from the young. Westlake chose you for his wife. Why did he do that? You say obligation. I say that would not have been enough – so what would make a man decide you were what he needed?”

Lily flushed
. “I don’t know.”

“
Nonsense. I know and you know, it is why he is careening around in a fury. I suggest you reconsider your position and that of your son, and decide how to approach him. We will all be happier when the situation is resolved. Must I say more?”

“No, my lady.”

“Then attend to of the matter, post haste.” Lady Smythe-Burke strode out of the room, leaving Lily to her worried thoughts.

She could do it. Lady Smythe-Burke’s words had opened a new world to Lily. She had approached the marriage as if it were the beginning of an end, rather than the start of a new life. It only remained to get Arthur on her side and put the past behind her. She would forget everything from before she met him – forge a new future, trust in his protection. Surely, no threat would follow the Duchess of Westlake. Lily was safe if only she could believe it – and keep her duke content.

Lady Smythe-Burke had claimed a headache and retired
, leaving Lily the chance to be alone with her husband. She would take full advantage of it, and push through her fears to be the wife he needed. Holding her neck high and letting her shoulders fall back, Lily descended the staircase with all the poise and grace she could muster

“His
grace is still in the library. Would you like me to notify him that you’ve come down?”

Lily turned to face Jeffers
. She concealed her disappointment that Arthur had not been present to witness her perfect descent.

“No, I
shall greet him myself.”

Jeffers
’ eyes widened slightly, but he made no comment.

Lily glided toward Arthur’s study door
. She curled her fingers into her palm before knocking lightly. At his gruff reply, she entered.

The familiar scent of
Arthur’s cheroots wafted towards her. Lily had never found the smell of smoke appealing, but something about the way the heavy scent combined with the musk of his cologne caused her belly to flutter.

A
t Lily’s entry, Arthur glanced up. One elegant eyebrow rose and his gaze swept over her. She fought the fidgets as his glance moved over the rosy fabric draping her hips and up to her bodice, outlined in cream lace and dotted with pearls. She folded her hands in her skirts, trying to avoid pulling at the neckline as his gaze stuck there. It must be too low. She had come to trust Gertrude’s taste in matters of fashion, but now uneasy tingles raced wherever his eyes caressed her.

She drew a deep breath and
tried to relax. When Arthur reclined and stretched his legs out before him, the fine worsted fabric spread tight over muscular thighs, and the breath rushed out of her. She had never known that a man could be beautiful, but he was the most glorious sight she could imagine. His afternoon of riding had left his cheeks flushed, and she longed to brush his tousled curls.

Enraptured by the gentle look of satisfaction that glistened in his eyes, she approached
. Tentatively, she reached out and stroked his reddened cheek. He turned his head towards her, rubbing his face against her like a dog seeking a good scratch. But when she ran her fingers through his curls, she realized she had chosen the wrong animal. He practically purred.

A light blush moved up
Lily’s cheeks as she realized she stood between Arthur’s muscled legs. She swallowed, uneasy with his nearness, and tried to step back. Catching her glance, he spread his thighs slightly, giving her wider berth.

“Did you have a good day, my wife?
” His voice was gruff, but warm.

“Yes, I spent it with Simon in the conservatory
. It was like being outside on a summer’s day. The scent from the potted oranges was heavenly. I can’t believe it’s almost December. The gardener even whispered there might be strawberries hiding under the straw. He must have magic in his fingers to work such wonders.” Must her speech sound so inane when she wanted so desperately to impress and entice him? If only she weren’t so nervous at the prospect.

“You’ll have to show
me. I haven’t visited the hothouse in months. I am sure my gardener will be delighted to have his work appreciated again.”

“I’d enjoy that
. I’ve never experienced its like. I don’t remember it from my childhood.”

“I have to confess I had the rooms expanded
. Much as you so aptly observed, I relished the thought of bringing the summer indoors. I find the gray can make me moody by February. I am always searching for entertainments.”

Lily
caught the hint of boyish pride in his tone, along with something deeper, more stirring. She shifted, finding it hard to maintain her mask of calm. She didn’t know how to respond to the heat growing within her. She’d never experienced its like before and she pressed her legs tight to hold back her growing nerves.

“It is a real treat for Simon to look at the flowers.
” Was she babbling? How could she keep track of her words as Arthur continued to watch her every breath? “He loves to stare up at them.”

Arthur
leaned towards her, he had more to say, but the clock chimed the hour.

“Cook will be cross if we don’t
proceed to the dining room. Perhaps later we can continue to discuss how to entertain ourselves as the weather worsens.” Lily glanced up as he took her arm, and a shiver escaped her. She had not mistaken the rich innuendo in his tone. But was it fear she felt or something else?

Ignoring
her concerns, she wrapped her fingers around the supple fabric of his coat and let him lead her to supper.

Arthur breathed deeply, sending small ripples across the ruby surface of his after-dinner port. He needed this small time apart. Being in Lily’s presence, knowing there would be no crowning satisfaction, had strained him far more than he’d expected. One mischievous glance out of the corner of her sapphire eyes, and he was prey to the most lascivious thoughts. And when she ran her fingers through his hair, he longed to draw her close and bury his face between her ivory breasts, to feel them hard and peaked beneath his touch.

He took a deep gulp of the heavy wine and let it slowly burn down his throat
. She didn’t always act like the deeply wounded woman he knew her to be. It was only when he drew that trifle bit too close that her eyes would shadow.

He
slammed the nearly empty glass on the table and rose, his chair screeching over the polished floor. A footman popped his head in the doorway with an expectant look. Without so much as a nod, he left the formal room, seeking his solitude out of doors.

Jeffers
stood in the hall and proffered the greatcoat. Arthur nodded him off. He needed the chill of the brisk winter air. He paused only to light his cheroot at the door side lamp before striding off into the cold. He tramped around the outside of the house, his mood growing blacker by turns. How could one little bit of a woman – more girl than woman – have him in this state? He tugged at his tight pants, seeking greater comfort.

This would not do
. He was a duke, and could not recall the last time anyone had denied him anything. He stamped his feet against the icy veranda slates. Even the cold seeping through his boots could not suppress his heat.

Then he turned the corner
, and saw her. She’d had Simon brought down from the nursery. Through the frosted windowpanes she was like an icon in the golden candlelight. The rich colors of her gown, expertly painted, only drew more fixed attention to the perfection of her features as she laughed gaily at the baby dangling in her arms. Even through the thick glass, he could hear the joy in her laughter. She brought Simon forward and rubbed noses with him before lifting him high in her thin arms. She stood and whirled in a circle, dancing about with her infant son as she had never danced with Arthur.

Arthur felt every inch of the insurmountable distance that separated him from th
is golden scene. He might burn with fire, but a thousand inner candles lit her up. The delight she shared with her son left him alone and apart. He clamped his teeth around the cheroot, unexpectedly bitter. He could join her if he so desired, but entering the room would not make him part of their magic circle.

Heading up to his room
, he bypassed the parlor and Lily. He let Mathers help remove the tight coat and boots and then sent him away. Attired only in pants and shirtsleeves, he poured a brandy and prepared to brood. He sipped slowly at the brew and decided that he had underappreciated the pleasure of a good brood. Distinct pleasure could be found in darkly considering one’s life and what could be done with it – if only it didn’t involve an empty bed.

Chapter Thirteen

Lily pounded the needle in
to her embroidery. Arthur had not joined her after dinner last night and she’d spent a good hour and a half waiting. She could not take Lady Smythe-Burke’s advice if the blasted man didn’t appear. He hadn’t been around for breakfast or luncheon either. Now it was time for tea and she’d yet to see him.

As if summoned by her thoughts there was a light knock and the door opened – tea had arrived
. The large silver pot seemed almost too much for one and Lily hoped that at least Lady Smythe-Burke would join her.

After five
minutes, she decided that the tea would get cold if she waited any longer. Lady Smythe-Burke must be taking tea in her chamber. Lily lifted the cover off the danties and smiled. Berries. The gardener had not been exaggerating when he talked of the wonders he could work. Strawberries and something else small and red and shiny – gooseberries perhaps. Lily slathered sweet butter on the toast and then heaped berries on top. One joy of eating alone was that nobody would notice an unladylike serving.

She heard the handle of the door turn behind her, and controlled her urge to stuff a large bite into her mouth
. Lady Smythe-Burke had worked hard to turn her into a duchess and so a small nibble would do. She lifted the plate and raised the toast towards her mouth.

Crash
. Plate and toast went flying.

“What do you think you’re doing
? Who gave those to you?”

Lily could only stare in amazement as Lady Smythe-Burke yelled
. She really had only been going to take the tiny taste.

Lady Smythe
-Burke took a deep breath and restrained herself. “Forgive me, my dear. Those are Gruelder Rose berries. They are poisonous in the extreme if eaten raw.”

Lily continued to stare, although her eyes darted to the sticky red mess now staining the hearth
. Guelder Rose. She’d never even heard of such a thing.

Poisonous.

She shivered as the word sank in. Surely, it was a mistake, but she’d been moments away from . . . bile rose in her throat.

Seeing Lily’s distress Lady Smythe-Burke strode over and knelt beside her
. “Now, dear. No harm done. I am sure one of the kitchen maids simply made a mistake – but what a horrid mishap. Where in the world did the berries come from this late in the year? I can’t imagine why they were in the pantry to begin with.”

“I almost –
“ Lily found herself at a loss for words. Every time she began to feel safe something else happened.