Here at Last (31 page)

“
It generally is unless
you've already worked with the client.”

“What was that about?"
he asked before taking a sip of water.

My mood softened a bit,
and I wasn't sure how Nicholas wa
s going to take this. “He wanted to offer me a job."

“
Really?” he asked.
“Are you interested?"

“I don't know," I told him honestly
and hesitated
. "It's in New York."

Nicholas shifted in his seat a little. “Do you want to go back to New York?"

I shook my head, "I don't know."

“Is that why you seem so happy today?" he asked
, looking a little sad
.

I
stared
at my hands, which
were clasped
in front of me on the table. Nicholas reached across the table and took
m
y hands
in
his. Leaning forward, he said, “Sophia, I haven't seen you this happy in a long time. I want you to be happy."

His eyes grew a little glassy, and he looked away when the waitress brought our meals. When she left, I told him, "There's something else."

Nicholas looked back up at me, and I fiddled with
the
napkin on my lap
before
lo
oking
at him. "Apparently, Jack
k
new JT. They met when
we were in Vegas
and had seen each
several times
since
then
. I ha
d no idea,
" I shrugged. "They'd
gotten to know each other. A year ago, when they were
at
dinner, Jack was bragging to JT that it was his and his wife's
thirtieth
anniversary. He asked JT when he was go
ing
to settle down."
Looking
down at Nicholas’s hands
,
I
intertwined my fingers with his. "He told Jack that he was going to propose
to me
last Christmas
. It would have been close to
our second anniversary."

Nicholas
lowered
his head and looked
down at his lap
for a
long
moment. From across the table, I could feel him struggling with so many things. He was
relieved
because I was happier than I
’d
been in a long time. Then, he learned that I was considering taking a job in New York City
, and
I knew that he
would want me to take it if
that’s what I really wanted
. Finally, he discovered th
at
JT had
planned
to propose
last month
and, I was quite certain, wondered
if that was part
ly
why I was feeling so
much better
. It had been quite a day, and I felt like my news had knocked the wind out of
Nicholas
.

“I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to hit you with so much at
once
."
I looked around
at the busy restaurant
. “I shouldn’t have told you here.”

He glanced back up at me looking wounded and pulled his hands back toward his plate. Picking up his utensils, he said, "It's okay. Let's talk about it when we get back to your place."

“Okay," I said, and we ate our meals in silence.





When we returned to my apartment,
a
heaviness hung over us. I was disappointed because I had felt lighter today than I had in a long time. Nicholas
didn’t know
what
to make of it, and the specter of my possibly leaving
for New York
just made it worse for him.
He walked into the living room and sat down while I got a glass of water for each of us. When I joined
him a
moment later, he was leaning back on the sofa and rubbing his face with his hands.

When
I sat down beside him and slid my arm across his shoulders
, he closed his eyes
.
“I'm
so
sorry, Nicholas," I whispered
.
“I love you. I never meant to hurt you.”

He
looked at me
, tears forming in his eyes
. “What do you want me to do?" he asked
quietly
, sounding emotionally wrung out.
A
tear spilled down his cheek
, and h
e looked away.

When
I got up and sat down on his lap facing him, he instinctively put his hands behind my hips to keep me from falling backward.

“Nicholas, please look at me.”
When he turned to face me
,
I saw how hurt
he was
and
wiped the tears away from his
cheeks
. “I don’t know about New York. I love New York
, b
ut I love you
more
.
” I thought for a moment.
“
Somehow, what happened today
pushed me out of my rut
. I feel like I’ve had this cloud over me for almost a year, and I'm done with it. I'm just done."

“What about JT?"
he asked quietly.

I looked at him tenderly and traced the outline of his face with my finger. “I still love JT very much just as you love Rachel. But they're gone now. We have to pick up the pieces and move on with our lives,
or we're
just wasting time. I'm ready to move on now. What the New York offer
did
was to let me know that there are other possibilities
out there
, other
choices
for my life.
I haven’t felt that way in a long time
–
like I could do anything.” I shrugged. "It made me happy."

With u
ncertain
ty in his voice
,
he
asked,
“What about us?"
He reached his hand behind my neck, and I
placed
my forehead against his and closed my eyes.

“I want to be with you."
After a
few
moment
s
, I
stood up in front of him
and reached
for his
hand
.
“Come on,” I said.

Holding my hand,
he
tilted
his head to
one
side with a
tentative expression
.
W
hen h
e
stood
up
,
he rubbed my arms and said
,
"Maybe we should just wait
."

“I've waited long enough," I told him
, shaking my head
. "I'm done waiting." I took him by the hand and
led
him into the
darkness of my
bedroom.
Once there,
I took off his shirt
before reaching down to unbutton
and unzip
his jeans. I pulled them down his legs, and he stepped out of them
before I removed his boxers and socks
. Taking his hand,
I led him
to the bed.

“Lie down,” I said quietly, and
he
lay naked
on top of the covers
.
Immediately, I was struck
by two things – his beauty and his vulnerability.
He was so physically exposed and emotionally vulnerable that I knew that I had to protect him. Stripped bare, I was truly seeing him for the first time
, and he felt it
.

I pulled my shirt off over my head and
took off
my jeans
and tossed
my bra and panties
onto
a
nearby
chair
. Slowly, I walked across the bed on my knees
until
I reached him in the middle. He watched me as I approached
, w
aiting for me to make the first move
. H
e took
his cues from me about how far we should go
and
didn’t say
a word.

I straddled him and leaned down to kiss him. He reached his arms up and slid one hand behind my head and the other behind my back,
holding
me close while
we kissed
.
Then, I pulled back a little, kissing
his
face
before moving
down his neck and
across
his chest. With my tongue, I ran a line down the center of his chest and across his belly until there was nowhere else to go. Then, I took
him
into my mouth while I reached one hand up to feel his heart racing
and continue
d
to
please
him until he reached down for me. As I moved back up his body, he wrapped his arms around me and rolled me onto my back. He drove his tongue into my mouth, and we kissed as he pushed himself into me. I
whimpered
,
and he reached for my hand while he moved faster.
M
y back arched
, and he
drove into me deeper.
We came a
short while
later, and he lay still on top of me while I kissed his face.
Finally, he
moved off of me and
lay
down
beside
me
, drawing
me into his arms
.
His heartbeat was slowing down, and I felt his breathing return to normal.

When I rolled over to face him, he looked at me quietly for a moment before whispering
, “I love you
, Sophia
.”

I reached up to touch his face with the back of my hand.
"
And
I love you."

A look of
concern
crossed his face
. “I hope this wasn’t a mistake
.”

I reached down and ran my hand down his arm.
"No," I shook my head. "I'm ready for you now. I don't know how, but I am."

Relieved, h
e
slid his hand
across
my
ba
ck and
kissed my forehead
, pulling me close
. “You don't know how happy that
makes me
."

I kissed his
neck
, which was still damp and musky.
T
h
at
was the day that Grief finally released me.





Sometime
during
the night, Nicholas had repositioned himself to hold me from behind
. His hand had
mov
ed across my breast, and it had awakened me. I felt him get hard behind me.

I slowly turned over to face him, and he had a
drowsy
smile on his face. “S
or
ry. I didn't mean to wake you
."

“
It's
okay," I said
feeling aroused
.

Still half asleep,
I leaned in to kiss him and reached down for him at the same time, stroking him
with
one hand. His eyes closed, and his breathing
quickened
. With both of his hands, he reached under my arms and lifted me onto him as he rolled on
to
his back.
Straddling him,
I positioned
myself
and
slowly sli
d
down
over him
until our hips met.
I p
lac
ed
my hands on his stomach
and rocked back and forth,
accelerating
my
movements
as I
felt his body respond to mine. He held my hips and
kept me close
, and I threw my head back
.

“Sophia?
" he
said softly
, sounding alone
.
Looking down at him,
I
saw
trepidation
in his eyes.