Hiding Out (27 page)

Sam threw his head back in passion and frustration.  He was in deep.  And he was frustrated.  Right now, he wanted to do nothing more than tell this amazing woman he was pounding into how much he loved her.  Timing was everything.  And he feared she wouldn’t trust words spoken in such passion.  So he bit his lip and focused on pleasuring her until she couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, and couldn’t even breathe.

Their bodies were in the way.  That was the first thought Haley had.  The first time she had allowed herself to do anything other than think her way through the experience.  There was no way they could ever get close enough to each other like this.  The frustration was mounting.  She bucked against him.  He had gathered her completely in one arm, was crushing her to him, and with the other, he was massaging and kneading every bit of her that he came in contact with.  It was too much.  The pressure.  The sweet agony.  And finally the release.

Sam felt her go limp, felt her body clenching in waves around him.  Then and only then did he let himself go.  It was too late for him.  Already he had vowed that he would never willingly let her go.  Somehow he would make all of this right, give Haley the life she deserved, and punish the man responsible for hurting the woman he loved.

An hour later they were still lying in each other’s arms, completely sated.  And immediately his apologies began.  “I’m so sorry, Haley.  I never meant to hurt you.”   He wrapped a curl around his finger carelessly, just as carelessly as he had allowed the words he was thinking to escape his lips.

“What do you mean?”  She asked, genuinely confused.  To her, this had been the most passionate experience of her life; an apology was utterly unnecessary.

He swallowed carefully before answering.  He was no longer as capable as he had been of lying to the woman he loved.  “I was rather frantic.  I guess I thought I might have been too rough, too reminiscent of the…uh…”  But he couldn’t bring himself to say the word.

“The rape.”  Involuntary, Haley shuddered.  “I hadn’t even thought about it until you brought it up,” she said honestly, a little surprised.  “Being with you helps me forget.”

She was tired of letting fear rule her life.  Somehow, while working on the advertising campaign and by spending time with Sam, she was healing.  And facing what had happened and moving forward was going to be what healed her most of all.  Ah, but for now, she just wanted to rest.  Tucking his arms tightly around her, she nestled in and fell into a restful, tranquil sleep. 

Chapter Twelve

Their last day on Hutchinson Island was spent doing what Haley loved.  Sam indulged her as she walked the beach and collected jingle shells and sea glass.  It was the first time she had really seen him dressed down and he was wearing cargo shorts that were perfect to hold all her treasures.

Haley would walk a ways in front of him, completely absorbed in her hunt.  She would bend suddenly and pick up a smooth piece of sea glass or a shiny jingle shell.  There would be this childlike look of sheer joy at her discovery.  And Sam was completely lost in her actions.  He would always seem surprised when she would return to his side to drop more beach debris into his pockets. 

“Do you not have enough yet?”  He asked with a laugh as she bounced over to his side to drop another handful.

“No.  Never,” she responded simply.  And she danced away. 

Every once in a while, Haley would catch him staring at her.  She couldn’t quite decipher the look on his face.  Sam had made it perfectly clear that there would be no dating as long as she was his assistant.  And he had also professed his love for her.  Haley felt at the necklace around her neck.  Forever.  That she understood.  In fact, she was certain she wanted that, too, but in what capacity?  Did he mean to marry her?  She wasn’t designed to be a trophy wife.  She wasn’t meant to sit home and participate in loads of charities and clubs to give her life meaning.  She found fulfillment in her work.  And she wanted to continue to work with advertising, somehow, someway.

Before they knew it, the sun was beginning to settle into the horizon.  Oranges, pinks, and purples began to stretch across the sky.  Their trip was coming to an end.

“I feel so much better,” Haley said as they walked up the back deck and into the house.  “I don’t usually get migraines.  Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

Sam wrapped an arm around her waist.  “Don’t worry about it.  After all you’ve done for me, it really was the very least I could do.”  He drew her closer; unsure of whether or not she was aware of his actions.  Then without warning, he turned her to him and leaned over to give her a kiss.

It caught Haley off guard.  “What was that for?”  She asked with a smile.

“I just wanted to,” he said honestly.  “Is that okay?”

Haley was relaxed and content.  It was like that every time he was around, every time they grew close.  She wanted more.  And that more she wanted she felt powerless to have.  She was hiding out.  This didn’t factor into her plan.  She had intended to prove to herself that she was capable; she was strong.  And she had.  It took some time, but she was better than ever before.  She just didn’t know what her next move should be.  At the moment, it felt like everything was out of her control.  And that was a highly uncomfortable feeling.

Placing his hands on her shoulders, Sam drew her into his chest.  He wanted to hold her there forever.  He was afraid, at the moment, however, that his mistakes, his impulsive decisions were going to bite him in the ass.  He sighed.

Jake and Adam and Neville…as much as it pained him to admit it…they were all right.  If he wanted a future with Haley, he had to start being honest and open.  And he had to start right now.  At the moment, she was a captive audience.  Of course, he felt like he was the prisoner.  Haley had captured his heart.  Feeling naked and exposed, he cleared his throat.

“Haley, we need to talk.”

“Mmmhmmm.”  She murmured into his chest as they stood embracing in the kitchen.  A moment of his continued silence later and she was staring up at him with her gorgeous eyes.  “What would you like to talk about?”

Sam marveled for a moment.  Any other woman would have been in a panic.  After all, ‘we need to talk’ is code for ‘we need to break up.’  Instead of being worried, Haley was only mildly curious.  That was the benefit of her inexperience, of her naïve innocence.  He remembered again his vow to never hurt her.

“Well, I need to clear some things up.  I need to admit some things to you.”  He was suddenly growing very nervous.  Haley had a way of being completely unpredictable.  She could still bolt if she was too upset at his revelations.  “Let’s go upstairs.”

Sam walked her up the stairs to the bedroom where they had shared so much passion not so long ago.  He willed her to keep those happy thoughts in mind while he revealed what a louse he was.  He motioned for her to sit down.

“I don’t want there to be any lies between us,” he began.

Her brow furrowed.  And her demeanor changed noticeably.  “What lies?”  She asked quietly as she sat up and inched away.

Holding her hands in both of his, Sam tried to gather his courage.  “Well,” he could feel himself chickening out.  How could he admit that he was the reason some wacko was now chasing after her?  How could he admit that he had gone behind her back to investigate her past?  How could she ever forgive him for such betrayals?  No, Neville, Adam, and Jake had no idea what they were talking about. 

“I want you to stay on at the agency.  No matter what Ellen decides…I want you to work with me on campaigns.  And I’ll be changing your pay to reflect your change in status.”  He exhaled.  That was part of what he wanted to tell her.

Without thinking, Haley threw herself into his arms and toppled him backwards on the bed.  She began plastering his face with kisses. 

Laughing, Sam asked, “What made you do that?”

Stopping and arching an eyebrow playfully, Haley responded, “I wanted to.”

That was the easy part.  That was the part he was comfortable and confident in.  Would she still want to stay if she knew the truth?  For Sam, it was too soon to find out.  Baby steps.  One thing at a time.  If they could just make it through the holidays.  If she could just see how well they fit together…that he could give her that family she longed for…if he could show her that she couldn’t live without him…he would never have to worry again. 

And that’s why in the morning they drove to the airport while talking about Thanksgiving.  Sam knew what he was doing when he suggested that he might have it catered as he had done ever since his mother had passed away.

“Nonsense!” Haley said with alarm.  “Thanksgiving is my favorite cooking holiday.”

“Huh.  I had Christmas pegged as your favorite cooking holiday, “he responded honestly.

“No,” she corrected him.  “Christmas is my favorite baking holiday.”  As she spoke she wore a blissful nostalgic look.  “Every year I find new recipes to try out.  I bake a wide variety of cookies.  I make homemade egg nog.”

Sam made a face.  “I hate egg nog.”

“No you don’t,” Haley said confidently.  “You only think you do because you’ve always had that awful processed stuff.  You will love my egg nog.”

He was unconvinced, but he loved this side of her, supremely confident in her abilities, happy and excited.  Sam would do anything to see to it that she remained that way forever…with him. 

“We’ll see.”  Haley smiled.

We’ll see was close enough.  He was now supremely confident he had her hooked through the holidays.  These would be his best holidays yet.  He would be surrounded by those he loved.  Sam was busy thinking about how wonderful the next six weeks of his life were going to be.  He had even begun to contemplate how magical the next year could be.  And that’s why as distracted as he was, he didn’t think about going through security at the airport.

Emptying his pockets, Sam quickly loaded his bin and started to walk through.  He was already through the metal detector when his phone started to vibrate.  Haley was behind him. 

“Want me to get that?”  She asked, ever efficient.

“Sure.  Is it a call or a text?”  And his question fell on deaf ears. 

Haley was reading the screen.  It was a text from Jake.

I could find the guy who mowed down Adam and raped Haley faster if you would just ask her for a name.
 
Come clean.  She’ll understand.

Shaking, Haley set the phone back in the bin and sent it through.  She had gone from relaxed to ready to run in the time it took her to read that text message. 
What did it even mean?
  And though she knew that the message somehow implied Sam was keeping something from her, all she understood was that it was her fault Adam had been hurt.  Sam had never been anything but nice to her and her past was destroying her future.  Her hand flew to her mouth.  Her eyes were wide with shock.  Slowly she backed away. 

From the other side of security, Sam stared at her, first confused, then afraid.  He grabbed his phone as soon as the bin passed inspection.  And he read the text message that had Haley all unnerved.  His heart sank.  So now she knew.  She knew that it was his fault that her rapist had found her.  She was hiding just fine without his interference.  She was flourishing.  And he had ruined it.  He opened his mouth to speak.

“No,” Haley said quietly.  “There’s nothing to say.  I’m sorry.  I have to go.”  She grabbed her carryon and headed away from the gate. 

Sam tried to turn go back through, but security stopped him.  He wanted to chase after her.  He wanted to speak to her, to explain.  And he couldn’t.  Sam started to text her wildly.

Haley, please.  Can’t we talk?

He waited for a moment.  It may have only been thirty seconds.  Sam refused to wait any longer.  He sent a flurry of messages without waiting for a response from any of them.  He wanted to repair the damage that one carelessly written text message had caused. 

Tell me how to fix this.

Please call me.

Haley, I’m sorry.

Just talk to me.

And finally as his hope was shattered…

Please.

The weight of truth was heavy.  As Haley rushed from the security point, tears blurred her vision, but she refused to let them fall.  She had no idea where she was going, no idea what to do.  She rushed into the nearest restroom and locked herself in the first available stall with toilet paper.  It took some time to compose herself.  It might have happened sooner, but the text messages made her cry harder. 

Over the last few years she had perfected the art of crying silently.  If no one saw her, no one would know she was all but sobbing.  Sure, huge tears dripped relentlessly from her eyes, but she had experience in hiding that tell-tale sniffle, the labored breathing.  She had to.  After her family died, wiped out in one foul swoop, she couldn’t very well cry herself to sleep every night in the dorm.  No one could possibly understand the depth of her pain, the length of her mourning, the devastation she felt as she had to rebuild her life alone.

After the rape, she was so bruised, so broken that even crying over it hurt.  And she had ensured there would be no reason to cry ever again.  Haley had decided never to let anyone in.  Look how quickly her resolve had dissolved when Sam came into her life.  Maybe it was because in him she saw a kindred spirit.  She felt as though their souls had met before long ago, he was that familiar to her.  And because of that closeness, discovering that she was the source of his pain, Adam’s pain…was devastating.  But Sam couldn’t fix this.  No, this wasn’t a problem he could throw money at.  In her heart, Haley knew that only she could ensure that Chase never hurt anyone again.