Her Perfect Man (3 page)

The cat hopped off the chair and strolled into the kitchen.

“Yeah, sure. Walk away.”

More torturous, though, than having to talk to Charlie boy
was handling the way her body reacted to him. She went from feeling dizzy to downright drunk. And it had nothing to do with the beer she couldn’t even finish. It got worse, too, as though her muzzy brain told her hormones to start pinging all over the place.

Shit, she’d really lost it. Adam dumping her ass must have triggered some kind of meltdown.

Thinking about Adam sent her into a real funk.

Another one bites the dust
. Why had she spent so much time trying to get him to care? Especially after she found out he was already hung up on some chick from his past.

But wasn’t that always her modus operandi?

Hadn’t she spent most of her life pursuing men who, one way or another, were unavailable? A shrink would probably tell her it all went back to her relationship with her father.

To which Kim would reply, what relationship?

At least Adam had been honest with her. He never lied to her or tried to fool her with
I love yous
.

It was what it was. She’d held on by her fingernails, harboring false hopes. And once again, she had landed flat on her ass. Literally.

Oh, boo hoo hoo, bitch. You brought in on yourself. When you gonna learn?

When indeed? Kim didn’t know how long she sat there, staring at her feet. Groucho hopped up beside her, carrying the wadded-up sock in his teeth. He dropped it on her lap.

“Thanks,” she told him, taking it. As she pulled it over her bare foot, her cell phone, resting on the glass coffee table, tweedled.

“Hello,” she deadpanned.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” It was her friend, Lynnette Jaslow.

“Whatta you mean?”

“You sound like you’re in a pissy mood or something.”

“Yeah, I am.” Before Kim could launch into chapter and verse of her sucky day, Lynnette cut her off. “Well, forget about it. Get your ass in gear and put on something cute. We’re gonna party at Baby Jane’s.”

Kim’s mouth twisted. Lynnette loved to party.

Even having a kid didn’t slow her down. Kim liked having fun, too, but lately it was all getting old. Or maybe
she
was getting old.

“Is Tommy babysitting tonight?” Lynette often left her son T.J. in her cousin Tommy DiOrio’s care.

“No, he’s going to meet us out.”

“Well, who’s watching T.J. then?”

“Nobody. I’m leaving him alone so he can smoke dope and download porn.
Duh
, Kim. He’s with my mom, all right?” Lynnette gave an indignant huff. “I had to kiss some serious ass and listen to another one of her lectures, but she finally agreed to watch the kid. So you coming or what?”

“Ah, I don’t feel like it.”

“You’re getting to be a real bore, you know that?

You never want to do anything.”

Though Kim didn’t appreciate the way her friend expressed it, Lynnette had a point. Why should she sit home and feel sorry for herself?

Maybe getting out would cheer her up. It couldn’t hurt.

“All right,” she sighed. “What time should I meet you?”

“Why don’t you swing by around nine, pick me up.” Which meant that Lynnette would be getting shitfaced and expected Kim to drive her home.

“Uh, no. You call Tommy and have him pick you up.” He could be depended on to stay sober. “I’ll take a cab and meet you there.” Before Lynnette could argue, Kim clicked the phone shut.

If anyone deserved to get shitfaced tonight, it was Kim.

****

“Ugh,” Kim complained, her mouth twisting into a frown as she looked around Baby Jane’s. “Why are we here again?”

Lynnette, sitting on the barstool next to her, gave her an elbow. “Shut up. We’re having fun, remember?”

“Fun? I feel like I’m in Kindergarten.” Again she scanned the room as people danced, drank and tried to hook up. “How old do you think these kids are?”

“College-age, I’d say.” That was from Tommy, on Kim’s other side. “Early twenties, tops.”

“Younger than that, some of them.” Kim was closer to thirty than to twenty, and in this crowd she felt positively decrepit. “Bet they used fake ID to get in.” “Yeah, you’d know all about that,” Lynnette snorted. She was short, blonde and curvy, a firecracker.

“You too, babe. Don’t forgot, you were my partner in crime back in the day.” Their friendship went back to high school. They’d been risk-takers who encouraged each other in breaking the rules.

But more recently, Kim found herself less interested in risks. She and Lynnette were drifting apart, which made her sad. She didn’t have many friends.

“If you wiped that stupid scowl off your face and maybe smiled, somebody might actually ask you to dance,” Lynnette told her.

“Yeah, right. Do I look like a cradle robber?”

Kim gestured for the bartender to give her another Long Island Iced Tea. Tonight she’d skipped the beer, her usual beverage of choice, for something that packed a punch. But she wasn’t feeling it yet.

So far her attempt to get truly shitfaced was not going as planned.

Tommy had watched her suck down two of the concoctions already and gave her a worried look.

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” she answered, with bravado. Then her shoulders slumped. “Nah. No, not really.”

His sympathetic look said
tell me
. Tommy was such a sweet guy. He was large and solid, but not fat. He had blond hair, like Lynnette, but his short beard and mustache were reddish-gold. Kim might have really fallen for Tommy, but for two things.

Number one, he was too dependable, kind and loyal.

Not nearly fucked-up enough to appeal to her.

Number two, he was gay.

Even though he was Lynnette’s cousin, Tommy had proven to be a good friend to Kim. He’d always been the sensible one, the voice of reason that tried to rein in the two troublemakers when they were about to do something stupid.

Before Kim began her litany of woe, Lynnette asked him, “Hey, when is this friend of yours supposed to show up, anyway?”

“I told him ten o’clock, ‘cause I knew you’d keep me waiting an hour while you finished your make up.” Kim’s eyebrows flew up, and she forgot her own troubles at this intriguing bit of news. “A friend? He is like a
friend
friend, or is he…” She hoped Tommy had found somebody he cared about. It had been a long time since he had a boyfriend.

Tommy smiled. “Take it easy. Nothing like that.

Somebody I know from work. As far as I know, he’s completely straight. Actually,” he lowered his voice confidentially and slid his gaze to Lynnette, who watched the dancers. “I was hoping he and Lynnie might hit it off.”

Poor Tommy. He didn’t have a clue. After all this time, he still couldn’t comprehend that Lynnette had horrible taste in men. Almost as horrible as Kim’s. If this friend was a halfway decent guy, Lynnette would say hello and ignore him the rest of the night. If he was a scumbag, she’d glom onto him like a barnacle.

Still, this new wrinkle meant the evening might prove to be more interesting than Kim anticipated.

She wanted to see how it all played out.

Lynnette turned to them. “Oh, I love this song!

Tommy, get off your ass and dance with me! Come on!” Tommy shook his head. “Too crowded out there for me. Sorry.”

“Well, shit. Kim, come on,” her friend pleaded.

“What the hell.” Kim sighed and slid off her stool. Whoa. The floor came up awfully fast. Maybe those drinks were starting to kick in. “Watch my glass,” she told Tommy as she and Lynnette headed to the dance floor.

As she and Lynnette shook their booties, Kim began to feel the effects of her Long Island Iced Teas. The humiliations of the day fell from her mind.

The bass in the music thrummed through her and the other dancers on the floor grew fuzzy. She snapped her fingers, swiveled her hips and sang loudly along with the words of the song. When the music abruptly ended, Kim whooped and laughed, which earned her a few looks. She didn’t care. The hell with them, anyway. Bunch of drunks. She wouldn’t apologize for having fun.

Tossing back her hair, she none-too-steadily followed Lynnette back to the bar. Tommy was talking to some guy. Must be that friend he wanted his cousin to hook up with. Though Kim only saw the back of the man’s head, a prickling unease suddenly passed through her. When he turned to look at her and Lynnette, Kim’ stomach went into free-fall.

Oh shit.

It was
my-friends-call-me-Charlie
.

Kim scowled as she finished the last swallow of her fourth Long Island Iced Tea. She was drunk and she was pissed. Of course she knew Tommy taught special needs kids, but it never in a million years occurred to her that the friend he’d invited for drinks was
Mr. Keller
.

Not to mention Lynnette made a damn liar out of her. Since he’d arrived, she’d been hanging onto Charlie’s every word, laughing at his remarks and batting her over-mascaraed eyes at him like he was frickin’ Prince William or something. Putting the lie to Kim’s belief that Lynnette only went for loser types. Charlie Keller was
not
a scumbag. Kim knew this even though she barely knew the man himself.

And for some reason, it really got on her nerves to see Lynnette hang on him like a leech.

Oh, what the hell did she care? So what if Lynnette made an ass of herself? It wasn’t as if she, Kim, wanted the man. Hell, no. Like she’d ever be caught dead chasing after some
teacher
.

What time was it, anyway? Kim looked at her watch, but the stupid numbers kept wavering and going blurry. It didn’t help that the room was tilting, too. It had to be late for sure. She should go home.

Count this day officially for shit. Even getting drunk off her ass was no fun—not when she had to watch her friend make goony eyes at good-time-Charlie.

Barf
.

Yeah, best to head home, stuff her head under her pillow, and start fresh tomorrow. Kim turned on her stool, holding the edge of the bar to steady herself. Just as she tried to announce her plan to leave, she realized that Lynnette was missing.

“Where’d she go?”

“Outside to make a call. Check on T.J.,” Tommy told her. “It’s too noisy in here.”

“Oh. ‘Time is it, anyway?”

Charlie checked his wristwatch. “Going on twelve thirty.”

“Twelve thirty?” Kim glared at him. “In the morning? What kind of teacher stays out that late on a school night, huh? On a
Thursday
night? Whatta you gonna do tomorrow morning, waltz into class with a hangover? Huh? How irresponsible is that?”

Charlie simply shook his head and laughed, which
really
pissed Kim off.

“What’s funny? You should be
ashamed
.” This time her glare included Tommy. “Both of you.”

“Calm down,” Tommy told her. “There’s no school tomorrow. Summer vacation officially started at three p.m. today. So we won’t be showing up to work tomorrow half-sloshed.” His mouth twisted wryly. “Though it’s nice to know you’re so concerned about the children.”

“I am,” she insisted. “I am consher—concerned.”

She settled back on her seat, but someone must have moved it, because if Charlie hadn’t been there to catch her, she’d have landed on the floor. That made her mad, too. She didn’t want his help.

“That’s the trouble with you teachers,” she announced, not caring how obnoxious she sounded.

“You get too much time off. Two whole months.”

“Someone has strong opinions,” Charlie murmured, setting his beer bottle on the bar.

“Damn straight.” Kim nodded her head vigorously, which made the room start to bounce.

“Someone is
toasted
,” Tommy said.

“Well,
duh
!” She flung her arms wide. Big mistake. The movement propelled her off her stool, landing her against Tommy’s barrel chest. It was his turn to save her from hitting the floor. Lynnette chose that moment to return. “Come on, Tommy. We gotta go.”

Tommy gently placed Kim back on the bar stool, with Charlie’s assistance. The two men spoke at the same time.

“T.J. all right?”

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s
fine
.” Lynnette’s voice bristled with annoyance. The flirt had morphed into a bitch.

“I just want to go home, all right? This place is nowhere.”

“Sure.” The designated driver knew better than to argue when his cousin was in a snit. “You ready, Kim?”

Lynnette huffed with displeasure. “Tommy, don’t be dumb. Why should we go that far out of our way when Charlie here can take her home? I mean, they live in the same freakin’ building.”

Kim’s chin had fallen to her chest, but that suggestion made her head pop up. “Huh?”

“Lynnie.” Tommy’s voice was quiet. “Maybe Charlie’s not ready to go home yet.” Kim was not too wasted to notice the meaningful look he gave his cousin.

“I’ll be happy to take her home,” Charlie spoke up. “It’s no problem at all.”

“Hey!” Kim resented the way they discussed her as if she had no say in the matter. She didn’t want to go home with Charlie.
Charlie-boy.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ma take a cab.”

“Honey,” Tommy said. “You’re too far gone to even make the call. Besides, no cab driver’s gonna want to risk you whoopsing all over his upholstery.”

“I’m not gonna
whoops
. I can hold my stuff.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Tommy asked Charlie.

“
I
do!” Kim answered.

“Of course not,” Charlie said.

“Hey, come on,” Lynnette snapped. “Let’s get going here.”

The two men flanked Kim on either side as they guided her to Charlie’s car, even as she insisted she could walk just fine.

Charlie unlocked the doors to some peanut-sized vehicle and slid into the driver’s seat while Tommy trundled Kim in the passenger’s side. She smacked his hand away when he tried to buckle her seat belt.

“I can do it!”

She made several attempts, but the stupid buckle kept moving. Something was wrong with it.

“Shit.” Why did they make these stupid-ass things so hard to fasten?