Hidden Affections (33 page)

She yanked her hand away. “Y-you want me to marry you?”

“Someday. When you’re free,” he explained. “Over the past year or so, I helped to raise enough funds to build a very different kind of facility for orphaned children that will be built about twenty miles from Boston in a very rural area. Right before I left to come here, the directors asked me to operate the facility, although I’d still need to leave to raise donations now and then. At the time, I wasn’t interested, but I don’t have to give them my final answer until March,” he said. “Come with me. There’s so much good we could do together. You could teach at the orphanage, at least for a while, and perhaps with time, you might find your feelings for me—”

“I already have very strong feelings for you, Philip, but . . . but not in the way you might hope. I . . . I care for you as I would for a brother, not as . . .” Her voice trailed off, and she dropped her gaze, deeply troubled that she had not been able to see that his feelings for her went beyond friendship, which is exactly what both Irene and Harrison had been able to see, not to mention Eric. “If I misled you in any way, please forgive me.”

He let out a long breath and held silent for a very long time as the coach creaked up and down the city streets. The silence grew until it was nearly unbearable, but finally, he let out another long sigh. “No, you never misled me,” he reassured her and shook his head. “Irene was right. She told me I’d be making a mistake to propose to you. I should have known better than to hope a woman like you could ever love someone like me. If I’ve offended you in any way, I hope you can forgive me.”

Moved to tears, Annabelle took his hand. “You’re an amazingly kind and generous man. I’m honored by your proposal, but you deserve someone far better than I am to be your wife. Be patient, Philip. You’ll find her one day. I know you will,” she promised.

“And what about you, dear Annabelle? What’s going to happen to you?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I really don’t know, but I have to believe in God’s plan for me and trust Him to provide for me.”

He edged forward in his seat and stared at her long and hard before he sat back again. “You still love Harrison. Despite the fact that he is setting you aside, you still love him.” His voice was filled with disbelief.

Annabelle wanted to deny what he said, but she didn’t have the courage to lie to him or to anyone else anymore. Instead, she simply let his words hang in the air between them as the coach carried them through the city streets she would soon leave behind, along with her heart.

But she would not leave until she had a long, hard talk with Irene to find out why she had broken the trust Annabelle had placed with her and told Philip that her marriage to Harrison was over.

“I’ll take you back to the boardinghouse now,” he offered.

“No. I need to go back to Graymoor Gardens.”

“I think it might be best if you didn’t go back there at all, and Irene agrees with me. If you’re worried about collecting your things, she said to tell you she’ll bring them to the boardinghouse.”

“Please. I just need to go back home,” she insisted. “Will you help me and take me there, or will I have to get there on my own?”

Philip grumbled and groused all the way back to the countryside, and he continued to complain as he helped her out of the coach. “It doesn’t make any sense to leave you here. It’s a good mile walk to the main house,” he whispered, keeping one eye on the driver.

“If you leave me off any closer, someone at the house might see the coach, even if Harrison doesn’t. Besides, I like to walk. And don’t forget to go back to the boardinghouse to see if Irene’s still there so you can tell her where I am. Ask her to bring my gloves, too.” At midafternoon, the sun had disappeared behind a gray blanket of clouds, and the wind was growing stronger by the minute. She really wished she had picked up her gloves so she could wear them now.

When she turned to leave, Philip grabbed her hand. “It’s not too late to change your mind and come with me.”

She slid her hand free and cupped his cheek. “You’re a dear, dear man. Please don’t settle for anything less than a woman who can love you with her whole heart,” she whispered, then turned and walked away, directly into the wind.

She trudged back to the house along the rutted roadway through melting ice and snow that was starting to refreeze. The bottom of her cape and skirts were caked with mud and snow, and her feet were numb long before she reached the circular driveway. Her hands fared no better, and she had to squint to protect her eyes from the biting wind. She did not have to stretch her imagination very far to envision her nose and cheeks as cherry red, but she did try to press her lips together to keep them from freezing.

Still, by the time she neared the house, she had a good sense of what she had to do and how she had to do it in order to leave and return to the boardinghouse with a clear conscience. She let herself in the front door of the house.

Annabelle lost any hope she might get up to her room without being noticed when Harrison appeared at the top of the stairs before she even reached the middle steps.

“You’ve been outside?”

She hesitated for half a heartbeat before she continued climbing up the staircase. “I w-went for a w-walk,” she offered, and she was disappointed when he did not step aside to let her pass at the top of the stairs.

When he studied her from head to toe and frowned, she clenched her teeth to keep them from chattering.

“Unless you plan to spend a few days in bed to recover from being so chilled, you might want to consider dressing more appropriately for the cold. I haven’t seen that dreadful cape before, but it’s not heavy enough for this weather, and you’re not even wearing your gloves.”

She glanced down at her cape and cringed. She had completely forgotten she was wearing the one she had bought at the used clothing shop. “I-I’m afraid I m-managed to lose m-my gloves.”

He stepped aside rather abruptly. “I was hoping you’d agree to sit down and talk to me, but you’re in no condition to do that now. You need to warm up first. While you change into dry clothes, I’ll get Lotte to fix something hot for you to drink. May I join you in your room later so we can talk?”

She barely managed to nod before he turned and headed for the servants’ staircase. Although she was tingling all over as her body started to thaw, she managed to get to her room and change fairly quickly. She shoved the cape under the bed, hoping he would forget all about it if he did not see it again, and moved his chair back to where it belonged. She even had a few minutes to sit down in front of the fire to gather her thoughts.

When he returned a few minutes later carrying a tray with two mugs on it, she was not surprised he had brought it instead of Lotte. He set the tray onto the serving table that still separated the two chairs and handed her a mug. “The cider shouldn’t be too hot to drink at this point.”

She took a tentative sip before she risked a longer one, but the brush of his hand sent warm sensations coursing through her body long before she felt the effects of the cider.

He put an envelope on top of the serving table as he sat down, but left the second mug on the tray untouched. “Before I say anything else, I need to apologize. I had no right to treat you so . . . so poorly,” he admitted, and his gaze was truly as sincere as his words. “The settlement funds are rightfully yours to keep and to spend however and whenever you wish.”

Heartened by his apology, she offered him one of her own. “I’m sorry I acted so poorly myself. Putting a lock on my door was childish.”

He smiled and relaxed back in his chair. “Now that we have our mutual apologies out of the way, I hope we can talk to one another like we used to do. I’d like you to consider something.”

She took a cinnamon stick from the serving tray and stirred her cider without giving him any indication she was willing to consider anything at all.

When she did not object, he continued. “Eric Bradley is still a threat to both of us, and he’ll remain a threat until I talk to him next week. In the meantime, I’d feel much better if you stayed here with me where I know you’ll be safe. He wouldn’t even be a threat to you if you hadn’t been married to me, and I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you.”

She met his gaze and her heart began to race. Since they were quite alone, there was no need for Harrison to feign any affection for her now, and the love she saw in his eyes was as real as the love she had hidden from him, too. Her heart swelled with both joy and hope. “He would not be a threat to you at all if you weren’t my husband and had the wealth that you do. I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you, either,” she said.

For several very long, very precious heartbeats, she could actually feel the miracle of truly loving a man and being fully loved in return. Love that brought out the best of each of them and promised a lifetime of happiness. Love that would sustain them and keep them strong in faith as well as hope. Love that was such a blessing to be treasured, she did not need to record it in her diary because it was indelibly imprinted on her heart.

Just when she thought she might have been given the greatest blessing of her life, he dropped his gaze and her heart trembled. He had been without love for so long and had been so desperately hurt by losing everyone he had ever loved, he obviously refused to risk having that happen all over again by keeping her in his life. She struggled against the deep sadness that overpowered her, but she was surprised when he finally looked up at her again.

His gaze was steady, but his dark eyes were shadowed by the same incredible sadness she felt. “Will it be too difficult for you to wait to leave until next week when I see Bradley? You could use that time to decide where you’d like to settle temporarily so I could purchase the travel passage for you.”

Now that she knew their love for one another was ill-fated, leaving immediately couldn’t be soon enough. “I could send Eric a note and tell him I’ll be depositing the funds this Thursday into his account, but I could tell him I need to see him at his hotel first. He wouldn’t dare risk turning me down, and I wouldn’t have to wait until next week to start my new life. Neither would you.”

He held silent and seemed to mull over her idea. “Although I’ve already set a number of things into motion, I don’t know if I can be ready that soon. But I can try,” he promised, picked up his mug of cider, and took a long draught. “Do you remember the name of the hotel where he took a room?”

She doubted she would ever forget it and told him, along with the room number. “He’s registered under the same name that’s on the account. My father’s name.” She set her mug back onto the serving tray before he noticed it was shaking.

“If this is going to work, I need to go into the city this afternoon. If I can accomplish what I need to do, which I rather hope will be the case, I’ll be home tonight. If not, I’ll be back before dinner tomorrow,” he said and got to his feet.

Surprised, she stood up, too. “You’re leaving me here? Alone?”

“Only for an hour or two. I’ll stop and ask Philip to stay here while I’m gone, just in case I can’t make it back here tonight,” he explained, but she could see he was not very happy about it.

Given her talk with Philip, neither was she. “Asking him to come all the way out here to stay with me really isn’t necessary, is it? If you’re right about getting everything done this afternoon, it’s only going to be a matter of a few hours before you’re back. I can stay in the house and tell the staff not to let anyone in who might come to call. Even if there is a problem, Alan will be here if I need his help.”

He clenched and unclenched his jaw. “You’re right. But if it takes longer than I hope, I’ll return tonight anyway. I can always leave again tomorrow at first light for the city, which might be better all around. You could even go with me. After I finish up what I have to do, I could take you to shop for whatever you want or need to take with you when you leave.”

She moistened her lips. “I can’t go with you tomorrow. I . . . I have other plans.”

“Such as . . .”

“I may be leaving a lot sooner than either of us thought, and I want to make the curtains for the room up in the cottage garret,” she explained, choosing her words very carefully to avoid an outright lie.

“Then plan on my return here tonight. I may be very late. If I do need to go to the city again in the morning, you may have to wait until late tomorrow afternoon to learn if everything is set for this Thursday.”

“That’s fine,” she whispered. She dropped her gaze so he would not see the truth shining in her eyes and discover she planned to be gone long before then and walked over to the writing desk to pen her note to Eric.

Irene had left the clothing Annabelle had bargained for at the boardinghouse, but she did return with the fabric for the curtains, as well as the gloves Annabelle had left behind.

Unfortunately, she also brought a bit of an attitude back with her, and she continued to banter with Annabelle almost exactly the way she typically argued with Harrison. “I did
not
break my word,” she repeated while Annabelle paced from one end of her room to the other, and she counted off the rest of her argument with her fingers. “I spoke to Harrison, but I did not lecture him or nag him or bully him. I’ll admit that I did speak to Philip, but I never made any promises to you that I wouldn’t.”

Frustrated to the limits of her patience, Annabelle rocked back on her heels and stared at the housekeeper, who was standing next to the bed, trying to scrape off mud from the hem of the old cape Annabelle had worn today. “I didn’t think I had to ask you to hold your counsel where Philip was concerned. I thought you were friend enough to understand that whenever I confided in you, you would keep it between us,” she added, hoping something she might say would make a dent in the armor of righteousness the woman was wearing.

Irene never lost her rhythm and continued to work at the hem. “I didn’t actually tell Philip all that much.”

“In addition to telling him that I had to leave Harrison, which is so terribly, terribly private, you told him where I’d be living until I find a position and get out of Philadelphia!”

“No, I told him where to find you today. I never told him you’d be living there,” she argued without addressing Annabelle’s biggest complaint. “Did you?”

Annabelle pursed her lips. “Of course not, but—”

“I didn’t tell him to propose to you, either. That was all his idea, so don’t try to blame that bit of ridiculousness on me,” Irene quipped.

“He told me that,” Annabelle admitted and sat down on the edge of the bed directly across from Irene. “And it wasn’t ridiculous at all. It was sweet. He’s a very nice man.”

Irene sniffed. “Apparently not sweet enough or nice enough to make you want to marry him someday when you’re free again. You could do worse. It won’t be easy for you, you know. Most men won’t want to be bothered with you once they find out you’re soiled goods.”

“Irene!” she cried, horrified to have anyone refer to her as “soiled goods,” let alone someone she thought was her friend.

“I didn’t say
I
would. I said
they
would,” the woman argued and shook her brush at Annabelle. “That’s not the worst thing folks will think once they find out you couldn’t even convince the man who loved you enough to marry you in the first place to stay married to you for longer than a few months.”