Her Dakota Man (Book 1 - Dakota Hearts) (15 page)

“This was never Kelly’s dream. It was mine. I’ve always loved you, Logan. Kelly knew it. I just never knew that Kelly loved you, too, until it was too late.”

Moisture filled her eyes, but still, she offered him a bittersweet smile. Looking down at the letters in his hand, he pulled the ribbon and sifted through the envelopes. They were in Kelly’s handwriting, addressed to Poppy’s New York City apartment.

“Read them if you want. Throw them away if you want. It doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done.”

He got up from the bed with the letters in his hand. “It gutted me when Kelly died,” he said. And maybe that was the biggest struggle he’d been having since Poppy had arrived. How could he have loved Kelly, missed her, and still loved Poppy? “It may not have been perfect, but I did love her.”

He looked at Poppy for a long moment with the child lying in bed next to her, and his heart swelled with emotion. “If nothing else, he was worth it all.”

She smiled as she looked at Keith. “I know.”

* * *

The letters didn’t matter anymore, and yet, as Logan sat on the porch steps, looking up at a clear late March Dakota sky, he couldn’t get them out of his mind. Spring was on its way. Pretty soon there’d be more rain. Hopefully not as much as the ice and rain that left such devastation these past weeks. He’d be able to get out in the field and plow, get on his horse and spend some time with Keith in the warm sun.

And Poppy wouldn’t be here.

This was never Kelly’s dream, Logan. It was mine.

There was no doubt he was in love with Poppy. But he
had
loved Kelly, too. He couldn’t deny it. The irony of it all was he was sure of it now, and he’d never truly been when Kelly was alive. He’d spent half their marriage wishing he could turn back the clock only to realize now that Kelly had given him the biggest gift he’d ever known. His son. Even now that Kelly was gone, she’d always be a part of Keith, and a part of him because of it.

The letters were on the kitchen table. He’d been ready to throw them away, just as Poppy had suggested. Kelly had asked Poppy to come back to South Dakota so he could learn the truth and now he knew it. What more did he need to know? And then it hit him. He didn’t know why. And the letters on the table held the answers.

He pulled himself up from the porch steps and made his way to the kitchen, not sure if he was prepared for what he’d find. He spent an hour going through letter after letter, piecing together the timeline, knowing for the first time for sure what Poppy had said was true. Kelly had lied to Poppy and fabricated a life that didn’t exist here in Rudolph after Poppy had left, long before his shotgun wedding to Kelly. No wonder Poppy had become distant with him. It left Logan wondering if he ever knew his wife at all.

There were missing years, most likely the letters Poppy mentioned that were destroyed by the burst pipes in her apartment. But it warmed Logan’s heart that even though these letters had to have hurt Poppy terribly when Kelly had sent them, Poppy, in her sentimental nature, had chosen to keep them because they were from Kelly. This is why Poppy had wanted this house. As much as she thirsted for adventure, she was the sentimental one who wanted to fill her life with good memories.

An hour later Logan sat back outside on the porch and reread the letter that said it all. It was the last letter Kelly had sent in a desperate attempt to gain forgiveness from her friend. It was dated a few weeks before Kelly had passed away.

I know you hate me. I don’t blame you. But you don’t take my calls and you won’t answer my letters. I am dying, Poppy. And even if you still hate me, I need you to understand. I need you to forgive me.

I stole from you the one thing I always knew you wanted. I’m a terrible friend. I deserve to have terrible things happen to me for what I’ve done. But I’m not like you, Poppy. I never was. Whenever I was with you I was invisible. It wasn’t just Logan who only saw you. It was every man for miles around. When you were around, I didn’t exist.

You have fire in you. Everything about you commands attention and you don’t even have to ask for it. It’s just you. For as long as I can remember, I lived in your shadow. But when you left, Logan actually looked at me for the first time. Not like he looked at you. Even at our best I don’t think Logan ever looked at me that way. But I wasn’t just Poppy Ericksen’s tagalong friend anymore. I was
his
friend and I thought if I could just keep you from coming back to Rudolph, in time, it could be more.

On the day he packed his truck and was hell-bent on going to get you, I realized I hadn’t just lost my best friend, I was losing a man I had secretly loved since I was thirteen. I always knew he loved you. Everyone knew. He was ready to drive away and I panicked. The lies just came out of my mouth before I could even stop them. But they did
stop
him
. Logan was crushed and even though I hated myself for lying to him, he didn’t leave. He got really drunk that night and I was afraid he was going to do something stupid and get himself killed like Denny did that night he and Ethan went 4-wheeling. He was that crazy.

Logan kissed me that night, but I don’t even think he knew who
he
was let alone who he was kissing. He could barely stand. I stayed with him to make sure he was okay and when he woke up the next day I told him that we’d made love. Only it was never true.

Logan dropped the pages of the letter onto the porch and tried to squash down his anger, trying to remember the course of events that had spiraled out of control from there. That night hadn’t been the only night he’d let himself get stinking drunk. Hawk was away at med school, and Ethan had joined the Navy by then and was training to be a Navy Seal. It had been his brother Sam who’d pulled him up and told him to quit feeling sorry for himself and to just go get Poppy, whatever it took.

So Logan decided to fight for her. His mistake was stopping by Kelly’s house to say good-bye. He felt he’d owed her that much for the horrible way he’d treated her when he’d been drunk. She’d cried and told him she was pregnant. She didn’t want her baby to grow up without a father. Everything after that moment was a blur.

I was never pregnant. Logan never even touched me until after we were married. But Poppy please try to understand. I was never going to leave Rudolph. My whole life was here. You always talked about traveling and the adventures you wanted to have before settling down in the old farmhouse you grew up in. You had fire and determination about your life. Logan was always fascinated by everything you said. But where was I going to be? What would I have?

I’m not like you Poppy. I didn’t have big dreams and plans. The only big dream I ever had was Logan and he was always yours. Always. I thought I could love him enough for both of us. I thought that in time he would love me too. I couldn’t see past that day to something that might be better. I didn’t think of how I was hurting you. I only thought that it was my one chance at happiness with Logan. To have my dream. I figured I could have Logan and you could have any other man you wanted. I just didn’t realize that even though every guy within ten miles of here had eyes for you, you never saw anyone but Logan. I never saw how much you truly loved him. I was selfish. And for that I’m sorry.

Please come back, Poppy. I know everything I did drove you away. I know I don’t deserve it, and you have every right to hate me, but I need you to forgive me. I need my best friend. I don’t know if I can do this without you. Please tell me you forgive me! I’m begging you.

Logan closed the letter and tucked it back into the envelope. There were so many lies, and he was at the core of them all. It was an odd place to be, the object of a tug of war between two best friends. He rubbed the place at the center of his chest where it hurt. Some men would have relished the idea of being loved that deeply by two amazing women. It only left him feeling empty.

# # #

“I see you rescued the 4-wheeler from the pasture,” Poppy said. The ATV they’d driven was parked in front of the porch, still full of mud from their ride the other day.

“Yeah, I filled it with gas and figured I’d give Keith a ride to help ease your leaving here. Right, buddy?”

Keith wouldn’t even look at the ATV.

Logan drew in a deep breath and forced a weak smile. “Are you sure your ankle is well enough for you to travel?”

“I'm good to go,” Poppy replied, looking down at her feet for a second. “Thank you for cleaning the boots. They give my ankle a lot more stability to walk so I’ll be fine. I should have plenty of time to get to the airport and make my flight.”

Keith looked at her and stuck his lip out. “Don’t you want to ride with us?”

“I have to go home, Keith. How about I read you a story tonight over the phone before you go to bed,” Poppy offered. She added, “If it's okay with your dad, of course.”

“That sounds…like fun,” Logan said.

That did nothing to appease Keith. Not even the sound of Kate’s truck coming up the driveway swayed the little guy’s mood.

“Hey, look, little man. Grammie’s here.”

Keith just held onto Logan’s hand and pouted. Poppy thought she’d known heartbreak before. Seeing Keith’s reaction to her leaving only shattered it more.

“Keith, I need your help getting Auntie Poppy’s big suitcase into her car. Do you want to help me?” Logan coaxed. Reluctantly, he followed his dad.

Poppy took a long look around the yard and then back at the house, fighting off tears she hoped would remain hidden until she was long gone from Rudolph. Kate met her on the porch.

“I’m glad I had a chance to see you before you left.”

Poppy hugged Kate warmly. “Me, too.”

There was moisture in Kate’s eyes when she pulled back. She brushed her thumb across Poppy’s chin and smiled. “I hope that my pig headed son will get some sense into him soon.”

Poppy rolled her eyes. “Good luck with that.”

“Do you have time for a cup of coffee before you leave?”

“No, I need to get on the road,” she said quietly. She had time built into her schedule, but Poppy didn’t see the point in prolonging what was already a difficult morning.

“Don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t.”

The sound of the trunk slamming shut drew Poppy’s attention.

“Come here, Keith. Give Auntie Poppy a hug. I have to leave.”

Logan and Keith made their way over to the porch. Poppy eased herself down the steps, holding the railing and picked Keith up in her arms.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Keith said.

Poppy closed her eyes and gave Keith a gentle squeeze. “Love you.”

With his little arms around her neck, Keith said, “Love you, too.”

“I’ll take him inside,” Kate said.

Poppy handed him to Kate and touched Keith’s cheek. Unable to trust her voice, she waved good-bye as she walked toward the car.

“I’ll be inside in a minute,” Logan said. He walked with Poppy to the car. She was glad that she was able to put weight on her ankle but she paid special attention to the ruts and dips in the driveway so she wouldn’t reinjure herself.

Poppy steeled all her strength for this moment. If she’d thought coming back here was tough, this moment beat it by a long shot.

As they stood there, she wondered if there were any words she could say now that would change things. She wanted so much for Logan to tell her that he loved her and that whatever happened in the past didn’t matter. He’d always love her. As she looked into his eyes, remembering all the wonderful love they’d shared before life and lies intruded on them, she decided to make it easy on him.

“I’m never going to regret coming back here, Logan. Or forget a single moment I shared with you. Good or bad, it was real. I hope one day you’ll see it that way, too.”

“I…sorry.”

She lifted her face to him. “For what? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Looking back, I see that I should have done things different. I didn’t realize just how insecure Kelly was until…”

Her eyes widened. “You read the letters.”

He nodded. “She was right. The only woman I ever saw when you were around was you. It doesn’t change anything that happened. I’ll never regret the outcome because I have my son because of what she did. But I least I know why she did it.”

Poppy drew in a deep breath, and then reached up as best she could to kiss Logan on the mouth. To her relief, he didn’t pull back. But he didn’t take her into his arms and beg her to stay either. His lips melted into hers. She felt his breath against her skin and the warmth of his body next to hers. This kiss would have to last her a lifetime.

When they parted, she looked into his beautiful blue eyes for a long moment and just gazed at him.

“Take care of yourself and that little boy,” she said with a weak smile.

Before he could say more, she opened the car door and slipped inside, shutting the door behind her. She gunned the engine and put the car into reverse before allowing herself to look at Logan one more time. Then she pulled away. Then and only then did she allow her tears to flow. Once again she was leaving Logan and a life she’d dreamed of behind.