High Heels Are Murder (34 page)

When flats fall flat:
Flats have an undeserved dowdy reputation. They can look as stylish as heels if you wear them right. The trick is to have the right lengths with your flats. They’re perfect with Capri pants. They look terrific with short skirts. But team them with long skirts or floor-sweeping pants and your flats go flat.

For chic flats, try
www.frenchsoleshoes.com
, or visit French Sole’s New York store at 985 Lexington Avenue, 212–737–2859.

The permanent designer shoe sale:
Many shoe lovers like the bargains at the DSW stores, which have name-brand and designer shoes for up to fifty percent off. DSW says a typical store has some thirty thousand pairs
of shoes, including super-small and extra-large sizes and wide and narrow widths. The chain now has some two hundred stores, but if there isn’t one near you, you’re out of luck. DSW does not have online shopping or catalogs, nor will they locate or ship shoes to you.

They do have a cool free e-newsletter, if you like reading about shoes. Their Reward Your Style program gives you a $25 certificate for every $250 you spend at DSW.

For more information, check out
www.dswshoe.com
.

Shop your way to the top:
You hate tennis and have a golf swing like a woodchopper. Drinking with the boys is fattening, not to mention dangerous. How are you going to advance your career?

Shop your way to the top.

Shoe shopping is the ultimate female bonding tool. Rather than barhopping with the old boys, go shoe shopping with the old girls. An after-work shoe-shopping expedition or a quick trip to the shoe shop on your lunch hour can do more for your career than a dozen memos.

If the shoe fits …
You’ll feel a lot better. Hobbling, as Josie will tell you, is not attractive. If your shoes hurt once you wear them at home, try these tips for a proper fit from the experts.

—Shop for your shoes at the end of the day. Your feet swell as the day goes on. Shoes bought in the morning, when feet feel fresh, are more likely to be too tight as the day wears on.

—Even if you think you know your shoe size, have your feet measured again. Shoe sizes may change. According to some foot experts, “The more we use our feet, the bigger they get from use in physical activity and at the end of the day … feet may increase in size by as much as ten percent as the result of physical activity.”

Let your muscular feet grow in comfort.

—Ask the salesperson to measure both feet. It’s not uncommon to have one foot larger than the other. Buy shoes to fit the larger foot and the other will follow in comfort.

—Make sure there’s about a three-eighths-inch space
between your longest toe and the tip of your shoe. Note that’s your
longest
toe. Some people’s second toe is actually longer than their big toe. If you can’t wiggle your toes, the shoes are too small.

—Try on the shoes with the socks or stockings you plan to wear with them.

—See if your local shoe repair shop can stretch those uncomfortable shoes. A good shoe repair shop can work wonders.

Let your mouse do the shopping:
If you feel mauled by trips to the mall, or you’d rather save time and gasoline, shop for your shoes online.
Zappos.com
gets high marks from shoe lovers for their selection of styles, sizes and sales. You can find your favorite brands, from Birkenstock to Bruno Magli, from Aerosoles to Anne Klein. You’ll see comfortable Clarks and hip Ugg boots. Last time I went online, there were ten thousand women’s dress shoes. Zappos’s couture section had more than two thousand women’s shoes, including styles by Kate Spade, Kenzo, and Givenchy. Best of all, shipping and return shipping are free.

Killer heels:
You want to remember your wedding, but not as the day your feet killed you. High heels really are murder if you’re not used to them. Consider pretty, low-heeled sandals or ballerina slippers. These give you daylong comfort and a good look. Sexy kitten heels are another alternative.

Some brides wear their killer heels for the ceremony and as the reception wears on, bring out a stash of comfortable dancing shoes or sneakers decorated with ribbons and lace.

The hottest sales for summer sandals and shoes:
The sales start Memorial Day weekend, and the prices go down as the temperatures go up. By June, you should get the hot discounts for summer shoes, sandals, swim-wear and dresses. It’s easy to plan your shopping expeditions. Many store chains, including Nordstrom, list the dates of their big sales online.

Nordstrom posts the June dates of its Half-Yearly Sale for Women and Kids and its Half-Yearly Sales for Men, as well as its July Anniversary Sale on
www.nordstrom.com
.

Hot fashion in a cold climate:
The colder climes are not known for hot fashions. Witness the down jacket, which makes most women look like the Michelin Man.

Ugg boots are one winter fashion that’s worn by everyone from Oprah to Paris Hilton. If you love the warm sheepskin boots,
www.cozyboots.com
has free shipping for online orders.

Shoe tip for men (and women, too):
Looking for a good conversation starter or a safe way to compliment a woman?

Tell her you like her shoes.

“I can’t believe anyone would pay a thousand dollars for a scarf,” Alyce Bohannon said.

“Excuse me,” Josie Marcus said, “but aren’t you the woman who spent a thousand bucks for kitchen knives?”

“Those weren’t kitchen knives,” Alyce said. “Those were carbon-steel blades from Williams-Sonoma. They were works of art.”

“And this scarf isn’t?” Josie said. “Look at that color: Halley blue. It’s three-dimensional. Feel it. It’s Italian silk. The weight is perfect. It drapes beautifully.”

Josie loved Halley blue. It was deeper than sky blue and richer than the color made famous by Maxfield Parrish. It was the blue of a bottomless lake. The color was magical with any skin tone from vanilla white to dark chocolate.

Josie held the scarf up to her face, reveling in its luxurious feel. Next to a Halley blue scarf, her plain brown hair had glamorous red highlights and her brown eyes were deep and exotic. Her ordinary looks were her fortune, or at least her living. Josie was the ideal mystery shopper, able to melt into any mall. She couldn’t wear a scarf that made her stand out.

She traced the swirling bird-and-bluebell design with a manicured finger. Like all good designs, it was simple yet sophisticated.

“Josie, quit fondling that scarf before security picks us up,” Alyce said. “It’s pretty. But I could buy one almost as good at Target for thirty bucks.”

“I could buy a whole drawer full of knives there for the same price,” Josie said.

Alyce winced. “OK, so I’m conventional. I like my art in a frame.”

Josie held the blue-and-white scarf against Alyce’s
milk white skin. The fabulous scarf turned her eyes into sapphire smoke and her pale hair into platinum silk.

“When you wear something this beautiful,” Josie said, “you are the frame for the art.”

“Honey, I’m the whole exhibition.” Alyce looked down at her generous curves. “I’m not built to be a clotheshorse, Josie. I’m too practical to spend money on something that isn’t useful.”

“Nothing in Pretty Things is useful,” Josie said. “That’s the whole point of this boutique. I wish I could afford this.”

“You mean they don’t give you a thousand bucks to spend here as a mystery shopper?”

“Not so loud,” Josie said. “I’m supposed to be a
secret
shopper.”

“We’re housewives,” Alyce said. “We’re invisible. Those skinny sales associates are too busy being hip to notice us.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get them,” Josie said. “I have thirty dollars to spend here, but it’s not going to be easy to find something.”

“How about those gold earrings?” Alice said.

“You have excellent taste. They’re two hundred dollars,” Josie said. “I may be able to buy a scarf ring for the scarf I can’t afford. That’s twenty-eight dollars.”

“You know she lives on our street,” Alyce said.

“Who?” Josie said.

“Halley. Her house is trimmed in Halley blue. That color is a little loud for shutters.”

“Let me buy that scarf ring, and we can get out of here and talk,” Josie said.

Only one sales associate was free.
SABER
, her name tag said. She had dark red hair and an air of chic exhaustion. Saber ignored Josie and stared straight ahead.

Josie recognized her type. Saber was a Captive Princess. The Captive Princess knew the universe had made a terrible mistake. She wasn’t a salesclerk. She was royalty brought low. She did customers a favor by deigning to wait on them. They should be serving her. The Captive Princess took every opportunity to let the customers know they were inferior.

A lesser shopper would have begged, “Can anyone help me?”

Josie kept silent. She counted the minutes ticking off on her watch. One. Two. Three. At three minutes and fifty-two seconds, Saber finally said, “May I help you?”

“I’ll take this,” Josie said.

Saber picked up the inexpensive scarf ring with two fingers, as if it were a cockroach. “Anything else?” Saber was nearly paralyzed with ennui.

“This is enough.” Josie smiled sweetly. She couldn’t wait to write her report.

“You from New York?” Saber said.

“No,” Josie said.

“I figured you didn’t buy that here,” she said, with a nod toward Josie’s garage-sale Escada. “St. Louis is too Dutch and dumb.”

“That’s not fair,” Alyce burst out. Josie was surprised. Alyce rarely spoke when she was mystery-shopping with Josie. But she was a fierce defender of St. Louis. She hated to admit her city had any flaws.

Saber stared at Alyce’s blue silk pantsuit. “How old is that?” She didn’t bother to hide her contempt.

“I buy classic styles,” Alyce said. “It’s five years old. OK, six.”

“Old enough to start school,” Saber said. “Too old to wear. That’s why Halley is moving her business to New York. St. Louisans have no style. New Yorkers understand fashion. This cow town doesn’t.”

Saber slouched into the back room and slammed the door.

“Thank you for shopping at Pretty Things,” Josie said to the air.

Alyce stood there, openmouthed. “Did you hear what that little snip said?”

“There goes her score for personal service,” Josie said.

“How can she say that about St. Louis?” Alyce said.

“Uh, I hate to agree with Saber, but nobody would call us a fashion capital.”

“Some of the richest women in the world live here,” Alyce said.

“And buy their clothes in New York and Paris,” Josie said. “Where do your rich friends get their clothes: Chico’s, Ann Taylor and Talbots?”

“There’s nothing wrong with those stores,” Alyce said. “They give good value.”

“Absolutely,” Josie said. “But they aren’t cutting-edge. Find one high-style woman in this mall.”

“Right at the end of that counter.” Alyce was too polite to point, but she radiated well-bred triumph. Josie followed her gaze to a classic type, the lady who lunched. The woman’s ash blond hair was lacquered into impossible swirls. Her patrician nose was so heavily powdered, Josie wondered if she was hiding the telltale veins of a tippler. Some of those lunches were very wet.

“That’s a designer suit, isn’t it?” Alyce said. “That lumpy pink, green and yellow weave looks like oatmeal with sprinkles. She’s wearing it with a mustard blouse. Those colors are so bizarre, she has to be rich.”

“Her suit is Chanel,” Josie said. “The bag is Kate Spade.”

“What about the scarf?” Alyce said.

“What scarf?” Josie said.

“She had a Halley blue scarf in her hand a minute ago. She took it off the counter.”

“Alyce, there were three scarves on that counter,” Josie said. “I looked at one and put it back. You say she had the other. Now there are two. I bet she took it.”

“Are you sure?”

“I think she stuffed it in her purse,” Josie said.

“Tell someone. You’re mystery-shopping this store.”

“Don’t have to. Security is already on the alert.”

“Where?” Alyce said.

“See that woman pawing evening shawls by the door? Her hair is too short and black to be a customer here. Besides, her shoes are lace-ups.”

“So she likes comfortable shoes,” Alyce said. “She’s wearing a nice suit.”

“It’s secondhand, like mine. The hem’s been let down. I can see the line. She dresses like a cop. Her shoes tie so she can chase suspects. Slip-ons would slip off when she ran. Her hair is short so suspects can’t grab it. She does her own hair color. No high-style salon would let a
woman over forty walk out with coal-black hair. It drains the color from her skin and makes it look yellow.”

“She’s letting Ms. Chanel get away,” Alyce said. “The shoplifter is heading for the exit.”

“Security is playing it smart to avoid a false arrest,” Josie said. “The suspect has to be out of the store, or she can say she meant to pay for the scarf. See the hard-faced blonde near the cash register? She’s the other security person.”

“How do you know this?” Alyce asked.

“Malls are my life,” Josie said. “I can’t tell you how many takedowns I’ve seen. Watch this one.”

The two security women tailed Ms. Chanel out the door. Josie followed the trio into the mall and took a seat on a marble bench near a planter. Between the leaves, she had a prime view of Ms. Chanel. Alyce sat beside her. “What—”

“Shhh,” Josie said. “The show’s started.”

The black-haired security woman flashed her ID at Ms. Chanel. “I’m with Pretty Things Enterprises, ma’am,” she said. “I’d like to ask you about the Halley scarf you have in your bag.”

“I am sure you are mistaken.” Ice encrusted each perfectly enunciated word.

“Please return to the store, ma’am, so we can clear this matter up.”

“I do not wish to return,” Ms. Chanel said. “You are forcibly detaining me. I shall call my attorney. I have the receipt here.”