Hettie of Hope Street (24 page)

And then, of course, there was the added problem that, shockingly, she was by no means averse to Jay's kisses.

‘The thought of us continuing our
business
partnership
does
please me,' Hettie told him primly now.

Jay gave a great shout of laughter, his eyes crinkling in that way that quite made Hettie's heart somersault inside her chest. ‘Ah, but what if the partnership I want to pursue with you, pretty little Hettie, is not of a “business” nature?' he challenged her softly.

‘I know very well that you are teasing me,' Hettie responded.

‘And if I wasn't just teasing?' Jay pressed fiercely. ‘If I were instead very close to falling in love with you, Hettie. Then what?'

Hettie tensed and looked up at him. There was no amusement in the dark eyes now.

‘But that can't be,' she told him shakily. ‘It must not be. You are married. You have a wife…'

‘A wife, yes, but I do not have love, Hettie. I have a millstone around my neck that I cannot cast off, but I do not have a woman to love, a woman who loves me. I do not have all those things I know that you and I could have together.'

‘You must not say such things to me,' Hettie protested. ‘It isn't…'

‘It isn't what? It isn't proper?' Jay mocked her.

‘It isn't fair,' Hettie corrected him bluntly. Something about the way Jay was looking at her made her heart hurt.

‘You are so honest, and so unflinching in that honesty,' he told her ruefully. ‘Is it any wonder that I am falling in love with you? And is it fair that I should be forced to live my life without you by my side? Is it fair that we should both deny ourselves the pleasure, the happiness, I know we would share?'

Jay's voice had thickened with emotion. Now, with his normal light-hearted teasing manner put to one side, with his allowing her to see his deeper emotions, Hettie knew that she had never been in more danger of falling in love with him in return. But she was still the product of a working class home where duty and decency and certain very strong moral values had been impressed upon her throughout her growing years.

‘Hettie, Hettie, why deny us both?' Jay pleaded with her, reaching for her before she could move away.

She tried to stand stiffly and unyieldingly in his arms, but her tender heart couldn't remain unmoved by the extent of his passionate despair as he whispered her name into her hair. Helplessly Hettie looked up at him, and just as helplessly she succumbed to the fierce passion of his kiss as he drew her to him.

‘You see, sweet Hettie,' he whispered to her as
he released her. ‘You see how wonderful it will be for us, and how foolish it would be to deny ourselves the gift fate has given us? I do not want to escape our fate, Hettie, and I promise you that I shall ensure that you do not want to escape either it or me.

‘Now, let me tell you about the surprise I have planned for you. You have worked so very hard and Madame is so pleased with your progress that I felt you deserved a reward.'

Hettie laughed. ‘You have rewarded me enough already in giving me the part of Princess Mimi,' she assured him. When they were talking about work she felt on safer ground.

‘Princess Mimi is only the beginning,' Jay told her. ‘You just wait and see. I am taking you to Paris for Easter, Hettie. We shall go to the opera whilst we are there and we shall see all the popular shows as well. We shall go to Chanel and I shall buy you one of Madame Coco's stylish gowns, and then I shall take you somewhere equally stylish for dinner. Now, what do you have to say to that?'

He both looked and sounded as excited as a schoolboy, but Hettie's heart had grown heavier with each word he had spoken. ‘I…I cannot go with you,' she told him.

‘What? Don't be silly! What nonsense is this, Hettie? Of course you will go with me. That is not negotiable. As to whether or nor you will share my bed whilst we are there, however…If that
is what is worrying you, I have already booked a separate suite for you, so you need not fear that I am trying to trick you into…'

‘It isn't that.' Hettie stopped him unhappily.

The truth was that ordinarily she would have loved to spend Easter with him, and to do so in Paris of all places would have been sheer heaven. In Paris there would not be any knowing friends watching and warning her. In Paris, that most daring of all cities, or so she had heard, all manner of things could and did happen. In Paris, she suspected she could easily be tempted to forget that Jay was married and to remember only how her heart sang when he kissed her. In Paris…But she would not be in Paris, nor would she be with Jay. She would be in Preston, with her family, and she looked forward to that with much more longing.

‘No? Then what exactly
is
it?' Jay demanded angrily.

‘I have already promised to spend Easter with my family,' she told him quietly.

‘Your
family
? But surely both your parents are dead and…'

‘My adoptive family,' Hettie corrected herself. ‘My…my step-mother hasn't been well, and…'

Jay shook his head, silencing her as he took her hands in his and gave her a small shake. ‘Hettie, Hettie, your loyalty to her does you credit, but what about your loyalty to yourself? To your singing? To me? Be honest, sweet little Hettie, be
honest and admit that you would much rather come to Paris with me?'

‘Yes, I think I would,' Hettie agreed immediately. But when Jay's hold on her hands tightened and he would have drawn her towards him to celebrate the triumph she could see in his eyes with another kiss, she drew back from him. ‘I would
rather
do so, Jay, but I cannot. I have already written to say that I will go home.'

She didn't feel she could explain even to Jay just how dreadfully unhappy her estrangement from her family had made her feel, nor how something inside her she didn't even fully understand herself was urging her to respond to the loving letter Ellie had sent to her, even though a part of her was still afraid that she might be rejected a second time.

‘Then write again and say that you have changed your mind,' Jay told her promptly. ‘Or if you wish, write and tell them that your slave driver of an employer has insisted that you must work throughout Easter.'

‘Lie to them, you mean?' Hettie's mouth trembled, and she suddenly saw with heart-wrenching clarity that, were she to allow herself to fall in love with Jay, there would be many lies and deceits to be both told and endured.

‘And do you not think that I, too, will have to practise some deceit in order to be with you?' Jay demanded, oblivious to her recognition of what their future together would be and her place in
his life with it. ‘But unlike you, Hettie, I consider what we could have together to be worth it. Oh, Hettie…Don't make up your mind now,' he begged her. ‘Think about what I have said. Please?'

Jay was humbling himself to beg her to reconsider. A huge lump of emotion ached in Hettie's throat, preventing her from speaking. Tears weren't very far away and she longed to be able to tell Jay that she would do what he wanted and go to Paris with him. After all, wasn't it really what she wanted as well?

She was a different person now from the girl she had been. She was living in a different world, with different rules to those from the world she had grown up in.

There was Eddie with his doomed passion for Ivan, and Mary who was so in love with her lord and so convinced that he would marry her. And there were others, whose names were whispered openly in theatre dressing rooms, famous stars adored by their public and fêted everywhere they went, but who were most definitely not married to the powerful men who shared their beds. Hettie could think of any number of such liaisons. There was indeed one very famous singer whose devoted lover was a prominent married politician. He openly visited the elegant Cheyne Walk house where she lived with the two children she claimed publicly to have adopted but who everyone knew were her children by her lover. His wife had retired to the country and it was his lover who accompanied
him to balls and house parties and to whom he gave his time and his love.

Why should it not be the same for her with Jay? Why should she abide by the petty rules of a way of a life that no longer fitted her? Sometimes she felt so torn between her new life and Jay, and her old life and her family, that just worrying about what she should do made her head ache almost as much as her heart, Hettie admitted.

She wanted to go home and yet at the same time she was afraid of doing so. She wanted to go to Paris with Jay too, but she was also a little afraid of what it would lead to if she did.

Just thinking about going back to Preston aroused all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings inside her.

Yes, Ellie had written her the kindest and most loving letter in which she had been the mother Hettie had always known and loved. But what if she should change again? What if, when she saw Hettie, Ellie decided that she didn't want to be close to her after all? Perhaps she shouldn't go to Preston. Perhaps she should write to Gideon and say that she had changed her mind. That way at least she wouldn't be hurt again.

‘'Ere, guess wot I've just 'eard,' Mary said as she burst into the dressing room. ‘We're only going to be running for another six months, that's all!'

As she listened to the mixed chorus of groans and sighs of relief that greeted Mary's announcement, Hettie tried to pretend to be as astonished by Mary's news as everyone else. But the truth was that Jay had told her earlier in the week that the continued success of
Princess Geisha
meant that its run was to be extended for another six months. He had been waiting for her after she had finished her singing lesson.

‘Well, wot I wants to know now is how come if we're such a bloomin' success we ain't being paid a bit more,' Aggie complained in an aggrieved voice as she rubbed at the bruise on her ankle where a fellow chorus girl had accidentally kicked her.

‘They ain't putting up the price of the seats, are they, so 'ow can they pay us any more?' Jenny argued.

‘Is Sukey all right?' Hettie asked Aggie. ‘Only she wasn't at rehearsals yesterday.'

‘Huh, I'm surprised as 'ow you've noticed, 'Ettie,' Babs broke in a little bitterly. ‘Seeing' as 'ow you never seem to have time for us any more, wot wiv them singing lessons and hob-nobbin' with the management and all.'

Hettie felt her face starting to burn. Babs's angry criticism hurt her, but there was no real defence she could make and she knew it. Babs did not approve of the intimacy that was developing between her and Jay, Hettie acknowledged, and had been very quick to say so, and to suggest that Hettie was getting preferential treatment because of it.

‘I've told her straight that she ought to stop tekkin them pills,' Aggie answered Hettie, ‘but she won't listen. She's not the girl she was,' Aggie continued critically. ‘A person can't so much as say a word to 'er now wi'out 'er flying right off the handle and getting in a real temper. Screaming and yelling all sorts at me the other night she was, and just because I told her she'd bin out of step! Going bit queer in the 'ead she is, if you ask me,' Aggie added darkly.

‘At least some of us are getting some time off for Easter,' Jenny chipped in. ‘Me and Jess was thinking of going down to Brighton, if anyone fancies coming with us?'

Babs shook her head vigorously. ‘I'm going 'ome,' she announced. ‘To see me family.'

‘To see your
family
, Babs, not to see Stan? Or is he going
to be
family soon?' someone asked cheekily.

‘And wot if he is, Fanny Holland?' Babs retorted sharply. ‘That's no one's business but his and mine.'

‘'Ere, Babs, there's no need to be so sharp,' Fanny objected huffily. ‘I was only 'aving a bit of a joke.'

‘Oh, I see! You think that me and Stan is a bit of a joke, do you? Well, I'll thank you to remember that at least me and Stan is decent and respectable, not like some people whose names I won't mention.'

‘She means you, Mary,' Fanny announced, nudging Mary in the ribs. ‘You and that fancy lord of yours…'

Hettie bowed her head, knowing that it wasn't just Mary that Babs had been referring to.

‘What about you, Hettie?' Mary asked. ‘Wot will you be doing?'

‘Sommat as she shouldn't be,' Hettie heard Babs mutter disapprovingly.

‘I'm going home, to Preston, to see my family,' she announced sharply, looking determinedly at Babs.

What had she said? A horrible sinking feeling was invading her tummy, making her feel as uncomfortable as though she had swallowed a suet pudding whole.

Only last night, lying awake in bed, she had
admitted to herself how very much she wanted to go to Paris with Jay. She had even daringly wondered if she could afford to buy that silk camisole and French knickers set with the lace trimming that one of the other girls had brought in to show them, assuring them that they were an exact copy of a set being sold in Fenwicks for five times the price.

Only yesterday Jay had whispered to her that Paris was the city for lovers, and how much he wanted to take her there and make her his. And she wanted that too, Hettie admitted. She was a woman now, with a woman's needs and longings. And Jay aroused those needs and longings more strongly every time he touched and kissed her.

She had even mentally written the apologetic letter she intended to send to Gideon and Ellie, explaining that she could not after all come home because of her work. Now she had stupidly said that she was spending Easter in Preston.

But who would know if she did not? a small inner voice whispered to her. She would know, Hettie admitted, and besides…Despite the fact that she wanted desperately to go to Paris with Jay, there was still a small part of her that also wanted to go to Preston, a small part of her that wanted to draw back into childhood and the comfort of the family life she had once known. A small part of her that was insisting that it was her duty to go and see Ellie. And that small part of
her was somehow a part that had come to her from Ellie, Hettie herself recognised.

‘So you mean to go, then? You mean to deny us and go to Preston instead of coming to Paris with me?'

‘Jay, please try to understand. Ellie hasn't been well. I owe them so much…'

‘What about what you owe me, or doesn't that count?' Jay demanded angrily, repeating his earlier argument.

‘Jay,' Hettie protested unhappily. ‘Please, listen to me.'

‘Damn you, Hettie, no! I will not listen and I shall not understand. No.'

Jay had taken Hettie to Fortnum & Mason's for afternoon tea, but now abruptly he stood up and summoned the waitress, ignoring Hettie's pleas, as he thrust some money towards the girl and then stormed off, leaving Hettie to sit white-faced and dismayed whilst the waitress started to clear away their unfinished tea things.

Jay was so very cross with her and she could understand why. But didn't he understand that she was disappointed too? She swallowed back her tears, and stood up.

Now tomorrow, instead of travelling with Jay to Paris, she would be taking the train to Preston. She had so hoped that Jay would understand and sympathise with her plight. But instead he had been furiously angry with her.

As she started to make her way towards the exit, Hettie saw a couple being shown to an empty table. The young man was too engrossed in his companion to notice or recognise Hettie, but she recognised him. He was Mary's ‘lord'.

Hettie frowned. Hadn't Mary said that he had told her he would not be able to see her over Easter because an elderly relative had died? Maybe the pretty young girl he was escorting was another member of his family, Hettie wondered, as she waited for her coat.

‘Hettie! Over here!'

Hettie looked along the platform to where three eagerly waving males were calling her name, the anxiety and unhappiness that had been her companion during the long train journey from Euston disappearing as she recognised Ellie's two sons, along with a tall and very handsome young man who she realised with a jolt was Philip.

‘I say, Hettie, have you got any picture postcards of yourself you can sign for me to take to school?'

‘Hettie, is it true that you are a famous singer now?'

‘Stop pestering her you two brats. Remember what your parents said. You were only allowed to come and meet her if you promised not to make a nuisance of yourselves. Take no notice of these two young ruffians, Hettie.' Philip grinned, taking
hold of his nephews and pretending to bang their heads together.

‘Goodness, Philip, I hardly recognised you.' Hettie laughed.

‘And what about us? Did you recognise us, Hettie?' Ellie's younger son demanded.

Philip was blushing slightly, and it suddenly struck Hettie how very much like John he looked, although Philip was ten years younger than his brother.

‘We're all jolly excited about you coming home, Hettie,' Philip told her enthusiastically. ‘Our Ellie has been boasting to everyone about you, and she's got all your reviews…'

The unexpectedness of being met off the train by the three boys lifted Hettie's spirits and eased her apprehension.

‘Tell me about Mam…Ellie,' she begged Philip when he had sent the two younger boys on ahead with her case. ‘How is she?'

‘Much recovered,' Philip reassured her immediately. ‘And much more our old dear Ellie again, as you will soon see for yourself. You may not know, Hettie, that I am now working for Gideon,' Philip went on to tell her.

‘No, I did not,' Hettie admitted.

‘Unlike John I had no idea of what I wanted to do with my life after I left school. I certainly did not want to enter the church as my aunt and uncle originally planned. I like working with my hands rather than my head, and so Gideon has put me
in charge of making sure that the properties he owns and lets out are properly maintained. Hey, you two, be careful with Hettie's case,' Philip called out as the two boys started to tussle with one another.

‘They are grown so,' Hettie marvelled. ‘The last time I saw them they were shorter than me.'

‘They are a handful.' Philip chuckled.

‘Ellie wanted a daughter so very much.' Hettie sighed.

She could see Philip frowning at her. ‘But Hettie, Ellie has a daughter,' he told her fondly. ‘She has you. And I should warn you that she has several treats lined up for your visit already. I believe a visit to the pot fair is being spoken of, plus Ellie is determined to show us all her famous egg rolling skills on Easter Monday.'

Hettie couldn't help but laugh. They had all grown up hearing about how, as a young girl, Ellie had challenged Gideon to an egg rolling contest, and how she had won.

‘We wanted to bring Binky with us to welcome you home as well,' Richard called out earnestly as they waited for Hettie and Philip to catch up with them. ‘But Dad wouldn't let us.'

‘Binky, but that's John's dog surely?' Hettie questioned.

‘Yes,' Philip agreed. ‘Gideon asked John if he might keep Binky when John moved away. Ellie had taken a shine to him and I think Gideon felt he gave her some comfort.'

‘Is she truly better, Philip,' Hettie asked anxiously.

‘Very much so,' he assured her. ‘As you shall soon see for yourself.'

They were outside the house now, and the front door was opening. Hettie's heart thudded apprehensively as she saw Gideon and Ellie standing there together, and then suddenly she was running through the gate and up the path and into Ellie's arms, as though she were still a little girl and not a grown up young woman.

‘Oh Hettie.
Hettie
. Oh, how grand and grown up you are looking,' Ellie praised as she wiped away her own and Hettie's tears, whilst Gideon shepherded his little flock of tearful women and boisterous young men inside the house.

‘Boys, go and tell Cook please that Hettie is here and that we should like some tea. Ellie, my love, why do you not take Hettie into the sitting room.'

‘Oh, Hettie, let me look at you properly,' Ellie demanded as she sank down into a chair and Hettie dropped to her knees on the floor in front of her, just as though she were a small child again.

‘Oh, you are so very very pretty,' Ellie announced fondly.

‘Hettie, love, would you mind pouring for me?' Ellie begged after Gideon had brought in the tea things, pausing to look up at Gideon who returned her smile with one of his own. ‘Only, Gideon fusses so and will not let me do anything.'

‘You know perfectly well that is not true, and that I am only following Iris's instructions,' Gideon told her calmly.

‘Hettie, I can't wait to hear all your news,' Ellie told Hettie. ‘We are both so very proud of you, aren't we, Gideon? And so excited. I have put your reviews in an album, along with some photographs, and your father has promised me that he will take me to London so that we may see you in
Princess Geisha…

‘You know that we are hoping to have John home this Easter as well?' Ellie asked cheerfully.

Hettie stared red-faced at the tea she had, out of shock, slopped into one of the saucers.

‘Never mind, love,' Ellie comforted her, passing her a napkin to mop up the spillage. ‘I imagine you must be tired after that long journey and here I am being selfish and keeping you with me instead of letting you rest. Oh but Hettie, there is so much I want to say to you, so much I want to
tell
you…'

Again Ellie exchanged a long look with Gideon.

‘Connie is to come over on Monday and if the weather keeps fine we are all to go to Aveham Park so that her little ones can roll their eggs just as she and I and John used to do. Do you remember when we used to take you to roll yours?'

Hettie nodded, emotional tears coming from nowhere to fill her eyes.

‘So many happy memories, Hettie,' Ellie said quietly, reaching for her hand. ‘I have missed you
so much, love, and I am so glad you have come home to us, even if it is only for a short visit. Now,' Ellie continued briskly, ‘we want to hear all about your life in London, Hettie, and what you are doing.'

‘Well, I am having singing lessons, and Archie, that is the composer, is going to write a new musical with the main female part to be sung by a soprano lyric – that is the correct term for my voice, you see…' Hettie began earnestly.