Hidden Destiny (Redwood Pack) (22 page)

Lexi’s brows rose. “You knew about his wolf?”

“Of course I did. Just because I never talked with him about it doesn’t mean I didn’t know. I think, if we had sat down and discussed the fact that his wolf is so close, then he would have felt like something was wrong. Though now that I see how much he puts himself out there for those he loves, I don’t know if that was the right decision.” He met Lexi’s eyes, and for the first time, she thought the Alpha looked tired. “I just hope I didn’t do wrong by my boy.”

Lexi shook her head. “I don’t think anything you could have said would have made North feel or think any differently than he always had. He…he tries to do what he thinks is right, even if he hurts himself.” She swallowed hard. “I don’t like that part. You know? I don’t want to lose him because he thinks he’s not worth saving. Or that he values other people’s lives above his own.”

Edward met her gaze. “I think he could say the same about you, my dear.”

She froze, hearing the words but not making any sense of them. “What?” she whispered.

“You were ready to sacrifice yourself to us. That’s something I’ll ignore for now. I’m going to try to imagine that you wouldn’t think I’d kill you and your family,
our
family now, without just cause. You were ready to sacrifice yourself because you didn’t want to lie to North anymore about who you were and why Joseph had banished you from the Talons. You’ve always done everything you could to provide a home and safety for your son, even though I know it couldn’t have been easy. Lexi, darling, you and North are more alike than you think.”

“I don’t want to lose him.” Her voice broke, and she closed her eyes, done with the tears that seemed to have taken over her recently.

“Then don’t. Find a way to fight
together
. That’s all we can do. Going in on your own will only get you killed.” He looked past her. “Right, son?”

She turned to see her mate staring at her from the bed. “North! How long have you been awake?” She got up and gripped his hands, loving the way he gripped hers right back.

“Long enough to know I love you.”

“With that, I’ll leave the two of you alone.” Edward stood beside her, and she smiled up at him.

“Thanks for sitting with me.”

“I’d say anytime, but I’m not in the mood to have any more of my children on their sickbeds.” He narrowed his eyes at his son. “Do I make myself clear, boy? You have a mate and child now. You aren’t free to play with your life and fate. You can’t put yourself at risk anymore, not when you have so much to live for.”

“So says the man who took a bullet to protect his mate.”

Edward snorted. “You’re not supposed to take my actions and make them your own. Find a way to save the world without dying.”

North rolled his eyes, and Lexi held back a smile. It was odd to want to smile when the man she loved was in pain, but sometimes she had to take what she could get.

“Don’t make it sound so dramatic,” North said softly.

Edward growled, and Lexi joined in. “Dramatic?” the Alpha said quietly, too quietly. “You went to the neutral zone with another member of your Pack and almost died because you were outnumbered.”

“That wasn’t the reason. Caym was the reason. Logan and I would have beaten them all—and had—until Caym showed up.”

“Don’t defend your actions to me, boy. The demon
did
show up, and you
did
almost die. If you hadn’t done it because of a prophecy and to save the Pack, I’d beat you right now…or even call a circle. As it stands, you didn’t go against orders and didn’t endanger anyone who didn’t make their own decision. You’re lucky, North. Damn fucking lucky.”

With that, Edward strode out of the room, leaving anger in his wake.

“Well crap,” North whispered.

“Oh, we’re not done yet.” She turned to him and placed her hands on her hips.

“I take it by your stance you’re not here to nurse me back to health?” North teased.

“Shut up, North Jamenson. You almost died and didn’t tell me you were going off gallivanting in the first place.”

His face fell, and he reached out for her. “Lexi—”

“No. You don’t get to talk yet. I’m so fucking angry you took that chance. If Logan hadn’t brought you in when he did, we would have lost you.”

His eyes widened. “Crap. Where is Logan? Is he okay?”

Her heart warmed a bit that he worried about her brother, but she put it away. She needed the anger to protect herself, to protect them. “He’s fine. Cailin and I patched him up. He’s now with your sister, and she’s taking care of him.” His eyes narrowed. “Stop it. No. You don’t get to worry about her virtue or act like the big brother right now. You almost died, meaning you would have left Cailin one less brother in the world. You lost the right to act overprotective when you acted like an idiot.”

“Hey now.” His eyes grew gold. “I went out there because Corbin needs to die and because it’s my place to do it. I wasn’t going to sit back and twiddle my thumbs while we wait for the elders and others to maybe figure out how we’re supposed to beat a demon who can’t be beaten.”

“You didn’t tell us you were going!” she yelled, knowing she was more scared than anything.

“I told Maddox,” he countered.

“Yeah, and I already yelled at him. You didn’t tell
me
. I woke up, and you kissed me, and then you left. You
left
us. Parker and I finally let you into our hearts, and you
left
us.” Tears she didn’t realize she’d been holding back fell down her cheeks, and her chest lurched. “You left us.”

North tried to sit up but winced. He held out his hand, and she went to him, curling into his side, needing him more than she needed to hold on to her anger.

His hands went down her back, and she cried into him. “I needed to do this for us, for our family, for our Pack. I’d do it again, Lexi.” She stiffened. “But I should have told you I was going. That was selfish of me.”

“Yes, yes it was.” He kissed her brow, and she softened.

“How bad is it?” he asked after he’d held her for a few minutes.

“You should be fine according to Hannah. Though we don’t really know everything that happened, other than what Logan told us.” She paused and licked her lips. “You’ll have scars on your back from where your…where your body twisted awkwardly and broke the skin.”

She felt North twitch under her. “I remember that part,” he said roughly. “At least I’ll look more like my twin now.”

She smacked his chest softly, knowing he was still healing. “Don’t joke about that.” Maddox had made a similar joke, forcing Ellie to hit him as well, but Lexi wasn’t going to comment on that.

“I’m sorry, Lex.”

“You should be, but I’m glad you’re okay.”

He let out a breath. “I don’t know how we’re going to beat Caym.”

She closed her eyes, not wanting to think about the outside world, if only for a moment. “I don’t know either,” she whispered.

The war had come and raged, yet she wasn’t sure they had the strength and ability to fight what fate and the enemy had laid out for them. The Redwoods were fighting a war they could lose.

And Lexi wasn’t sure what she should do.

What she
could
do.

“Maybe I should just stay inside this time.” Lexi leaned her head against the window, closing her eyes.

North walked up behind and pulled her close, her back against his chest. “You need the moon on your skin, Lex. Everything will work out.”

They hoped.

“What if it doesn’t work?” she whispered. What if she’d gone through all that pain, all that agony, and she still couldn’t connect with her wolf?

He kissed her brow, and she settled closer, needing his touch. “Then we deal.”

“Then we deal.” She sucked in a breath. “Parker is with Maddox, Ellie, and Charlotte, right?” She hadn’t wanted her son there in case something went terribly wrong when she tried to shift.

She already knew something was different this full moon. Her skin felt tight, itchy, like she needed to jump out of it. North had told her that’s how all wolves felt on the full moon if they hadn’t shifted in a long time. She just hoped that she had a wolf to turn into once she tried to shift.

If not…

Well, that could get messy.

“Parker is with my brother and his family. He’ll shift and hunt with them. It’s just you and me tonight because that’s the way you wanted it.”

She turned in his arms. “Is that not okay?”

North shook his head then leaned down to lay a kiss on her nose. “No, it’s fine. I thought you’d want to be with others for your first shift, but then I thought better of it. You’re afraid something will happen so you don’t want to hurt them. I get it.”

She swallowed hard. “I know it’s selfish, but I want you near me though. I know if something goes wrong, I’d rather you not witness it, but I need you by my side anyway.”

He growled softly then cupped her ass. “I wouldn’t be any other place tonight.”

“Then let’s go.” Her hands were shaking, and she didn’t know if it was because of the stress or whatever was happening to her body. Honestly, it was probably a bit of both.

He took her lips, and she sank into him, knowing they both needed the touch, and then he led her outside to his backyard. Each Jamenson house led into the tree line so it would be easy for any of them to shift and run. While most of the others would meet at the circle tonight to run as Pack, North knew Lexi needed to be apart from them right now. The Pack needed that solidarity after what had happened, what
was
happening. North might have wanted to join them, but he’d stayed away for her.

She would just have to add that to her ever-growing list of things she owed him for.

A slight breeze slid through her hair, and she inhaled, the forest seeming more vivid, alive. She raised her face to the night sky, the moon pulling her even stronger than it had when she’d been fully trapped within her skin.

She took a shaky breath.

At least she hoped her wolf wasn’t still trapped within her skin.

She turned at the sound of rustling as North stripped off his shirt. The sight of his washboard abs and filled-out chest never failed to make her pant, and she gave a soft smile.

He grinned back at her as he thumbed the button on his jeans. “No thinking about that now. After the shift, when we’re back to being human and our emotions are running high, we can act on any dirty fantasy you have in mind, but stop looking at me like I’m your feast.”

She licked her lips, unable to hold herself back. She just wanted to run her hands over his skin, over the dusting of chest hair that marked him, and down to those sexy lines on his hips that went straight to his cock.

“Lexi,” he growled, the sensation rumbling over her skin, blending with the moonlight and forcing a shiver down her spine.

“Sorry,” she whispered, not sorry in the slightest.

“Get naked, woman. The quicker you do that, the faster we can shift and hunt. Then we can act on whatever sexy thing is going on in your mind.”

That fear she’d tried to hold back slithered in like a snake on its own hunt. “But what if…”

Her mate stepped out of his jeans and prowled toward her naked. She blinked and forced her gaze up, her cheeks heating.

He pulled up her shirt, and she raised her hands, letting him take control. He stripped off her pants, and she placed her sweaty palms on his stomach, needing his touch.

He cupped her face and forced her gaze to his. “You will be fine. If you go in thinking of the worst, then you’ll just make it hard for your wolf to come out. My wolf can already feel a difference in you. It’s like your wolf is closer to the surface, not like mine, but at least there. Before, I had to really search hard for her, but not anymore. She’s ready, baby. Trust us.”

“I trust you, you know that.” It didn’t mean she trusted herself…or fate though.

“Then trust your wolf, baby. She’s there.”

Lexi slid her hands to his back, the new scars there fresh, but healed. North stiffened for a moment then relaxed as she ran her hands up and down the indentations and hard ridges that marred his flesh. Caym might have marked her mate, but he hadn’t taken him from her.

She had to remember they were stronger than others thought.

She
was stronger than others thought.

“I love you, North.”

He brushed her lip with his thumb. “I love you too. Now get on your hands and knees.”

Lexi snorted. “I thought you said I had to wait to act on my urges.”

North rolled his eyes. “It’s how you shift for the first time. Do you want me to shift first to show you what I do? Or do you want me to hold you through it?”

“I’ve seen people shift before.” Hundreds of times. She’d spent hours watching her brother and others shift so she could replicate the movement. Growing up, she’d thought that if she just tried harder than anyone else, she’d be able to find her wolf.

It hadn’t worked then, but she hoped to the moon goddess it would work now.

“Okay then, I’ll hold you through it, baby.” North’s words were gentle, as if he was afraid he’d push her too far and she’d break.

She hated that feeling.

Lexi pulled away slightly then knelt on the ground, her fingers digging into the grass and dirt. North got on his knees beside her and ran a soothing hand down her back then up again, the motion calming her even though she hadn’t thought the action possible.

“Now call up your wolf, Lexi.”

“How?” She’d asked her brother and others countless times, but she’d never been able to feel her.

“You sense that manic energy beneath your skin? Take that and pull it out. Imagine it’s a thread that you know is connected to something important. You can’t pull too quickly, or you’ll break the thread, but you still need to grab on.”

She shook her head at his description but did as he was told. She closed her eyes and imagined the aching feeling in her limbs and under her skin was a thread. She pulled on it slightly, a little tug to see if she could do it. The resulting flare of energy made her elbows buckle, and she would have fallen to the ground if not for the strong band around her center.