Her Forever Family (12 page)

“But why?” he whined.

“Ethan, I’m only your therapist, somebody who will be here for as long as you need me. But your dad is your family, and he’ll be here for you forever. You have to work your problems and differences out between the two of you. I’m not the mediator or the glue that keeps you working together.”
And I never can be.

“So, what are you telling me?”

Simple question. Difficult answer. It was time to see if he could handle it.

“Honey, I’m not a substitute for your mama.”

“But if you would try to be then maybe Dad could forgive me.”

“Forgive you for what?”

Ethan’s normally expressionless, stony face crumbled, like a mask of molded clay deprived of water for too long.

“She had the accident because of me,” he confessed, his voice just above a whisper. “It was raining hard but I kept talking. She asked me to let her pay attention to the road but I wouldn’t shut up. When the other car cut us off she was distracted by my big mouth. It’s my fault she died.”

“No it’s not, kiddo. Blaming ourselves won’t change tragic things. Taking on guilt doesn’t undo the past or serve any useful purpose. Believe me, I know.”

He slung his long legs to the side of his bed and stood, then moved as if heading toward the dressing room for privacy. But three steps from Ali he stopped, turned about face and dropped to his knees on the floor at her feet. The boy so adverse to physical contact and displays of emotion buried his face in Ali’s lap, wrapped his arms around her waist and cried as if his life was over. His tears flowed freely for the loss of his mother, the loss of his innocence, the loss of his hope.

Ali stroked Ethan’s head and wept along with him for all the same reasons.

W
hen she’d dried the last of her tears and Ethan’s hiccups had subsided, Ali patted his back lightly and suggested they go outside and enjoy what was left of the beautiful afternoon.

“The sooner I help your dad dig up that flower bed the sooner he can grill us a burger. I noticed enough ground beef in the fridge to feed the Aggie Corps of Cadets.”

Ethan rocked back on his haunches, grabbed the edge of his covers and wiped his nose on the sheet. Ali made note to leave a reminder for the housekeeper to change the linens.

“You won’t tell Dad about this, will you?”

“Not as long as you come down and visit with us.”

He squinted through still-shiny eyes and tilted his head to stare just like Simba had done earlier. “That’s blackmail.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Does the term ‘self-sabotage’ ring a bell with you, big sister?” Erin’s reaction to Ali’s retelling of the day’s events was much stronger than expected. It probably would have been better to wait until after the ride home, but Ali had phoned as soon as she’d hit the highway.

“I prefer to think of it as brutal honesty.”

“To what end, may I ask? What is the point in offending a guy who’s declared his love unless it’s to run him off so you won’t have to deal with your feelings?”

“For a civilian, you’re pretty savvy about psychoanalysis.”

“If savvy is learning from my own experience, then I guess that’s what I am. Mostly I just decided to quit letting fear set up a roadblock between me and happiness. The only way I could do that was to stop running from Daniel and Dana and let them teach me how to be part of a loving family.”

A loving family.
That was a fantasyland Ali and her siblings had never visited. Their home was a place for survival, not bonding, and life in foster care hadn’t been much better. As adults they’d compensated in different ways—Erin by abandoning her husband and child, Ali through studying the dysfunction caused by abuse. And since Heath wouldn’t answer her letters, it was anybody’s guess how their little brother had come to cope with their violent childhood.

“Alison, listen to me. Ben Lamar is a decent guy who’s fallen in love with you for all the right reasons. Don’t let the differences in who you are and how you grew up keep you from the life God wants you to have.
He’s sent a Christian man to cherish you. Don’t throw that back in His face.”

Ali made the rest of the drive to her townhouse in silence, not even turning on the radio for company. Occasionally she glanced back at Simba, who’d refused the rare offer to ride up front with her harness secured to the seatbelt. Instead, she’d waited stubbornly at the back gate of the Land Rover as if to say her crate was preferable to being an arm’s length from her mixed-up mistress.

The last of the sun’s red-orange rays had bled out of the night sky and a brilliant canopy of stars was beginning to sparkle in the distance. The tangy lemonade in her to-go cup was difficult to swallow past the emotions in her throat that had become a knot in her chest. A knot of guilt that wouldn’t serve any useful purpose, just as she’d told Ethan.

Father, if a boy with Asperger’s can wrap his damaged mind around that concept, why can’t I? Please, Lord, help me push past this fear just like my sister’s done. I want to be part of a family, too.

And this time Ali hoped it would be forever.

The day of the Rescue Round Up began with a flurry of butterflies so intense Ali could hardly keep her oatmeal down. The skies above San Angelo, famous for being clear and endlessly high, were dotted with fat gray clouds floating ominously low. A blowing rain would add an unexpected dimension to the day’s competition. It might slow her down but it sure wouldn’t shut her down.

Sporting their colors, she and Simba loped across the field toward the area staged for the annual smackdown. Each year’s obstacle course was more demanding than
the last, the evil architects determined their designs would get the best of the contestants.

“Holy smoke!” She came to a stop beside her teammates, equally conspicuous in bright orange. Ali joined them in surveying the temporary network of walls, trenches, tunnels, rope swings and mud pits extending across a hundred-yard stretch of county-donated space.

“Is this thing meant to challenge us or kill us?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much how we reacted.” Harry slung an arm around her neck, gave her a quick squeeze and added a brotherly brush of knuckles to her crown intended to muss up whatever efforts she’d made toward a tight braid.

“Now I’m really glad the guys at Lackland Air Force Base invited us to come out and test their equipment last fall.”

Sid threw back his head and brayed like a nervous donkey.

“What’s up with him?” She looked to Harry for an explanation.

“Darlin’, I’m afraid the joke’s on us. That
invitation
to Lackland was a setup to see just how much old coots like me and Sid could take. The same guys who built that course put this one up and they can’t wait to see us crash and burn.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Ali boasted for the sake of her teammates. If she caved in to intimidation at 7:00 a.m. it wouldn’t bode well for the rest of the morning.

“Take it easy on this thing, lady. Don’t try to set any records—just get to the end. You mastering the Sears
Tower over there counts for a whole lot more team points than your time on this relay.”

“Sears Tower, huh?” She craned her neck to spot it.

Sid pointed. “It’s on the far side of these pines. At least a hundred feet,
straight up
.”

“Cool!” Ali felt a grin of anticipation spread across her face. The climb and rappel was her forté, and the higher the better. Making her way up a sheer piece of rock and then the flutter back down to earth was second nature, but she still experienced an icy shiver of anticipation before each ascent.

“Did you hear him?” Harry asked. “A hundred feet!” He twisted his weathered face into a silly caricature of trepidation. Ali knew part of it was for real.

“Not to worry, my friend. Just make it as high as you can and leave planting the flag to me,” she reassured her partner. Height had never bothered her. Where these guys favored the inside of the chopper, she preferred to hang from the long line where the three hundred sixty-degree view was unobstructed.

“Let’s go take a look and get registered.” She glanced up at the dark clouds and then toward the empty bleachers where only a couple dozen folks sat beneath bright umbrellas or dressed in yellow rain slickers.

“From the looks of this sky I’m thinking we won’t have many witnesses if we blow it.”

“Your cheering section is already here.” Harry winked.

“Cheering section?” She played dumb but couldn’t keep her hand from pressing her stomach to quiet the somersaults it was turning.

“Come oooooooon. Did you think you were gonna
get off scot-free?” Harry looked to Sid who nodded agreement. “We know Ben Lamar’s sweet on you and don’t even bother to deny it because why else would the man and his kid be out here on a day like this? It sure ain’t for a game of touch football. So mosey on over there, say ‘hello’ and ask him real nice like for an autograph for me. I’ve kicked myself a hundred times for not doing it the day we pulled his boy out of Big Bend.”

Her spirit danced a highland jig.
Benjamin’s here.

They hadn’t had a reason to speak since Monday and she didn’t think there was any chance he and Ethan would show up. Why did she continually underestimate the guy?

Because if you don’t trust him completely, he can’t yank the rug out from under you.

Could Erin be right about the self-sabotage?

“So, what’s it gonna be?” Harry pushed. “I’ll trade you a flight lesson for the autograph.”

“Make it two lessons or I’ll tell the captain you’re using department equipment for personal gain.”

“Hey, that’s blackmail.”

“Yeah, I know. It seems to be working well for me lately.”

Ben spotted Ali several minutes before she headed their direction. It was all he could do not to meet her halfway and give her a kiss for good luck. In truth that would only be an excuse to feel her in his arms again.

“Here they come!” Ethan was constantly on the verge of an outburst when it came to Ali and Simba. It was so
nice to see his kid excited about something besides Jurassic core samples.

Ben resisted the urge to match Ethan’s fidgety behavior, a test of strength since he was as nervous inside as a bridegroom on his wedding day. The comparison was ironic considering that the woman striding his way had all but rejected his heart, chalking his feelings up to gratitude.

In the hours since he’d seen her last, the Holy Spirit had led Ben to seek scriptures on the emotion the Bible mentioned so often. Ben was reminded that love is greater than faith, greater than hope. Love bears all things. Love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love endures forever.

Yes, Ben was indebted to Ali for the patience and understanding she’d shown Ethan and for the improvements he’d experienced since she’d come into their lives. And Ben was appreciative of her blunt honesty. It had helped him make more than one important decision regarding the campaign. But if all that had never happened, if there had been no progress whatsoever, Ben was certain he’d still have this undeniable, gravitational pull toward Alison Stone.

He was compelled to have her in his life. Not just as a friend and certainly not simply as a voter.

How can I make her understand this tidal wave of love, this river of tenderness that’s flowing through me? I barely comprehend it myself.

She came to a stop three rows below them at the bottom of the bleachers. Her smile was for Ethan but Ben felt it splash against him like the fat drops that had begun to fall.

“How nice of y’all to brave the elements today.” She did an exaggerated double take, then made zero effort to hide her amusement. “I dig the fashion statement. You two look like the guys on the box of frozen fish at the grocery store.”

“I told Dad that, but he wouldn’t listen.” Ethan complained for the umpteenth time since Ben had handed his son the yellow rain gear in the parking lot and insisted he step into the plastic pants and hooded jacket.

“Thanks a lot,” Ben mouthed. Ali shrugged, no sign of apology in eyes that were free of mascara.

“You look strange.” Ethan stared, trying to figure it out.

“Strange better?” Ali tossed him a high one.

“Just strange.” A swing and a miss.

Ben laughed, shook his head, glad she wasn’t easily offended. “I like it. It’s a nice look for you.” He drew an imaginary circle around his face indicating her lack of makeup.

“Cosmetics are a waste of time on a day like today. Between the rain, the sweat and the mud there’s not much point in the effort. Eyeliner will turn me into a raccoon and lipstick will end up on my teeth or my sleeve. So I opted for a natural face that only needs a garden hose to freshen up.”

“Are you really gonna do that?” Ethan pointed to the obstacle course.

“Sure am. I’m the second leg of the relay and I have to move as fast as I can so my team will score a good time.”

“And what about that thing?” He shielded his eyes, tipped his head back and looked toward the top of the portable rock wall.

“That
thing
is my specialty. That’s why I was able to get down the cliff when you were trapped in Big Bend.”

“I wasn’t trapped,” he insisted.

“Okay, when you were hiding out in the bottom of a canyon with your foot wedged in a rock.”

“That’s more like it.”

Ben was amazed at Ethan’s effort to spar verbally with Ali. His son was experiencing success, a more powerful motivator than any drug his former doctors had prescribed.

“When to do I get my turn?” Ethan hadn’t forgotten their deal.

“After the competition is over we all meet back here to help anybody who wants to try a couple of obstacles or take a shot at the climbing wall as long as the weather clears.” Ali turned her face to Ben. “Or hug a dog for five minutes.” She hadn’t forgotten either.

Ben looked toward the canine he’d come to realize was extremely intelligent. Simba was watching him, an interesting gleam in her eyes. Could it be compassion? Nope, more likely a taunt.

“Don’t get hurt,” Ethan cautioned, another indicator he was thinking beyond himself.

“I was about to say the same thing,” Ben added, his gaze once again resting on Ali. He stood and descended the bleachers to stand toe to toe with her. Though they’d been apart she’d never left his mind. He’d been praying all week for the Lord to keep her safe. He glanced toward the field where the competitors were stretching and warming up.

“Now that I’ve seen these torture devices y’all call obstacles I have to question the good sense of anybody who volunteers to do this stuff.”

“Well, if that ain’t the pot callin’ the kettle black.” Ali rested fists on both hips, a sure sign she was about to make an important point. “I’m pretty sure you spent more than half your life being a crash test dummy on the football field. However, my opponent is the clock and not eleven guys in body armor with the number on my chest in their crosshairs.”

“Point well taken,” Ben gave into her logic.

“Yours is too. Trust me, I’m fond of my limbs, freckles and all. I’ll take care not to break any of them.”

He didn’t ask for permission because she might not give it. Instead he bent close, encircled her body with his arms and pulled her into a hug for a quick prayer.

“Please keep your child safe, Lord. You’re not the only one who loves her.”

Ali returned the pressure of his embrace, resting her head against his chest a moment longer. Then she signaled Simba who dropped into step, obedient as always.

“Wish us luck,” Ali called over her shoulder.

“Like the Rock’s gonna need it,” a female to Ben’s left complained to her friend.

He pretended not to hear the comment, dropping to adjust the lace on his sneaker in case she said more, which she did.

“Can you believe my bad fortune?” the woman whined.