High Heels and Lipstick (15 page)

After the movie, Holly shut off the TV. “Do you want to watch something else?”

“You decided to ask after you turned it off?” I teased.

“My parents will be unimpressed if they come home and find a mess, so I need to clean up. And they won't be happy if the TV's on when I'm in the other room. Electric bills.” She smiled and took my plate. “Come hang out with me in the kitchen while I clean up, and then if you want to watch another movie, we can.”

“Okay.” I checked the clock on the cable box. I'd been there for about two and a half hours. My parents were probably losing it, since they hadn't heard from me since my voice mail, which meant I should go home. Something I really didn't want to do.

I thought about checking my phone and decided not to. If I didn't see that my parents had called, I would have an excuse for not calling them back.

Instead I followed Holly into the kitchen and stood beside the sink while she washed our plates and silverware. “Did you honestly think it would be weird to have me come over?” I asked.

“I didn't think it would be weird to have you here,” she said. “I was afraid you would think it was weird that I asked. It was just that you've been upset, and I didn't know if you were hanging out with any of your friends, so I figured I'd give you something to do besides staying home.”

“You
are
my friend.”

“I mean your other friends.” She shut off the water and opened a drawer where a bunch of plastic containers and lids were just kind of tossed together. “You know. Your clique.”

I didn't like the snarky way she said it, so I sounded pretty harsh when I answered. “I don't have a clique. Maybe you've noticed people don't really talk to me now. And even when they did, they weren't my clique. Just people I hung out with sometimes.”

“Uh-huh. That's called a clique.” She flashed me a smile.
“Sorry if I'm pissing you off. I don't mean to. I just haven't
totally wrapped my head around you hanging out with me so much lately. We've been in the same classes pretty much every year since kindergarten, but we were never friends before.”

“Yeah.” I couldn't argue with her. In kindergarten, everyone was everyone's friend to start with, because we were all little and excited about finally being in school around other kids our age. But it didn't take long for little kids to start deciding that one person could be their best friend, but they didn't want to play with another person at recess anymore.

Holly and I hadn't been in the same group ever, and I regretted that. Holly wouldn't have fit in at the parties I went to, or with my old crowd, but that didn't matter. I should have tried to get to know her sooner. She was a hell of a lot better than some of the people I'd called “friends.”

And honestly, it was nice being with someone who didn't drink or use other stuff, or talk about nothing besides sex all the time. Not that I minded doing those things or talking about them, but there were other things in life too, and some of the people I'd slept with and partied with didn't seem to get that. Holly did.

“Anyway….” She paused.

I waited for her to finish her sentence, but she didn't say anything else. “Anyway?” I asked.

“I don't know.” She gave me a quick smile. “I don't know what I was going to say. You aren't mad, are you?”

“No.”

The whole time I'd been there, she and I had been comfortable together. Now, though, something changed. Some tension that hadn't been present before. With neither of us talking, I felt so awkward I wanted to run out of the room.

I wanted to hug Holly. And some little stupid voice in the back of my brain insisted if I did that, she would take it wrong, and either she would reject me, or we'd end up with a situation I might not know how to handle.

The biggest problem with what that stupid voice said was that if I hugged Holly, she wouldn't take it wrong. She would take it exactly right. I liked her. She was cute and funny, and other than the whole genitalia thing, she was totally the kind of person I would date, not only sleep with. The kind of person I simply wanted to be around. And because of that, the genitalia thing wasn't at all important.

So I stopped listening to the little voice, and when Holly turned around with empty hands, I put my arms around her. And before I could stop myself, I touched my lips to hers. Not a long kiss, because I
really
wasn't ready for that with another girl, but a kiss all the same.

She pulled back enough to look me in the eye, and for a moment I was terrified that I'd screwed up. I'd misread her signals or been too pushy, or she didn't like me as any more than a friend. Just because she was into girls didn't mean she was into me.

But then her eyes lit up, and she smiled, and my panicky fluttery stomach stopped. At least she wasn't telling me I was an idiot.

“Um, okay.” She blushed. “I didn't expect that.”

“I kind of didn't either,” I admitted. I let go of her, because now that I'd kissed her, holding her felt weird. “Um, not that I didn't mean it. I just didn't plan it.”

“You're straight.” She looked confused. “I mean, you always go out with guys, unless there's gossip that hasn't gone around.”

“I start my own gossip about my dating life.” I grinned. “You haven't missed anything. I go out with guys because they're easier to get along with. Most of the girls I know can smile at you and then stab you in the back the second you turn around. Even if I thought any of the girls I used to hang out with were interested, I don't trust them enough.”

“So you're bi?” She shook her head. “Sorry. I sound like I just don't get it. That's because I pretty much don't.”

I laughed. The conversation was getting way uncomfortable, and I didn't know what else to do. “I don't really get it either, so don't feel bad. The whole label thing isn't necessary, as far as I'm concerned. Usually I hook up with guys. Right now, I'm not interested in any guys, and I am interested in a girl. So it is what it is.”

My heart was beating faster than I could remember it ever doing, and I didn't believe half of what I said. About the only true part was that I didn't get it. I didn't understand why I was suddenly liking a girl, or why Holly out of all the girls I knew. I managed to make it out to be no big deal, but it was. It was a huge deal.

“Labels are for soup cans,” Holly said. “I mean, some people label because it makes them feel better to have a name for how they feel, but that doesn't mean everyone has to label everything.”

“Right.” I let out a long breath. Out of everything I'd said, she was focusing on the part about labels. I was okay with that. It was the most neutral topic.

She turned back to the counter and started moving food from the takeout containers to the plastic ones.

“I'm kind of….” She trailed off and sighed. “I don't know what to say right now. I mean, we already said I didn't ask you over here to make a move on you or anything.”

“And then I screw it up by making a move on you?” I made it a question because I wanted her to answer. I needed her to tell me I hadn't ruined our friendship.

“No!” She looked at me again. “I didn't say you screwed anything up. I'm just trying to figure out what happened and how I feel about it. I'm not going to say I'm not attracted to you. This isn't how I figured things would go between us, though. I mean, I didn't think things would go between us at all.”

“Yeah.” I leaned against the counter. My legs shook so much I figured having something holding me up would be a smart idea. “Like I said, I didn't plan to kiss you. I just kind of did it. If you only want to be friends, that's cool. That's what we've been, right?”

“Yeah.” She quirked the corners of her mouth. “We're definitely friends. I just don't know about being anything more right now. I haven't exactly considered it, because I didn't think it was anything that might ever happen.”

“Okay.”

I wasn't sure whether she was saying she wanted time to think it over, or was just plain turning me down, and the fact that I couldn't figure it out annoyed me. With guys, I'd never been the shy, nervous, uncertain type. There was no reason to be. If I liked a guy, I told him I liked him and asked him to get together. We might go out, or we might just find a place to fool around, depending on whether I was more interested in his brain or his body. Guys never minded what we did. They were usually happy to have my attention, and I hadn't met a straight guy yet who would pass up sex if a girl offered it.

With Holly, I couldn't offer sex to get her interested. I didn't think it would be too complicated to sort out how sex would work with another girl. We had the same body parts, and I knew what felt good when I did it to myself. I could start with that. But sex wasn't the only thing I wanted with Holly, and I wasn't ready to go there yet.

So instead of being confident, doesn't-give-a-damn Chastaine, I was standing there with heated cheeks and butterflies flapping around in my gut and absolutely nothing to say.

Holly finished packing up the leftovers and stacked the containers to carry to the fridge. I opened the fridge door for her, since her hands were full, and she flashed me another smile before she arranged the containers among a lot of other things on the shelves.

She closed the fridge and took a deep breath. “I haven't even tried having a girlfriend before. Like I said, almost no one knows I'm not straight, and Nathan and I pretend we're dating so people won't guess. He doesn't even know about me. I guess I should tell him. He told me about himself.”

“You tell whoever you're comfortable telling.”

A car horn blared in front of the house. Long and loud, as if someone were leaning on the horn. We hurried into the other room and looked out the front window.

I groaned. “My brother. Mom and Dad must have sent him to retrieve me.”

“Wouldn't they have called you?” Holly said.

“I shut off my phone so I wouldn't have to deal with them, but I called first and left a message saying I'd be here.” I opened the door and waved so Marcus would stop blowing the damn horn. “I guess I'm leaving.”

“Sounds like it.” Holly picked up my purse and jacket and brought them to me. “Thanks for hanging out.”

“Thanks for asking.” I hesitated, feeling like I should say something more. I didn't want to push anything, though, and everything that came to mind was about the kiss and where things should go from there.

Holly didn't seem to have a problem being pushy. “Did you kiss me because you're interested, or because you wanted to see what it would be like?”

“I wouldn't kiss anyone just out of curiosity.” I was irked that she would even think so. “I'm interested, okay? But I don't want things to get weird, and I'd rather stay just friends if trying to be more is going to mess things up.”

“Can we think about it?” She tilted her head and blushed again.

“Yeah. We can talk Monday or something.” My heart gave a little jump. I didn't even know why the hell I was having this conversation, but it was working out pretty well, and I probably didn't need to figure out why.

“Sounds good.” She gave me a quick hug and stepped back. “See you.”

“See you.” I didn't want to leave, but I knew if I didn't walk out the door in the next few seconds, Marcus would start with the damn car horn again.

When I got into the car, Marcus said, “Mom isn't too happy with you.”

“I told her where I was going.” I fastened my seat belt as he started driving. “I left a message, anyway.”

“Yeah, that's how I knew where to pick you up.” He glanced at me. “She tried to call you more than once, and when you didn't answer your phone, she kind of freaked out.”

“Sorry.” I didn't know why I was saying it to him. Mom was the one I needed to apologize to.

“What were you doing?”

“Watching a movie and eating Chinese food.” I almost told him I'd kissed Holly. Out of all of my family, Marcus was the one who was most likely to understand. But I still didn't dare to say it. Some things were better off kept private.

“And you couldn't answer your phone?” he demanded. “I'm supposed to be hanging out with my friends right now, and instead I'm tracking you down. I wasn't even home. I was on the other side of Boston.”

“Why didn't Mom or Dad come pick me up, if they're so worried?” There was no way I would feel guilty about Marcus missing out on his plans. I wasn't the one who'd made him come all the way out here to find me.

“They're going out to dinner with one of Dad's gym buddies and his wife. They thought you'd be home by now.”

That still didn't totally explain why my parents had sent Marcus to get me instead of doing it themselves, but half the things my parents did made no sense to me. It wasn't worth asking about.

“Did they already leave?” I asked instead.

“Probably. They were about to walk out the door when they asked me to pick you up. In case you didn't notice, it's kind of getting dark.” He waved at the windshield. “Late. They didn't want you walking home alone.”

“Holly's house isn't that far from ours.” Of course my parents would decide to get overprotective again. Nothing was likely to happen to me walking home from a friend's house. The only bad thing so far had happened
at
a friend's house, by the loose definition of “friend” that Jim had fit before he'd decided he had a right to make me pay for having other guys check me out at the beach.

“Mom and Dad are worried about you.” He sighed and turned the final corner onto our street. “You barely talk to your old friends anymore. You've been hiding out in your room most of the time. Mom's friends with you online, in case you've forgotten. She's seen some of the things people post.”