Her Fill-In Fiancé (15 page)

With each image, the ache in her heart grew until it hurt to draw breath. Sophia snapped her eyes open, banishing the longing. She pushed away from the sofa and ignored the knowing look in Jake's eyes. “Some dreams are impossible.”

 

Maybe it was all Jake's talk of dreams, but by the time Sophia closed up the shop and headed home, she needed a dose of reality. She needed some concrete steps laid out before her so she could make sure she kept her feet on the ground right where they belonged.

Her mother was in the kitchen, preparing a late supper, but Sophia had slipped away to her room to make a phone call. She hadn't heard from Christine since leaving St. Louis, and she needed an update on how the plans were coming for her friend's business. Had she made an offer on the space she'd found? And what about the van she'd seen online, the
one Christine thought might work for transporting food to all the events they'd soon be catering?

That was where Sophia needed to focus her attention, not on impossible dreams that didn't have a chance of coming true. But almost as soon as she reached her friend, Sophia realized
her
dreams weren't the only ones to go up in smoke.

“I'm so sorry, Sophia.” Regret and disappointment dragged at her friend's words, making her normally upbeat and sunny voice almost unrecognizable. “I've be meaning to call, but I just didn't know how to tell you. I know you were counting on this job—counting on
me.
”

“Christine, stop!” The last thing Sophia wanted was for her friend to add guilt to the load of heartache she was carrying. “I don't want you worrying about me. You have enough on your mind already.”

Christine's father had been injured in a car accident and, while he expected to make a full recovery, he would be out of work for some time, a serious financial blow since he was self-employed. Not working meant not bringing home a paycheck, and Christine's mother couldn't take the risk of quitting her own job to be a part-time bookkeeper and babysitter now.

With everything going on, Christine had decided to put her own plans on hold while she helped out her parents as much as she could. “I'm not giving up,” she vowed. “I still want to run my own business more than anything. This isn't going to stop me.”

That sounded more like the Christine Sophia knew—positive and determined—but as she hung up the phone, Sophia couldn't help feeling more than a little depressed. Okay, a catering company wasn't her dream, but the job had been a step forward, a move in the right direction toward her goal of a finding a small place for herself and her baby in Chicago.

When you picture yourself happy, what do you see?

Funny how a tiny apartment in Chicago hadn't shown up in that picture at all.

“How was your first day back at the store?” Vanessa asked as Sophia stepped into the kitchen to give her mother a hand with dinner.

“How was my day…” Sophia mused.

On one hand, she'd had a decent sales tally based on what she recalled from five years ago. And she'd spent her free time sketching out a new layout to include Hope's latest finds into the already crowded store. On the other hand…

“Pretty good considering I'd only been there three hours before the cops showed up.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes as she handed Sophia a cucumber and a celery stalk for the salad to go with the spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove. The scent of oregano and garlic filled the kitchen and started Sophia's stomach growling.

“A simple misunderstanding,” her mother insisted.

Sophia opened her mouth, ready to argue that Marlene Leary hadn't
misunderstood
anything when Jake's voice rang in her thoughts.

When is it okay for you to forget about the past? When is it your turn to be happy?

Was Jake right? Was she holding onto a past everyone—aside from Amy's parents—had already let go?

She'd left Clearville thinking it was best for everyone, and she'd carried those last memories of hurt, guilt and betrayal to Chicago. But the truth was, life in Clearville had gone on without her. The town had witnessed other scandals, weathered newer storms of gossip. Not that anyone had forgotten, but maybe those dark days loomed larger in her mind than they did anywhere else.

“Maybe you're right,” she finally told her mother as she pulled a knife from the drawer and started chopping veg
etables on the built-in cutting board. “And for a first day, it was a good one.”

She would need more good days before she could completely wipe all the negative memories from her mind or feel like she'd repaid Hope for the damage she'd done…but time was running out. Her parents' party was only a few days away, and her plan had always been to leave as soon as she spilled the whole truth about her job, Todd, the baby…and Jake.

“Sophia, is everything all right?”

Dragging her thoughts away from Jake, she briefly met her mother's concerned gaze before giving the vegetables all the attention of a surgeon performing a life-saving procedure. “What do you mean?”

“You and Jake.” Vanessa finished washing the lettuce and dried her hands with slow, deliberate movements, her too-sharp gaze focused on Sophia.

Speculation filled her mother's voice, and Sophia froze. She should have realized she couldn't pull this off. She could fool her father, her brothers—sometimes she feared she was on her way to fooling herself—but her mother had always read her so well.

“I know you both have only been here for a few days,” Vanessa began, “but it's easy to see how he feels.”

Sophia leaned against the counter in a mix of relief and confusion. “You think
Jake's
easy to read?” She'd thought so, too, when he was the Jake Cameron she met in St. Louis. But the Jake she knew now had her tiptoeing on the rugged coastline, unsure of her step along the slippery rocks, cautiously anticipating the next surprise wave ready to knock her off her feet.

“I think it's obvious he's crazy about you.”

Worried nerves suddenly transformed into hopeful butterflies. It was frightening how much she wanted to believe
that, but she'd believed in and been fooled by Jake before. She'd fallen for his sexy charm, and even though she'd gotten to know the real Jake Cameron over the past few days, his actions—his rejection—spoke louder than her mother's words.

And yet, Vanessa had raised three boys. Sam, most of all, had tried to get away with anything and everything. Somehow, though, she had always been two steps ahead of her sons at every turn.

Would Jake be able to fool her mother, or was Vanessa seeing a truth Sophia was afraid to trust?

“What isn't so obvious,” her mother added, “is how you feel about him.”

Vanessa set the towel aside, her hands completely still as she waited for Sophia's response. In an emotional rush, Sophia realized how much she'd missed sitting in this very kitchen, surrounded by her mother's mouthwatering cooking, pouring her heart out. She's missed her mother's sage advice as much as she'd missed her homemade meals.

In her teenage years, she'd made the mistake of letting her friends like Amy become a bigger influence.
Like replacing a home-cooked dinner with fast food,
Sophia thought. Quick and easy solutions that lacked any substance.

Hungry for her mother's point of view, Sophia confessed, “I want to trust Jake. I want to trust how I feel about him, but—I'm afraid.”

“Love is one of the scariest emotions around, and people who find and hold on to true love are some of the bravest.” Vanessa smiled. “But you're my adventurous girl, so it wouldn't surprise me at all to find out you've taken up the challenge.”

Brave. Adventurous.
Sophia wished she still lived up to those descriptions. “I'm not sure I want to where Jake is concerned.”

“Why would you say that, Sophia?”

The truth she'd been hiding for so long pressed against her chest, and she simply couldn't keep it inside any longer. At least, not all of it.

“He says he's not a family man,” Sophia confessed. Worse things could be said about a man, but to the Pirellis, family meant everything.

Vanessa frowned as Sophia expected she would, but her argument wasn't one Sophia thought she would make. “I talked to Sam and Drew. They said Jake did a great job with the ramp at Hope's house. He fit right in just like he has here. And Hope couldn't stop singing his praises.”

“I know Jake wanted to help.”

“And isn't that what family is all about? Supporting each other? Lending a hand when it's needed? Being there for each other?”

Jake
had
fit into her family easily enough that Sophia was tempted to believe he could be a permanent fixture instead of a temporary fix. But that wasn't what Jake wanted. He'd given her fair warning, and how foolish would she have to be to hope for more?

Almost as foolish as falling in love with him in the first place.

“I can't make him—”
love me
“—be someone he's not.”

“And Jake says he's not a family man?” At Sophia's miserable nod, Vanessa asked, “But what does your heart say?”

Sophia thought of Jake as a young boy, losing his mother's affection to his cold and distant stepfather, as a teenager, searching for a connection with his father only to find heartbreak instead. Was it any wonder, as an adult, he'd turned his back on the very idea of family? A word that meant love and caring and happiness in her life offered only rejection and disappointment in his.

“My heart tells me Jake wants a family more than any
man I've ever known.” Sophia crossed her arms over her stomach, cradling the tiny life growing inside. She swallowed hard. “But I don't know.”

She might not have loved Todd, but she'd believed he was someone she could trust, someone she could count on, and not the kind of person who would throw all the blame at her feet and walk away, the same way Amy had years earlier.

And the stakes were so much higher now. What if she could convince Jake to give family life a try? What if they settled into that life together, and days, weeks or
months
from now Jake realized what he'd said all along was true. How devastated would she be if he walked away then?

“I've been wrong before,” she confessed.

“But what if you
aren't
wrong?” her mother countered. “What if Jake is exactly the man your heart thinks he is and you don't give him that chance? How much more will that loss hurt the both of you?”

A
s Jake walked into the living room the following evening, Vince Pirelli looked up from the book he was reading. Eyeing the younger man with amusement from above a pair of half glasses, he advised, “You might as well take a seat.” He waved at the couch facing his recliner. “Having a wife and daughter has taught me many things about women. First of all that they are never ready when they say they'll be ready.”

Jake fought a smile. Vince's statement might not have been the most politically correct, but he could testify to its accuracy. Normally, that kind of tardiness would have driven him crazy.

But with Sophia…the times while he waited for her to finish getting ready for a date were some of his favorite moments. Her slightly embarrassed apology while she rushed around her cousin's apartment seeking out misplaced keys, missing shoes, the tickets for the game they were attending. She'd been adorably flustered, and Jake had been constantly
tempted to reach for her and make her forget all about what she was looking for so they could both concentrate on what they found in each other's arms.

“One thing I've learned,” Jake told Vince, “is that your daughter is well worth the wait.”

The older man nodded his approval. “I want you to make sure Sophia has a good time tonight.”

“I will,” Jake vowed, having already made that promise to himself when Sophia asked if he wanted to go to a birthday party for a friend of her brothers'.

The invitation had taken him completely by surprise, something that must have shown as he stopped in the middle of clearing the dinner dishes from the table. Giving a self-conscious laugh, she said, “Debbie invited us, and I thought it would be fun. I'd like to promise you that at no time will the sheriff be called, but I'm afraid I can't.”

The combination of doubt and determination in her brown eyes grabbed hold of something inside Jake. He'd asked Sophia earlier that day what she saw when she pictured herself happy, and Jake knew he had his own answer in the hint of her smile. Whatever made Sophia happy…

“Maybe we should swing by Bonnie's Bakery and get some doughnuts just in case,” he'd said, and Sophia's laugh had washed over him. He hadn't enjoyed the sound of someone else's laughter so much since his time with Josh…

“I worry about her, you know.” Vince sighed, pulling Jake from his memories and back to the conversation. “I've got my three boys living within a few miles of home, but my little girl's thousands of miles away.” His dark eyes lasered into Jake, as if judging whether or not he could count on the younger man to shoulder some of that weight. “Doesn't seem right, you know?”

Jake struggled not to buckle under the pressure. He wanted more than to make Sophia happy for one night. He
wanted to make sure Sophia and the baby she carried were happy for the rest of their lives, but he wasn't the man to promise that kind of happiness.

Face it, Jake,
Mollie's words mocked him.
You aren't father material. How could you be? You never knew your real father, and you've never had any kind of relationship with your stepfather. What makes you think you'd be a better role model for Josh than his own flesh and blood?

Because I love him as much as if he was my son.

He'd never said the words, never made the most gut-wrenching, most heartfelt argument he might have offered. Instead, he'd stood stoically by as Mollie excluded him from Josh's life, from the perfect family of father-mother-son where Jake no longer had a place. Where he'd never had a place.

But what if Mollie was wrong? Maybe he hadn't fit into her ideal family, but might Sophia see things differently? Could there be room for him in a life with Sophia and her child? He'd never thought of himself as an artist, but in his years of surveillance, he'd discovered he was a decent photographer when he wasn't on the job snapping indecent photos. And like focusing on the perfect shot, Jake already pictured Sophia cradling her baby in her arms. If he pulled back, taking a wide angle, could he see himself included in that family portrait?

From the moment he'd found out Sophia was pregnant, he'd been putting up walls to keep Sophia from breaking into his heart, but he'd failed miserably. Probably because she was already there and had been from the moment they met.

Stop fighting so hard. It's okay to let someone close enough to care about you.

But despite the unspoken promise in Sophia's words that
she might be the one if he let her in, Jake couldn't give up the battle so easily.

Evading Vince's well-aimed question, Jake finally answered, “Sophia's stronger than you think. She's been through a lot, and she's learned to take care of herself.”

“She's my little girl. I'm supposed to take care of her. Sometimes…” Vince shook his head. “It's easy to feel like I failed.”

“Sophia loves you.” Knowing he might well be crossing a line, Jake pointed out, “But she feels like she's the one who's let you down. That it was her fault you quit your job.”

“I quit my job because I refused to keep quiet and work for a family telling lies about my daughter.” Vince surged out of the easy chair as if propelled by his convictions. “I'd do the same thing again in a heartbeat, and it's turned out for the best like I knew it would. Retirement's given me the chance to do some work around the house, to fill in if my sons need a hand, and to spend more time with my wife. Just last year, Vanessa and I took a long overdue vacation to Napa.” He pointed to a picture on the mantel of himself and his wife, glasses of red wine raised in a toast, surrounded by oak barrels. “We've even talked about going to Italy, to see where my grandparents were born.”

Jake watched Vince closely, looking for any sign of sorrow or regret, but all he saw was a man at peace with himself and his family, a man looking forward to the future. The only one dwelling on the past seemed to be Sophia. He'd sensed that since meeting the Pirellis. But had this trip home been enough to convince Sophia?

“Does Sophia know that the two of you want to travel?”

“Not sure if she does. Maybe not.”

“You should tell her,” Jake insisted. “Not that I know best when it comes to how to deal with your daughter, but Sophia—she feels like she's like a bit of an outsider. The
only one who left home… I think she'd appreciate knowing that you and your wife are looking outside Clearville's boundaries, even if it's just for a vacation.”

Vince nodded. “I will. And thanks,” the older man added gruffly.

Uncomfortable with Vince's gratitude, Jake said, “Hey, it's just a thought.”

“It's more than just that.” The older man clapped Jake on the shoulder. “You got Sophia to come back, and I can't thank you enough for that, son.”

Son.
He had given up on being any man's son a long time ago, but with the warmth and weight of Vince's hand on his shoulder, Jake didn't think the word could have meant more to him coming from his own father.

 

“I'm a little surprised you wanted to go tonight,” Jake said as he guided Sophia toward his rental car.

The touch of his hand was more heat than pressure on the small of her back, but without it, she would have likely raced back into her parents' house. The night was cool and overcast, the moon and stars cloaked by hazy clouds while the safety of the front porch light beckoned. But she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other as she walked toward Jake's rental car.

“Do you remember what you said that first day we were in town?” she asked. “When Mr. Whintner, who happens to be very good friends with the Learys, was shooting us dirty looks at the souvenir shop? You said we could leave right away or we could stay a while just to piss him off.”

“I remember. So…you're planning on pissing people off tonight?”

“No,” Sophia managed a small laugh. “At least I hope not. But ever since the break-in at Hope's shop, I feel like I've been hiding. I hardly left my room those final weeks before
I graduated and left town. Once I got to Chicago it was easy to disappear, and even then, I took jobs where I supposed to be invisible.”

And as much as she liked Christine and wished her friend well with her dream of opening her catering company, Sophia knew, for her, the job would have been more of the same—another position where she would have simply disappeared behind a uniform, losing a little more of herself every day until there wouldn't be anything left.

Reaching the passenger-side door, Sophia turned to face Jake. His palm slid from her back to her hip, and she had to force herself to concentrate on his words. “You could never be invisible. Not to me.”

The husky murmur of his voice weakened her knees even more. “But I have been hiding,” she argued even though she'd rather disappear into Jake's arms than show up at a party. “Even here with my family, I've been hiding the truth… I don't want to do that anymore.”

Just like she didn't want a pretend relationship with a pretend boyfriend anymore. Each too-quick beat of her heart seemed to hasten the moment until they wouldn't
have
to pretend anymore. What would happen then? Where would the truth leave them? She needed to know if what she felt for Jake might be something real, something lasting…if there was a chance he might change his mind and decide he could be a family man after all.…

The faint moonlight was as unrevealing as Jake's voice as he asked, “So you're ready to tell them everything?”

“Yes. I still want to wait until after the party, but I'm ready.”

“You know your parents are going to be thrilled to have another grandchild to love and to spoil rotten.”

Was it her imagination or had Jake's hand moved ever so slightly? Coming forward to brush against the barely-there
swell of her baby bump that her high-waisted black dress hid from sight but not from touch?

“And you're going to be a wonderful mother.”

This time there was no mistaking the stroke of his thumb across her belly in a touch so tender, yet so seductive, her entire body trembled. “Jake…”

She tried to say more, but her voice caught, and the one word was all she could manage. The name of the only man who could leave her weak in the knees and break her heart at the same time.

“And this little kid,” he started, his voice so rough he had to clear his throat before he added, “he's gonna be so lucky to have you.”

But would Sophia be lucky enough to have
Jake?

Couldn't he see he'd left a spot open in the picture he'd painted? A place only he could fill?

Afraid he'd pull away if she pressed too hard, Sophia clung to the moment, to the tenuous connection of Jake's hand cradling her unborn baby. “So you think it's a boy, too?” she whispered.

“Yeah, a little boy with dark eyes like his mother…”

Not the icy blue of his father.

Jake didn't have to say the words for Sophia to know they were there. Right between them where she feared they always would be. The tightrope she felt she'd been walking narrowed to a razor's edge, the blade already cutting deep. The ache of it burned behind her eyelids and scalded her throat. But maybe the old saying was true—maybe this too would make her stronger. “Something else that being here has helped me figure out—I can't change the past. And I don't want to. I want this baby, Jake,” she insisted, her voice breaking on his name and the knowledge of how much she wanted
him,
too. “Boy or girl. Brown eyes or blue, I
love
this baby.”

“I know you do.”

“But it's too much, isn't it?”

Too much to expect Jake, who'd already warned her he wasn't a family man, to even consider a real relationship with a woman carrying another man's child. But just when she thought Jake would pull away, when she'd already braced for the loss of his hand, her lone support on that teetering edge, he slid both arms around her waist. Pulling her tight until her baby was sheltered between them.

“This baby is part of you. Boy or girl. Brown eyes or blue,” he echoed. “That's all that matters.”

 

Sophia thought there might have been a time or two in her life when she'd been less inclined to spend a few hours with a rowdy birthday crowd, but she couldn't think of a single one as she followed Jake through the crowd at Sullivan's Bar. A baseball game and sports highlights played on the overhead televisions while eighties rock blared from the jukebox. The stage in the corner, reserved for a house band or karaoke, was blessedly empty, but a microphone stand under a lone spotlight stood at the ready.

Jake shot an apologetic look over his shoulder before he leaned close to shout, “I'm trying to find a table.”

“Don't bother. This place is always packed, and on a night like tonight…”

On a night like tonight, Sophia wanted to be somewhere quiet and intimate. That same desire shone in Jake's eyes, and as their gazes locked, the crowd, the televisions and the music all faded away, and for a moment, only the two of them existed.

“We were wondering if the two of you would make it.” Sam clapped Jake on the shoulder, breaking into their insular world and letting the bar's noisy atmosphere rush back in.

“I'm always up for a good party.”

“Me, too, man,” her brother agreed, missing the wry tone behind the words and the look she and Jake shared.

“Where's the guest of honor?” Sophia asked, unable to spot Billy Cummings, the sheriff's son, in the crowd.

“Over there.” Drew pointed to a group of guys gathered around blond-haired Billy near the polished walnut and brass-trimmed bar. A cheer went up as they raised their glasses in a toast and Billy downed a long drink.

“Looks like he's having a good time.”

“You know Billy. Any reason to party. Speaking of parties, are we all set for Mom and Dad's?” Drew asked.