Hidden (Hidden Series Book One) (40 page)

“You must use the same shampoo,” I said.

“I do. It’s something my mom used to make
for me.”

I let her cry for a while without
interrupting while I played with her fingers. They were slender and
long like mine.

“Do I really own this house? And the one in
New Orleans?”

“You own this one as of last week when
Sophia mentioned it when you made her scramble for a better lie.
You’ve always owned the one in New Orleans. Once I learned Kamon
hadn’t been there when Julian killed my parents and didn’t know
about that house, I put it in your name. The school promised to
give you your bank account information at eighteen. The keys to the
house and other things like my mother’s jewelry were waiting for
you at the bank in New Haven.”

Wow. If I hadn’t lost it after the fire
alarm, I would have gotten a wonderful surprise next year. But I
would’ve lived there alone. I was glad things happened this
way.

I concentrated on how her chest moved when
she breathed. I remembered the rhythm, how I used to move with it.
I’d missed that when she disappeared. I waited another minute
before I continued with my questions.

“Why do you still work for the government if
you never wanted to?” I asked.

“I don’t have much of a choice. I am
technically a murderer. On multiple counts. If I didn’t want to be
found, I could make it that way, but I don’t. I wouldn’t have a
life either way.”

I suppressed a sigh, hoping she wasn’t
reading my mind. I didn’t want to fight with her, but I didn’t
agree with any of this. She certainly hadn’t made me as irrational
as she was. I could clearly see that she should’ve killed Julian
without leaving my dad and me.

I didn’t think like her. I wasn’t her copy,
which meant my emotions and my sanity were my own. I didn’t flash
out because of her. I wouldn’t be suicidal because of anyone. I’d
had a hard life. I’d been picked on every day. It wasn’t magic. It
wasn’t my mother. It was me, and I could control me.

I measured my thumb against hers, then the
rest of my fingers. Her nails were filed to severe points, almost
claws. I wondered how’d they look polished, probably a lot less
scary.

“Why would I be able to read your mind? You
asked me not to in Paris,” I said.

“You could if you tried. The more you
practice anything, the better you get, and you were born with my
powers. That makes you stronger, even though you haven’t been
trained or explored nearly half of what you can do.”

Stronger than Lydia Shaw? And I had more
powers? “Whoa,” was all I could say to that.

“And you’re smarter than me. I would have
never thought to offer my blood to them. I would’ve blasted and
fought my way out without thinking about it first. And I’d been in
New Orleans for days getting your house ready, and I didn’t sense
my parents. I only messed with the spirit world once while I
carried you, and you can do it well, without trying.” Weird. I
didn’t think I was doing anything special with the ghosts. “I plan
to ask Sophia to free their spirits from the house so they can move
on … when I’m speaking to her again.”

I laughed, happy for my grandparents and
amused by her tone. Poor Sophia.

“I love her,” I said.

She groaned. “Of course you do. She acts
like a sweet old lady with you. With me she’s a … never mind.” We
laughed hard for a minute. “Did you like those kids she brought to
the house?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Especially … um … Nathan?”

I sighed. I was about to have to talk to the
woman who saved the world from magic who happened to be my mother,
about a boy who happened to be a shifter. Creepy.

“We were together, but we broke up because I
lied to him about being a witch.”

“I know. I was with Sophia when Emma called.
I made her bring you to Paris because you were so heartbroken. I
was going to lie and tell you I knew Catherine so you’d stop
worrying about me finding you. But I couldn’t lie when you
mentioned the diary.”

I knew why she would think being heartbroken
merited a trip to see my long lost mother. She was dramatic when it
came to love. Fall on her knees and beg, dramatic. Erase memories
to save lives, dramatic.

“Wait!” I sat up. She wiped her eyes, and I
closed mine. “Do you still watch me sleep?”

“Um …,” I opened one eye. She was smiling. I
fell back to her chest, mortified.

“What did you see?” I whispered.

She paused for an excruciatingly long
moment. “The last time I checked in to see if you were sleeping,
you and Nathan were watching, or not watching, a movie.” I groaned,
but at least she hadn’t seen us in bed the night of my birthday. “I
didn’t tell Sophia because I didn’t want her to be upset with your
boyfriend, but I got the message that my baby had gotten too old
for me to watch her sleep.” She rubbed my back and chuckled. “Don’t
be embarrassed. I’m the obscene one, remember?”

“I was just upset. I know how much you
loved…” I couldn’t say his name, but I didn’t have to. The mood
changed instantly, like Christopher Gavin was sitting on the sofa
with us now. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. He’s your father. I’d say you’re
a little more than entitled to bring him up.”

Talking about this was so much easier in her
arms. I couldn’t imagine how much I would’ve cried by now if I’d
stayed in my seat. Since I was so comfortable, floating in her arms
in our sea of problems, I decided to tackle the most uncomfortable
part of the Lydia and Christopher conversation.

“You guys were so … um … into each other,” I
said and snickered.

“Oh, God,” she moaned. “If my mother wasn’t
already dead, I’d strangle her for giving you the diary. I wanted
to clear that room, I
felt
it. I felt like I needed to go
through all the things I’d stashed in there. I was going to leave
the paintings so you’d think they were Catherine’s and have
something from your past, but Sophia popped up with you before I
could go through the boxes. And now my baby knows how insane I was.
I can’t believe you read all that stuff about us.”

“I didn’t. If it seemed like it was headed
there, I skipped it. Which meant I skipped most of the diary.” She
laughed and thanked God a thousand times. “Do you miss him?”

“Every day.”

“Is he married now?” I asked. “Does he have
kids?”

She held her hand out in front of us, and
the charmed mirror appeared in it. “No, to both. I don’t watch him,
but I did today since I figured you’d want to know. He’s living in
Chicago. He hangs out with the friends he had when we met. That
means he’s remembered the part of his life before me like I
intended.”

She whispered his name into the mirror, and
it showed him. I smiled, bringing my nails to my teeth,
tremendously happy to see him like I’d known him my whole life. He
looked the same, low cut curly hair and handsome.

He, a guy on a keyboard, and a woman at a
microphone were performing in a smoky club. The music was slow and
smooth. The people there weren’t paying much attention to them.
Maybe they played there all the time.

“He’s in a band?” I asked.

She nodded against my head.

We watched the whole set, she cried silently
through the whole thing. I still didn’t want to cry. I was in the
most soothing place there was.

He leaned his guitar in the corner when the
woman announced a five-minute break. He walked towards her, and I
flipped the mirror over just in case they were together. I knew
that would kill her.

He laughed, and she went deadly stiff. She
sent the mirror away, maybe back to Paris.

“I can go to him and try to explain
everything and help him recover his memories of me so you could
meet him,” she said, in the same tone someone would volunteer to
drink poison in. “Whatever you want, I will do.”

I took some time to think about that,
listening to her cry, so comfortable I could sleep. What did I
want?

Before any of this, I wanted to be invisible
and good. Then I wanted Nathan to love me forever. Then to not feel
shattered by Lydia. Now I’d wish for her to never let me go. I
wanted to laugh about Sophia and meet my dad and be a family. But I
wasn’t delusional enough to believe that was possible.

Lydia loved me, and if she could be my
mother and his wife, she would’ve been all along. She wouldn’t have
let me scream for her in that nursery if she didn’t have to. This
night would be nothing like this if she had a choice. I’d be a
normal teenager, up in my room or in the pool house, avoiding her
and Christopher. However wonderful that would be, this is how she
had to love me – at a distance, but probably stronger than anyone
had ever loved another person. I felt very sure that whatever
danger that made her give me up seventeen years ago still loomed.
If there was no threat, I would have met her the second after it
was safe for me to.

The tears won then because I knew I had to
say goodbye to my mother again.

I’d derailed her plan in the first floor
bathroom when I decided to be a monster. Sophia tried to salvage
it, but my secret and Remi, who I was still very much worried
about, ruined that.

I reached my arms around her.

“I’d love to have you two has parents, but
you know that can’t work,” I said, holding her tight. She broke and
clutched me like I was about to disappear. “Have you thought about
making me forget?” She nodded. “I think we should do that. I’d be
in the way.”

“You wouldn’t be, baby, but it’s the best
thing. I thought you’d hurt less if you could believe in Catherine
again. If you could go back to thinking your mother would never
leave you if she was alive.” She pulled my face up to look at her.
“I know I hurt you – abandoning you, lying to you. You’re taking it
easy on me, but I know how devastating this must be.”

I didn’t say it, but I was more devastated
that I hadn’t gotten to sit in her lap like this over the years and
that I wouldn’t again. That upset me way more than the decisions
she’d made.

Over the next ten minutes, she kissed me and
told me she loved me too many times to count. I imagined this felt
like being in front of the St. Catalina gates all those years ago.
Or maybe the other times she’d lost me in her head.

“You’ll fall asleep as I do it,” she said.
“I’ll make this better. You’ll feel so much better when you wake
up.”

I tightened my arms around her and inhaled.
I reached up to kiss her cheek and to do something I couldn’t do
the last time we’d said goodbye. “I love you, Mom,” I said. Her
response was incoherent. “You’ll be watching me, right?”

“Of course.”

“Keeping me safe?”

“Of course.”

“Be nice to Sophia.”

“I’ll try.” Our chuckles were lost in the
sobs. “Be happy, baby. With Nathan. With everything.” I felt myself
drifting to sleep. I wanted to change my mind and keep her, but I
knew I shouldn’t. I wanted to ask her to sing to me too, but I knew
I wouldn’t make it through the question without falling apart.
“Bye, baby,” she said.

“Bye, Mom.”

She rocked me and started the song without
me asking for it. She struggled through it, but I loved every
second. As she sang that I was her love, her everything, I fell
deep into darkness.

I couldn’t believe my mother was someone
famous, someone people bowed to, and she loved me. I wasn’t
someone’s evil copy.

I came from a wonderful family who would’ve
adored me every day of my life. A simple family with a normal life
except for Julian. Catherine did everything she could to keep me
safe. Raymond too. They’d give anything to be here with me. But
sometimes life is unfair and the people who love you are taken
away. But I knew their love for me was strong and eternal, and that
I should never wonder or worry about it again.

I felt myself being lifted and carried,
possibly up the stairs. I opened my eyes and screamed.

“You can walk!”

“Yep,” Nate said. “It’s three in the
morning. Go back to sleep. I just wanted to give you your bed
back.”

“You could’ve slept in there. I was
comfortable,” I said, not really remembering when I’d fallen
asleep. I’d wanted to watch a movie, but I guess I didn’t make it
that far.

“It’s your bed,” he said. He put me down at
the door. “Your house, actually.” I took in his mood and tapered my
excitement. We weren’t in danger anymore, and we were still broken
up. “That was brave, what you did in the cell.”

I walked to the bed, and he stayed miles
away at the door. “You too. Thanks for staying with me and standing
up to Kamon.”

He whispered, “No problem,” and nothing
else.

Because we’d stopped talking, I toured my
new room. Sophia had taken me away so quickly that I hadn’t seen
it, and Lydia Shaw was in here working on Nathan. I’d fallen asleep
before I could thank her for saving us.

Black and white pictures of beaches and
cliffs in red frames lined the walls. The hints of color against
the plain background of the room were more my style than the soft
pinks I had before. Like Sophia knew what I’d like now because she
knew me better. She had been working from a picture in a magazine
she’d left open on the dresser.

“Are you going to sleep downstairs?” I
asked, staring at the picture she’d copied perfectly. It was the
only thing keeping me from crying and being dramatic like
Catherine. My living room was in the magazine too, minus some
really cute pillows I hoped Sophia just hadn’t gotten to yet.

“I was, but you’re awake so I don’t have to
wait to apologize before leaving.” I sighed. At least we’d had the
time in Kamon’s prison together. I flipped another page to a powder
pink room Emma would like. “I’m sorry about what I called you and
how I acted. You’re obviously not a hunter. I feel awful. I feel
stupid. Embarrassed.”