Her Last Wish (16 page)

I wrapped my arms
around his neck, afraid he would suddenly release me from whatever spell he’d
put me under. I was sure that if he did, I’d fall hard. Hitting the ground had
never sounded so painful.

He slowly backed me up
against the nearby wall. I could feel his desperation for me growing stronger.
Without breaking our kiss, he reached behind me and lifted my legs up around
his waist. When I locked my ankles behind him, he pushed the hem of my dress up
to my hip and held me there. I marveled at the feeling of his hand on my bared
skin. I had never felt more alive from only a touch. Okay, so this touch was a
bit hotter than I ever could have imagined coming from Connor.

I feared my new bulk
would be too awkward for him, but he expertly held me in place as if it weren’t
even there. I gasped as I felt his hardness against the spot that I strangely
craved him, the one place that no man had ever been. I knew I should have stopped
there, but I was too intrigued. I wasn’t sure what had changed or when, but I undeniably
wanted him in every way. Something about being at his mercy excited me.

His lips moved from my
mouth to my jaw. He then kissed the sensitive spot beneath my ear. As if I
weighed nothing, he supported me against the wall with his hip and one hand.
With the other, he gently ran a finger down my exposed panties.

“Oh, god,” I moaned, as
he built me higher with each caress through the thin fabric. I had never
allowed any other fingers to touch me there, but from him, I hungered for it. The
new sensation enraptured me. I gripped his face in my hands and pulled his lips
against mine. His tongue teased me, luring me further into his realm of passion
and excitement that I had only ever dreamed of.

But then I felt his
fingers slip underneath the elastic, seeking something deeper, more intimate.
Despite the ecstasy I felt under his touch, my usual dose of panic quickly set
in, ruining everything for me. I couldn’t drop my guard so easily on something
that I had fiercely protected for so long, no matter how much I ached for him.

I pushed a couple
inches of distance between our faces. “No,” I said, panting and dizzied.

Confusion rolled off
him, dousing the passion that had consumed him only moments before. Guilt
flooded through me. I couldn’t believe that I was going to disappoint him just because
of one of my petty fears. And I wasn’t only disappointing him. I found that I
was strangely disappointing myself, as well. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready.

“I’m sorry,” I said,
slightly calmer. I meant that apology more than any other I’d ever given him. “I’m
just … I can’t do this. I can’t–” I kissed him one more time, less passionate,
just enough to stave off my intense desire for him and hopefully enough to
reassure him that it wasn’t because I didn’t want him. It was the only time in
my memory that I pushed someone away and felt genuinely wounded by it. “I’m
sorry.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders again and rested my cheek
against his. “Please don’t be upset with me.”

I think he could tell
that I felt like crying, because he hugged me close and soothed, “Shh. Hey,
it’s okay. I’m the one who should be sorry.” As if letting me go would be too
painful, he carried me over to the couch and sat down with me in his lap.

I stretched my legs out
to one side, but I held him as if my life depended on it. I couldn’t bring
myself to pull away from him. I needed him near. I felt terrible that my own
fear could quickly ruin something that had felt so amazing. I was an adult. Why
couldn’t I do this? It didn’t seem to be a problem for anyone else. Just me.

Memories of Jackson
soon reared their ugly heads. The underlying pain that I’d thought was gone
resurfaced, despite my best efforts to contain it. I always had a knack for
messing things up. Especially things of the romantic variety. And then there
had been Jackson’s constant complaining every time I turned him down. What if
Connor resented me in the same way? He didn’t seem to resent me at the moment,
but what if I just misread him?

He placed one hand on
the side of my face. “Charlie, is something bothering you?”

“Are blue balls
actually a thing?” I blurted out.

He stared at me as if
I’d grown an extra head. “I’m sorry?”

My face warmed with
embarrassment. “It’s just that … Jackson always complained about them, before
he … Anyways. Are they real?”

“Are you seriously
inquiring about the wellbeing of my testicles?” He laughed. “I’m pretty sure
I’ll live, if that’s what you’re asking.”

I cracked a slight
smile. “No, it’s not that. It’s just that I chased him away by never doing
anything. I don’t want to do that to you. And I certainly don’t want you to be
in any pain because of me.”

He seemed to think over
my words. “Never doing …? Are you saying that you have never had sex?”

I wrung my hands
together. “A few minutes ago was the closest I’ve ever gotten with anyone.”

“But you agreed to
carry this baby, anyways?”

I shrugged. It probably
wasn’t one of my better ideas, but I was more than happy to carry the baby for
him because it made him happy. If given the opportunity to go back in time and
do it all over again, my decision wouldn’t change.

He smiled brightly, as
if he held in more laughter. I supposed I deserved it. It was a ridiculous
thing for me to do, even if I had no regrets about it. “Thank god.”

I blinked in surprise. “What?”
That certainly wasn’t the reaction I’d expected.

“I thought I’d upset
you and went too far. Instead, you’re just waiting.”

“You’re not angry?”

He gave me another
strange look. “Of course, I’m not angry. Why would I be?” He cupped my face in
his hands and seemingly stared into my soul. “Look, if I am ever privileged
enough to have you in my bed, or any other equivalent for that matter, it will
be when we’re
both
ready, not just me. If that day ever comes, I will be
the happiest man alive. If it
never
comes, that’s okay, too. In the
meantime, I’m fully content with your innocence and will not take it from you
unless you willingly give it to me. I certainly won’t try to guilt you into it
by complaining about something stupid like blue balls.” He rolled his eyes at
the term. “First time or not, sex should be about
us
, not just about me.
I would want to make sure it would be special for you.” He wrapped his arms
tightly around me.

I felt as if my heart
melted. Jackson had told me he cared about me. But in reality, he resented me
for keeping my legs shut. Connor hadn’t exactly said he cared, but his actions and
attitude showed otherwise. He respected me and my decision, and he didn’t try
to pressure me at all. He didn’t try to make me feel guilty in any way. I
didn’t officially have Connor, but if I ever did, I knew that relationship
would have been far more worthwhile and precious. But we were in no hurry.

Connor released me and
took my hand. “Would you like to stay up for a movie or two? I know you’re
getting tired, but I don’t feel ready to leave you yet. I swear I’ll be on my
best behavior.”

I smiled. Apparently
Connor didn’t have the same requirement for supervision in order to keep
himself in check that Jackson did. “I’d like that.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

Connor

Once again, I woke up
on the couch holding the girl I cared most about. I couldn’t believe my luck
the night before. What had started as a nice dinner with my family and friends
ended with one of the most memorable kisses of my life. I supposed it wasn’t my
first kiss with Charlie, but I had been way too drunk to remember the first, so
it clearly didn’t count. And there was no way it had held the same spark. No,
the one the night before had been something real that I felt all the way down
to my soul. No one had ever been able to emotionally reach me in the way
Charlie did, except Elizabeth. I felt like I had been given a second chance.

My biggest worry was
what would happen if she decided that she wanted to go back to that asshole
that had her in tears only days before. After all, it hadn’t even been a full
week since she’d walked away from him. Although, his actions as of late
screamed psychotic murderer. Even after several days, she still hadn’t been
able to go home. Not that I minded, of course. I loved that she thought of my
house as a safe place. I loved even more that she trusted me enough to protect
her from him and anything else. But if for whatever reason she chose to go back
to him, I’d once again be a broken man. I highly doubted there would be another
Elizabeth or Charlie to bring me back a third time.

I considered getting
up, but I couldn’t stand the thought of moving. Besides, she was finally
comfortable. She hadn’t been comfortable enough to sleep for longer than a few
hours at a time in the last couple months. I told myself that it would have
been rude to not allow her that extra hour or so of rest. It sounded better
than wanting to hold her a bit longer for my own selfish reasons.

Charlie gripped my
shirt and squeezed me tighter. I felt a lot like a school boy with his first
crush. I brushed her hair back and smiled when she opened her bright blue eyes,
immediately looking straight at me.

“How long have you been
up?” she asked with a yawn.

“Not long. I
contemplated waking you,” I lied.

“You should have. It
feels late.”

I shrugged. “I’m not in
any hurry. So, what would you like to do today?”

She snuggled closer.
“I’m content with this for a while longer.”

I laughed. “I certainly
won’t tell you no. By the way, is this going to be the routine? You wear that
dress and we wake up on the couch together within twenty-four hours? If so, I
think you should wear it every day.”

“You’d get sick of
waking up to me every day.”

“You think so, do you?”

Her smile faded. “So, I
think we definitely need to have a talk.”

I felt as if a bucket
of ice water had been dumped over my head. Funny how that sentence can terrify
any grown man just at its verbalization. “About?”

“Us.”

Ah, hell. I knew that
conversation could go either way. I tried to smile and pretend that I didn’t
think anything bad could be coming. After all, everything had been going so
well. Right? Had I somehow overstepped again? “What would you like to talk
about?”

She hugged me tighter.
That had to be a good sign. “Well, you’re my teacher. I probably crossed a line
when I offered to carry this baby for you. But I don’t regret it. I never have.
And all of this … Me staying at your house and cuddling on the couch … And then
there was last night …” Her face turned redder than I’d ever seen it. “This
shouldn’t be happening. But I don’t want it to stop.”

“Technically it’s
holiday break. I’m nobody’s teacher for another month and a few days.”

She smiled. “Right. But
what about after next semester starts? Then what?”

“What are you asking of
me? I’m not going to give you up that easily!” I decided my fear of what was to
come had gotten the better of me because I nearly yelled the last sentence at
her. Once I noticed, I took a slow, calming breath and decided to try again.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that so loudly. What I mean is that I know
that we are not technically together yet. And maybe, professionally speaking,
we shouldn’t be. But–”

“Do you want to be?”

I stared at her,
surprised she even had to ask me that. Shouldn’t it have been obvious? “Yeah. I
do. I want that more than anything else.”

She entwined her
fingers with mine. “So, let me propose a solution.”

“You’re not dropping
out of school just because of this. That would be idiotic.”

She laughed. “Of
course, it would be. That wasn’t going to be my suggestion. I’m too close to
quit now. What I meant was that I will take someone else’s class next term so I
still get my lit class, but it’s not an ethics issue for you as far as the
school is concerned. Professor Clary seems great. At dinner we were talking
about a few of the books I read this term, and she had a lot of good insight.
She put up a great debate.”

That certainly hurt
less than the thought of her walking away from me, but it still stung. I
wouldn’t be able to see her during the day. She wouldn’t be there to brighten
my class. But at least she’d still be here to brighten my home. It wasn’t my
favorite plan, but I could see how it might be for the best.

“You’re not happy,” she
observed.

“Well, I’ll miss you
during the day. It’s so hard to find college students who can hold a worthy discussion
and who don’t stumble into my class with a hangover. But it’s not like I won’t
get to see you elsewhere, right?”

“Of course. Besides.”
She pulled herself up and straddled my lap. “If you were still my teacher, I
couldn’t do this.” She captured me in a deep, sensual kiss that sent fire
through my veins. My pants tightened painfully against her body, even though I
knew that once we reached a certain point, she’d ask to stop. Despite her
innocence as far as sex, itself, went, Charlie had mastered slow, sweet
torture, and I was at her mercy. As I’d suspected over the past several months,
that girl was going to be the death of me.