Hickville Confessions: A Hickville High Novel (21 page)

“I know. If it does, I want to be there. Teach me what to do. How do I help you?”

“I don’t know if you can. See crazy.”

She shook her head and pressed her palms against his cheeks. “No. I see amazing.”

“You need glasses.” He barely got the last word out before she gave him a quick kiss.

She moved her hands to his waist, while he rested his just above her hips. “You amaze me, Ryan Quinn. You and your super sexy short hair, and your perfectly beautiful face, and your freaking amazing body.”

She laughed. “My hair is short because I’m too lazy to mess with long hair and my face is a mess. And well, I think you’re too blinded by one and two to see the flaws in three.”

“No. You’re not only beautiful, you are also the strongest person I know.” He stared into her eyes. How could he make her understand that he meant every word? She was amazing. She was incredible.

“We’re strong together.”

Her gaze was locked with his and he felt energy build in the space between them. He bent his head to give her a kiss, when his dad appeared in the doorway wearing navy-blue scrubs. “Justin, can I have a quick word?”

“Yeah.” He looked at Ryan. “I’ll be right back.” He followed his dad to the den. “What’s up?”

“This is the first night I’ve had to leave you alone in the house since you found your mom. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m good.”

His dad nodded, but Justin could tell there was something else he wanted to say. He rubbed the back of his neck and said, “Ryan seems like a special girl.”

Jesus, not another keep-it-covered talk.
“She is special. Just so you know, I don’t want to blow what we have by having sex. We’re not ready. When we are, I won’t be stupid.”
Wow, I sounded freaking mature.

His dad smiled. “Good kid. Okay, I’d better get moving.” But he stood where he was.

“I’m okay, Dad.”

Then his dad did something that totally shocked him. He grabbed him and hugged him. “I’m really proud of you.” As soon as the words were out, he let go and stepped back. “I’ll have my cell if you need me.”

“Okay. Go.” He watched him grab his keys and exit through the front door before turning back toward his bedroom. Wow, they were in the house alone. No interruptions. Anything could happen.

But he’d been honest with his dad. Ryan was too special to him to rush into sex before they were both ready.

“Ryan?” he called as he neared the door.

She peeked around the door frame. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. How much longer before you have to leave?”

She stepped into the hall. “I texted and asked for an extension. I have an hour. Is that okay?”

He couldn’t help the grin that he flashed her. “Yeah. I think I can handle more time with you.”

A slow smile formed on her face. “Are we alone?”

He nodded.

She sprinted the few feet down the hall and practically jumped into his arms. He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist as they kissed. He carried her to the den—it was safer. He sat on the leather sofa with her straddling him and deepened the kiss. He wanted to pull her shirt over her head and to slide her shorts from her perfect butt. It was all he could do to keep his hands from exploring her body. God help him. How was he going to keep his word to his dad?

He pulled from the kiss. They stared at each other, both breathing hard. He smoothed his hands down her ribs, brushing his thumbs over her breasts. “God, Ryan, I’ve never wanted anything so much as I want you right now.”

She closed her eyes and he saw a flash of pain cross her face. She whispered, “Me too. But I can’t.” She slid off his lap and stood. “I’m sorry.”

He stood too. “Don’t be. When it’s right, we’ll know. I’ll wait as long as you want.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you, Ryan Quinn.”

“I love you too, Justin Hayes.” She stepped closer for another kiss.

He cradled her face between his palms. Her hands clung to his triceps. He pulled from her lips and pressed his own down her neck to the notch in her collar. Was this too much? He squeezed her shoulders and looked into her face for the answer.

Fire burned in her eyes and she ran her hands up his chest. “If we don’t stop now, we won’t.”

“Okay.” He breathed the word. It was the right thing to do, but damn, he wanted it to go the other way. “We need to do something that doesn’t involve kissing.” He slid his fingers into the belt loops of her shorts and took a step back. “Do you want a snack?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“How about some Xbox?”

“Sure.”

She set the timer on her phone and they killed zombies for the next forty-five minutes. She was horrible at it, but he wasn’t much better. He was too distracted watching the way she contorted her mouth to try to make the shots. Time went too quickly before the alarm sounded.

He ended the game and they set their controllers on the coffee table. She stood. “I’d better go.”

“Yeah. I’ll walk you to your truck.”

He pulled on flip-flops and held her hand as they walked to her truck. Before she opened the cab door, he kissed her again. “Thanks for coming. I feel like a real jerk for leaving your parents that way. They must think I’m a real tool.”

“Nobody thinks that. We were just all so worried. You’d be surprised how much people care if you let them.”

Could eyes actually smile at a person? Because that’s what her gaze felt like. Just being with her gave him a sense that everything was going to be okay.

She leaned back against the truck door. He placed a hand on either side of her and dropped his mouth to hers. His hands remained on the truck, never touching her. She wasn’t touching him either. It was just the kiss they shared. And what a kiss it was. Heat built between them and with every flick of her tongue, tingles shot through him.

He pulled away. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t want to leave.” She wrapped her arms around him and snuggled her body against his. “I’m so glad you pulled me from the fountain.”

“Me too.” He dropped a kiss on her bottom lip. “You’d better go before you get into trouble.” He stepped back and she opened the door. He kissed her again before she climbed in the cab and again before she closed the door. She rolled the window down and they kissed again.

He didn’t step away from the truck until she started the engine. “Call me as soon as you get home.”

“Okay.” She stuck her head out of the window and smiled. “One more for the road.”

He pressed his lips hard against hers, then took three steps back. “Go before I drag you from the cab.”

“Promises, promises.” She blew him a kiss and pulled away from the curb.

He stood in the street and stared after her until the taillights disappeared. He was still smiling when he turned and faced the house. The lights were on. The only barrier to the inside was the screen door. His chest squeezed.
Not tonight.
He took a deep breath and reminded himself that this was not the sad house where he’d found his mom. Tonight it had been a place of joy and love. He walked up the lawn to the door and walked in without hesitating.

He scrounged chips and salsa and plopped in front of the TV. He’d barely settled into ESPN when he got a text from his dad.

Dad: About to leave ED.

Justin: Okay.

Dad: Everything okay?

Justin: Yeah. Ryan just left.

His dad responded with a thumbs-up. Wow, it could have been different. What if they had decided to take things to the next level tonight? His dad could have walked right in on them. As much as he wanted to make love to Ryan, he didn’t want it to be something hurried—something they did as soon as their parents turned their backs.

His mind drifted back to dinner at her house. He had been a jerk to run away. He had to apologize. He had other fences to mend too.

Two years of hating Austin McCoy was going to be a hard thing to ask forgiveness for, but he was going to do it. The easy thing would be to pretend none of it had happened. It’d be great if he could just show up at school tomorrow and not hate Austin. But it wouldn’t make him a better man. He wanted to be better—no, he
needed
to be better. He couldn’t love Ryan the way she deserved with hate crowding his heart.

He’d finished the last bite of salsa when his phone rang.

“I’m home.” Her voice was like a ray of sunshine in his crazy life.

“Good. I had fun tonight.”

“Me too. Are you playing tomorrow?”

“I plan to. Are you coming to the game?”

“Yeah. Is that okay?”

“I’ve always wanted my girlfriend cheering me on.”

“Is
that
what I am?”

“I hope so.”

“Hmm. Let me think. What do I want in a boyfriend? He has to be the sweetest, kindest person on earth. Check. He has to be an unbelievable kisser. Check. And, I have to love him more than anything. Check. Sounds like you’re officially my boyfriend.”

“Yeah. I win. Hey, what are you doing Saturday?”

“Working.”

“Can we hang out Sunday?”

“Yeah. The store is closed on Sunday.”

As they hung up, his dad came in. “Still up?”

“Yeah. I was talking to Ryan.”

His dad sat in the chair to the right of the sofa. “I like her.”

“Me too.” He looked at his dad. “I’m ready to talk about what happened at Ryan’s house.”

“I’m all ears.” His dad leaned forward and focused on Justin.

“So, Austin and Travis were there. It was awkward but I was dealing, you know? Then out of the blue I realized that Austin was as much of a victim as the rest of us—if not more. Dad, for two years Mom has blamed Austin and I’ve bought into it.” He waited for a reaction.

His dad sat back in the recliner and nodded. “I think it’s part of why she can’t move past the accident.” He let out a sigh like he’d been holding it in for the past two years.

Justin leaned forward with his forearms on his knees. “Dad, Chelsea killed those girls.”

His dad closed his eyes tight and nodded his head. “Yes. She did.” When he opened them again, Justin was a little surprised that they were dry. No tears—just a look of relief. “To be honest, I’m not sure your mom will ever see it.”

“She has to. Have you said anything?”

“In the beginning, it was a daily thing, if not more often. After a while, I gave up.”

“I need to apologize to Austin and Travis. I’ve hated them.”

“Do you want me there?”

He shook his head. “I’m good. This is something I need to do. How could I have been so sucked into Mom’s delusions?”

“When someone dies, especially someone so young, that you love so much, it’s hard to place blame on them.”

“Mom has to see. It’s not right for her to hate him.”

“I know.” His dad rubbed his hands over his face. “I hope Dr. O’Malley can get her there.”

“We have to.” Justin stood. “Do you think I could see him tomorrow?”

“You have an appointment for Monday.”

Justin carried the empty salsa bowl and the half-eaten bag of chips to the kitchen. His dad followed him and pulled a beer from the fridge. He popped the top and took a sip.

Justin leaned against the counter. “You said Dr. O’Malley would give me tools to stop the anxiety attacks. I don’t want to wait until Monday. What if I have one in the middle of the game?”

His dad nodded. “I’ll see if I can get you in tomorrow.”

Justin let out a sigh. “Thanks. I’m heading to bed.”
And figure out what the hell I’m going to say to Austin and Travis tomorrow.

*

About two seconds after Ryan clicked off with Justin, her mom appeared in her bedroom doorway. “I take it things went well.”

“Yeah.” She shook her head. “He’s been having anxiety attacks since his mom—you know.”
Great, I’ve just given Mom a reason not to want me to see him.
“He’s seeing a shrink, though.”
That probably didn’t help.

Her mom sat next to her on the bed and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. “Just be careful. We’re here if you need to talk about it.”

She gave her mom a sideways look. “You’re
not
going to tell me not to see him?”

“Do you want us to?”

“God, no.”

Her mom smiled. “We all have—stuff—in our lives. He’s a nice kid. As long as he treats you well, we’re okay with it.”

Ryan hugged her. “I’m the luckiest kid on the planet to have you guys as parents.”

Her mom laughed. “Remember that the next time you have to help with the barn chores.” She stood and said, “I’m headed to bed and you should too.”

Her mom had barely left her room before Kelsey and Mackenzie came in. Mackenzie twisted her hands. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah.”

Mackenzie had a freaked-out look in her eyes. “I’ve never seen anything like that.”

“It was an anxiety attack. Are
you
okay?”

She nodded. “It’s just all the stuff that’s happened. First you get attacked at the fountain, then Justin’s mom…”

“But none of those things have anything to do with you. It’s just life.”

“Yeah, well, I’m glad he’s okay.” She scooted from the room like a scared rabbit.

Ryan looked at Kelsey. “What’s up with her?”

“I don’t know. She’s been on edge a lot lately. Do you think there’s something going on that she’s not telling us?”

“Who knows?” Ryan pulled a throw pillow into her lap. “Did Austin or Travis say anything after we left?”

Kelsey sat on her desk chair and propped her feet on the end of the bed. “No. We just all stared at each other for a few minutes. Does it happen a lot?”

Ryan shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s the first time I’ve seen it. It’s got him freaked out. He’s afraid he’s losing it.”

“I think he kinda did.”

“Yeah.” Seconds ticked between them. What else could she say? Kelsey was right. He had freaked out. Would it always be this way? They hadn’t had one night together without some sort of craziness.

Kelsey broke into her thoughts. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

“Well, I came in here to ask a question.”

“Okay?”

“Do you want to hang out with us at the game tomorrow?”

Us
being Shelby Cox and Hannah Ellis, Kelsey’s two best friends. “Yeah. Shelby and Hannah won’t mind?”

“Are you kidding? Of course not. They love you. After the game we’ll go to Pepperonis.”

That made Ryan smile. She hadn’t had a friend since—well, she couldn’t remember the last time she had a real friend. In Chicago she hung out with a group from The Fine Arts Academy. But she wouldn’t really call them friends. There was always an underlying competition with their work. She thought she’d found friends with the Purity Club. Ha! “Thanks for asking me.”

Kelsey tipped her chair on its back legs. “Do you love him?”

Ryan nodded. “I do. With all the shit that’s happened, I think I love him even more. What about you? Do you love Austin?”

Kelsey dropped the chair on all fours. “You know I do. I hate it when we’re not together.”

Ryan took a deep breath. “Have you done it?”

“No. We’ve come close. I’m terrified.”

“Just don’t rush in. Make sure it’s what you want—not just in the moment.”

“Do you think you will with Justin?”

Ryan nodded. “I’d be lying if I said no. Once you’ve gone there, it’s really hard not to. But in a way, I’m terrified too. I don’t want to rush it. When we do it, I want it to be magic. I want everything to be perfect.”

“Wow, it’s weird, huh? The two of us talking about sex.”

Ryan smiled. “Does that mean we’re growing up?”

Kelsey nodded. “So on another topic, are you ready for the Teens Against Violence meeting Monday?”

“Don’t remind me. When she asked me to talk, I thought it would be a regular meeting. Now she’s made it a freaking assembly.”

“You’ll do great. Everybody has their version of what happened at the fountain. It’s your chance to tell what really happened.”

Ryan nodded. “Yeah. Hopefully, whoever has been writing crap on my locker won’t be there.”

“You know that’s probably one or two people. The rest of the school feels like those bitches got what they deserved.”

“One or two who’ve been heard above the majority.”

“I think this club will change that. Who knows, maybe the jerk who’s doing it will learn something.” Kelsey yawned big and loud. “I’m going to bed. Chickens to feed in the morning.”

Ryan said good night to her sister and sank onto her bed.
Wow. Kelsey’s thinking of having sex with Austin.
A few months ago she’d never have imagined her sister thinking about having sex with anybody, much less talking about it.

Her phone signaled a text.

Justin: Can’t stop thinking about you.

Ryan: Me either.

Justin: Sweet dreams.

Ryan: You too.

Justin: Love you.

Ryan: Love you too.

She set her phone on her bedside table and thought of the kisses they’d shared just an hour ago. What would
it
be like with him? The times before, it had been all about the physical feeling. And afterward, she’d felt ashamed and empty. What if that was just the way it was? Pleasure in the moment, hollowness afterward?

Surely not with Justin. She loved him. Kelsey had said she was terrified. Ryan was terrified too, but for a completely different reason.